Watch out for a scam phone call.

The caller says, You have won $1.000.000 dollars


or Tickets to an Elvis Presley tribute Concert.


Just press 1 for the money or 2 for the show.

Watch out for little old lady drivers

Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car
over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the f...

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Yall watch out. My lady said there is some weirdo running around the neighborhood.

She said he is offering a bottle of wine if the woman shows him her boobs.

She also says the wine taste terrible.

Watch out when drinking tea in Russia...

...you never know what they Putin it.

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Watch out for the drill sergeant

A guy came back from the service and met his buddy at the bar.
"So how was it in the service?"
"Not to bad, but in basics they had us jumping out of an airplane and when it was my turn I froze and I could not jump.
The drill sergeant behind me whispered in my ear:
"You jump ...

Somebody once said, "watch out for that ball".

I didn't really understand what he meant, but then it hit me.

We should really watch out for birthdays

Too many birthdays can kill you

Watch out for the escaped horse!

He's unstable

A little boy to his father: "Daddy, how did I actually come into the world?" Daddy replies: "Alright my son, at some point we have to to this talking, so watch out:

Daddy got to know mommy in a "chat room." Later, daddy and mommy met in a "cyber cafe" and on the toilet, mommy wanted to do a few "downloads" of daddy's "Joy Stick". When daddy was then ready for the "upload", we suddenly realized that we had no "firewall" installed and it was already too late to p...

Did you know 'cyka blyat' is Russian for 'watch out'?

That's what I learnt from watching dash cam videos.

Watch out for those St. Patrick's Day scammers

Just had a guy try to sell me a piece of stone he said was from Ireland and kissed by St Patrick. When I looked underneath it said 'Made in China.

Obviously a sham rock.

A guy crossing the street is hit by a car and he is hurled to the street.. The driver yells out the window "watch out"!

The man on the street yelled back "why? Are you coming back"?

Watch out for black ice

I rode a bike over some black ice. I slipped and fell off, and when I looked up, my bike was gone.

Watch out for children on the road.

They're terrible drivers.

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A Paris cheese shop is hit by a German rocket moments after being evacuated by the Americans. "Watch out for debris!" shouts the owner to a GI standing in the ruins of the crumbling shop.

"Fuck off and save your own damn Brie" the GI called back, moments before being killed by a falling piece of masonry.

A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away.

At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the...

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John, Paul and Frank go to heaven

When they arrive at the gate, St. Peter checks the list and tells them a bit about heaven: "It's a great place. The fountains are full of the best wine, we have the best food that appears when you think of it. Your housing will be the most beautiful and luxurious villa you couldn't even dream of on ...

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[NSFW] Do you know the difference between a dick and a chair?

If not, you'd rather watch out where you sit!

If you celebrate Star Wars Day too hard tonight...

watch out for the revenge of the fifth.

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Jane was a very beautiful lady

But she had one issue: her breath was horrible, and because of that, she had a really hard time with getting to know new people.

Despite that, she was determined to get a date. One night, she went to a club. A guy approaches her, and says: "Hey, wanna dance?"

Jane just nodded her head...

I want to be a bartender.

Men named Bart watch out

A little IDAHO HUMOR From John H. Hill

A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,

and finally they got married, and had a little sweet

potato, which they called 'Yam'.

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going...

Two balloons are floating in the desert. First one says to other:

"Watch out for cactusssssssssss..."

"Where it isssssssssssss..."

In light of the rising frequency of human - grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is...

advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. They advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. They also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in ...

NASA was preparing for the Apollo project.

When NASA was preparing, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. "What are these guys in the ...

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Do you believe in genies?

A couple was golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar homes.

On the third tee, the husband said, “Honey be very careful when you drive the ball. Don’t knock out any windows, it will cost a fortune to fix.”

The wife teed off and shanked it right through...

I have had enough!!! I will never help anyone again...EVER!!!

Yesterday it was so cold out that we took a man into our home out of the kindness of our heart. We felt so sorry for him. Poor thing was trembling out in the cold, but this morning he had just vanished. Not a word...not even a goodbye or a thank you for sheltering him!! The last straw?!?! When I rea...

A pig, a dog, and a sheep are sitting at a table. A plate of 20 biscuits are served.

The pig grabs 19 and says to the dog: “Watch out, that sheep wants to take your biscuit.”

A lot of women are turning into good drivers.

So, if you're a good driver, watch out for turning women!

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I want to see if this German joke survives translation

Two homeless dudes called Hans and Franz walk the street and see something brown on the street.

Hans says: Watch out - there is some poo.

Franz: says Nah - that is chocolate.

Hans takes a bite and says: definitely poo. You can even smell it.

Franz takes a bite as well: Ba...

My First Ever Dad Joke!

The guys on the radio are telling us to watch out because it'll be in the 90's for three days this week. So what? When I was a teenager, every day was in the 90's!

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