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Be On Jokes

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Why does Melania need to be on top when she and Trump have sex?

Because Trump can only fuck up.

If Caitlyn Jenner were a super hero, what team would she be on?

The Ex-Men.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild:

The Indians on a remote reservation in Oklahoma asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild:
Since he was a chief in modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Never...

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A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him, so he walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached the lady, again with the same request.

She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.”

Once again, he thanked her.

He finished his roun...

I thought about joining the Navy to be on a submarine...

But I changed my mind, I had a sinking feeling about that career path....

How the Angel Came to be on Top of the Christmas Tree

There had been no snow during the entire month of November, and there
didn't appear to be coming any snow any time soon, either. The elves in
the bicycle department had been on strike since October, and there was the
possibility that the elves in the doll department might join them.
...

Why didn’t the rabbit hunter want to be on TV?

Because he was having a bad hare day.

(Tagged NSFW to be on the safe side)This penguin is out in a road trip.

You know, just seein’ the sights, being a tourist.

He gets out on the freeway and really opens ‘er up tearing siwn the road.

Suddenly, his car gives a pop, and smoke starts billowing out of his hood.

Cripes, he thinks, and he pulls off the freeway and slowly works his way to a m...

This is supposed to be on r/dadjokes but screw it!

Why did the orange lose the race?

It ran out of juice.

I used to be on of those chefs who shouts and swears a lot

But then I discovered oven mitts

I really thought Monica Lewinsky should be on a dollar..

but she's already had her face on a Bill.

BLONDE One afternoon, two blondes were sitting on the front porch. The first woman said" Here comes my husband with a bunch of flowers. That means I'll be on my back with my legs in the air all weekend."

The other woman replied "Why? Don't you have a vase?"

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A man waiting at the airport overhears some people mention that the Pope will be on board his flight

"the Pope!" He thought. "Getting to see or even meet him would be amazing!"

He boards rhe plane with everyone and luckily enough his seat is right next to his holiness himself.


The man is nervous and doesn't know what to say to him so he remains quiet and begins reading his book. ...

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Wife lets me be on top.....

Last night My wife let me be on top.

I fucking love bunk beds.

Her: I want to be on top tonight.

Me: No way, bunk beds were my idea!

Why is it a bad idea for a woman to be on a navy submarine?

It's full of seamen!

Stevie Wonder should be on The Voice

He'd probably kill the blind auditions.

Police are asking the public to be on the look out for a homicidal chiropractor.

The Chief reports that the best line of defense is to watch your back.

I told my family I was going to be on TV tonight

So we gathered in the living room and my wife, son, and young daughter were horrified to see me on “To Catch a Predator ”.

What kind of class do you need to take to be on the hurdling team?

An obstacle course

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