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A man, called to testify at the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.

“Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper,” the accountant replied.

Then he asked his lawyer the same question but got the opposite advice.

“Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.”

Confused, the man went to his priest, told him o...

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A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service. Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.

Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.

“Rabbi,” he said, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”

“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.

“Well, Ra...

Graybeard engineer

The Graybeard engineer retired and a few weeks later the Big Machine broke down, which was essential to the company’s revenue.  The Manager couldn’t get the machine to work again so the company called in Graybeard as an independent consultant.

Graybeard agrees. He walks into the factory, take...

Trump legalizes marijuana to pay for the wall with the tax revenues.

This really stirred the pot.

Breaking News: NFL responds to lost revenue from kneeling controversy

Breaking News: The NFL announced today that because of lost revenue due to kneeling, an NFL Team had to be cut. Tampa Bay and the Green Bay Packers will be combining forming the Tampacks. They will be good for only one period and will have no second string...

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A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back...

The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the so...

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer,” and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb,” do hereby and forthwith agree t...

A mime is working at a zoo...

One day, the head zookeeper pulls him aside to chat. He says, "Bobo, our silverback gorilla, the star attraction here at the zoo, has died. We don't want to lose the revenue, so we want to hire you to dress up in a gorilla suit and pretend to be Bobo. We'll pay you triple what you're making now."...

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How does a butter company measure its revenues?

net margarines

All states should legalize marijuana and redirect the resulting tax revenues to road repair

We'll call the program "Operation Pot Holes."

In the year 2045 Elon is tired of importing ice-cream from Earth to the Martian colonies.

The next day he puts a group of dairy cows on a rocket to Mars.

But inter-planetary customs officers make him hold the rocket in orbit while they inspect the cows. Earth leaders don't want to lose the tax revenue from exporting ice-cream and are looking for a reason to reposes his cattle. ...

Why does the National Football League deserve Tax-Exempt Status even though it generated at least $9 billion in revenue last season?

Because it is just as real as the other religions.

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Jack off...

Two managers are going over their budget for the next year. After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Jane.

They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off. Finally, one manager decides that th...

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Hard decisions

A small shop owner who has a store on the beach needs to hire some help.

The jobs will be seasonal because he closes in the winter months, so he decides to hire a couple of students. They'll need to go back to school anyhow.

After interviews he chooses a young man named Jack who will ...

A man called Andrew moved from Cork to Dublin to open a flower shop.

He was quite successful and through great marketing, quality product, and reasonable prices, Andrew's Flowers became the top garden shop in all Dublin. Some monks that had a stall set up nearby took notice and, since attendance at the local parish (and the accompanying tithing revenue) was way down,...

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At a Sunday family lunch, a daughter, good student aged 20, announces that she is pregnant.

Father drops the fork and knife in shock. Mother looks at her in total disbelief. None of them are able to say a word for couple of seconds, before yelling starts... What was she thinking about? Of course she does not plan to keep it? They invested so much in her education, how could she do this? Wh...

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An airline joke my 83 YO dad sent me . Slightly NSFW

Dear Airlines:

Dump the male flight Attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with YOUNG good-looking strippers! What the hell!! They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the a...

Reddit's website was down yesterday.

And nobody had any idea what to do. There were no profits to be made while Reddit was down. Most of the workers had either gone home or were sitting at their desks doing nothing. The executives started losing it. They had already lost several thousand dollars of ad revenue from a lack of clicks. The...

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Here's a joke from Bulgaria, translated for your convenience.

One a motorway near the coast in Varna a musclebound mafioso (refered to as mutra in Bulgaria) is driving with his subordinates in his brand new Mercedes S63 AMG. When he nears a traffic signal, he gets rear ended. Pissed off, he gets out to have a look. Turns out that an elderly gentleman in a rust...

A man is on his deathbed with...

his wife by his side. In his faint, dying breath, he tells her that there were two times he suspected she cheated on him, and he would like to know the truth, the whole truth, before he dies.

Rather hesitantly, she agrees to tell him everything. "Well first," she begins, "remember when you lo...

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Ralph

The Internal Revenue Service decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to an appointment with the toughest auditor in the office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment...

The janitor at the zoo

A janitor at a zoo gets called into the managers office. The manager tells him they have to let him go due to budget issues. The janitor is set back and cries, "please, please let me keep my job! My mother is in the hospital and I have to pay her medical bills!" The manager scratches his chin for a ...

How to make a charity

1. find someone in need
2. Create an organization and donate all revenue to said someone
3. ???
4. nonprofit

Letter to IRS

The Internal Revenue Service (IRS),
Department of Treasury
Washington, DC


Sub: Payment of Tax Dues


Dear Sir / Madam,


Enclosed is my 2012 Form 1040, together with payment. Please take note of the attached article from USA Today archives. In the article, you wi...

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Many years ago, I was passing a church in San Antonio, Texas.

There in the courtyard was a large statue of Jesus, and praying to the statue was a wealthy Texas rancher. These are the words I heard him say,

"Jesus! Please help me! My Cadillacs are all in the shop. My oil wells have run dry. My cattle got the blight. My Internal Revenue Service is after m...

Service

Greetings,
I became confused when I

heard the word "Service“ used with these agencies:


Internal Revenue 'Service'

Social 'Service'

Telephone 'Service'

Cable TV ‘Service'
Civil 'Service'

State, City, County & Public 'Service'

Custom...

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