Ahead Of Time Jokes - 20 Hilarious Ahead Of Time Jokes

Why do Indians never have to call ahead of time to restaurants?

Because they have reservations

I apologize for this ahead of time

So there was this man who lived in Canada. He was bored of his work life, and it was Christmas time, so he decided to go on vacation, and he settled on Mexico. He went to Mexico, and after arriving to his hotel, he decided to ask the man behind the desk about tourist locations. The man told him abou...

When I predicted this pandemic ahead of time everyone but my optician said I was nuts.

He told me I have 2020 vision!

Chuck Norris, Zelensky, and God all walk into a bar.

The Bartender looks up, "Were were just about to start a new drinking game I've been working on. I call out a bragging point, and each one willing to meet it, chugs their drink. The last man standing due to matching every post and surviving every drink, gets the pot. Everyone else has to split the t...

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It's Dale's last day as a postman

25 years he's been delivering the mail to the same neighborhood. When it was time to retire, he let everyone know ahead of time, that way if there was an issue with their mail, they new it would be a new letter carrier. As he made his way along his route, he found little going away gifts from some t...

The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.

Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.

And that's where we get the term Inca-hoots.

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Due to the recent cutbacks caused by the coronavirus Bruce was told he had to terminate one of his compliance managers.

Alice and Jack we're both exemplary employees and he honestly had no idea which one he would get rid of, but being an honest man he decided he'd speak to them both ahead of time thinking that it might help him make his decision. He called in Alice first and he said listen, I've either got to lay you...

Thanksgiving in Indiana.

When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving.

But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog.

Only kidding. It was the cat!...

4 college guys go on a weekend road trip.

They are having such a good time that they decide to play hooky and skip out on their Monday exam in psychology. They all send their professor an email saying they had a flat tire while out of town and the professor said no problem, unexpected things happen. They could take it on Tuesday.

Ce...

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True Golf Buddies

A guy brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30, after enjoying a day of golf.

His wife screams her head off while his friend sits at the kitchen table, open mouthed, listening to the tirade.

"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a f__king mess and the d...

Yesterday I started singing and dancing by myself at the food court

That's how I learned that flash mobs are planned ahead of time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I was sitting at a bar the other night, when I see this lovely lady sitting down at the other end.. (Nsfw)

So I was sitting at a bar the other night, when I see this lovely lady sitting down at the other end. . . I slide on down over to her and we start talking.

After a while of chatting and a few rounds I said "Listen honey, I was wondering if after we finish these drinks, you'd like to come bac...

Bear & Human encounters

If bears and humans live in close proximity, they can be prepared ahead of time for such encounters. Obtain airhorns and pepper spray.

If the first couple of blasts of an airhorn doesn't scare them off, then run at them with an airhorn blasting. If you get close enough, use the pepper spray...

I was invited to a dinner the other night.

The host warned me ahead of time, "Just so you know, we only serve vegetarian dishes. I hope you're alright with that."

I told him, "Of course! I have no problem with vegetarian dishes. In fact, I prefer them. But for the sake of conscience I do prefer it if the vegetarians were free rang...

Miss, my watch tells me you have no panties on.

But I do have panties on!

Oh sorry, it's ahead of time again.

Student: Can we postpone the test? It's on my birthday.

Student: Can we postpone the test? It's on my birthday.

Teacher: Well unlike your birthday, this test was planned ahead of time.

A horse walks into a bar...

...and the bartender says "are you feeling all right?" The horse replies,"I don't think I am," *POOF* the horse disappears. This is of course a joke referencing the famous quote "I think, therefore I am." I would have explained this ahead of time but I didn't want to put *Descartes* before the hors...

This guy tried to tell me a joke about Social Security...

I warned him ahead of time I probably won't get it.

Jim Just Started a Class on Logic

On the Friday before the first weekend of the semester, the Professor announces that there will be a quiz the following week, and it will be a surprise. By a "surprise", he clarifies that while he knows when the quiz will be, the students **will not know** which day the quiz will be ahead of time, s...

An oldie my Dad constantly tells me

Two men walk into the the theatre to watch a charlie chaplin film. Guy 1 makes a bet: "I bet Chaplin gets bopped the moment he walks around the corner" and guy 2 accepts.

They watch the film and as predicted, Chaplin get hit on the head so guy 2 has to pay up.

The first guy returns th...

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