I did not give the cashier an exact amount of money.

Don't worry. Change is coming.

I recently came into a HUGE amount of money.

Unfortunately, though, I'm barred from future tours of the Mint.

Who would pay a ridiculous amount of money for a pair of average over-hyped headphones?

Beats me.

This Chinese chap goes into a bank to change some currency. After receiving his Money he asks, "How come I came in here with same amount of Money as yesterday but today I get less Yuans in return?"

The banker says, "Fluctuations."
The Chinese guy replies, "Fluck you Blitish too."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Husband says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband: "honey just give me the day I need to relieve some stress. Besides You don't even golf."


Wife: "I want to learn and besides it's something we can do together."


The husband begrudgingly accepts his wife request and they go to the golf course. On the first tee the hu...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Man and the IRS

So an older gentleman received a phone call by the IRS, being notified about large sums of money going in and out of his account. He was told to be at the office first thing Monday morning. He thought to himself “Well if this is what I think it is, I better lawyer up.”

Sure enough he got a la...

A farmer comes into a large amount of money and decides to buy his son's a large ranch where they can raise cattle. He calls the ranch "Focus".

Because it's where the sun's rays meet.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money.

She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.


After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.


The pres...

A guy walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $18.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket an...

The World’s Greatest Gambler

A man begins to deposit a ridiculous amount of money into his bank. Out of nowhere. Someone takes notice, and after a long and complicated series of accusations and charges the man winds up going to court. He shows up with his defense attorney.

The judge asks him bluntly “Sir, how did you com...

A woman named Patty Black finally gets her dream job at the bank

She is told to handle loans, but to get the manager is the loan was strange or asking for an excessive amount of money. After an entire day of nobody approaching her, somebody asks for her attention. It takes her a while to realize, but it is a frog in a suit sitting on the chair in front of her boo...

Dammit

Three men were riding a golf cart and it crashed, killing them all. When they got to the gates of heaven, Peter said: "I have to ask you all a question before you go in. "

So he asks the first guy: "Have you ever cheated on your wife?"

He replied: "No, I have been a good and faithful h...

I need a hug.....

..e amount of money

A man with an alligator walks in a bar

He tells the bartender he’s a street performer and would like to perform. The bartender is curious about his act so he allows it. The man stands up holding his gator and a jar and announces to the bar that he won’t start until his jar is full of money. The people in the bar are also curious about hi...

Rich man shenanigans

There was once an extremely wealthy man who was known for his eccentric habits. One fine evening, he sent out an invite to all the young, able-bodied men of his city for a very "special" dinner, promising a grand prize for one lucky soul.

Knowing the rich man's generous nature, a hundred you...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Usas government noticed that their army has too many generals.

So they decided to call over every over 60-year old general to the Pentagon for retirement. The government decided to measure the amount of money to the severance pay by measuring the length between two different body parts. The generals would get 10000$ for every centimeter.

The first genera...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was a gentleman living in a small village

Who had a stomach disorder that required him to drink the milk of a nursing mother.

Well, there weren't too many women in the village nursing babies and even fewer who would agree to allow a grown man to suck on their breast. But low and behold, the poor man finally found a rather buxom you...

A redditor became a chemist

And decided to seek his fortune making breath mints.

He made one set of mints that were saturated in caffeine. It made him a significant amount of money but people complained about being a little too agitated by them.

He followed up with a heavily alcoholic variety, which was very well...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man visits New York

After a 6 hour flight he lands on John F. Kennedy International Airport, and gets a cab to a nearby pub.
Entering the pub he sees two odd things, there is a Horse partially behind some curtain, and a large bowl filled with money at the bar it self.

He walks over to the barkeep and asks...

Why did they call the new iPhone the IPhone XS...

Because you need an excess amount of money to purchase it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A CEO gathers his staff..

10 Male employees are present in the convention room. The CEO clears his throat and starts the meeting: *"Good afternoon gentlemen. As you know, I am leaving for my business meeting tomorrow and will be absent for 10 days."*

The employees are all nodding in agreement.

The CEO pauses ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Ethiopian and French ministers of transport

The Ethiopian minister of transport visits the French minister of transport for a diplomatic and trade mission. The French minister invites the African diplomat to his house for a formal dinner and the African minister is astonished to see how big his homologue’s house is. He asks him:
“You are ...

The Kadink Kadonk Machine

There was once a very rich collector, he owned many valuable and rare items. One day, whilst talking to a friend they discussed rare items.


“I own nearly every valuable rare item known to man” said the rich collector.


“I know something you don’t own” said his friend.
...

A woman lost a court case...

and was fined for bringing her own popcorn, coke and candy to a movie theater. Overall, she still saved a considerable amount of money.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So a Japanese company and a North American company decided to have a canoe race...

So a Japanese company and a North American company decided to have a canoe race on the St. Lawrence River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The North Americans, very discouraged and depressed, deci...

A young boy named Tommy sees a man at the mall who claims to have a perfect memory

Tommy asks him, “What did you have for breakfast ten years ago today?”

The man replies, “eggs.”

Thinking that the man was full of it, the boy walked away unimpressed. The boy grew up, got married to a lovely girl named Jane and had two little boys, Marvin and Jacob. Tommy became a succ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Honorable discharge

Three long-time servicemen are about to retire, and they are told that as a reward for many years of great service, they're are going to be given an amount of money equal to the distance between any two points on their body, in inches, times a thousand.

The colonel, being a tall man, picks t...

A frog walks into a bank

A frog walks into a bank. He approaches the teller. The tellers name is Paddy Whack.

The frog says, "my name is fred Jagger. My father is mick jagger, and he knows your manager well. Im here to get a loan for $30,000"

Paddy is slightly taken aback. She tells fred that for that amount o...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm Friends with a Really Poor Guy

He's been down on his luck lately, so he told me that he had to become a male prostitute to make ends meet. One day, he walked up to me and said that he made a really good amount of money the night before.

Me: How much did you make?

Him: I made $250.05.

Me: Who on earth gave yo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If I had a dollar for every time the economy inflated...

I'd have an infinite amount of money, but i'll still be poor as fuck.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man, an ostrich and a cat walk into a bar...

One day, a man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat. The man orders a beer, and so does the ostrich. The cat orders half a pint, and refuses to tip the bartender. The bartender tells them their bill is $10.78. The man reaches into his pocket and gets exactly $10.78.

The next day, the ma...

A guy walks into a bar with an ostrich...

He sits down at a table and orders a meal for him and his bird. After the meal, and the check was delivered, the waitress noticed the man pulled out his wallet and dumped the exact amount of the bill onto the table plus a generous whole number tip. She was surprised but grateful so didn't mention an...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Gay Man in Church

So, a gay man goes to church one Sunday. As the offering basket is passed, he drops in a big wad of bills. When the basket gets back to the minister, he notices the wad of money and announces: "Someone here was very generous in the offering today. I would like to ask the person who gave this large a...

[Long] There was this thief...

His name was John. Now John was the best there was. He had pulled off many heists and gathered millionsnof dollars. Many of the crimes were known, but the police did not know they were linked, as he used a completely different method each time.

So one day John goes to perform his biggest heis...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A businessman had been away from home for a looooong time.

So, he goes to a brothel and tells the head madam: Listen, I'll give you $200 if you find me a decent girl who can give me an average fuck. The madam told him that for that amount of money she would get him a hot girl who would give him a helluva fuck to which the businessman says: but you don't und...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A truck driver stops at a brothel...

He walks up to the Madame, hands her $1000 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a dry turkey sandwich!"

The Madame responds, "Well my dear, for that amount of money you can have two of my best girls and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies, "Listen woman, I ain't horny. I'm ho...

Smartest dog

A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's his turn to be helped. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked the dog wha...

A frog goes into a bank. . .

. . . and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whak.

So, he says, "Mrs. Whak, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says "$...

An old woman walks to the bank with two big bags...

An old woman walks to the bank with two big bags, and one of them has a hole with lots of money being dropped. A policeman notices it and lets her know. Then, he asks:

"May I ask how you have that insanely big amount of money?"

"Of course! It's a nice story!"

The lady tells him ...

A dyslexic walks into a bank...

Withdraws a reasonable amount of money, coming home and also realizing that another dyslexic man going into a bank made it on the front page of /r/jokes and is thoroughly confused because dyslexics can speak fine and often aren't seen as criminals.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old Lady walks into a bank

An old Lady walks into a high end bank. She is carrying a suit case and walks to the front desk and asks for the bank manager.

After waiting for a while the bank manager arrives and tells her to meet him in his office. In the office she tells the bank manager she wants to start a bank accoun...

A blonde takes her car to the repair shop

One day after a huge hailstorm, a blonde took her car into the repair shop to fix all of the dents that the hailstorm had created. Upon arrival, the auto-repair men saw the extensive damage and did not want to repair the car regardless of the amount of money they would get. Seeing that she was blond...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So a man walks into a pub he's never been before...

As he walks up to the bartender he sees a big jar full of 50 dollar buck bills. Wondering what the story behind it might be he asks the bartender:" Mate, what's that jar for and why does it have so much money in it."

"Well", the bartender replies with a smile "it's a challenge bet, which is ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Old lady enters the National Bank's building...

...with a bag full of bank notes and asks to talk with the president of said bank. She says there's a lot of money to talk about, so the employees reluctantly allow the lady to meet with the president. When they meet, he asks the old lady how much money she wants to put in the bank.

"165,000 ...

A man wins the lottery...

A man wins a substantial amount of money on the lottery and tells his girlfriend "I've just won the lottery! Quickly, pack your things!"

"Oh my god, oh my god!! Where are we going?!" she exclaims.

The man replies, "Who said I was going anywhere?"

Mitt Romney and the King of Saudi-Arabia are having a dinner party...

...the mood of the night is very good and after they spent a while talking about what new amazing things they have bought for themselves and the amount of money they managed to acquire in the past year, as well as all sorts of political matters they come to some lighter topics.
So the King says t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The oil fire.

Several decades ago, there was an oil tycoon. He discovered one morning, that one of his largest oil wells had burst and caught fire costing him large amounts of money by the minute. He quickly called all the large fire departments for miles around, offering thirty thousand dollars to the department...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a restaurant...

... with an ostrich that can magically speak. He asks to be seated and the waitress asks if the seat she shows him is alright. The ostrich replies instead saying "Whatever he says is fine with me!".

When it is time to order the man chooses, and the ostrich chooses the exact same drinks, star...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bet in a bar

A man sat down at the bar, ordered a beer and then said to the bartender: “I bet you 250 euros that I can stand on my bar seat and piss straight in that cup you’ve got back there without missing a single drop.”
The bartender estimates the distance at 2 meter, realizes his bar seats are quite wobb...

A Guy/Gal walks into a bar with an Ostrich/Race-horse

A good-looking young man (or woman) and an ostrich (or racehorse) walk into a bar. The two sit down, order some nachos and wind up drinking a few beers by the end of the night. When it comes time to pay the tab, the (wo)man reaches into his/her pocket and dumps a slightly-crumpled mess of bills and ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Hey Joe, I heard your mother-in-law died!"

"Well yes, that's true, Bob."

"What'd she have?"

"Just a small amount of money and a lot of old books"

"No, I mean, what was wrong?"

"Well, she hadn't written her will and testament yet."

"Not that! I mean, how'd she die?

"Ooh... Well, we were having dinner ...