Everyone knows about Darth Vader, but very few people talk about his wife.

Ella wasn’t great at conquering planets but she did make it easier to navigate the Death Star.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman eating a sandwich at a nearby table begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says: "Kin ya swallar?"The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks: "Kin ya breathe?"The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt...

My girlfriend packed my bags today after finding out that I had a one night stand with another woman. She screamed, "I want you to go!" I said, "Please can we just talk about it first?" She replied, "Go on, I'm listening." I sat down and began...

"It was the most amazing experience of my entire life..."

The doctor said to me, we need to talk about your weight.

I said, well it was about 25minutes but the chairs are quite comfortable.

My wife and I had two miscarriages last year, and I believe there should be more jokes about miscarriages so we talk about it more...

The only problem is most of the jokes die before you finish delivering them.

—————————————————————

*The title of the post is true and humor is how I deal with my pain*

An American and Mexican business men talk about getting rich

There is a conference in DC and a Mexican and American guy meet and talk about highway infrastructure projects. The American invites the Mexican to his home. They show up in a Cadillac where the American invites him inside and they go up to the second story balcony. He points below and says, see tha...

My wife left me because, according to her, I talk about herbs and spices too much.

Oh well.... It was probably thyme.

Me: Why don't you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?

The hot lady at the bar: No thanks, I don't like small talk.

Talk about coincidence

BBC NEWS: Three Cliff Walkers have fallen to their death on an expedition....
Can't believe they all had the same name.

There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..

..they make me feel even number.

This bloke knocked on my door and said, "Can I come into your house and talk about vacuuming your carpets?"

I am sure he was a Jehoovers Witness.

A lady calls into a doctors office frantically to get an appointment, to talk about her son.

Mom: "Hi, I was trying to get my son in to be seen today."

Nurse: "Ok, what seems to be the problem?"

Mom: "Yeah, he is complaining that his palms are sweaty and his knees are weak and his arms are heavy."

Nurse: "ok"

Mom: " And poor guy just puked. So now there's vomit o...

My friend doesn’t like to talk about her dry skin…

She’d rather just sweep it under the carpet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was talking passionately about the things I love! She just had to interrupt me to talk about global warming and some shit

such an anticlimactic thing to say

A boy goes to his School Career Advisor to talk about what he should do after school.

The Advisor says to him, do you have any particular interests or talents? The boy says, I really love stamps, studying them, collecting them, everything about them. The Career Advisor shakes his head and says, I'm sorry to tell you this, but philately will get you nowhere.

Before we started dating, my girlfriend was in an abusive relationship and she'd Never talk about it.

For the entire first year of our relationship, I just thought she hated high fives.

When people talk about the "average citizen" I always get confused.

Is that normal?

Why do women only talk about hypothetical situations?

I don't know, but I if I did I'd tell you all about it.

My wife said we need to sit down and talk about our future, and I was like 'Yeah gonna be awesome! Flying Cars, Colonies on Mars!, Self fixing robots it's gonna be amazing!!'

Not what she meant, am now single.

Cardi B’s sister used to spy for the Russian government, but refuses to talk about it publicly

They call her ‘Cagey B’

I'm thinking of starting a podcast where we talk about carpentry and smoking weed

It would be all about joints

My friend loves to talk about their new skin lotion.

He just keeps rubbing it in.

Girls who talks about girls' problems are great.

But girls who talk about environmental problems are Greta.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Son, I think it's time to talk about pornography, as men."

"Son, I think it's time to talk about pornography, as men."

"What about it exactly?"

"How the hell do you delete the history so mother doesn't find out?"



(translated, sorry if not properly)

Two philosophers and a YouTuber meet in the dead of night to talk about their secrets

They begin by releasing their darkest secrets in exchange for more secrets. After each of them let out their darkest secrets, the YouTuber asks for a break.

The philosophers tell him that he can take a break, so the YouTuber wanders off while the philosophers remain at the table. With just th...

How dudes gonna talk about a motherboard

When they don’t even know their daddyboard

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I’m having sex I like to talk about philosophy

So she’d go like “OMG, that’s so deep.”

All this talk about hoping 2020 ends!

Even though its cursed, we can't let it defeat us. That would mean 2021.

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about.

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream ...

I really wish people would stop talking about my problematic past.

It’s time to talk about my problematic future.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard my school's principle's husband talk about how she gives good blow jobs

She is the headmaster after all

the boss called me to his office to talk about my frequent use of the n word

some people wont take no for an answer

I’m tired of hearing men talk about how women make their lives more difficult. Just think about where men would be without women...

Still in the Garden of Eden.

So, I’ve been hearing people talk about probiotics and how good they are for you. I don’t buy into it.

I guess you could say I’m anti-biotic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three colleagues are having a talk about how dumb their girlfriends are

The first one says: "My grilfriend is so dumb, she just spent $20.000 on a new kitchen, but she doesn't even know how to cook!"

The second one says: "My grilfriend is even dumber, she just spent $50.000 on a new car, but she doesn't even has a license!"

"Well," the third one says: "My ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend told me I talk about shit way too often

After realizing he was right, I told him that I do do that

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife

He says to the doctor, “Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.” “Well,” the doctor replied, “go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn’t reply move about 5 feet closer and say it aga...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Nsfw] A patient visits the doctor and is worried to talk about his illness.....

He feels shy to talk about his slim penis.......

Doc: "Dont be worried, what's wrong with you?"

Patient: "I am embarrassed to say. You may look at my thin penis and laugh."

Doc: "Dont be worried. if I laugh, I will only take half my fees."

Patient removes his pants and sh...

What do electricians talk about?







Current events.

Lots of people talk about werewolves...

But noone ever asks whenwolves

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies.

After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

I really like to talk about people who are drowning

But they never come up

I hate when my friends always talk about Norse gods

Like bro it's Loki annoying

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a talk about porn with my girlfriend.

"I don't get porn, why would you watch 2 people have sex?" she asked, then I reply "Two?" she looks surprised and I add "People?"

[This isn't a joke but something on the sub I'd like to talk about - hopefully this doesn't get removed]

Can we all stop complaining about people using other people's jokes? Please?

The whole point of a joke is to make people laugh, so when we hear a funny joke we want to share it with others! How often have you come up with a hilarious original joke? Most jokes you tell were someone else's firs...

I try not to talk about my time in strip clubs.

It always brings up bad mammarys.

Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world.

After her talk she offers to answer questions from the kids.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is.

"Kenny," he says.

"And what is your question, Kenny?" she asks.

"I have four questions," he says.
"First -- what happened in Benghazi? Seco...

If anyone wants to come and talk about why my stuff keeps getting stolen

The door is always open

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I swear people get 10 times cuter when they talk about what they're passionate about.

Unless it's Hitler.
Then it's only nein times cuter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a therapist to talk about how insecure I was about my looks.

He told me to lie on the couch face down.

A little kid was watching Donald Trump talk about England. "Mommy, why is it called a kingdom?"

"Because, honey, it's ruled by a *king*!"

"Then why is the U.S. called a country?"

Wife and husband talk about life if she died

A wife asks her husband, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"

"After a considerable period of grieving," he says, "I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the wife asks, "would she live in this house?"

"We've spent a lot of money getting thi...

With all the talk about and acts of tearing down statues there should be a rule where a statue of a person stands for so many years before being re-evaluated...

We can call it the Statue of Limitations.

As much as these Karens talk about their essential oils

They sure do want nonessential businesses to reopen

Why do people always talk about gaming on politics subs?

Also, can anyone tell me why Mortal Kombat: Ultra isn't on Steam?

My girlfriend left me bacause all I do is talk about football.

Im so sad, we were together for 3 seasons.

There's all this talk about the lack of women in STEM, but it's always been surprising how no one bats an eye at USPS.

After all, their workforce consists entirely of mail trucks.

Whats the deadliest shape that no one is allowed to talk about?

Tiananmen Square

I'm always impressed when statisticians talk about averages.

It's so meaningful.

Yeah man, I tell ya what, man, that dang ol’ internet, man, you just go in on there and point and click, talk about w-w-dot-w-com, mean you got the naked chicks on there, man, just go click, click, click, click, click, it’s real easy, man.

OK, Boomhauer

Hello! Do you have a minute to talk about Dracula?

"Hello! Do you have a minute to talk about Dracula?"

"No- wait, Dracula?"

"Yes!"

"You're vampires?"

"Yes. We have pamphlets."

"Vampires have missionaries?"

"Where else would new vampires come from?"

"I assumed you bit people."

"There are many h...

My wife said I talk about Star Wars too much, and wants to end out relationship.

“May divorce be with you” I replied.

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