It's way too soon for Kobe jokes.

They never land well.

George Bush started cracking a 9/11 joke, but one of his advisors whispered, “Too soon.”

It was September 10th.

I know it's way too soon, but... How many times did Tiger's SUV roll?

FOUR!!!



I'm going to Hell.

Guys biggest fear.... Too soon.

Girls biggest fear.... Late.

People say Steve jobs died too soon

But I think it’s a fitting metaphor for his company’s attitude to battery life

What’s an old joke told too soon?

We really are going to be talking about the hindsight of 2020 for the rest of our lives.

Is it too soon for a bill withers joke

Or should we wait until after bill withers

Too soon

What is making a joke about Alex Tribek's cancer diagnosis?

It’s too soon for coronavirus jokes.

They’re tasteless. And smell-less.

Is it too soon to joke about the mars rover?

There is way too many good puns for it to be a missed opportunity.

No joke will ever be too soon for Joan Rivers thread.

Joan Rivers died doing what she loved to do best. Surgery.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

William Shakespeare once said "Better Three Hours Too Soon Than a Minute Too Late"

My wife disagrees.

It's really put a strain on our sex life.

Probably too soon to update this, but here goes anyway. . .

Twenty years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, and Aretha Franklin. Now we have no jobs, no hope, no cash, and no soul.

Too soon maybe, but today's event are proof that men do everything better than women...

Active shooter couldn't even kill anyone but herself

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does a guy tell his girl he ejaculated too soon?

Quick cummunication.

My mom said it's too soon to make coronavirus jokes

But if we wait any longer, it'll be a disaster!

Chewbacca too soon joke?

Anyone have any?

What did the doctor say when he couldn’t revive him? It was a wookie mistake.

Is it too soon for Bill Cosby jokes?

Yeah, best to avoid Cosby punch lines.

Is it too soon to say a Hurricane Harvey joke

Or should I just wait for everything to blow over?

Why did Steve Jobs die too soon?

Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Ferguson joke. Too soon?

Black guy walks into a bar in Ferguson. Says to the bartender, "Give me a Michael Brown." Bartender says "Ok. Put up your hands." the gave him six shots.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is it too soon for a Robin Williams Joke?

It's been a few weeks, so I think the waters are safe for this joke I told my cousin:


David Carradine and Robin Williams are in heaven, Carradine looks at Williams and says, "what do you mean you weren't jerking off?"

It's probably too soon for Ebola jokes on here...

...but when the time comes, I bet they're gonna be killer.

Too soon for a knock knock joke?

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"The pilot, let me in!!!"

I peaked too soon in high school.

I'm still sending her child support.

Rob Ford..too soon?

*Some* people though it would be nice if Rob Ford could be mayor for tumor years.

Tiger Woods won't be able to play the Masters this year.

Having difficulties with his driving.


Too soon?

Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings?

Because it’s always too soon.



^(i feel bad)

I was going to make a joke about lifting the mask mandate in Texas

but it's too soon.

What’s the biggest benefit of getting Covid?

You can’t taste your wife’s cooking

Too soon?

Going on a one night stand with me is like Game of Thrones

Everything is exciting, conversations are awesome, you really like where things are going and you are excited for things to come.

Then you get home with me, and all the build up is ruined with sloppy action which ends way too soon with utter disappointment and you never want to think about it...

When I heard that Kevin Hart was injured in a car accident, I was really worried for my kids.

They use the same brand of booster seat!

Too soon?

EDIT - thank you mysterious benefactor for my first gold!

EDIT 2 - Shout out to u/LethKith who wants me and my whole family to die in a fiery car crash. I hope you have a good day buddy. Try to relax and enjoy the joke for what ...

Before “working from home” became a thing, I had no idea how great it would feel to walk around naked and fart all day whilst working!

I hope the others don’t come back to the office too soon!

After Oregon decriminalized the use of hard drugs, I wanted to do a playword on the matter...

But then I thought it was maybe too soon to crack jokes.

My wife Ruth just died at age 78

Is it too soon to call myself Ruthless?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did Kanye find out that Kim was bound, gagged, and held at gunpoint?

She released the video on pornhub.


(Too soon?)

Weinstein didn’t kill himself

What, too soon?

Health Education

Appropriate analogy: “The curve is flattening so we can start lifting restrictions now” = “The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, so we can take it off now”.

There are two critical factors in the spread of Coronavirus. 1. How dense is the population. 2. How dense is the population.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what a set up, for a dad joke. it's worth it tho

full disclosure, this isn't my joke, was sent to me


I knew a bloke who was a massive fan of tractors his whole life.

When he was a kid, he didn't have toy cars or posters of lambos on his bedroom wall, he had toy tractors and trailers and posters of the latest John Deeres.

...

An English man, Irish man and a Scots man walk into a bar.

Too soon.

How do you sell a gluten free pizza?

Take all the other pizzas out of the frozen section.

(too soon?)

A young man and a young woman met at a party, fell in love and moved in together.

Soon, some say too soon after that, they got married. As the newlyweds didn’t have a car, the mother of the bride decided to gift them the family heirloom, a 1965 Mustang GT350 that the brides grandfather had been racing back in the day.

For a while all was well and the bride and the groom sp...

As I write this I'm trying to assemble bicycle wheels using quite a complex process.

Damn, I spoke too soon.

People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow...

Too soon

Today is 9/11-NEVER FORGET

Oh, my bad---Too soon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thanks to chip readers strangers are always offering sexual advice

Go ahead and insert it, It’s not in far enough, Put it in again, Pull it out, You pulled it out too soon,It works better if you hold it in there, It’s taking a little longer today than usual

Prom night.

This high school kid had a crush on the girl of his dreams, but she was dating someone. However! The pair broke up a month before prom, and he decided to make the move.
He didn’t ask her out on the first week because that would be too soon. And he got sick on the second week.
Week 3 he was a...

I'm like a November afternoon ...

Short, not very bright, and I finish too soon.

Q. How much room is needed for fungi to grow?

A. As mushroom as possible



Too soon ?

This one only works if you speak the conversation...

Pence and Trump are talking about immigration:

Trump:. And, see, with this giant wall, we'll have less of those nasty immigrants.

Pence:. Fewer.

Trump: shh, it's a bit too soon for that.

Apparently I was supposed to wait until October 31st to dress up like a ghost.

Guess I spook too soon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a man named McMoon

Who was born three months too soon

He hadn't the luck

To result from a fuck

Just a wet dream shoved in with a spoon

How do you burn an entire country to the ground?

Keep putting water on a Greece fire.

 

*Too soon?*

Anyone hear what Russia is eating for Christmas?

Turkey...

Too soon?

Residents of Paris complaining of foul smell from burning wood in Notre Dame.

Because . . . . pew. (too soon?)

If time is relative...

... can a joke about Hawking dying be "too soon"?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jon is having "stamina" trouble with his wife.

So one night, he asks his good friend Billy for advice.

"Billy, I just can't stay hard. I come too soon. I don't know what to do."

"Once you're hard, slam your dick on the dresser a few times. It'll be so numb, you won't feel a thing, and will go for hours!"

Jon gets hard just...

Why wouldn't JFK be a good boxer?

He can't take a shot to the head....


Too soon?

The living forest

There once lived a monk who took care of a sentient forest. The queen of a neighboring country heard of this forest and wanted to see it for herself, so she traveled there to meet the monk and see his forest.

The monk, honored by his esteemed visitor, showed her around, one beautiful grove af...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my wife if she had a name for my penis[NSFW]

She said it was 'morning'
I asked why morning?
She said because it always came too soon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my friend, "My dad just passed away. I think it's only right for me to now say...that he molested me when I was three-years-old."

"Woah, man," he said. "Too soon."


I said, "Well, yes. But that's not how a paedophile's mind works."

I tweeted a joke about a bombing, and a few hours later a bombing happened. So I got a call from the FBI, and needless to say they weren’t friendly.

I guess my joke was too soon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to Premature Ejaculators Anonymous but nobody was there.

I guess I came too soon.

What kind of coffee do terrorists hate?

French press.

(Too soon?)

Who hits Houston harder?

Bobby Brown or Hurricane Harvey.

~Probably too soon.

I'm watching the horrific pictures of the US Wild Fires in Bel-Air.

They believe it was started by an Arsonist.

They are dusting for fresh prints.
.
.
.
.
Too soon???????

My teacher made a joke about premature babies

"too soon", I said.

What did the captain of the Titanic say to the guy lowering a half empty lifeboat?

Too soon.

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