People say that Steve Jobs died too soon.

But I think his death was a fitting metaphor for apples attitude to battery life.

Too soon

What is making a joke about Alex Tribek's cancer diagnosis?

Is it too soon to joke about the mars rover?

There is way too many good puns for it to be a missed opportunity.

Chewbacca too soon joke?

Anyone have any?

What did the doctor say when he couldn’t revive him? It was a wookie mistake.

This might be ‘too soon,’ but guess what’s not ‘on fire,’ ‘lit’ or funny.

r/jokes

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William Shakespeare once said "Better Three Hours Too Soon Than a Minute Too Late"

My wife disagrees.

It's really put a strain on our sex life.

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How does a guy tell his girl he ejaculated too soon?

Quick cummunication.

Is this too soon

Every Christmas Santa seems to skip Indonesia, he just gives them a big wave

Probably too soon to update this, but here goes anyway. . .

Twenty years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, and Aretha Franklin. Now we have no jobs, no hope, no cash, and no soul.

Is it too soon for Bill Cosby jokes?

Yeah, best to avoid Cosby punch lines.

Too soon maybe, but today's event are proof that men do everything better than women...

Active shooter couldn't even kill anyone but herself

Is it too soon to say a Hurricane Harvey joke

Or should I just wait for everything to blow over?

No joke will ever be too soon for Joan Rivers thread.

Joan Rivers died doing what she loved to do best. Surgery.

Why did Steve Jobs die too soon?

Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

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Is it too soon to joke about 9/11?

There's an urban legend amongst pilots from that day that goes something like this:

It's 9/11. All aircraft have been grounded and diverted to other airports. As news of the tragedy begins to spread, a somber mood permeates all flight crews as they whisper amongst themselves and discretely on...

Ferguson joke. Too soon?

Black guy walks into a bar in Ferguson. Says to the bartender, "Give me a Michael Brown." Bartender says "Ok. Put up your hands." the gave him six shots.

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Is it too soon for a Robin Williams Joke?

It's been a few weeks, so I think the waters are safe for this joke I told my cousin:


David Carradine and Robin Williams are in heaven, Carradine looks at Williams and says, "what do you mean you weren't jerking off?"

I peaked too soon in high school.

I'm still sending her child support.

It's probably too soon for Ebola jokes on here...

...but when the time comes, I bet they're gonna be killer.

Rob Ford..too soon?

*Some* people though it would be nice if Rob Ford could be mayor for tumor years.

Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings?

Because it’s always too soon.



^(i feel bad)

When I heard that Kevin Hart was injured in a car accident, I was really worried for my kids.

They use the same brand of booster seat!

Too soon?

EDIT - thank you mysterious benefactor for my first gold!

EDIT 2 - Shout out to u/LethKith who wants me and my whole family to die in a fiery car crash. I hope you have a good day buddy. Try to relax and enjoy the joke for what ...

A young man and a young woman met at a party, fell in love and moved in together.

Soon, some say too soon after that, they got married. As the newlyweds didn’t have a car, the mother of the bride decided to gift them the family heirloom, a 1965 Mustang GT350 that the brides grandfather had been racing back in the day.

For a while all was well and the bride and the groom sp...

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Thanks to chip readers strangers are always offering sexual advice

Go ahead and insert it, It’s not in far enough, Put it in again, Pull it out, You pulled it out too soon,It works better if you hold it in there, It’s taking a little longer today than usual

I'm like a November afternoon ...

Short, not very bright, and I finish too soon.

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I was going to make a premature ejaculation joke but...

...too soon.

This one only works if you speak the conversation...

Pence and Trump are talking about immigration:

Trump:. And, see, with this giant wall, we'll have less of those nasty immigrants.

Pence:. Fewer.

Trump: shh, it's a bit too soon for that.

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Sex with me is like listening to Kid Cudi

Its over too soon, and you think you might have felt something.

Did you all hear the joke about the premature baby?

Never mind, it’s too soon

Prom night.

This high school kid had a crush on the girl of his dreams, but she was dating someone. However! The pair broke up a month before prom, and he decided to make the move.
He didn’t ask her out on the first week because that would be too soon. And he got sick on the second week.
Week 3 he was a...

Anybody else wake up with a “Resurrection” this morning?

What? Too soon?

Residents of Paris complaining of foul smell from burning wood in Notre Dame.

Because . . . . pew. (too soon?)

Today is 9/11-NEVER FORGET

Oh, my bad---Too soon.

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How did Kanye find out that Kim was bound, gagged, and held at gunpoint?

She released the video on pornhub.


(Too soon?)

Theresa May’s Brexit deal just lost for a third time in parliament.

Didn’t she ever learn that “no” means “no”?

Too soon? For me too.

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There once was a man named McMoon

Who was born three months too soon

He hadn't the luck

To result from a fuck

Just a wet dream shoved in with a spoon

Q. How much room is needed for fungi to grow?

A. As mushroom as possible



Too soon ?

Apparently I was supposed to wait until October 31st to dress up like a ghost.

Guess I spook too soon.

The living forest

There once lived a monk who took care of a sentient forest. The queen of a neighboring country heard of this forest and wanted to see it for herself, so she traveled there to meet the monk and see his forest.

The monk, honored by his esteemed visitor, showed her around, one beautiful grove af...

How do you burn an entire country to the ground?

Keep putting water on a Greece fire.

 

*Too soon?*

I heard they’re renaming the city of Thousand Oaks...

The new name is “Just A Couple Oaks”. Too soon?

I tweeted a joke about a bombing, and a few hours later a bombing happened. So I got a call from the FBI, and needless to say they weren’t friendly.

I guess my joke was too soon.

I told my friend, "My dad just passed away. I think it's only right for me to now say...that he molested me when I was three-years-old."

"Woah, man," he said. "Too soon."


I said, "Well, yes. But that's not how a paedophile's mind works."

If time is relative...

... can a joke about Hawking dying be "too soon"?

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I asked my wife if she had a name for my penis[NSFW]

She said it was 'morning'
I asked why morning?
She said because it always came too soon

What did the captain of the Titanic say to the guy lowering a half empty lifeboat?

Too soon.

Why wouldn't JFK be a good boxer?

He can't take a shot to the head....


Too soon?

My teacher made a joke about premature babies

"too soon", I said.

Anyone hear what Russia is eating for Christmas?

Turkey...

Too soon?

I'm watching the horrific pictures of the US Wild Fires in Bel-Air.

They believe it was started by an Arsonist.

They are dusting for fresh prints.
.
.
.
.
Too soon???????

Who hits Houston harder?

Bobby Brown or Hurricane Harvey.

~Probably too soon.

Two friends are talking in a bar...

Their names are Fred and Michael. They've known each other for a while, 15 years roughly. So they feel pretty comfortable with each other talking about more...sensitive topics. On this occasion, Fred decided to ask Michael about his son as it was something that had been nagging him for a while but h...

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Jon is having "stamina" trouble with his wife.

So one night, he asks his good friend Billy for advice.

"Billy, I just can't stay hard. I come too soon. I don't know what to do."

"Once you're hard, slam your dick on the dresser a few times. It'll be so numb, you won't feel a thing, and will go for hours!"

Jon gets hard just...

It appears that r/jokes only focuses on the current president, so George Bush jokes are too late.

But 9/11 jokes are too soon.

A charming man walks into a bar and shouts: "THE QUEEN IS DEAD, BOYS!"

The barman says: "Too soon, Morrissey"

On the topic of George Michael...

I guess you could say it was his "Last Christmas".

Too soon?

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I went to Premature Ejaculators Anonymous but nobody was there.

I guess I came too soon.

What kind of coffee do terrorists hate?

French press.

(Too soon?)

You Guys Wanna Hear a Nice Joke?

Nevermind it's probably too soon.

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"The pilot! Let me in!"

.

.

.

Too soon?

I'd make a political joke...

But it's too soon, the DNC tried to force one on all of us and we saw how that went.

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The origins of the ornamental angel atop the Christmas tree

It's almost New Year's Eve and Santa is getting ready to get to work and bring presents to everyone that has been good this year. So there he is at home, taking a shower and preparing for the big night. Opening his closet, he sifts through his clothes and finds his favorite red coat and trousers, bu...

Give a man a plane ticket...

...And he'll fly for a day.



Push a man from the plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

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After being shipwrecked, Joe washed up on a tropical island...

The modernized local tribe soon found him, fed and clothed him, then took him to their chief. Conversing in fluent English, Joe and the chief took a liking to one another, and the chief soon offered Joe his beautiful daughter's hand in marriage. Having just been shipwrecked and being a shy virgin,...

8/11 Never Forget

What? Too Soon?

So Muhammad Ali is dead...

Is it too soon for a punchline?

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