A Good Deal Jokes - 33 Hilarious A Good Deal Jokes

[Translated] A man saw a good deal and bought 20 panties of the same pattern and color to his wife.

Wife : Oh My God,now people will think I never change my panties.

Husband : Which people?

(Hope the joke didnt get lost in translation)

What do you call a gangster who’s always on the hunt for a good deal?

Al Coupon

A good deal...

Guy 1: I wish my wife stops talking for at least a few min.

Guy 2: I gifted my wife a diamond necklace and she didn't speak to be for 6 months.

Guy 1: What? How? Was it fake?

Guy 2: No. That was our deal !

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A good deal

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.’ The guy replies, ‘Hey, why not?’ He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says ...

Costco has a good deal on Condoms

It’s an anti-family pack.

A man with dwarfism walked out of the wig store after haggling for a good deal.

It was a small price toupee'.

A 17-year-old boy who works part-time at Pizza Hut drives up to park in front of the house in a beautiful Porsche.

Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to buy such a car.

“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad screamed in shock.
“I bought it today,” replied the teen calmly.
“With what money young man?” his mom demands. “We know how much a...

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A retired schoolteacher finally decided that she was tired of living alone and wanted some companionship, so after a good deal of thought she decided to visit the local pet shop.

The owner suggested a parrot, with which she
could conduct a civilized conversation. This seemed to be an excellent
idea, so she bought a handsome parrot, sat him on a perch in her living room,
and said, "Say 'Pretty boy.'" Silence from the bird. "Come on now, say
'Pretty boy ... pret...

Old Fridge

A guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying, "Free to good home—you want it you take it." For three days, the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.

He eventually decided that people wer...

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My girlfriend wants to break up with me because I said I’d give a man a blowjob for $100.

I think it’s a good deal but she says I’m overpaying.

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

‎...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old...

A multimillionaire goes to a psychologist [OC]

So, the multimillionaire is lying there on the couch, and he says, "I have this problem where I buy things. Big things, little things. It doesn't matter if it's a good deal or not. It doesn't matter whether or not I need it. It's the thrill of the purchase. In fact, yesterday I pulled out my wa...

I bought a Johnny Cash voice for my GPS...

...I thought it'd be a good deal because it's been everywhere, man, but it just keeps telling me to walk the line.

On the other hand, I also got a Blink-182 voice pack, and it's great. As soon as I switch it on, it turns the lights off and carries me home.

I went to the beach yesterday and stopped at this stall with a sign that said "Lobster Tales $10".

I thought that was a good deal, so I gave the man the money and he said "Once upon a time there was a lobster..."

All you can drink for a dime (an old Flip Wilson joke)

A kid sets up a lemonade stand in front of his house, with a sign that says, “All you can drink for a dime.”

Before too long, a man happens by, sees the sign, and thinks it’s a good deal. He gives the kid a dime and the kid hands him a cup.

The man tosses it back and says, “Hey, that w...

I traded a deer for some chickens.

Overall it was a good deal. It only cost me a buck.

A man went to the doctor about rectal itching.

After the exam he asked the doctor "Is it hemmorhoids?".

The doctor replied "That's how they started, but they have grown a good deal. I think I would call these meatier rhoids".

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Husband hired a hitman.....

Ok it's my first time be gentle I heard this one when I was young and never understood till I was older.

A husband finds out his wife is cheating so he hires a hitman. The hitman lays out his price 5gs for both. The husband request he shoots the wife in the head and the guy she is with to sho...

A lovely woman is first in line at a bus stop.

The bus opens its doors to let her on. She lifts her leg for the step and funds she cannot reach it. She realizes it must be her tight dress and reaches back and unzips it a little bit.

Again, she brings her leg up and still cannot reach the first step of the bus. A little more embarrassed, ...

What do you call a cheap dog neuter?

A good deal

Or a rip-off. However you want to think about it.

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Farmer's Dilemma

A farmer had some wolves take out a couple of his best young chickens, a pullet (young female chicken) and a cock (male chicken). He heard that his neighbor down the road had a few fine chickens for sale so he decided to walk over to see if he could strike a deal.

The farmer arrives at his n...

Karl Marx as a student

In University, Karl Marx's Political Economics professor noted that every day, the young man would get up halfway through class and walk out, which caused a good deal of disruption. The professor quickly grew tired of the daily distraction, and so one day, as Marx stood up and prepared to leave, the...

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For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

“You’ve been such exemplary statues,” he announced to them. “That I’m going to give you a special gift…“I’m going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want.”And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.The two handsome figures approach...

Sled prices are too damn high

but you can find a good deal if you're willing toboggan.

A man saw a jar at a store's check-out counter that read "Donate $1 for children".

"That's a good deal!" he thought.

A Saudi Arabian Oil Baron sends his son to study abroad...

To help his son in his life and studies abroad, he gives his son a good deal of money and more importantly, a Ferrari sportscar, as he though it might be a good idea to flaunt some wealth.

Despite this, a few weeks later his son calls him and laments “Dad, every time I go to lectures, I driv...

My dentist offered to give me dentures for only a dollar.

It sounded like a good deal at the time, but now I have buck teeth.

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A jew and an American are on a train together. (Sorry for a possibly incorrect or missing flair, I can't flair for some reason)

The American has lots of food. Burgers as the main course, coca cola as the drink, and Twinkies for dessert. The jew has very little food, just some dried fish.

The jew tells the American: "You should give me your burgers and other food in exchange for my fish. It contains phosphorus ...

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A locksmith works on a back door to a house as a man approaches.

The man is irate, as he’s constantly paranoid that his girlfriend is cheating on him.

“What’re you doing at my house? Are you spying on my girlfriend!?” The man barks, as the locksmith was currently eyeing the keyhole. The locksmith explains that he’s there to fix the door and the man calms d...

[long] Irving worked at a Jewish deli and bakery, and he loved most of his regular clientele, except for one guy...

... this guy would *always* haggle over how much he should spend, even for things that had a fixed rice clearly marked on the menu board.

One day, the guy comes in, and says, "I want to buy your finest loaf of egg bread for Rosh Hashanah. I have a crisp five-dollar bill for you, Irving, my go...

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A couple finds a genie lamp in a house

A couple is playing golf in a residential neighborhood and the husband accidentally sends a ball flying into a window. They feel bad so they go in to apologize

They go in and see a mysterious man and ask "are you okay?"
"Thank you for freeing me from my lamp, in return I shall grant you t...

Seamus and Patrick were building a house.

Seamus was hammering the cladding onto the walls on one side of the house, while Patrick was doing the same on the other side.

After a wee while Seamus begins to notice that Patrick was swearing away a good deal more than he usually did, so he decided to wander over to the other side of the h...

A travelling salesman stopped alongside a field on a country road to rest a few minutes.

The man had just closed his eyes when a horse came to the fence and began
to boast about his past.

"Yes sir, I'm a fine horse. I've run in 25 races and won over $5 million. I keep my trophies in the barn."

The salesman worked out the value of having a talking horse, found the hors...

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