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Premature Jokes

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I called the premature ejaculation support group to find out what the dress code was.

Apparently, most members just come in their pants.

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I didn’t know what to wear to my premature ejaculation support group

So I just came in my pants.

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Premature Ejaculation,,,

A man was having a problem with premature ejaculation, so he went to the doctor.

The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife.
...

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I’ve just arrived at my first premature ejaculation support class!

Had no idea what to wear, so I’ve come in my shorts.

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It makes sense why women hate premature ejaculation so much

Our whole lives we're taught that nothing worth having comes easy.

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So this guy with premature ejaculation comes out of nowhere

That’s it... that’s the whole fucking joke.

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A group of premature ejaculators…

…is on the National Mall. The protest starts at 5 pm and by 3, they’ve all arrived. A man with a bullhorn stands up and starts a chant.

“What do we want!?”

“A CURE FOR PREMATURE EJACULATION!”

“When do we wa-“

“NOW!!!”

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Premature ejaculator:

Seeks young attractive woman for a fling,

Must have large tits, big lips and a tight arse,

and....aaaaaw, fuck sake, never mind!!!!!!

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I attended a premature ejaculators support group today.

Turns out it's tomorrow.

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Dressed as a Premature Ejaculation

A man enters a costume party wearing only blue jeans; no shirt or shoes. The host asks him, "What are you supposed to be?"

The man says, "I'm a premature ejaculation."

"How in God's name are you dressed as that?!"

"Because I just came in my pants."

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Next time you prematurely ejaculate

Just remember you probably still lasted longer than Ronda Rousey

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Why wasn’t the premature ejaculator in the office?

He got off early

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What do premature ejaculators and hide and seek have in common?

Ready or not, here I come

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India has a god for almost everything- except premature ejaculation

But it’s coming soon.

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I just read an article about premature ejaculation during masturbation.

It might come in handy.

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What does a drum solo and premature ejaculation have in common?

You know what's coming but there's fuck all you can do about it.

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Online classified ad

Premature ejaculator in need of smoking hot size 6 blonde.

Preferably with blue eyes and huge double d....

Nevermind.

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Premature

A man was admitted to the hospital suffering from premature ejaculation. The doctors said it was touch and go.

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A man went to a meeting for premature ejaculators

but when he arrived there was no one there, he'd come too early.

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I opened a club for premature ejaculators.

It didn't last long.

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Premature ejaculator seeks lady for short term fling

Lady in question must have large breasts, full lips, a nice ass and... OH GOD... never mind...

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I previously suffered from premature ejaculation my GF got me some cream that reduces sensitivity

It 100% totally work's now i don't give a fuck about that bitch.

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A baby was born premature without eyelids

The doctors were baffled because they had never seen a baby born without eyelids before. Obviously eyelids are an important part of the human body so the doctors decided the best thing to do was take skin from somewhere else and use it to make eyelids for the baby.

The parents of the baby we...

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I told a joke about premature ejaculation, but nobody laughed.

...What, too soon?

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My premature ejaculation problem started when my other half dressed up as a superhero

Before I knew it I came in a Flash

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Did you hear about the premature ejaculator that is training to become a ninja?

Guys a natural, comes out of nowhere.

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I went to the Premature Ejaculators Anonymous support group today.

Turns out it's tomorrow.

Edit: A few of you started laughing before the end of that joke.



*Credit: Gary Delaney*

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Doctors that specialize in premature ejaculation are in high demand.

So you need to come early.

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What does a premature ejaculator and a blind man have in common?

They never see it coming

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I have a problem with premature ejaculation.

I know it came out of nowhere but i wanted to share it with everyone.

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I missed the holiday for premature ejaculators this year.

I think it came early.

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What is the military term for premature ejaculation?

Dishonorable discharge

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I was asked to speak at a club for helping people with premature ejaculation. I asked what I should wear to the speech:

They told me I could just come in my pants

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After another attempt at lovemaking was ruined by my premature ejaculation, the wife was sat on the edge of the bed in floods of tears..

"Please baby, don't cry like that." I said, taking her hands from her face.


"Why? Why the fuck not, Barry?" She howled. "It's every time. Every. Fucking. Time. Am I not allowed to be upset about it?"


"Well of course you are sweetheart, of course you are." I reassured her. "But ...

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I went to a conference on premature ejaculation the other week...

Got there 5 minutes early but the conference had already finished.

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The doctor asked me how bad my premature ejaculation condition was...

I said, "I'm going to be honest doc, it's touch and go."

What do you call a case of premature burial?

A grave mistake.

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It's hard to keep a girlfriend when you suffer from premature ejaculation.

Easy cum, easy ghost.

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My premature ejaculation sufferers support meetings were going so well

I decided to stop coming.

Premature Ejokeulation

What do you call it when someone puts the punchline to a joke in the title?

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I decided to go to Reddit's premature ejaculation party..

But when I arrived, nobody was there.


I guess I came too early.

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[NSFW] Have you heard of the guy who prematurely ejaculates?

It's his only shortcoming

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Does Santa have a problem with premature ejaculation?

I keep hearing about how sometimes he comes early.

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Did you hear the one about the guy who got 6 months in jail for prematurely ejaculating?

I think he got off easy.

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I was watching a show about premature ejaculation.

It lasted a minute.

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I’m hosting a premature ejaculation charity event tonight.

It starts at 7:30 but feel free to come early.

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I was nervous no one would come to the Premature Ejaculation Anonymous meeting...

Luckily, everyone came earlier than expected!

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My girlfriend slapped me really hard because I ejaculated prematurely...

She says I got off easy.

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My boyfriend suffers from premature ejaculation.

It's his shortcoming.

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I wasn't sure what to wear to the Premature Ejaculators' meeting...

So I just came in my pants.


(May not be original, but it popped in my head while doing laundry. Y'all have a good one!)

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A guy goes to a Halloween party in just his jeans

No shoes or shirt nothing but jeans. He’s making his rounds and enjoying some drinks and the comes up to him and asks, “So what are you supposed to be?” The guys responds, “I’m a premature ejaculation.” The host pauses for a second really staring at this guy’s costume and finally says, “I don’t get ...

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I went to a premature ejaculators meeting last week..

Wasn't sure exactly what time it was on so I came early

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I wanted to join the premature ejaculation club

I wanted to join the premature ejaculation club but I got the times mixed up and came too early

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Man with premature ejaculation seeks understanding woman.

Nevermind, I'm done.

“Oh my God!!! You're turning into a vampire?! I didn't even bite you yet!!"

That, kids, is what's known as PREMATURE EDRACULATION

This joke is like premature childbirth.

Really bad delivery.

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I'm GOING to start a sub for premature ejaculation sufferers.

You guys came too early.

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Life's short; don't waste time with superfluous sayings like "prematurely ejaculate"

Instead, try "ejacuearly"

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One time I took my friend who suffered from premature ejaculation to a brothel to work on his stamina.

He blew it.

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You guys hear about the medication for premature ejaculation?

You can get it with expedited shipping so it should come quickly...

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I went to a self help group for people that suffer from Premature Ejaculation last night

They said to get there at 7 but I came early.

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Erotic literature for premature ejaculators

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Chapter 1.
-------------------

She looked at him.

-------------------
The end.
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There is a movie about premature ejaculation

Coming Soon, now in theaters.

EDIT: Just let me try again changing a couple of words

EDIT 2: I swear this is the first time that this has happened

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I invited my premature-ejaculation support group over to my house for dinner...

...but they came a lot earier than expected, typical!

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The costume party (Sorry if this is a repost. Best joke I know.)

A man, lets call him jim, goes to his buddys costume party wearing nothing but a pair of pants.
Jim's friend walks over to him and says "hey, jim... uh what are you supposed to be?"
Jim smiles and says "well im a premature ejaculation."
His friend looks puzzled and asks "okay, well why a...

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Premature ejaculation is pretty similar to hide-and-go-seek

Whether they're ready or not, you're still gonna come

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I was supposed to do a talk at a premature ejaculation support group meeting, but the building was closed.

They must have all arrived early.

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Premature Ejaculators Anonymous meeting to be held today at 4...

...doors open at 3.

My teacher made a joke about premature babies

"too soon", I said.

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What’s the difference between sex and premature ejaculation?

In one case you cede your genes...

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Why is a small cruise ship like a guy suffering from premature ejaculation?

Both of them only need a couple of tugs.

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