Yesterday I tucked some receipts from Bitcoin into an exotic dancer's panties.

My first use of stripto currency.

How did President Bush know that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction?

Well he kept the receipts.

Since starting the quarantine two weeks ago, I’ve been shredding all my old CVS receipts. I’m about halfway done...

...with the first one.

I like leaving receipts in my pockets

It reminds me of when I had money.

If you gathered up all the receipts from your wallet and organised them

You would have a little book of why you're broke

I wish Reddit had read receipts...

so I can see who I just disappointed

I know I shouldn't have done this, but...

... I am 83 years old.   I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning.  The young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order.  So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.  The cashier must have ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.

(This was in the days when the Wild West meant Texas and Arizona, with indians, outlaws,
tornados and droughts-not the current situation, where the Wild West means California and you have to brave hottubs, mellowspeak, fires and
earthquakes. That is, it was a simpler time.)

So, Fred fou...

All Trump has to say to beat Hillary in the debates

"I know Hillary can be bought. I have the receipts."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My fiancee thought I was bringing a condom to work with me this morning [Actually happened]

We have this miniature dresser in our bedroom that rests on an entertainment stand. Top drawer is random junk like buttons that come with clothes, receipts, etc. Middle drawer is jewelry. Bottom drawer is condoms.

This morning, I went into the top drawer to get a microfiber cloth that came wi...

I found a way to save 27 million tons of paper per year

I signed up for e-mail receipts at CVS

How far is Mars from Earth?

A few CVS receipts away

Alright men Valentines day is almost here you know what to do...

Your girlfriend is your everything on Valentines day. You need to buy her flowers, chocolates, and you better take her out somewhere special, BUT out of all the important things you just need remember to hide all of the receipts/transactions from your wife.

There is a line at the pearly gates and St. Peter says,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, heaven has reached its capacity. We can only take in ten more souls, so we have decided to take the ten that have the most interesting story of their death."

Many souls tell their tales and St. Peter grants nine souls their entry. The very next soul that comes up has on...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hillary Clinton Riddles

Q: Apparently Monica Lewinsky won’t be voting for Hillary Clinton this election
A: She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth

Q: All Trump has to say to beat Hillary in the debates
A: I have the receipts.

Q: What does Bill say to Hillary after sex?
A: H...

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