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Receipts Jokes

For all the people queuing for McDonalds

I was at the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and a young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order.

So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The McDonalds worker must have told her w...

Yesterday I tucked some receipts from Bitcoin into an exotic dancer's panties.

My first use of stripto currency.

I like leaving receipts in my pockets

It reminds me of when I had money.

Since starting the quarantine two weeks ago, I’ve been shredding all my old CVS receipts. I’m about halfway done...

...with the first one.

I wish Reddit had read receipts...

so I can see who I just disappointed

If you gathered up all the receipts from your wallet and organised them

You would have a little book of why you're broke

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, in the Wild West….

Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.

So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and
tough he was, and the owner of the ...

How did President Bush know that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction?

Well he kept the receipts.

How far is it from the Earth to the sun?

8 CVS receipts

All Trump has to say to beat Hillary in the debates

"I know Hillary can be bought. I have the receipts."

Rudeness vs Kindness

Rudeness vs Kindness

I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me honked and yelled at me; very upset because maybe I was taking too long to pay.

Wow. “Take the high road,” I thought to myself. So I paid for her food.

As I moved up and she le...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My fiancee thought I was bringing a condom to work with me this morning [Actually happened]

We have this miniature dresser in our bedroom that rests on an entertainment stand. Top drawer is random junk like buttons that come with clothes, receipts, etc. Middle drawer is jewelry. Bottom drawer is condoms.

This morning, I went into the top drawer to get a microfiber cloth that came wi...

I found a way to save 27 million tons of paper per year

I signed up for e-mail receipts at CVS

There is a line at the pearly gates and St. Peter says,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, heaven has reached its capacity. We can only take in ten more souls, so we have decided to take the ten that have the most interesting story of their death."

Many souls tell their tales and St. Peter grants nine souls their entry. The very next soul that comes up has on...

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