This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man waiting at the airport overhears some people mention that the Pope will be on board his flight

"the Pope!" He thought. "Getting to see or even meet him would be amazing!"

He boards rhe plane with everyone and luckily enough his seat is right next to his holiness himself.


The man is nervous and doesn't know what to say to him so he remains quiet and begins reading his book. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him, so he walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached the lady, again with the same request.

She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.”

Once again, he thanked her.

He finished his roun...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Melania need to be on top when she and Trump have sex?

Because Trump can only fuck up.

To be on the safe side

What did the Caseys name their third boy, whom they had just to keep them company in the rare event that their first two children died young?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Justin Casey

I used to be on of those chefs who shouts and swears a lot

But then I discovered oven mitts

If Caitlyn Jenner were a super hero, what team would she be on?

The Ex-Men.

What kind of class do you need to take to be on the hurdling team?

An obstacle course

Police are asking the public to be on the look out for a homicidal chiropractor.

The Chief reports that the best line of defense is to watch your back.

You live, and then you die. And life is the spaceship between those two points. I’m just so happy to be on this spaceship with you guys.

Maybe that’s why they call it a friendship.

I told my family I was going to be on TV tonight

So we gathered in the living room and my wife, son, and young daughter were horrified to see me on “To Catch a Predator ”.

Her: I want to be on top tonight.

Me: No way, bunk beds were my idea!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My hot ex from high school messaged me saying she’ll be in town for a day, but it just so happens to be on my fathers birthday.

So now I have to choose between the person I lost my virginity to, or my ex-girlfriend.

Everyone says that as a nice guy/gentleman, I'm a dying breed and that I should be on the endanger species list.

I wonder if there is a breeding program for my kind.

Note: First time posting on r/Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled. A single agent was re booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said “I have to be on this flight and it has to be first class.”

The agent replied, “I am sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, “Do you have any idea who I am?”

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and gr...

If we played cowboys and Indians I wouldn’t choose to be on losing team

that would be Sioux side.

Where is the worst place to be on Opposite Day?

The maternity ward

I really thought Monica Lewinsky should be on a dollar..

but she's already had her face on a Bill.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do women like to be on top during sex?

They love to watch their men fuck up.

My wife says she's too fat to be on the catwalk.

"You're a roll model," I told her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife lets me be on top.....

Last night My wife let me be on top.

I fucking love bunk beds.

Stevie Wonder should be on The Voice

He'd probably kill the blind auditions.

You can wear pants or you can be on time...

but you can't do both.

- sayeth my dad

I auditioned to be on the remake of "Snow White"

but i was turned away as i wasn't on the short list

Where is the safest place to be on a capsizing ship? (Worst joke ever)

The Galley!

Everything but the kitchen sinks.

^(I warned you)

Did you hear the Little Engine that Could is going to be on a dance competition?

The show is going to be called “So You Think You Can?”

How do you call a dog that likes to be on the Internet?

A Labragoogle.

A Brit and a Texan are talking. The Texan says "You know, I can get in my car and drive for 3 days and still be on my own land."

The Brit replies "I had a car like that once."

I auditioned to be on "The Biggest Loser"...

They told me "you win"

Be on alert!

Guys, please always be alert and watch people around you. Yesterday, when I was on the sidewalk making my way home when a man came up to me and withdrew some scissors. I panicked and I immediately responded with a rock. Imagine if I was not on alert, I might have accidentally answered with paper and...

Why cant obama ever be on a dollar bill?

they would have to use to much ink.

What will be on the Denny's Menu when ISIS takes over?

The Grand I-slam

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boyfriend should be on the periodic table...

Because he's the densest motherfucker I've ever met.

When I was learning to drive, my parents told me I should never be on a highway where the flow of traffic was going more that 80mph.

Then I moved to Florida.

A major American chain of stores may be on the receiving end of some recent controversy.

Although sources will not outright name the chain for legal purposes, they did say the stores have painted a giant target upon themselves.

I just submitted my application to be on the next season of Survivor...

Which apparently was not the answer my dad was looking for when he asked "How is the job search going?"

What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?

A little otter

Now that it is 2015 we should all really be on the lookout for Marty Mcfly.

If it is only to forewarn him to invest heavily in Parkinsons research on his return to 1985.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was autumn, and the Indians on the reservation asked their new chief if it was going to be a cold winter...

It was autumn, and the Indians on the reservation asked their new chief if it was going to be a cold winter. Raised in the ways of the modern world, the chief had never been taught the old secrets and had no way of knowing whether the winter would be cold or mild. To be on the safe side, he advised ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.