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Lots Jokes

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"I love you lots snuggles" said my girlfriend

"And I love you tons" I replied.
"Wow fine, you don't have a nickname for me?" She said angrily.
Sometimes I swear the fat cunt's going deaf.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The boss started to notice that one of his employees, Dave, started gaining lots of female attention..

So, one day he asks Dave about his secret.

Dave replies: "Well, before sex I simply whip out my willy and smack it against the bedside table, like a hammer. It numbs it up and makes me last longer".

Later that day, the boss gets home to his wife and finds her in the shower - a welcome...

Lots of violence could have been prevented in the old west

If only cowboy architects had made the towns big enough for everyone.

Dating is a lot like fishing...

Sure there's lots of fish in the ocean, but until I catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.

When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats.

This phenomenon is known as many paws

Lots of guys aren't too happy with getting a "dad bod" eventually in life. But I'd say im pretty excited for it

Because it's the closest thing I'm gonna get to having a father figure in my life

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One day I'll pretend to be gay. I'll make lots of female friends, gain their trust. Become their confidant, and when they least expected...BAAM!!!

I'll fuck their boyfriends

A man is about to walk into a bar known for having lots of beautiful women, when a bouncer stops him at the door.

The bouncer says, "We have a dress policy where ties are mandatory for men, and you are just wearing a shirt that's open at the collar. So sorry, I can't let you in."

So the man returns to his vehicle, to see if he has a tie anywhere. Sadly, he doesn't, but while looking, he notices a set o...

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I just got a Christmas card promising lots of anal and oral sex this year...

I fucking hate prison.

Why does it take lots of people to screw in a light bulb?

Because many hands make light work

Women are like parking lots.

The good ones are already taken and the others are either disabled, mother with child, or you pay for your time.

After lots of revision, I finally got an A in my recent test.

the doctors were so shocked because last time I only got an O-.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do idiot drivers always have lots of kids?

Because they never know the right time to pull out.

Lots of people want chicken fingers

But a very few wants to finger chickens

Genie: What’s your first wish?

Toby: I wish I was Rich.

Genie: Granted, what’s your second wish?

Rich: I want lots of money.

Everyone knows comedian Bill Burr, most don't realize he has a huge family with lots of talent.

His mother, Barb, is a famous hair stylist.

Rob, his brother is in jail for theft.

His sister Cally is a great gunsmith.

Lastly, don't forget about his cousin the famous lumberjack, Tim.

During this pandemic I'm buying lots of stocks.

Beef stock, chicken stock, fish stock. Soon I'm going to be a bouillon-ere!

Apparently, lots of Canadians use "married but dating" sites.

What a sorry state of affairs.

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There was a very, very unlucky man with a single testicle.

One day, he went on a plane. Unfortunately, a malfunction occurred. The flight crew announced that the plane was going down and one of the passengers had to be thrown out to reduce weight.

To determine the victim, passengers drew lots, and the unlucky man was chosen. He refused furiously, say...

Lots of my friends enjoy going on cruises.

I'm not onboard with that, though.

“Do you really have to lick the knife?” she asked frowning. “Sorry, force of habit!” I chuckled. “Lots of people do it though, don’t they?”

“Yes, but not during surgery, doctor.”

Elon Musk's DM to a hot girl: "Will send pics of my rocket. Lots of thrust. Gets up fast! Wink. Wink." Girl responds…

"Would be nice if it didn’t explode after 2 minutes."

Lots of hobbies

I have 70 hobbies.... 69 and fishing

Lots of people thought I was a fool for going into debt because I overspent on therapy sessions.

But now I'm laughing all the way to the bank.

Lots of women are turning into good drivers nowadays

So if you are a good driver watch out

If you find gold in Australia where should you look for silver?

**Ag**stralia

How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

Lots of people talk about werewolves...

But noone ever asks whenwolves

I went to the local auction house because the advert said lots for sale

False advertising, they only had land

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