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Air Jokes

Air Force One crashed on a farm in Nebraska

Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the disaster was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.

The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but did...

I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?

Not a fan.

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Strippers don’t have any air conditioners in their homes

OnlyFans

Do you remember when air was free at the gas station, and now it's $1.50? You know why?

Inflation


Holy smokes this blew up, THANK YOU all for the awards and the silver!!

A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She’s so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them.

Her husband confused looks down and goes, “What’s that for?"

His wife replies, “For the flowers of course."

He thinks for a moment and asks, “Don’t we have a vase?"

{air horn sound}

{second air horn sound}

Me: “this isn’t deodorant”

While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth. Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head. The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck.

His daughter comes in with her date.
The man explains the situation, and the daughter's date says, "I can get the peanut out."
He tells the father to sit down, shoves two fingers into the father's nose, and tells him to blow hard.
The father blows, and the peanut flies out of his ear.
Af...

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My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing.

Apparently,
"Heating your dinner"
wasn't a good answer.

I bought a little bag of air today…

The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon

... when suddenly they started to lose altitude. They need to lose some weight to stop from crashing.

Putin throws out a bottle of vodka and says “don’t worry I’ve got too much of that in my country anyway”

Biden throws out an AR-15 and says “don’t worry I’ve got too much of that in my...

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base ...

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"...

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Q: Why is air a lot like sex?

A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

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On Air Confession

Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Chicago folks DID hear this on the WBAM FM morning show in Chicago. The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or serio...

My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot...

but honestly... I'm not a fan.

Jim and Edna are both mental patients. One day Jim jumps into the swimming pool but, doesn't come up for air. Quick as a flash, Edna sees her friend in trouble, so dives in and pulls him out.

Later, the hospital director calls Edna into his office and sayes "Edna, Ive got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we are releasing you as you are obviously sane 'saving anothers life'. But unfortunately, the bad news is that Jim hanged himself in the bathroom ..."
"Oh no' Edna ...

There's an Army guy and an Air Force guy.

There's an Air Force guy driving from Wagga to Richmond, and an Army guy driving from Richmond to Wagga. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions.
The Air Force guy manages to climb out of his car and...

Donald Trump is boarding Air Force One

When all of a sudden, an assassin jumps out and points the gun at Trump. A member of the secret service sees this and yells, “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would-be assassin so much that it gives the other agents time to apprehend him. While the agents interrogate the assassin, Donald Trump pulls...

A blonde, out of money, and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately.

A blonde, out of money, and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom. She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you." S...

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Yo Momma's so fat, when she jumps up in the air

the government shoots her unidentified ass down.

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves, is that, they don't speak the same language.

For instance, take the simple phrase - Secure the building.

The Army would post guards around the place.

The Navy would turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The Marines would kill everyone inside and set up headquarters.

The Air Force would take out a five year lease ...

I've just invented a telepathically controlled air freshener

Makes scents when you think about it.

My first time travelling by air

Was from a mango tree to the ground

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George raises his beer mug in the air and says, "Here's to spending the rest of my life having sex with my wife!" The bar is filled with whistles and claps, and the bartender even gives him a ribbon that says, "Best Toast of the Month".

When George gets home, he shows his wife, Linda, the ribbon. "And what exactly was your award-winning toast?" she asks.

George thinks for a while and says, "Here's to spending the rest of my life going to church with my wife."

The next day when George is at work, Linda is walking down ...

I can't believe how much more expensive air mattresses are than regular mattresses.

How do they justify these inflated prices?

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I just had to pay to refill the air in my tyres. It used to be free!!

Fucking inflation

Putting air in your tires used to be free now its costs a dollar...

Its called inflation.

I recently discovered I can move my sister's daughters through the air with my brain but not her sons.

I think I have telekinieces.

A computer is a lot like an air conditioner

It becomes a lot less efficient as soon as you open Windows.

I remember when I was a kid and air pumps at gas stations were free, now they cost a quarter

Damn inflation

Flying across the country in Air Force One, the president jokes with his staff.

“I’m thinking about tossing a $100 bill out the window and making someone very happy.”



A White House aide comments, “Why don’t you throw twenty $100 bills out the window and make twenty people happy?”



Another staffer jokes, “Why don’t you throw a hundred $100 bills out ...

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I can remember when the air was clean

and sex was dirty.

Did you see the new movie they made about an air conditioner?

Wasn’t a fan

If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly crash, who would survive?

The United States of America.

I tried to start a hot air balloon company

but it never really took off.

Legs up in the Air

One day little Susie went into her back yard and found her dog Muffles lying dead with its legs up in the air. She asked, "Daddy, Daddy why is Muffles legs in the air?" Thinking quickly, her dad replied, "This way Jesus can come down and take Muffles to heaven easier."

The next day when Susie...

I visited the air and space museum today...

There was nothing to see there.

FRESH HARAMBE OF BELL AIR....

In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper...

Chuck Norris once skydived and the parachute failed to open while mid-air

The next day, he demanded a refund.

My wife walks into the kitchen and sees me on the floor, gasping for air and flopping around. She turns around in disgust and walks back out.

Its my own fault.
She hates it when I act koi.

My local gas station started charging money just to put air in your tires

When I commented that this had been free for decades, the attendant just looked at me and said "that's inflation for you".

Air Postal Service

A man sets down three pieces of luggage at a very famous **International Airlines** (*that shall not be named*) check-in counter and says, "I want the brown bag to go to London, the black one to go to Paris," he said. "And keep the third bag here till my return from Australia next week for pick up."...

Stuff in the air...

The Country is on the lookout for flying objects.
Today, on Valentine's Day, Cupid almost got taken down by the National Air Patrol...

What's the difference between a warm sweet potato, and a Pig flying through the air?

One's a heated yam, while the other's a yeeted ham.

I don’t get the purpose of an air filter

It just sits there and collects dust.

My friend hired a hot air balloon for his wedding.

They quoted him 200 and on the day charged 400. Said it was due to inflation.

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German air traffic controllers

The German air traffic controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that a Pan Am 747 listened to the following exchange betwee...

Where do clowns get their air from

The Bozone layer

2023 is a bad year to be a hot air balloon pilot without a radio.

credit to iBeej for this one!

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force pl...

[NSFW] Taking the Air Out

A six-year-old walks into the kitchen where his mom is preparing
a meal and says: "Mom, the last few nights I have woke up to this
thumping noise coming out of your bedroom and when I looked to see
what it is, you're sitting on top of dad and bouncing up and down.
Why are you doing t...

Tesla released a car air freshener last week...

They call it Elon's Musk.

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Up in the air

A Boeing 777 wide-body jetliner was lumbering along at 800km/hour at 33000 feet when a cocky F-16 fighter jet flashed by at Mach 2.

The F-16 pilot decided to show off.

On his state of the art radio that is part of his state of the art 3D and million dollar headset, the F-16 youngster...

How do you know if someone owns an air fryer?

Trust me they'll tell you.

(Yes I have one)

My girlfriend doesn't like it when I ask her to blow cool air on me

She is not a fan.

Def Leopard is the safest band to air drum to while driving

Because you can keep one hand on the steering wheel.

Yeah, I know its Def Leppard, auto correct messed that up for me.

Why I Joined the Air Force

The DOD was conducting an all service briefing and the leader posed this question.
“What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?”
A sailor said, “I’d step on it.”
A soldier said, “I’d squash it with my boot.
A marine said, I’d catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.”
A...

I quite enjoy blowing air around a room.

In fact, I'm a big fan.

The Cost of Air..

I WENT to the service station to put air in my tyres, and they wanted to charge me $2.

I said, “How come you charge now? I thought it was free.”

They replied, “That’s inflation for you!”

Got my girlfriend today while airing up a tire

Her- "Why in the world did they start charging for AIR?!"

Me- "Inflation"

I just went to the Air & Space museum.

Boy do I feel ripped off. It was just an empty room.

Did you all hear about the mind controlled air-freshener that Febreze is developing?

It's a bit crazy, but it makes scents when you think about it.

I visited the National Air and Space Museum.

I believe the title is misleading because it's actually full of stuff.

At first I didn’t understand how to use my mind-controlled air freshener

But after thinking about it for a while, it finally made scents.

Why did the air vent quit its job?

It wasn't a fan

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A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and is lost

So he lowers himself over a field and shouts to a guy on the ground:

"Can you tell me where I am, and which way I'm headed?"

- "Sure! You're at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You're at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you'r...

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A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight.

During the pilot's preflight check, he discovered that the aircraft's latrine holding tank was still full from the last flight. So a message was sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.
The young man finally got to the air base and made his way to the air...

What two things in the air ensure a blonde’s pregnancy?

Her legs

What lies on its back 100 feet in the air?

A centipede

What do you call a Marine wearing an Air Force uniform?

Artificial intelligence

I remember when I was a kid, you could fill up a flat tire with air for free. Now it's $1.50.

That's the price of inflation.

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Donald Trump sits next to a little girl on Air Force one

Donald Trump sits next to a little girl on Air Force One (a daughter of one of his staff). He turns to her and says, 'Let's talk- I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger'. The little girl, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and ask...

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An Air Force Colonel is about to brief his men.

An Air force Colonel is about to start the morning briefing.

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the Colonel decides to pose a question to assembled staff.

He explained his wife had been a bit frisky the night before, and that he failed to get his usual amount of ...

Why do hospitals have air conditioning?

To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.

Tom Brady asked me if I could help him after his house’s air conditioning system broke.

I declined because I’m not a big fan.

Y'know Amazon sells Holy Air?

They call it Breff of Jezos

Why did the Air Force test pilot decide to work for USPS after retiring from the service?

Because she still enjoyed pushing the envelope.

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Three sisters were all getting married within a short time period...

...Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started and made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on their first impressions of marital sex.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.

The card said nothing but: ...

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2 prostitutes standing on a corner.

2 prostitutes standing on the corner and one of them says "we gonna make a lot of money tonight i can smell the dick in the air"...and the second one replied "sorry i burped"

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Dave cannot make his wife cum.

He goes to the doctor and says, "Look, I just can't bring my wife to orgasm in bed, it's a real problem."

The doctor says, "Well, is it too warm?"

"Yes, it's absolutely sweltering"

"Then get some air-con"

"I can't afford air-con, I'm too poor"

"Well, Dave, do you h...

So apparently my neighbor doesn’t believe in air conditioning

He’s an ACeist

An African man visits his friend in the US

“I just flew in yesterday” the African man says “And boy are my arms tired!”

“You know, that’s kind of an old joke here in America” replied his friend.

“Joke?” The African man said. “I’ve been holding my hands in the air yelling ‘don’t shoot’ ever since I got to this damn country”.

Air hostess: Sir, would you like some head-phones?

Passenger: Sure. But how did u know that my name was Phones.

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.

St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're assigned to hell."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of accommodations and starts designing and building improvements.

After a wh...

What do you call it when the Air Force tries to convince UFO witnesses they saw natural phenomenon?

Swampgaslighting

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

An electrical current joins the air force

He was too afraid to fly over enemy ohmland because he was worried he'd be grounded.

I used to date an air stewardess from Helsinki

I dropped her off at work one day and she just vanished into Finnair

I think my dad is obsessed with air circulation.

I looked on his search history and it was all for "only fans." Weird.

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How many times did Trump and Melania have sex on Air Force One?

Never. He was too busy fucking America.

It’s not true that air travel has become a circus.

Circuses may feature the same level of animal cruelty, sadness and clowns as air travel, but circuses actually start on time.

What 2 things in the air can get a woman pregnant?

Her legs.

Cunard shipping and Air Lingus decide to merge. They call the new business...

Air Nard

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A plane is spotted trying to land at Area 51

One day at Area 51 a radar tech spots a single engine plane on final approach to the secret Air Force base. The plane touches down and is immediately surrounded by armed guards. The plane is impounded and the pilot is whisked off for questioning. The pilot claims that he had been flying from Las Veg...

I was air drumming some Metallica at a stop light.

I lost a drumstick out the window and quickly changed to Def Leppard.

A joke for world war 2 enthusiasts

A British World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the air force.

"In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, " he continues, "one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the c...

2 hunters are lost in the woods...

After wandering around for a couple hours they decide to weigh their options, one says, "I heard if you shoot in the air someone will hear and come to your rescue", so they fire a few times in the air and wait, nothing happens so they try again a couple more times, after a few hours of this they're ...

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A dyslexic walks into a bank and yells:

"Air in the hands mother stickers, this is a fuck up!"

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Two whales seek revenge.

Two whales are swimming in the ocean when the come upon a whaling ship.

The one whales looks to the other and says "HEY, thats the ship that killed my brother!"

The other whale says "What do you wanna do?"

The first whales says, "Alright, here's the plan; were gonna go to the ...

A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...

She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.

"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"

The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."

Air Force One gets caught in a storm in the midwest

And crashes. Because most of the roads are out, it takes emergency responders a long time to reach the wreck. When they get there, they see a farmer.

"Did you see the plane crash?" asked the EMTs.

"Ayup. Sure did. Buried them all too," answered the farmer.

"None of them survive...

I am like air resistance

Everyone neglects me

What do air conditions and computers have in common?

They work fine until you open Windows.

What happens when you get in a fight in Bel-Aire?

Aunt Viv sends you back to Philly

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2 college students accidentally miss the math final exam

The next day they both went to plead with their
professor. He was feeling pretty good that day so he allowed them to retake it. He told them to both come back tomorrow for an oral exam. When they both showed up he told one of them to wait outside while he tests the other. So one enters and the ot...

Legs in the Air

Little Johnny came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in th...

Why are color blind people not allowed to join the Air Force?

Because they won’t know who they’re supposed to bomb.

The first Jewish President of the United States is elected

The night before the inauguration he calls his mother.

"Mom, I'd love for you to come visit for the inauguration and stay with me for a few days."

"Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days."

"Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!"

"Oh, but you know, cab fare ...

[Long] A captain in the air force...

Is boarding a plane home, and as he's loading his luggage in the over head, notices a Marine Lance Corporal snoozing against the window. The Air Force Captain grins a bit, knowing Marines reputation for being jar heads, and decides he's going to have a bit of fun.

Sitting next to the marine, ...

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I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon...

"Well" he said, "it could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door.

Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we toss for it."

"And he won?" I said.

"Well, no" he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped do...

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Three Soviet generals wager who has bravest soldiers

Soviet army organizes a large military exercise. Three high-ranking officers - an army general, a navy admiral and an air force commander watch the war games from an observation bunker, drink vodka and argue who has bravest men. They can not reach a conclusion, so the army general calls his troops a...

After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt. Turns out she felt the same way.

So I turned on the air conditioning.

It’s just cost me 1 whole pound to put air in my tires

5 years ago it used to cost me 20p. Suppose that’s inflation for you

My friend claims that his dog can catch a frisbee out of the air, thats been thrown 200mtrs.

I thought that's a bit far fetched

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Who did Hitler plan to install as commander of the Indonesian air force if they agreed to join the Axis powers?

Hermann Goreng

if Lays had invented air hockey

it would be just air

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What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile

Got an estimate on installing a new Air Conditioner in our house for $18k…

Looks like we’re going with Only Fans this summer.

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