Problem with pay equality is that men tend to go for higer paying jobs

...like doctors or directors. While females tend to settle with lesser paying ones like female doctors or female directors.

Judge : I order you to pay £10,000

MARIO : why

Judge : it’s a fine

MARIO : (sadly) no itsa not

Somebody stole my Microsoft office, and they're going to pay.

You have my word.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble and he loses all his money. He doesn't even have enough for a cab, but he flagged one down anyway. He explained to the driver that he would pay him back next time and gave him his phone number, but the driver told him, "Get the fuck out of my cab."

He walked all the way to the airport and got home.

Some times rolls by and he decides to go back to Vegas again and this time he wins BIG.

He gets his bags and is ready for the airport with all his new winnings.

There are a line of cabs and at the very end he sees the driver fro...

A Jewish man decides his son isn't religious enough, so pays for him to go visit Israel.

When the son comes back, however, he says he's a Christian now.

The father goes to his friend exasperated to explain the situation, and his friend says "that's funny, I sent my son to Israel last year, and when he came back he also said he was Christian."

The two men decide they should...

My friend just phoned and asked me if I could loan her $500 to help her pay her rent...

My friend just phoned and asked me if I could loan her $500 to help her pay her rent... And you know me always willing to help my friends and family out... I told her..."give me a minute let me check my account and I'll phone u right back." Before I could check my account my friend's mom phones and ...

What happens if you don't pay your exorcist?

You get reposessed

How much do pirates pay for corn?

Buccaneer

I can't believe I pay so much money per year for toilet paper

It's a total rip-off.

I just turned down a job at my local fruit and veg shop. They offered to pay me in vegetables

The celery was unacceptable

My husband is a cheater, he beats me, and whenever I touch his property, he says, "I'm going to make you pay."

I don't want to play monopoly with him anymore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"



The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"



The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.



When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.


...

Back in college, I could barely pay my bills, even having to choose between laundry detergent and a small breakfast snack.

Sometimes it was All or muffin.

I told my boss I needed a pay rise and that 3 other companies were after me

Boss: "Which ones?"

Me: "Gas, Electric and Water."

If you can't afford to pay taxes, the government will give you free food, housing, and healthcare. If you refuse to pay taxes, the government will give you free food, housing, and healthcare.

They'll even throw in an orange jumpsuit.

What do you call someone that are comfortable with murdering and gets payed for it

comedians

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

A teacher notices a kid not paying attention, points at him and asks him to name two pronouns

Who? Me?

My girlfriend told me she wanted to get an abortion, and asked me to give her $50 to help pay for it.

About an hour later, she came back home with a copy of Warcraft 3: Reforged.

I once payed a weightlifter $150 to give me a handjob.

What a rip-off.

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention,

So she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see t...

My friend used to strip to pay the bills.

But she put in the hours, saved up and bought her own Massage Parlour.

Don't you just love a story with a happy ending?

I had a "pay what you want" model for my joke store.

It had a revenue of $0.00.


Guess the jokes just didn't make any cents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dad sent me to pay the electric bill...

When I was a boy my dad gave me money to go downtown and pay the electric bill but instead I bought raffle tickets for a chance to win a new truck. I told my dad when I got home and he beat my ass but the next morning in the driveway sat a brand new truck. We all held each other and cried, especiall...

EVERYBODY pay attention to 0x55!

This means U!

My health insurance company refused to pay my bill because I believe in reincarnation.

They said I had a pre existing condition.

what do you call it when a small bug doesn't wanna pay to get into heaven?

a protestAnt

I'm okay with my wife selling her body to pay for college.

But I don't know why she needs three PhDs

Judge: I order you to pay $10,000

Mr. Demeanour: Why?

Judge: Misdemeanor.

Mr. Demeanour: What'd she do this time?!

What do you call it when two men both expect the other to pay for dinner?

An unfunded man-date.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my therapist that i am having suicidal thoughts

He now makes me pay in advance

My dad had a rule that if we farted in the car we had to pay him 10 dollars out of our $100 monthly allowance.

He always got his ten per scent.

A Blonde Woman Asks For A $5000 Loan

A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.

The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"

The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."

The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Ro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a pay bonus and my penis?

My missus always blows my bonus.

It isn’t a moral failing to become addicted to drugs. It’s only a moral failing if you have to turn to illicit activities to pay for your drugs.

Like banking

How much does a settler in the Old West have to pay for corn?

$3.14 an ear.

If you work hard everyday, your hard work will pay off and you will eventually be successful.

My parents used to tell me that joke all the time.

Still remember it to this day.

My wife and I really want to pay for a cruise.

But Tom says his kids aren’t for sale.

Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, recently received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.

On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.

"Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.

Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.

There's...

PICKUP LINE: Don’t pay $5 for a footlong...

When you can get my 6 inch for free.

Job pays in puppies

So I interviewed for a job the other day and, in negotiating salary, they said they pay in puppies instead of dollars. After considering their offer I came to the conclusion that it was income petable.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?

"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.

When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.

When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laughs too.

When the dad gets home the parr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is paying for his shopping at a grocery store...

The cashier scans his items;

- A cucumber
- A large packet of rice
- Two bottles of red wine
- Frozen pork chops
- Dog food

Cashier: “you’re single aren’t you?”

Customer: “yes... how did you know?!”

Cashier: “Because you’re fucking ugly”

Friends: Why are you always sick after pay day?

Me: I'm allergic to peanuts

Did you hear about the guy who couldn't pay back his exorcism loan

He got repossessed

What do you call someone who doesn't pay their bills?

A debtbeat

How do you get a philosophy major off of your front porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

A cheap zoo lost its gorilla and instead of paying for one they hired a guy in a gorilla costume to act like a gorilla.

When the people came to see him he pounded his chest and moved like a gorilla. Right under him was a lions cage.

While he was running around chanting like a gorilla, the bottom of his cage broke and he fell into the loins cage.

He started screaming and yelling "help me, help me"
...

A Greek, a Spaniard and an Italian go out for dinner. Who pays the bill?

The German.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

That's how the fight got started...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I ...

What do you call a starship that works multiple jobs and can't pay of it's student loans?

The Millennial Falcon

Is paying a person to kill them self

A money back guarantee?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pay attention

First-year veterinary students were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary
medicine it is necessary to have two impor...

How much should a pirate pay to get his ears pierced?

A buccaneer

How do people in Prague pay their bills every month?

They pay by Czech

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

PIZZA GUY: Your total is $26.34

**ME:** I can’t afford that

**PIZZA GUY:** Well you’ll have to pay some other way.

**ME: [takes out wallet]** Wait I forgot I had 30 dollars.

**PORN DIRECTOR:** Cut! The fuck are you doing?

A man was fresh out of accounting school and went to an interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him: “What is three times seven?”

“Twenty-two,” the man replied.

After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator and realised he wouldn’t get the job.

About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next d...

I went out with my girlfriend to a fancy restaurant last night and after we’d eaten she kept insisting on paying for the meal.

I said, "Don't be stupid, we're half way down the road now. Just keep running!!'

How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing, it's on the house.

Guys, EA isn’t pay to win.

It’s pay to play

Men naturally choose high paying careers, like doctor, engineer, or CEO. Women naturally gravitate toward lower paying careers ...

... like female doctor, female engineer, or female CEO.

Called my local sperm bank clinic to know what's the best time to pay them a visit.

They said, “Whenever you feel like coming.”

A guy gets hit by a car.

He wakes up in the hospital with the nurse right next to him.The guy asks if he'll be ok, and the nurse replies with yes.The nurse asks "You'll need to pay for your stay here, which comes to about 20 grand. Do you have enough money?"

The guy replies "No, unfortunately, money is tight for me."...

My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.

I sent him a Get Well Soon card.

I like the way you are thinking

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.

"Yeah teach?" he replies.

"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.

Matt answer...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A quack posted a sign on his place which said "Can treat all kinds of illneses for $100. If I can't, I'll pay you $100"

A guy tried his luck and went inside.

Guy: hey doc, my sense of taste is messed up

Quack: Okay. Let me get the medicine from the second shelf and you'll drink one tablespoon of it

[*guy drinks medicine*]

Guy: [*spits*] fuck you, this is gasoline!

Quack: y...

Where do actors that don't pay taxes perform?

in the audit-orium

TFW you get in line to pay at a pho restaurant

And it's a big pho queue

How do you pay your waiter if it's a letter of the alphabet?

With a Q-tip.

(Joke courtesy of my 8-year-old son)

Why don't Atheist churches have to pay taxes?

Because they're a non-prophet organization

Anakin went to pay for dinner,

but his MasterCard got declined....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man inherits a small fortune and vacations in the LA nightlife where he meets a gorgeous young woman.

He asks her out for a night on the town with him and she says:

"You can't afford me."

"Try me, how much for a strip show?" He replies.

"$10,000 dollars even." she says.

"You can't be serious?!" He proclaims.

"Let's take a walk outside." She replies. He agrees and t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As I was paying for a 20 year old Escort, I could only think of one thing.

This is a shitty car.

Why should you always be sure to pay an exorcist for their work?

Because if you don't, they'll repossess the house.

A night out with 1$ [NSFW ?]

Two men only have a dollar for their night out and they want to get wasted.

So they go into a night shop and buy a sausage. The first bar they go in they order 2 beers each.

When they decide to leave, one takes out the sausage and places it between his legs. The other bends over and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pay your bills

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Nick (an employee in the palace) obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. 
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, ...

Jussie smollet had to pay 10,000 to chicago and do community service to get his charges dropped...

I hope he isnt beating himself up over this

I asked my boss for a raise in pay

He replied, asking why I want raisins for as they already pay me peanuts. I told him I wanted to make trail mix.

I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette

I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire

The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire...

I was Hungary so Iran to the store to get some Turkey

Which I cooked in Greece, and served with a side of Chile, which I ate with my friends Jordan and Chad. Sudanly we had Togo because we were Ghana get in trouble because we didn’t Finnish paying. But I’ve Benin trouble before, there was Norway they were going to catch me, I Congo much faster than the...

My son didn’t expect me to pay for his share of the prom night limo rental, but he asked me anyway

It was a bit of a stretch

A proctologist gets sick of his medical career and decides it's time for a change. He does a bit of research and settles on trying his hand at being a mechanic. He attends mechanic school diligently and pays attention in the hopes of being the best mechanic in town.

After taking his final exam, he notices a mistake with the grade on the test and asks the teacher.

"Sir, you have me 150% out of a possible 100% on the practical exam. This must be a mistake!"

The teacher replies, "It's no mistake. 50% of the grade is for perfect disassembly of the en...

My wife asked me what my definition of being rich is. I said when I can pay someone to screen her calls.

She hung up.

How did Jesus pay for our sins?

With PrayPal.

Are you searching for a remote job with no prior experience required, $120k base pay+commission and a high-end company car? PM me.

We'll search together.

I was disappointed I had to pay for my satellite installation

the guy had promised me it would be on the house

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fourth-generation prostitute goes home to her great-grandmother's house for a family dinner. She begins complaining to her family about work. "Geeze! Men these days complain about paying $50 for a blowjob! It's hard work! I earn that money!"

Mom, who was a hooker in the 1980s laughs, "Fifty bucks!? You're complaining about that? When I was on the streets, we were lucky to get $20!"

Grandma giggles, "You two are both spoiled brats! Back in the 1950s, we took $5 for a blowey and we were glad to get it!"

They all turn to grea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot

One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest
in all the activity going on next door and spend much of each day
observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.

The cop asks the woman, “Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?”

She replies, “Well, there’s a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lost Wife

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around a shopping mall when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm...

A dwarf walks into a store to pay for an item.

He hands the cashier 4 dollars. The cashier says "Sir, the item costs 5 dollars." The dwarf replies "Sorry, I'm a little short."

A husband walks into Victoria’s Secret Store to purchase a negligee for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price — the more sheer, the higher the price.

Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

...

All I do is pay

"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary."

"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your position?"

"I'm the people. All I do...

My teacher told me to "pay attention"

And I say "sorry, my student loans don't cover it"

How do meth addicts pay for their habit?

The tooth fairy.

When you don’t know if you can pay your medical bills

You have health Unsurance.

I'm AMERICAN and I BLEED red, white and blue!

I really should see a doctor about it, but I can't afford the copay.

Doctor gave me six months to live, but i couldn't pay the bills

gave me another six months

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman and an Irishman go out drinking one night....

The Englishman says to the Irishman, " listen paddy I wish I could stay out drinking with you but I'm skint."

Padd
y says, "aye George, I just spent my last few quid too.... but I've got an idea: go up and order two more drinks and a sausage and mash and tell them to put it on a tab." ...

Activision stated that there would be no loot boxes or weapons tied behind something you have to pay for in the newest CoD

Lol who is buying that.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mom and dad insist that i pay them for letting me stay in their basement

I guess thats why they're called PAYRENTS

Rick, a salesman, specilized in real estate. As he was talking to a client names Down about a property. The client said to Rick...

"Never in my life have i seen such a pretty house!"

"Gonna buy it?" asked Rick.

"Give me the paperwork" said Down. "I'm gonna."

"You made the right choice." said Rick, while grinning a grin. What he had neglected to tell his client was thay the upstairs was completly damaged....

Cheating For the Right Reasons

An old couple was having dinner one night when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Theresa, soon we’ll have been married for 50 years, and there's something I have to ask you. In those 50 years, have you ever cheated on me?"

Theresa replied, "David, I ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An English man is sat in a Spanish restaurant in Spain...

He sees a Spanish man at another table get served a plate with some amazing food, the main part of which is two massive meatballs.

He asks the waiter for the same dish,
“I’m sorry senior, we only get that once per day after the bullfight, it is the testicles of the bull after he is killed ...

The world's greatest blues musician and the world's greatest jazz musician are having dinner together. Who pays the tip?

Nobody. They don't charge at the soup kitchen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar with the head a size of an orange

The man is dressed in an expensive suit, has a beautiful supermodel hanging off each arm, and has a limo parked outside. But the man has head the size of an orange.

The customer sits down at the bar and orders everyone a drink. He pays for it from a roll of hundreds and manages to get the ...

Student loans you got me through college

I don’t think I can ever repay you

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.