A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?”

The doctor replies, “A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!”

“That’s a lot of money,” says the old ma...

A pie costs $2.20 in Jamaica and $1.90 in Cuba.

Does anyone else know the pie rates of the Caribbean?

What kind of concert only costs 45 cents?

A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback.

My local gym costs $120 for an entire year

That’s $60 per visit, not a great deal.

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?

A buccaneer

Im going to Chernobyl but the trip costs an arm and a leg

Thankfully by the time I get back I will have a few to spare

I remember when I was a kid and air pumps at gas stations were free, now they cost a quarter

Damn inflation

Putting air in your tires used to be free now its costs a dollar...

Its called inflation.

How much does a chimney cost?

Nothing.

It is on the house.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a nun wants to enter a horse race, but horses cost a lot of money.

So instead, she buys a donkey and enters him in the race, and he wins first place. On that day, the newspaper reads, ‘Nun’s ass wins first place’. On the next day, she enters the donkey in the race again, but he doesn’t win, and on that day the papers read, ‘nun’s ass chokes’. On the next day, the b...

My grandma talking to my mom about her new hearing aid,”its the most expensive one you can buy it,it cost me $5000.” My Mum: ”what kind is it?”

My grandma : “its 4:15 pm darling..”

Why do we keep making pennies when the cost to make them is more than their value?

It just doesn't make cents

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, my pension, the high cost of housing...

... so I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in the Mid East and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Suicide costs more than just your life...

It also costs about 6.99 for the rope at your local hardware store. #Supportlocalbusinesses

How much does presidential impeachment insurance cost?

Just one Pence

A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens. When he gets the rooster into the barnyard, he tells him, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Have fun, but take your time."

The farmer points him toward the henhouse and the rooster takes off like a shot.

WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the henhouse, three or four times. Randy runs out and sees a flock of geese down by the lake. WHAM! He nails all the geese. Randy runs to the pigpen, the cow pasture -- soon, he's b...

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Guy runs into a bar and yells "Quick I gotta get ten shots of your finest whiskey, fuck the cost, pour the shots I'm gonna take them all!"

The bartender is a bit surprised with the request but he lines up the shots, and watches, with a bit of concern but is also kind of impressed as this guy sits on a barstool and slams shot after shot until they're all down.

"Hot damn!" says the bartender. "That's fucked up, what's going on wit...

An apple pie costs $7,95 in Jamaica,

In Cuba you will have to pay $9,90,

Whereas in Barbados you will only spend $4,50

These are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean.

Donald Trump claimed his trips to Mar-a Lago didn’t cost the taxpayers anything.

He paid for them with Frequent Liar miles.

(Thanks, father in law)

On a visit to see his grandmother, a teen boy listens as she goes on and on about the cost of living.

“When I was a young girl,” she moans, “you could go to the store with a dollar and come home with enough food to feed your family for weeks!”



“Well, Grandma,” the boy replies, “we learned about that in school recently, and that’s called inflation.”



“Inflation nothing!” ...

How much does it cost to keep a zombie well fed?

An arm and a leg.

My dad´s always complaining about the cost of things...

"€1.50 for a coffee? €3.75 for a miserable ham sandwich?" Honestly, he was moaning about it all afternoon. That´s the last time I invite him over to my house.

The new apple XDR monitor costs $999

Oh wait.....that's for the stand

A man and his wife are traveling to Jerusalem for vacation. After getting there, his wife suffers a heart attack and dies. Officials in Jerusalem say it will cost $30,000 to send her back to the US to be buried, or only $500 if they bury her there. The man thinks about it and returns the next day...

He says to the officials, “Okay, although expensive, I’ll pay the $30,000 to bring her home. I heard that you buried a man here once and he rose from the dead 3 days later and I just can’t take any chances.”

Does anyone know the cost to maintain Fenway Park from season to season?

I don’t need exact figures, just a ballpark estimate.

Son: "Dad, how much does it cost to get married?"

Dad: "I don't know son, I'm still paying".

What does a muscle contraction cost?

80p

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The cost of living has gotten so high that my wife began having sex with me again

so she wouldn't have to buy batteries.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A night of drunken sex cost the Chinese man his relationship.

He woke up and realised: it's not Yu, it's Mi.

When I was a kid a piece of bubble gum used to cost a penny. You know what happened?

Inflation.

University students regularly complain about the increasing cost of their tuition and standard of living but never mention the costs that are actually decreasing

Like the cost of employing University graduates

1 slice of apple pie will cost you $2.45 in Jamaica. A slice of apple pie costs $3.75 in Trinidad and the same slice costs $4.45 in Barbados.

And those are the Pie-Rates of the Caribbean.

Why does it cost $2.00 to put air in my tires?

Inflation.

How much does Male to Female surgery cost?

About a third of your salary.

I dumped my girlfriend after she falsely claimed Netflix was the cheapest streaming service.

I refuse to associate with a Hulu-cost denier.

What costs the most money to keep running?

5th : a family car

4th : a boat

3d : a tank

2nd : a warship

1st : a girlfriend

How much do empty batteries cost?

Nothing, they are free of charge.

As an amputee, I asked the doctor how much prosthetic limbs would cost.

He said an arm and a leg.

A chicken pie in Jamaica costs €2.00 A chicken pie in Trinidad costs €2.15 A chicken pie in St Kitts costs €2.40

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

If Beer Nuts cost $1.59 a bag, how much do Deer Nuts cost?

Under a buck...

A priest goes to the barbershop and asks how much a trim would cost.

The barber answers, "oh, you're a holy man, I can't charge anything." He gives the priest a trim, the priest thanks him, and leaves. The next day, the barber finds some gold coins on his doorstep.

After a few weeks, an imam comes to the shop. He asks the barber how much it would cost for a be...

Me and my wife share the cost of weed.

We take it out of our joint account.

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I went into a sex shop today and was shocked to find out how much all of my wife’s vibrators cost...

She’s sitting on a small fortune...

Studies show ADHD students cost the school more on average

Because they cannot afford to pay attention.

Anybody know how much Deer antlers cost?

I was told they're always 2 for a Buck.

Apple pie costs 2$ in Cuba

Pumpkin pie costs 3$ in Jamaica

Banana pie costs 2.5$ in Puerto Rico

These are the PieRates of the Caribbean



Trump's wall will cost 21.6 billion, Nasa's budget is only 19 billion

Probably because Mexico has more aliens

What costs hundreds of billions of dollars but is totally worthless?

The 2nd place in a presidential election....

The PPSH-41 is a soviet gun, which a lot of people disliked. It cost too much to reload with a fire rate of 1000 bpm, and had horrible recoil and aim.

Now, this gun is widely unpopular, but it had one upside: in the russian alphabet, “PPSH” consisted of three letters, pronounced “Pa Pa Sha”. In russian, papasha means “daddy”, and so the popular nickname for this gun was “daddy”. My older sister was shot by one during her time in the army, and luck...

Just been to get a loaf of bread at a cost of £1.03 and gave the grumpy looking girl at the till a £20 note.

She said "have you got anything smaller as that would take all my change."

I said "no sorry but I can pay on card if that helps?"

She sarcastically said " of course it would help"

So as a presented my card she said "Cash back?"

I said "Yes please!"

"How much?" She ...

A key lime pie costs $3.50 in Cuba, a lemon meringue pie costs $4.50 in the Dominican Republic...

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

How much does it cost to fly to South America?

A Brazillion dollars

(I stole this from Trixie Mattel)

It only cost 5 cents to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping, or dressed as a dolphin,

So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!

I run a business where I give customers watches at no cost.

Needless to say, there's a lot of free time.

Why does Data the android cost Starfleet so much money?

Because Data is enterprise hardware.

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 Cent feat. Nickelback


Go ahead, down vote me to oblivion

How do you push the high costs of living out of your way?

You just got to budge it!

LPT: If you commit 90 sins, it won't cost you anything.

sin90 = cos0

I went to fill up my tires and it cost a dollar.

It used to cost a quarter but I guess that's inflation for you.

Amputation costs around $30,000 - $60,000

That's like an arm and a leg!

How much does a furry suit cost?

Your dignity

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a man was in his car when he spotted a prostitute, he asked her the cost of a handjob, she replied, "10$, wanna get one?"

He said, "Nah, I just wanted to know how much I save if I do it myself."

A 15 year old boy comes home with a Porsche

His parents began to yell and scream. “Where did you get that car?”

He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”

“With what money?” Demanded his parents. “We know how much a Porsche costs!”

“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”

The parents began to yell e...

How much does it cost to see Harry Potter fly a broomstick?

About a Quid each.

“The total cost would be $5000,” said the funeral director, “and that includes digging of the grave.”

Me: Is that the whole thing?

Him: Yes, that’s the hole thing.

Why do sperm donations cost more than blood ones?

Because they are done by hand.

Did you know a Brazilian wax costs $50?

Talk about a rip off

A grandma is bragging to her daughter about new hearing aid that cost her $2000

The daughter asks "What kind is it?"

"It's 5:45 dear"

A neutron walks into a bar and inquires how much a drink costs.

The bartender replies, "For you? No charge."

It costs $235,000.....

...to raise a child to adulthood in the United States.

And that's just for the alcohol.

Gotta reduce our costs

After the Wall Street crisis, this executive got a got smaller bonus, so he comes home to his 5th avenue duplex and says to his wife:

- Honey, times are tough now, so if you could learn how to clean and cook, we could get rid of the maid and the cook and save money.

- great idea! Now i...

A person with a science degree asks "why does it work?" A person with an engineering degree asks: "how does it work?" A person with an accounting degree asks: "how much does it cost?" A person with an art degree asks:

"do you want fries with that?"

A redhead goes to buy a bull

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One should avoid marriage at any cost. Marriage is hard work. And compromise. And more work.

Even Hitler committed suicide 40 hours after marriage.

You have to pay the full cost of a car upfront in Russia...

And even still you had to wait ten years for them to build the car.

A man wanted to buy a car for his family in communist Russia. But he had to pay the full cost upfront. He worked and he worked and eventually he finally earned all the money necessary.

He put all the money he had saved...

The cost of dropping your phone on the floor

If you drop your iPhone on the floor the cost of getting the phone repaired is 149$.

If you drop your HTC on the floor the cost of getting the phone repaired is 200$.

If you drop your Nokia on the floor the cost of getting the floor repaired is 2000$.

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent, featuring nickelback

A wife asks her husband, “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?”

“After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship.”

“If I died and you remarried,” the wife asks, “would she live in this house?”

“We’ve spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I’m not going to get rid of my house. I guess she...

Due to the recession and to save on energy costs,

the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.

How much does it cost to run Santa's sleigh every Christmas?

Eight bucks


Nine bucks if the weather is bad.

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