UPJOKE
swearcusscurseimprecateblasphemy lawpersecutedisobeyreproveveneratecrucifysanctifyennoblerepentproselytisedemean

Blaspheme Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun walks into the Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair.

She lets out a sigh, heavy with frustration.


"What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."


"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You k...

A man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I took the Lord's name in vain while golfing."

"I understand, my son," the priest says. "I play the game as well, and it can be frustrating. What happened?"

"Well," the man says, "I hit my drive on the fifteenth green and it sliced to the right, into the trees."

"Was that when you did it?" The priest asked.

"No, the ball b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest goes to see his Bishop and asks if he would hear his confession

“Of course,” the Bishop said and took out his rosary. “And what do you have to confess?”

“Well Your Grace I used profane language,” the priest says, shifting a bit in obvious embarrassment.

“I understand,” the Bishop says. “And under what circumstance did you use the profanity?”...

A nun and a priest are playing golf

The priest is teeing off at the first hole. The ball flies across the fairway towards the green, but lands meters from the hole.

"Oh God dammit, I missed."

The nun scolds the priest.

"Father, you ought to be careful. You of all people should know that if you continue to blasphem...

A man goes to confession after a round of golf...

Man: Father, I took the Lord's name in vain while out golfing today.
Priest: That's ok, my son, golf is a frustrating sport, and we all slip up from time to time.
Man: No, no, I would really feel better if I could atone for my sin.
Priest: Well then by all means, tell my what happened.
M...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest and his friend are golfing.

The priest is ahead because his friend keeps missing easy putts. He watches in amusement as his friend misses another two-footer.

"Goddamnit! Missed! These just won't drop today," says the friend.

"Now, now, Jon," the priest said. "You shouldn't don't take the Lord's name in vain."
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tiger Woods and a preacher play golf.

Tiger Woods and a local preacher get paired off at a charity golf tournament. On the fourth hole, Tiger misses an easy, 6 foot putt, and shouts "God dammit!" The preacher turns to him and says, "Tiger, you've already angered God. If you blaspheme any more, God will smite you where you stand." 3 ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jokes for the week of 4/6-4/12

A French breast scientist advises against wearing bras after a thorough study, thus tying for the best job ever and the best news ever.

A GOP rep said not gays nor NAMBLA can redefine marriage. Thankfully, nine fabulous people in robes can. ‪#suckit‬ ‪#nohomo‬ ‪#somehomo‬ ‪#yeshomo‬

Ki...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The consolation in misery

The caliph of Basra, in the Arabian Thousand and One Nights, had earned a reputation as a cruel and harsh man. His sentences were exceedingly rigorous, his punishments merciless.

The Janissaries presented him inmates every day, and the caliph, after knowing the guilt of each one, decreed the...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.