All these jokes about Alabama but no one acknowledges their contributions, like inventing the toothbrush

At least I think it was Alabama. Anywhere else they’d have called it a teethbrush.

It's been said that Greece's greatest contributions to European society were the inventions of democracy and sodomy.

France is then generally given credit for slightly improving both of these ideas, by discovering that you could also involve women.

A canyon was knighted for its exceptional contribution to satire

From then on, the canyon was referred to as Sir Chasm.

Contributions count!

One day a NYC cabbie and a pastor reach the pearly gates at the same time. St. Peter welcomes them, informs them about heaven and tells them he will escort them to their accommodations.


They walk to the cabbies place first and it's a palace, massive, with turrents and towers and 100 help...

What’s EA’s greatest contribution to society?

Inspiring OC on r/jokes

My cute younger brother's contribution.

Brother: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Don't know, why?
Brother: To go to the ugly guy's house.
Me: Huh??
Brother: Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
Brother: The chicken.

Three people die and appear before Buddha

Stunned by the divine presence before them, they lower their heads.

-Raise your heads. You were humble in life and your deeds were praiseworthy. You have earned the right to a reincarnation of your choice. You have much to accomplish yet though.

One of the people takes a step forward a...

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Bancroft was an unimpressive man

he had no viable skills or accomplishments. He has always dreamed of joining the king’s army and becoming a knight but was always rejected as he was too short. He would often complain to his friend, Alcott, about his height. He would repeatedly say, “If only I was taller, I would be able to be a kni...

I was once in a group project with a girl who did nothing but send feet pics

That was her sole contribution

A lawyer and a United Way officer

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you did not give a penn...

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You don't have to wipe your anus.

It's a planet.

(7-year old contribution)

When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan

But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution

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A Japanese Catholic boy is asking his mom why he has to pay tithing

His mom replies, "Well, the Precepts of the Church maintain that each member has an obligation to support the material needs of the Church. Tithing is a voluntary donation that they rely on to have the materials needed for the Church."


Visibly processing this information, the boy asks, ...

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A priest decides to do some community work.

After considering where he should travel to do this work, he decides to travel to the Nigerian desert and assist the farmers working there.

After several weeks providing physical labour to the farmers he asks if there is a more effective way to help them. The farmer replied to him "Father, it...

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Jokes in the "Day XXX withouth sex: joke" format

Can I get some contributions to this format that is so dear to my heart? :(

My two personal favorites:



Day 37 without sex: my dentist told me to spit . . . I swallowed.



Day 150 without sex: I slammed the brakes so the seatbelt would choke me a little.

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Trump, Putin and Merkel...

...take a nice walk along the shore. Putin is boasting: "Russia now has submarine that can stay underwater for two weeks without needing to resurface for fuel! Pretty impressive, eh?"

Trump obviously can't leave it at that, so he tells Putin: "America has submarines, and other stuff too, I'...

Donald Trump has been kidnapped by terrorists!

I heard it on the radio while I was driving down the freeway on my way to work. But then I was stuck in traffic.

Some guys came up to my car, knocked on my window and said "Sir, as you must have heard, Donald Trump has been kidnapped by terrorists! They have demanded a 50 Billion dollar rans...

Professional Practical Jokes on the Groom

A dentist, an electrician, and a carpenter decide to play a practical joke their best friend on his wedding night.

"I'll loosen some joints on his bed so it collapses when he's making love," says the carpenter.

"I'll hot wire his mattress so they'll feel immense heat while making love,...

What goes on top of a hill with three legs and comes down with four?

A monkey that gets turned on by altitude.

My contribution to the lawyer and blonde joke.

Grandpas joke: Ellen's church recognition

Ellen was very involved with her church and community projects. So much so, the paster decided to recognize her efforts during Sunday service.

Paster Davis: I'd like to take a moment to recognize Ellen for her hard work and contributions. Ellen come up here and take a bow.

Ellen smi...

A great David Letterman memory...

I'm walking up 6th Avenue and it's a lovely spring day and I see one of those mime performers. So the mime is doing that famous routine where he's pretending to be trapped in a box. So I stand there and watch the mime pretend to be trapped in a box. And he finishes up, and, thank God, he wasn't real...

An American patriot with amputated arms decides to replace them.

He obtains a pair of grizzly bear arms from a black market, and attaches them on his own, with the help of a friend.

He is arrested for contribution to animal cruelty and performing medical procedures unlicensed.

When taken to court, he gives a speech defending his right to bear arms.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, and Dolph Lundgren were sitting around a a table

when they came up with the idea for a movie series based on the lives of classical musicians. They had all the details nailed down: the plot, the characters, the music, and so on. However, they couldn't decide which one of them was to play each classical composer in the film series. Eventually they ...

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Dark jokes Saturday: What is the most offensive brand name you can come up with? Winners get gold!

My contribution:

"Auschwitz" air freshener.

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Dolly Parton and Princess Diana are at the pearly gates of Heaven...

St Peter, standing guard, asks them to share their contributions with him. Dolly Parton lifts her shirt and shows him her boobs. Then Princess Diana takes a cup, pees in it, and hands it to St Peter. St Peter asks them to hold on for a moment and then walks away. When he returns, he lets Princess Di...

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What is your most favorite vagina joke?

My contribution:

Q: Why is a vagina just like the weather?
A: When it's wet, it's time to go inside

Q: Why is a woman's pussy like a public restroom?
A: They both feel good, but you wonder who has been there before you!

Vagina jokes are not funny. Period.

Two beggars are sitting on the pavement in Ireland

One is holding a large cross and the other a large star of david. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. As people walk by, they lift their noses at the guy holding the star of david but drop money in the other guy's hat. Soon one hat is nearly full whilst the other hat is empty.
A pries...

A racist man laments...

​If people gave him $1 for every racist thing he said or done he'd be able to make a small contribution of 1 million dollars to Donald Trump's campaign.​​

A world-class engineer dies after a long and happy life.

When he goes to be judged at the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter accidentally screws up his papers and sends him to hell. Satan is more than happy to have him, as he doesn't get many engineers and could put this guy to some great use. With the engineer's help, Satan makes renovation after renovation and i...

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