UPJOKE
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A gorgeous woman goes to a Doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and Prada purse...

"I've been stung by a nasty insect of some kind," she tells the doctor, "...but I'm ashamed to tell you where."

"It's okay," says the good doctor. "Our communication is privileged; I won't tell anyone."

"Okay, It was at Walmart."

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A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "Hes on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
<...

A cop pulls over an old lady for speeding on a highway. He asks for her driver's license and registration.

When she opens her wallet, he notices a conceal-carry permit.

He asks, “Ma’am, do you have a weapon in your possession at this time?”

She responds "I'll bet you $100 you can't guess the answer to that question" as she slaps a crisp bill on her dashboard.

The cop rubs his chin an...

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one...

I saw a woman drop her purse in the high street this morning, so…

I quickly followed her. As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus. So I ran after her shouting, "You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!"
She didn't hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too. As I walked to the back of the bus...

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

She gets so angry and opens her purse to take out the gun. But then, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "Don't do it honey".

The blonde yells back, "Shut up, you are next".

For my New Years resolution I promise to never steal money out of my wife’s purse

But then I just remembered she’s got a birthday coming up

My son grabbed some coins from his mother's purse and swallowed them.

We weren't sure how much he actually swallowed at first, but we finally figured it out using the process of elimination.

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Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.


Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.


The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particul...

A calm, respected woman walks into a Pharmacy

As she walks in, she goes right up to the pharmacist, looks him straight into his eyes and said;

"I would like to buy some cyanide,"

The pharmacist asked her:

"why in the world do you need cyanide?"

She said:

"I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacists...

What does my purse and I have in common?

We're both empty inside..

That wallet is a little small for your purse...

but it works well in a clutch.

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How to get out of a speeding ticket...

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer...

A woman fighting for equal rights got in a taxi…

…While she was naked and the taxi driver looks her up and down.

She promptly replied with “what have you never seen a naked woman?”

Then he says “No I’m wondering how the hell you’re gonna pay me without a purse, cash or credit.”





Disclaimer: I heard this from so...

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LongMEN'S HELP LINE - Letter of the Month

Hi John,

I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes ho...

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Are you Blonde?

A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license. The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"

The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it." "Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a ...

A LADY lost her handbag..

It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.

Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmm, that’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 note in it. Now there are 20 $1 coins.”

The boy replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any ...

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The dark presence of the knight in black armor terrified the patrons of the inn. And he was sulking at the bar, clearly worried as he down the pint of ale.

He towered over the others who were also in the inn's bar, his armor covered in jagged spikes that were as lethal as the man-sized swords that hung from his back. His eyes glowed blood-red and a sickening black miasma poured through the small cracks in the plate armor. He even had a large pair of ho...

There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee.

Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to change his name. He sends off the form, but immediately starts to regret it. He is told that to revoke his form he must pay a small fee. Ling takes out her purse and is about to hand over the money when suddenly…
A man, their father, bursts through th...

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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.




The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and e...

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Old man goes up to a prostitute,

and says that he'll give her $100 to let him do weird things to her. She agrees and they go to a nearby motel. Inside the room she ducks to the bathroom to freshen up and undress,and comes back to find the old guy already in bed. She hops in with him,but to her surprise he doesn't touch her,and they...

Man was having a drink in the pub when the phone rang

he reached the pocket and answered, the wife asked him : "sweetheart, I'm going to the mall and I just took 1000 dollars from your desk, is that okay ?"

"absolutely", he answers, "treat yourself"

"thank you, but can I take 500 dollars more ?, my friend suggested me ...

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A blonde, brunette, and redhead mom go to a cafe....

They had each stolen their daughters purses to see what their girls did in their free time.

The redhead mom opens her daughters purse first and finds a pack of cigarettes. “Oh my God, Debbie smokes! I am going to kill her!”

The brunette mom opens her daughter’s purse second, holding ...

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The most offensive thing as a black man is when you walking down the street and an old white woman clutches her purse.

Bitch really thinks she stronger than me.

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A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach...

A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach as a fit, handsome man walked by.

"Sir," she said, "Would you do me a favor? I'm very lonely here. Would you give me a hug?"

"Certainly," he said, and knelt down to give her a hug.

She blushed and said, "That was wonderful....

It is never ok to ask a woman why she is taking her purse to the restroom

Period

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A blonde woman is speeding down an empty road when she’s pulled over by a blonde cop. The cop walks up to her window and asks for her driver’s license.

“Driver’s license?” the blonde driver asks, somewhat confused.

“You know, the little rectangle with your face on it that you keep in your purse,” the blonde cop explains patiently.

“Oh, that!” the blonde driver exclaims. She digs around in her purse and finally pulls out a small rectan...

Yesterday i've donated my purse,watch and cellphone to a poor guy.

You Can't imagine the happiness that I felt as i saw him putting his gun back in his pocket

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all friends

Naturally, their mothers are blonde, brunette, and redheaded as well, and the ladies are chatting while their teenage daughters are hanging out in the other room.

The brunette says with a devilish grin, "Hey, let's look through the girls' purses and see what they're hiding from us." She...

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Friends intervened to get a guy married who was spending way too much time and money on hookers. They set him up with a sweet gal and sure enough love bloomed, bells rang and off they went on their honeymoon.

His buddies jumped on him soon as they got back.
"So how was it? Better than shagging pros right? Come on tell us."
He looked pensive.
"Come on!"
"Well, the sex was great the first night. We pretty much knocked each other out."
"Told ya!"
"But I screwed up. Before nodding off, out ...

Ruth, a young blonde woman, was driving her Ferrari waaay over the speed limit,

…so she gets pulled over be the police. The police woman, who also turns out to be a young blonde, walks over to the Ferrari and signals Ruth to roll down her window. With the window open, our blonde police officer demands to see Ruth’s drivers license and registration. After finding the registratio...

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An elderly lady visits her late husband’s grave

An elderly lady visits her late husband’s grave. As she approaches the grave, she takes a cigarette out of her purse, and puts it on the gravestone. She says: “I’ve come to visit you, and brought a cigarette for you!” “I also have your favorite brand of tobacco with me.” She says, as she takes tobac...

An Indian governor visits a Chinese governor on diplomatic business.

A wealthy Chinese governor was hosting an Indian governor at his governor's mansion, and he just couldn't resist boasting about how well he gamed the system to enrich himself. After a lavish lunch, he called the Indian governor over to his balcony window. Pointing at a magnificent bridge across the...

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An old woman with a huge purse walks into a bank...

And she demands from the teller that she sees the President of Manhattan's First Bank, and she has 4 million dollars in her purse for him to see. The teller calls the President, and he arrives shortly to decide whether or not this old lady is just senile.

The old woman approaches him and say...

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A man goes to the doctor and says,

“Doctor, my wife is an animal in the bedroom. She wants sex five, six, seven times a day. I love the woman and the sex, but it’s just too much. Can you help me”?

The doctor replies, “Well, medically, I can’t really think of anything. Theoretically, this might work. From now on, whenever she d...

A pastor was enraged when he found a bill for a $250 dress in his wife’s purse.

“How could you do this?” the pastor cried. “You know we’re on an incredibly tight budget!”



“I know,” the woman said, “but the devil himself was shopping with me. He convinced me the dress looked so good I had to buy it!”



The pastor consoled his wife with a hand on her s...

I accidentally put a glue stick in my wife's purse and she thought it was Chapstick

She hasn't said a word to me since

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sex workers.

Three sex workers were talking, one was a high-priced call girl, one worked in a brothel and the last one worked the streets around the red-light district.

The call girl said, “when I get home, I count the money in my handbag, if I have more than £10,000, then I’ve had a good night.”

T...

Mrs. Smartt was fumbling in her purse for her offering when a large television remote fell out and clattered into the aisle.

The curious usher bent over to retrieve it for her and whispered, “Do you always carry your TV remote to church?”

“No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come with me this morning, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”

The Queen of England’s coin purse must weigh a lot.

Like millions of pounds.

To the handicapped guy who stole my purse,

you can hide but you can’t run.

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A joke from Berlusconi

It's 10 pm and a rich businessman, Mr. Bestetti, is working at his home office when his wife enters the room shouting: "I have talked with our priest, he told me everything! You cheat on me by going to the strip club! I am going to go to the lawyer and get a divorce, and you'll give me half of every...

I used to be constantly chased by women.

Then I stopped stealing purses.

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A was man drowning his sorrows at the bar. A beautiful woman sat down beside him and asked, “What is wrong?”

He said: “My wife just left me because I am too kinky in bed.”

The lady gasped, “My husband left me for the same reason!”

A few drinks later, they end up at her place and she says: “I’m going to the bathroom to change into something ‘more comfortable.’

Ten minutes later, she ...

My wife carries condoms in her purse but I had a vasectomy four years ago.

Poor thing, she has become so forgetful.

An empty purse is always the same

because there is never any change in it

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One morning with a purse full of money

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) ...

So there's a purse snatching on Reddit Blvd.

A police officer arrives on scene, notebook in hand. The purseless woman points to a seemingly knowledgable bystander. "I am fairly distraught," she explains "if it is details you seek that man witnessed everything." The cop asks questions and the bystander prefaces his response "biologist here" ...

Last week while going on a walk I saw a guy trying to steal a woman purse and I knew what I had to do...

I ran towards them as fast as I could and trust me we stole her purse

My wife bought a slash resistant purse.

I didn't realize the guitarist from Guns & Roses was causing that much trouble, but I'm glad science is solving the issue.

A joke my dad has been telling for 45 years

My dad played high school baseball, and the second baseman, John, eventually grew up to be a very successful accountant and married his high school sweetheart. Over the next 25 years, John also collected rare and antique baseball cards, eventually accumulating the world's most expensive collection…<...

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There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I ...

Last night I managed to run 5 miles

I stopped when I saw she wasn't giving up and I just decided to let the old lady have her purse back

Arnold Schwarzenegger opens his own shopping mall. A customer left her purse on the counter after a purchase. Seeing the customer is nearing the exit of the mall, Arnold handed the purse to the nearest cashier.

"GET TO THE SHOPPER, NOW!"

After so much effort and so many tries, my wife finally was able to make a handmade purse!

Now that's what you call...perseverance.

An owl walks into a bar, and hops up on a stool. “Pull me a Guiness,” he says.

The bartender is a bit confused because he never had a talking animal in his bar before, but the owl has a little drawstring purse around his neck and puts the money down on the bar. So the bartender pulls him his Guiness, and as he’s handing it to the fellow, he notices that the owl has one wing in...

The kids saw a hot-dog stand

They went near it and their stomach already started to rumble. There was not a single penny in their pockets. The boy said, "What are we gonna do?", which the girl replied," Lets just take a quick smell". And they both took a deep breath

Suddenly the vendor emerged and shouted at the kids, "W...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a restaurant.

They are having a fun time and give their waitress a huge tip. Super excited about the tip, the waitress decides to tell them a secret: In the women's bathroom, there is a magical mirror. If you tell it something truthful, you will be greatly rewarded. However, if you lie to the mirror, you will dis...

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daughters purse

One day a brunette, a redhead and a blonde decide to go through their daughter's purses.

So, the brunette goes through her daughter's purse and finds cigarettes. She says, "Oh my god, I'm so ashamed! My Daughter smokes."

So, the redhead goes through her daughter's purse and finds an em...

Name one thing Taylor Swift doesn't have in her purse

Her boyfriend's phone number

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I was walking home late when I saw a young man trying to snatch a purse from an old lady. So I ran over to help.

She was surprisingly strong, but we got it off her eventually.

Back in the day, I 'member me and my mom going to the store with two dollars in her purse and coming back with a big bag of spuds, two loaves of bread, a pound of cheese, three gallons of milk, half a dozen eggs and coffee…

You can't do that anymore…too many security cameras…

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.

The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

‘What does it look like?’ she finally asked. The policewoman replied, ‘It’s square and it has you picture on it.’

The driver finally found a square mirror in ...

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A nun decides before she dies she wants to have sex

So she asks a woman for advice, the woman tells her she wants to find a man that has a big dick. The nun says how will I know if a man has a big dick just by looking at him? The woman tells the nun you can tell by the shoe size. The nun searches the city to find the man with the biggest shoes in tow...

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A man recently separated with his wife is at the local bar drowning his sorrows when a gorgeous young woman walks in.

She makes her way over to the bar.

"What'll it be, miss?" The bartender asks.
"Tequila." Says the woman.

As the bartender pours her drink she notices the guy sitting at the other end of the bar. 'Handsome' she thinks to herself as she turns to the bartender laying out t...

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.


She says, ’Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything abo...

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A man takes a pleasant stroll on a Friday evening... suddenly, the Devil himself pops up in front of him

and whispers zombifyingly, "Take all the money in your purse, go to this casino, and put them on the number 27!"

The man is first shocked, then becomes curious, and quickly yields, goes to the casino, puts all the money on 27 and wins!

Excited he exists the casino and meets the Devil...

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A blonde, brunette, and redhead all went in to visit with college admissions.

Their moms all sat in the waiting room holding their daughters purses. The brunettes mom starts snooping through her daughters purse and finds a lighter. She said " I knew my daughter was smoking. I'm going to have a talk with her".
The redhead's mom saw this and started digging through her daugh...

A woman goes into a pharmacy and asks for cyanide...

A woman goes into a pharmacy and asks for cyanide. The pharmacist is shocked and said “what do you need cyanide for?”

“I plan to poison my husband”, she tells him. “I’m sorry, but there’s absolutely no way I can give you cyanide for that” the pharmacist says angrily.

The woman reaches ...

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A man and a woman are sitting at the bar ...

A man and a woman are sitting at the bar one night, drinking their problems away.

After a time, the man decides to ask the woman, "What's the matter, you seem really down?" The woman responds, "Well, it's just that my husband left me."

The man looked surprised as the woman was ...

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How to cheat on a blonde and get away with it.

A blonde woman suspects her husband is cheating on her so she buys a handgun and goes home early. Sure enough, she catches him in bed with another woman. The blonde fumbles in her purse and pulls out the gun. At first, she points the gun at her husband but out of distraught, she turns the gun on her...

What did the watch say when the necklace, earrings, purse and ring killed the shoes?

I won't be an accessory to this.

An elderly lady & her husband get pulled over by the cops for speeding near Lexington, Kentucky

Officer: “ma’am do you know why I pulled you over?”

Lady to her husband: “WHAT’D HE SAY??”

Man: “HE ASKED IF YOU KNOW WHY HE PULLED YOU OVER!!”

Lady to the cop: “OH. No!”

Officer: “well ma’am you were going well over the speed limit.”

Lady to her husband: “WHAT’D ...

Purse dogs...

I've heard they're pretty clutch.

Two old ladies were sitting at a bus stop smoking cigarettes...

Suddenly it begins to rain. Old lady #1 pulls a condom out of her purse and slips it over her cigarette and continues smoking. Impressed, old lady #2 says, "Whad'ya call that thing and where can I get one?" "You mean this cigarette cover? I get mine down at the pharmacy," Says old lady #1.

So...

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A Cop Pulls a Little Old Lady Over for Speeding

Cop pulls over a little old lady and asks for her licence and registration. When she pulls out her wallet, he sees a handgun in her purse.

"Ma'am, is that a gun in your purse?"

"Yes, Officer, it's a .38 Smith & Wesson revolver."

"Please place that purse on the passenge...

I ran 3 miles this morning

Finally I turned around and said, “here lady, just take your purse.”

People always tell blondes blonde jokes but I enjoyed this one

A blonde was speeding in a school zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, ...

Blonde pulled over for speeding

A blonde woman was pulled over for speeding by a blonde woman State Trooper. The trooper asked for her license and she thought for a minute and said I don't know what that is, what's it look like?

The trooper replied well, it's a little rectangle and it's got your picture on it. The driver lo...

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A nurse walks into a bank…

A nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after a 2 back to back 12 hour shifts.
She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the surprised teller and, without missing a beat, says, "Well tha...

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Dolly Parton and Princess Diana pass away on the same day.

They arrive at the pearly gates at the very same time.

Saint Peter is waiting in judgment. With both women vying for entry, St. Peter announces, “Ladies, I only have one more space in Heaven today. You’ll have to prove you’re worthy.”

Dolly Parton laughs and says “No problem, Pete!” ...

A bumblebee suddenly wakes up in a cold sweat, realizing he has overslept and is about to miss his connecting flight home after a successful overseas business trip.

He makes a mad rush to the airport, suitcase in one hand, passport and airline ticket in the other. His tie flaps loose in the breeze, his shirt wrinkled and untucked, with his face covered in bushy bumblebee beard stubble.

He recklessly flies into the main entrance, nearly knocking over a fa...

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So I was sitting at a bar the other night, when I see this lovely lady sitting down at the other end.. (Nsfw)

So I was sitting at a bar the other night, when I see this lovely lady sitting down at the other end. . . I slide on down over to her and we start talking.

After a while of chatting and a few rounds I said "Listen honey, I was wondering if after we finish these drinks, you'd like to come bac...

A black guy and a white girl are at a party

A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs

A dog walks into a telegraph office

It is a quiet Friday noon in New York and a young telegrapher is minding his business when the bell on the door suddenly chimes and a dog walks in.

The telegrapher looks perplexed as the dog hands him a piece of paper and says in perfect English: “Hello sir. I would like to send that to my f...

Three old spinsters die and go to heaven and at the Pearly Gates, they are met by St Peter. He says: “Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives that I’m granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be.”

The first spinster says: “I want to be Sophia Loren.”

With a bang, she’s gone.

The second says: “I want to be Madonna.”

She also disappears immediately.

The third says: “I want to be Sara Pipalini.”

St Peter looks perplexed. “Who?” he says.

“Sara Pipalini,” ...

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A woman goes to the pharmacist and asks for five kilos of arsenic.

The chemist says, "That's very dangerous, what do you want it for?"
Wife replies, "I'm giving it to my husband. He had an affair"
Chemist says, "Oh no, I could get in a lot of trouble for giving you that"
Wife goes into her purse and pulls out a photo of her husband.....having sex with the ...

Three guys sit in a bar complaining about their wives (copied joke)

The first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have a garage door."

The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she listens to an iPod and she doesn't have any earphones."

The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carrie...

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Blonde vs Traffic cop who will win?

Traffic cop stops a blonde that sped by him. He asked her for her license, and she replied by asking: "What is a license?" He explained that a license is a square thing with your face of it. The blone ruffles around in her purse for a while, pulls out a small mirror and gives it to the traffic cop. ...

Meanwhile, at the sandbox ...

A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox together. The little boy has to go to take a pee and he was told by his Mother to always be polite and don’t talk about private matters in public.


At first he holds it in for a little while because he doesn’t know what to say to the litt...

Joke translated to English from German

A blonde is driving home when she gets pulled over by a police officer.

"Mam, may i see you driving license?!"

"What's a driving license? "

"You know this thing in your purse with your face on..."


She starts digging through her purse, finds her cosmetic m...

I saw a poor old lady fall in the street today.

Well I'm assuming she's poor, she only had $1 in her purse.

Blonde gets caught speeding.

The cop is also a blonde.

Cop: “Let me see your driver’s license.”

Driver: “What’s that?”

Cop: “A square thing with your picture on it.”

Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop.

Cop looks at it, hands i...

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Peter Piker

When Peter Piker peeked at Penny,

And peeped her perfect pooper

His peepers paused and then his jaw

Plopped down into a stupor



But he perked up and pressed his luck;

Professed he pined to pipe her

He self-composed and then proposed

While poin...

Bad Children's Books Titles

Here are some bad children's books titles I found in my jokes archive. Can you think of others?

1. "You Were an Accident"
2. "Strangers Have the Best Candy"
3. "The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
4. "Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
5. "The Attention Deficit Disorder Assoc...

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A couple meet in a bar, and over a few drinks discover a mutual interest in kinky sex, so they adjourn back to her place.

She excuses herself to go change into something a little more...else. Twenty-some minutes later she comes back out wearing an executioner's hood, elbow length opera gloves, under-bust hourglass corset, spiked thong, stockings, and thigh-high, stiletto heel boots. She cracks a bullwhip and says, "On ...

Why - what are YOU afraid of?

A cop pulls over a little old lady and asks for her license and registration.

The LOL says, "Before I reach for my license, you should know I have a .45 in my purse."

The cop says, "Thank you for telling me. Please move very slowly when you take out your license!"

The LOL says, ...

Two friends met at the neighborhood supermarket.

When they got to the checkout one of the ladies started rummaging through her purse for her wallet, she took out a few things, including a TV remote.

“Do you always take the remote with you when you go shopping?” The other woman laughed.

“No,” the woman answered “But I asked my husband...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kinky Fun

A man meets a beautiful woman at a bar. They confess to each other that they are into kinky shit and decide to go back to her place.

When they get to her place, she says, “I’m gonna go slip into something else,” and goes to the bathroom.

She puts on her leather, knee high, stiletto bo...

A little prick in Church

This little elderly wife and her husband never missed a Sunday service in 35 years. I believe they even sat in the same pew. They were very special to the church and one Sunday, the church wanted to present a beautifully engraved plaque. Coincidentally, it was their 52nd anniversary, and additionall...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Blonde gets stopped for Speeding

The Blonde Female Officer Asks for her ID
So the Blonde searches for her purse and pulls out a small mirror thinking the reflection is her ID and hands it to the officer
The officer sees the Reflection and Apologizes not realizing the Lady was a Cop & lets her go

(Sorry, was Typing...

A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist...

A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in ...

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