What do you call a priest that’s also a lawyer?

A father in law

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?”

The doctor replies, “A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!”

“That’s a lot of money,” says the old ma...

what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?

hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter

My flirtatious neighbor called me and said that she bought too many zucchinis and ended up making two cheese and zucchini pies. She said I was welcome to come over and take one, and she also had some left over herbs that I could have.

So I went over, and she told she had just finished reading a Cosmo article called "which traffic sign are you?"



"Which traffic sign would your ideal woman be?" she asked me seductively.



I said " Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with I just want your extra t...

My great-grandma told me this joke as a kid and it is by far my favorite kid-friendly joke of all time (I’m also aware of just how corny it is and I don’t care)

There was a country called Raberia, and all the people there were called Rabbis. There was this one Rabbi who wanted to go mountain climbing in this other country called Trideria, and all the people there were called Trids. So he hired two Trids to take him up the mountain and away they go. After a ...

Generally speaking, there are three different styles of cancan dances, 'French Cancan', 'British Cancan', and 'American Cancan'. In my opinion, French Cancan dances are able to outperform American Cancan dances and American Cancan dances can also outperform British Cancan dances.

In other words, Cancan Cancan can can can can Cancan.

Not only bad at jokes, I’m also bad at titles

At the local butcher shop the was a challenge. The challenge was that if you could jump and touch on of the steaks on the ceiling, you would get twenty dollars. If you couldn’t, you would have to pay for one of the steaks. So a man named Jack came up to the challenge. As he was about to try he was s...

What do you deserve and is also a type of bagel?

Everything :)

Three ducks walk into a bar. Bar man asks the first duck: “What’s your name, and how was your day?” The duck replies: “It’s Huey and it’s been great, I’ve been in and out of puddles all day”. The bar man asks the second duck the same, “It’s Dewey, and I’ve also been in and out of puddles”.

Finally he turns to the third duck: “so you must be Louie?”

“No” he replies, “it’s puddles. And don’t ask.”

There must be a missionary somewhere who’s also a decent plumber.

And he’s the one who blesses the drains down in Africa.

I want to watch the new Dwayne Johnson movie, but also want to watch the new Kevin Hart movie...

I guess you could say I'm caught
between The Rock and a Hart place

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God tells Jesus that he's also the Jews' God.

Jesus: No way!

God: Yaweh

A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. "Father O'Malley" he says, "my name is Emil Cohen. I'm seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, I'm currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister."

"We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I've never felt better."

"My good man," says the priest, "I think you've come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?"

And the guy goes: "I'm telling everybody!"

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Real old soviet era joke, also heard on HBO Chernobyl

What's big as a house, burns 20 liters of fuel every hour, puts out a shitload of smoke and noise and cuts an apple into three pieces?

A Soviet machine made to cut apples into four pieces!

My coworker Jim sits next to another coworker, Collin. One day, Jim replaced the nametag on his cubicle to also say Collin

I asked him, "Jim, your name isn't Collin. What's going on?"

He replied, "We're trying to Collin-ize the area."

(True story)

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There was a band conductor who also right songs in North Korea

Sorry for the typo in the title but..

His name was Pok. He was quite famous in the industry so one day, Kim Jong Un approached him.

“Pok, write me an orchestra piece and play it for me with your group”, said Kim. Pok did, after a month, the private show was held.

Sadly, it was s...

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We all know that Hitler is one of the worst people in history, but he may also be one of the best.

He killed Hitler after all.

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Richard Pryor: I got famous for saying "motherfucker". Sam Jackson: I also got famous for saying "motherfucker".

Oedipus: You guys are all talk.

A few days ago, a team of 200 scientists released the first ever image of a cosmic body with a mass 7 billion times that of the sun's, also known as

yo mama lmao

Considering that the hashtag is also called the pound key

#MeToo is just asking for it

Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time which caused a large amount of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he had very bad breath.

Therefore this made him super calloused fragil mystic hexed by halitosis.

After years in Veterinary medicine, I decided to learn Taxidermy also.

Now my sign reads: “Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way,you get your dog back!"

Why was the builder also good at tech support?

He could install Windows really well

A doctor recently told me that I have cancer and now he's saying that I also have dementia.

At least I don't have cancer.

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I just found out that my psychologist is also a prostitute.

Totally blew my mind.

A math teacher was lecturing his students about double negatives and positives. He explained that a negative and a negative make a positive and that a positive and negative always make a negative. He also stated that two positives will never make a negative.

A student shouted sarcastically “Yeah, right!”

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The Canary Islands have no canaries. The Virgin Islands also...

have no canaries.

Here is a joke from the Soviet Union (also popular in other communist countries before 1989)

A CIA agent is sent on a spy mission to Moscow, Soviet Union. He goes to a grocery store and writes down in his diary "There is no food".

He then goes to a clothes shop and puts down in the diary "there are no shoes".

He goes out of the shop and a KGB agent waits for him outside. "You ...

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde’s drivers license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

“What does it look like?” She finally asked. The police women replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.”

The driver finally found a square mirror...

The best thing about living in an isolated small town is also the worst thing.

It's all relative

I bought a 12ft tall multiplication symbol and just realised I can also use it as an addition symbol too.

That's a big plus.

What do you call a large farmer that also sells prescription drugs?

Big Farma.

If Steve jobs invented mac, did he also invent cheese?

(an actual original joke)

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Billy has had bad luck with women in general but to top it off, he also has this obscure fetish where he likes to piss in his s/o’s mouth. So he decides to give tinder a go.

Luckily for Billy, he got a few matches.

His matches didn’t initially know about his fetish, he wanted to disclose that information as things got more frisky.

One by one Billy took his matches on a date which eventually led to them going to his bed. Upon reaching his bed, he’d ask th...

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A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million do...

What do you call a Russian president that's also Canadian?

Vladimir Poutine

Who’s your favourite Canadian music icon that also practices advanced culinary technique which enhances the flavour of poultry at the atomic level?

Brine Atoms

My dad was a magician, but he also was abusive

He liked to turn 12 packs into domestic violence

Soviet Russia used to have a leader who was also a singer in a rock band.

He's none other than John Lenin.

Smoking will kill you, and Bacon will also kill you

But smoking bacon will cure it

A hitchiker is taken by an elderly couple in an RV. During the trip, the husband, driving the vehicle, says "152", and the couple laughs. Then the wife says "365" and they also laugh.

The hitchhiker then asks "What's the deal with these numbers?"

The old man replies: "We've been telling each other jokes for such a long time that we memorized and numbered them all, and now only refer to them by numbers."

A few minutes after hearing that, the hitchhiker says "984", an...

I have this weird problem where I can't understand metaphors, unless they are also ladder-related puns.

My psychologist keeps is trying to find some Holy Rail of a solution, but I'm pretty content to continue to sweep it under the rung.

What do you call a werewolf who's also a YouTuber?

A lycansubscribe

Why yes I’m also a member of PETA and an animal rights person

Yup I’m a Preferred Eater of Tasty Animals and all animals have a right to be served on my plate.

The guy who built my bicycle wheels also does commercials for the shop.

He's a spokesperson.

Why is bad code also referred to as 'spaghetti code'?

Because it was written by IT-aliens.

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I met up with this girl the other night that also has a foot fetish...

I met up with this girl the other night that also has a foot fetish. When she got to my place, she asked if we could just masturbate to some foot porn together instead of having sex. It wasn't what I had in mind, but I agreed anyway. At the end of it, both of us felt pretty disgusted by the whole th...

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What is a line you can use in a job interview and during sex also

I have a habit of coming early

They just invented a mobile computing device that also plays guitar

The "Eric Claptop"

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A chemist has invented a laughing gas that's also a laxative...

It was mostly for shits and giggles

Three vampire bats had a bet to see who could come back with the most blood, first bat comes back, nothing second bat also comes back nothing, third bat takes off and later returns with blood oozing out of his mouth, the other bats say where did you get all that blood? He replies, see that tree.

Well I didn't.

What do you call a compulsive liar who's also an astronaut, a billionaire, and a nascar driver?

Me.

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend.

They make love for hours. Afterwards, while they're just laying there, her phone rings.

The woman answers and has a short conversation.

When she hangs up her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having o...

Well to be perfectly honest, in my humble opinion, of course without offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, but also by looking into this matter in a different perspective and without being condemning of one's view's and by trying to make it objectified,

And by considering each and every one's valid opinion, I honestly believe that I completely forgot what I was going to say.

A programmer's wife tells him to buy a loaf of bread, she also said that if there are eggs, get a dozen

The programmer returns home with 12 loaves of bread.

Did you hear about the heavy metal band that also makes Christmas music?

They're called sleigh-er

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The Bus Driver and The Legend Dave......and also his wife

On Dave's Birthday his wife decided to take him to a Strip Club.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a ...

I met a part time body builder today, who happens to also be a Rabbi...

he's an absolute *Jew*-nit

I also don't often tell Dad jokes

But when I do, he tells his dad and we all laugh.

If the drummer is also the lead singer...

... Whose couch does he sleep on?

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An old woman took her husband to the doctor. The doctor checked the husband's pulse, then told the woman, "I'm sorry, your husband is dead."

The woman was shocked. "I don't believe it. Are you sure? I want to be absolutely sure, are there any other tests you can do?"

The doctor responded, "I'm quite sure, but if you'd like we do have some alternative tests that we can perform."

"YES! I have to be absolutely certain."
...

Not only does my new girlfriend like to watch soccer, she also plays it.

I think she is a keeper.

What do you call a female crab who is also single?

Miss. Shell

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A Marine boarded a train on his way home from deployment...

The train was quite crowded, and the Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed middle-aged French woman, but when he got there he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French...

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