When I was learning to drive in the winter, my Dad told me, "If you're ever lost in the snow, wait for a plow truck, then follow it."

One cold, snowy Minnesota night, I got lost on the way home. The snow was blowing so fast and piling up so high, I couldn't see any street signs. With no map in my car and a dead cell phone, I thought I might be stranded so I pulled over to the side of the road.

Then breaking through the flu...

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?

Give her a shovel 😭

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?”

The doctor replies, “A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!”

“That’s a lot of money,” says the old ma...

The phone rings at FBI headquarters.

“Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!” “Thank you very much for the call, sir.” The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but...

High Noon

An old west dime novel writer is out looking for a good story when he wanders into a saloon. He sees a group of rough rider lookin' scoundrels playing poker and he musters up enough courage to sit down with 'em (thinkin' he might get a story out if he was lucky). "Mind if I play?"

The others ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two guys want to start a farm and go to a farmer to buy an ox to plow their fields...

They examine the ox and notice that his eyes are crossed. They mention this to the farmer who explains that there's a solution for that, "You just take this pipe, stick it up the ox's ass and blow as hard as you can, watch." They stood at the ox's head while the farmer put the pipe in the ox's ass a...

A squirrel and an owl are sitting on a tree branch, watching a farmer plow his field...

The owl looks at the squirrel, and doesn't say anything, because owls don't talk.
Then the owl eats the squirrel, because he's a bird of prey.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Paddy is plowing his field with a steamroller.

Seamus comes up to him and says "Paddy, you don't plow a field with a steamroller you stupid bastard".

Paddy stops mid-field, looking at Seamus in disbelief.

Finally, Paddy says: "I'm growing mashed potatoes, you thick cunt".

The driver from a Hit and Run was arrested

Detective : okay buddy, walk me through the whole thing, from the top

Driver : it was snowing, the ground was slippery, I was, I was..

Detective : those are just excuses buddy.. Tell me, was this on purpose?

Driver : NO! I swear, I just lost control of the car and I was gonna hi...

I'm disappointed BIC company doesn't make gardening equipment

Who wouldn't want to have a Dig Bic Plow

Arthur was looking outside as the snow begin to fall,

and his wife, Martha, yelled from the other room "They said on the radio we need to park on the odd side of the street for the plows tonight!"

"Ok, I'll move the car then!" and he moved the car to the odd side of the street.

A few nights later another snow storm was due. "Arthur, the ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day a woman talks to her priest.

WOMAN: "I need to speak with you.

PRIEST: "What is it, my child?"

WOMAN: "I called a man a son of a bitch".

PRIEST: "You shouldn't have called him that, and it is a sin".

WOMAN: "But let me tell you why! He flirted with me."

PRIEST: "That's no reason to call h...

Farmer and Son

A farmer wrote a letter to his son in jail for robbing a bank
“This year, I can’t plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field."
The son wrote back, “Papa, don’t dare plow the field That is where I hid the money I stole.”
The police intercepted the letter and by the next day...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Have you heard the one about the horse that no look so good? [Long]

In 1980, a man is driving through the south Arizona desert on his way from Florida to California on business. Somewhere in the middle of nowhere his car starts to sputter, steam billows from the hood and the car comes to a stop on the edge of the road.

As he gets out he inspects the car and c...

Farmers dont make love

They plow!

The Lion and the Elephant

Everybody knows that the lion is the king of the jungle. Always has been, and for generations it seemed like he always would be. One afternoon, however, after a particularly poorly received watering hole decision, the elephant had had enough.

“Lion,” he said, “I’ve been your major domo for a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two Pilots

Two men dressed in pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle of the aircraft. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit the door closes, and the engines ...

The farmer's nagging wife

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully.

From morning til night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something.

The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out p...

A Farmer Sends his Son to Town for Supplies

He tells him to visit the commons as there are sure to be reputable merchants selling their wares at this time of year.

But on the way the son gets waylaid by a strange man with big flashy signs advertising the latest in imported tools. All his neighbors are also there buying this man's tools...

A blonde got caught in a blizzard…

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her dad's adv...

I asked my wife if she wanted to play Snowstorm...

Her: How do you play?

Me: Take off your clothes, lay down, and pretend to be a highway in the middle of a snowstorm.

Her: And then what?

Me: I'll plow you.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A True Story- the Saga of Tyrone

Tyrone is a young man who stands about five foot four, and may weigh 90 pounds. What he lacks in size, he makes up for in mouth. Tyrone has the unfortunate combination of a big mouth, and gullible nature, so when he was thrown in jail for re-victimizing the same young girl, he started asking aroun...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man is out tilling his field behind his mule...

It’s a very hot day and the man is toiling away, sweating as he follows his mule controlling the plow up and down his field. His wife comes out to talk and says “When you get done with this field and return home tonight don’t forget about the leak under the kitchen sink, the window in the bathroom i...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sven and Ole

Sven is sitting on his porch one day, enjoying the morning Norwegian frosted air, when he sees his neighbor Ole coming down the road.

Ole has his hands lightly cupped together as if he's holding a delicate insect from escaping.

Sven pipes up and hollars "G'mornin Ole! what's that ya go...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So a retiring man decides to start a farm

As an insurance adjuster, he always wanted to start a farm out in the country. He takes his retirement and moves out to the country, and immediately goes to a local market in order to purchase animals to start his farm with.

He sees a stand with hens. He thinks, "Well, wouldn't be a bad idea ...

The Farmer had an ill-tempered Donkey.

The donkey would refuse to plow the fields and would kick any anyone that came close to him. One unfortunate day, the donkey kicked the farmer's wife, who died from the blow. During the funeral, thousands of men showed up from all over the province. Feeling amused, a neighbor asked the farmer, "That...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW The Voodoo Dick.

A man married to a nymphomaniac is going on a business trip, and he is worried his wife is going to cheat on him. So he decides to buy her a toy in the hopes of keeping her satisfied until he gets back. He goes to the neighborhood sex shop and explains his situation the the store owner. The owner gr...

I drive like my brother

I’m driving with this guy, and he runs right through a Stop sign. So I say, “Hey, that was a Stop sign.” And he says, “I drive like my brother!”

A few blocks later, he plows right through a red light. I say, “You just ran a red light.” And he says, “I drive like my brother!”

So now we’...

A blonde in her Corvette convertible passes a policeman at high speed.

He immediately flips on his lights and gives chase. She careens at a corner and knocks over a mailbox, then jumps the sidewalk sending pedestrians scrambling for safety. She gets back onto the road and approaches a red light with traffic stopped, but swerves into the opposite lane crossing the doubl...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy, two chickens, one donkey, and a maid

A country boy is travelling through the countryside to look for some livestock to purchase. He walks all day and all night until he finally comes across a farm. He walks up to the door and knocks. An old farmer opens the door and greets him.
“Hello, I would like to buy some livestock, preferably...

Snow wife.

One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.

A wee...

A farmer named Jet owns a team of mules.

These mules help to plow fields and do other such chores on Jet's farm. One of these mules has a very special gift. He can breath fire. None of the villagers believed Jet when he spoke his fire-breathing mule. So, one day Jet took his mule into town to prove to everyone that he was honest about thi...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Son visits his elderly parents..nsfw

A son decided to spend the weekend at his elderly parents house during the summer.
The mother is frail & the father is slowly losing his marbles, so it was nice to have the company.
The son slept downstairs on the pullout sofa next to the father & the mother slept upstairs as she woke ...

Planting potatoes in Chicago

So there's this old Pakistani man who lives alone in Chicago. One day he sends an e-mail to his son Ahmad :

"Dear son, I would love to plant some potatoes in the backyard but I'm old and lonely, I can't plow the land without your help. With love, your father."

Later that night, Ahmad...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

if running over deer had taught me anything...

It's that if somethings horny, plow it on the hood of your car

Two blondes from the city

So two blondes live together in the city and have been itching for a new life. They seek a rural and country lifestyle and want to own a farm.

The first blonde pitches to the other the idea of starting a real farm, with a bull as their first animal, for which to plow the fields they're sure ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So a Farmer's son is in prison.

A Farmer and his son used to work together to plow the fields and to plant grains in the fields. However, his son ends up in prison because he murdered someone. His father sends a letter to the son in prison. "I'm getting too old for this son. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep plowin...

Safety in Snowplows

A blond gets into her car while an incredibly powerful winter storm surrounds her. She starts the car and puts it in drive when suddenly her anxiety sets in. The horrible weather begins to worry her; she fears that she won't ever get home in it.

It's at this time (and through a stroke of luc...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Talking about planets with my nephew.

He asked if you could Plow thru Uranus because it's all gas

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The priest and the horse.

In a small village there lived a poor farmer whose work horse had just died. Without a means of pulling wagons and plows and no money to buy a new horse, the farmer just sat down by the side of the road, crying and wondering how he would feed his family now.

Then along came a priest and wonde...

Blonde gets lost in a snowstorm...

She didn't panic however because when she was younger her dad taught her to wait for a snow plow and then just follow the snow plow to safety. Sure enough a snow plow drives by and she follows behind it for 45 minutes. Finally the driver of the snow plow stops and gets out and asks her if she needed...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The diary of Bosnian refugee in Canada - FULL VERSION

August 12,
We moved into our new house in Canada. I'm so excited. It's so nice. The mountains are beautiful. I cannot wait to see them covered with the snow.
October 14,
Canada. It is the most beautiful country in the world. Leaves turned all colors and shades of yellow and orange. I ...

A tractor salesman...

is driving down the road. He looks out the window and sees a farmer with a bull hitched up to a plow. He pulls over and runs out to the farmer and says "Sir, I'm here to make your day."

"Oh yeah, how you gonna do that?"

"I'm a tractor salesman and I'm going to sell you a tractor."...