We shouldn't mix races, it's immoral and honestly pretty gross.

That's why I hate triathlons.

People call me gross and incestuous, but I stand by my mantra!

Family should ALWAYS come first!

"Lincoln" grossed $275,000,000 in movie theaters

Which is ironic since historically Lincoln doesn't do too well in theaters

Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross, but they were actually pretty good. Turns out...

That in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected!

Wearing a second hand hairpiece may seem kind of gross

but its a small price toupee

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Bull Testicles (this isn't necessarily NSFW but it's not for people who get grossed out easily so you've been warned)

My dad told me this a few years back

A tourist in Spain is in a restaurant near a bullfighting arena right after a bullfight.
There's a table nearby where a guy is eating a dish with two big balls in it and all around the table people are making merry.
The tourist got curious and asked ...

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A man settles in his seat next to the window on a plane, when another man sits down next to him and seats his Black Labrador Retriever in-between them. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why he's allowed on the plane. The second man explains that he's a DEA-Agent, Sniffing-dog.

His name is Sniffer, and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."

The plane takes off, and once it has levelled out, the agent says "Watch this. He tells Sniffer to 'search'". Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposef...

Q: What's grosser than gross? A: When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall. Q: What's grosser than that?

A: When you come back an hour later and it's moved up three feet

What do you call a child born out of incest?

Gross domestic product.

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My girlfriend has been secretly recording me for years and now she’s blackmailing me into doing all these gross fetishes of hers

I just wish I had realized earlier because now she has a lot of shit on me

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An old, gross joke about deer hunting



*This ancient joke pre-dates the Internet. It is from the South and is best told with a southern accent.*

I was deer hunting in the mountains of North Carolina. After about four hours I shot a nice 400lb buck. While I was hauling the dear back to my truck, I was stopped by the game wa...

People who sell meat are gross.

But people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

A whale and a dolphin are eating at a restaurant

A whale and a dolphin are eating at a restaurant. When the check comes to the table the dolphin insists on paying. The whale is quite grateful and wants to leave the tip at least but the dolphin respectfully declines.

The whale then says
“thanks if there’s anything you ever need let me k...

My kink went from gross to illegal

I like to have my face touched...by 6 feet

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Porn is fucking gross

Or at least, the good stuff is

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I told my sister to come work for me at my porn company and that last year I made $1 million. She said that’s gross.

I said “no, that’s net.”

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German:*whips out penis* Girl:"Gross!"

German:"Danke."

My German friend is gross

He weighs 144Kg

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What's the difference between a gross bus station and a lobster with big boobs?

One is a crusty bus station and one is a busty crustacean.

What do you call a stew that is less gross?

A st

Some people say 69 is gross...

I call it a romantic dinner for two.

If you sneeze on a calculator when you're doing a multiplication equation inside of your house, do you now have a Gross Domestic Product?

*sorry I know I tried way too hard with this lol*

I told my teenage daughter “There are two words you need to drop from your vocabulary. One is ‘awesome’ and the other is ‘gross’.”

“Okay,” she replies, “what are they?”

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Les gooooo

What’s the difference between a microwave and a woman?
A man will actually press and pull a microwave’s buttons and knobs.

What do you call a useless piece of skin on a penis?
A man.

What kind of bees make milk?
Boo-bees.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Asshole!
Ass...

A drunk German is urinating on a bush

An American walks by, sees what the German is doing and says, "Gross!"

The German says, "Danke!"

Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?

It is two gross.

It’s all about how you perceive things

Friend told me this one,

Telling your wife’s parents that you are blowing loads into her every night is gross and weird but telling them you are trying for a baby is totally acceptable

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!"

I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."






credits to Adele Cliff, from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Link in the comments

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I don't have sex with my sister because it's unacceptable and gross.

I have sex with her because it's kinky.

My wife said "You are gross inside."

Me: So that's what you were doing back there

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I had a one night stand, and afterwards she used my toothbrush

I made kind of a big deal about it, because that’s pretty gross

She said, “Well we just had sex, what’s the difference?”

I said, “*Well* I was planning on using that toothbrush again”

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My girlfriend asked me once if I’ve ever peed in the shower. I said “For sure, hasn’t everyone?” She replied “No wtf, that’s gross. What’s wrong with you?”

I replied “Well, these things tend to happen when you’re taking a shit...”

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(Gross) Three vampires go to a cafe

The waiter comes and asks them what would they want to drink. First one: The usual - a cup of blood.
Second one: For me a cup of blood as well.
Third one: For me a bottle of water.
The first and the second one, surprised, ask the third why not blood.

The third: I'll drink a tea. *Br...

What is the most grossing film of all time?

Two girls one cup.

My friend is a mathematician and I asked what he makes. He said $144K

I replied "Is that gross?"

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What's grosser than gross?

Having a dream you're eating chocolate pudding and waking up with a spoon in your ass.

I think supermarkets are really gross,

but the people that work there are grocer.

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Q: What's grosser than gross?

A: Giving your grandmother oral sex. And then hitting your head on the coffin lid.

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What's grosser than gross, and sicker than sick?

When you sit on Grampa's lap and he pops a boner.

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gross and not PC, but funny...

A guy walks into a brothel, and the madam greets him at the counter. He explains that he would like to have a go, but he is a little short on cash. The madam points to a very plain looking woman sitting in the parlor, and says "Well, that's Brenda. She will cost you $20." The guy explains that he re...

Someone told me that Avatar is the highest grossing film of all time.

I know some parts are a bit unpleasant, but it’s not that disgusting.

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First visit to America as German guy!

I was pissing on the side of the road when suddenly an American girl walks by.
She saw my penis and shouted "GROSS!"

I shouted back "DANKE!"

The other day my daughter said, "Mold is so gross."

I told her to "respect its culture."

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The $5,000,000 question....

Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $5,000,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the M.C. that he desired a question on American History.

The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the ...

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Titantic is the 2nd highest grossing movie in Japan.

Guess since they couldn't sink Pearl Harbor, they went for the next best thing.

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When a stripper gets money that definitely has jizz on it she has to report it to the government

Because it's gross income

Not all Americans understand gross profit

But their politicians have a good grasp on net profit.

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So a man and women are sharing drinks at the bar...(kinda gross)

...when they decide to go the nearby hotel and hook up. They get into the room, turn off the lights and begin to have sex. The man puts on a condom and goes to put it in. But when he tries to insert it, the condom tears. Thinking it is just an old condom, he takes it off and figures she looks clean ...

You get what you pay for (NSFW/Gross)

A man goes to a brothel and walks up to the clerk at the front desk. The man says "I would like to buy some entertainment for the night." The clerk replies, "I would recommend Jessica. She is one the 3rd floor, room 7. She is $250 for the night." The man replies "That's Outrageous! I can't pay that!...

A fourth grade biology teacher is asking a series of questions to her students

Eventually she asks "What part of the body can grow ten times its normal size when stimulated?"

As soon as she asks that, a girl at the back of the class stands up and yells "EWW, THAT'S SO GROSS. HOW DARE YOU ASK THIS TO SMALL CHILDREN? I'M GOING TO TELL MY MOTHER ALL ABOUT THIS", then storm...

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Why is 70 grossed out by 69?

Because his forehead smells like ass.

You might think incest is gross...

**but it's** ***all relative.***

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I think it's kinda gross to have sex in bed

After all it's where I eat

Movie Theater Popcorn is Like a Drunken One Night Stand

You know you're going to hate yourself after.
You might even hate yourself during.
You feel gross after you're done.
It gets on and in your clothes, hands and hair.
You usually eat it in the dark.
Somewhere in the back of your mind you know that it's been laying in the same bin si...

(German Joke) Two American girl tourists are in Germany walking through a public park.

Both of the girls notice a Man peeing and scream “Gross!”
The German man responds, “Groß? Danke!”







Translation - “Big? Thanks!”

A german guy was peeing on a wall in public. A girl passed by.

Girl: Gross

German guy: Thanks!

What do you call a gross dessert?

Ajit Pai

What do you call a high-grossing movie about cops?

A blackbuster.

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Me and my friend have an amputee foot fetish.

I know, it's gross, but we can only cum on prosthetic legs. Anyway, our last three-way with an amputee, we both prematurely came on her real toes! I had to politely ask the girl, "Can we start over? I feel like we got off on the wrong foot."

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Jungle snooker. (Long Old joke, but then I’m old so you may not have heard it)

An elephant, a crocodile and a snake met by a riverbank, they had known each other for years and were pals. How about a game ? said the crocodile and the others agreed. Jungle snooker? Asked the elephant. Don’t know that one said the snake, how’s it played? Well said the elephant it’s like table ...

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A man gets out of prison and finds a prostitute.

“I just got out of prison and haven’t had sex in a long time. I only have $20. What can I get?,” he says.

The prostitute replies, “I can’t help you but I think I know someone who can.”

So he goes to her friend and tells her the same story. The friend can’t help him but sends him to som...

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I am insecure about my penis size, and going to a naked park in Germany didn’t help

Just as I was beginning to feel confident, a group of german girls walked by, pointed at my dick, and said “gross”.

Now I think it’s too small *and* it looks gross.

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