A mail man is delivering a package when he realises that the send to address is the same as the send back to address

This package keeps getting sent around in a circle for weeks before he finally sees a man come and get it.

“I’m sorry for snooping , but I have to ask, why do you keep sending this one package to yourself everyday. It’s just weird,”

The odd old man replies” well my fellow man, reposts ...

Check eMail Address Before Sending

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 35 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis an...

A guy is asked to give an address at his best friend's wedding.

He grabs the microphone, clears his throat and, in the smoothest voice he can muster:

- Number 23, Maple Street, 2nd floor, apartment number 3.

The groom is dumbfound, looking at his friend.

- That's the address of you wife's lover, bro.

The CEO of a major corporation is asked to give an address to shareholders at the yearly meeting.

He asks the company press officer to write him a twenty-minute speech. When the CEO returns from the convention, he is furious at the press officer.



“Are you trying to kill my career?” the CEO barks. “I asked for a twenty-minute speech and you give me an hour-long speech. People were ...

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I accidentally sent a dick pick to my entire address book

not only was it embarrassing, but the stamps were damn expensive.

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A man wins an online contest but enters the wrong email address to access the code.

He realizes that his account is on yahoo instead of gmail and now someone else has received the code to access the $5000 prize. He drives to his office disheartened and asks his secretary if he should just send an email to the account requesting the person to forward the code. Then his frustration i...

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A man wins an online lottery of $5000 but finds out her entered the wrong email address.

He comes home disappointed and tells his son to send an email kindly requesting him to transfer all the money to his account, since he is the rightful recipient of the cash prize. However, his panic attack kicks in as he realizes he probably won't accept their request, and he tells his son to just s...

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There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have noth...

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On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers.

He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, “What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob.” All the...

Why didn't Donald Trump address the Veterans in the rain?

Have you ever seen what happens to cotton candy when it gets wet?

My wife began to address the elephant in the room.

I asked her why she was talking to herself.

What is O.J. Simpson's internet address?

Slash slash backslash slash slash escape

Wrong email address

A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note w...

A man and his wife were travelling down to sunny California for their honeymoon.

The husband arranged to go to their hotel a day earlier to prepare, and upon arrival sent his wife a quick email. But unfortunately he misspelled the address, and it got sent to a grieving widow, who's pastor husband had died the day before.

When the widow checked her email, she let out a shr...

I actually had some good luck asking girls for their address instead of their phone number.

Some of them said "Good luck on that."

100 nuns are in a prayer session.

After the session ends, the head nun stands up and addresses the nuns.
"There was a man in the convent last night," she says.
99 nuns gasp, while one chuckles quietly to herself.
"We found a condom in the garden," the head nun continues.
Again, 99 nuns gasp, while one chuckles quietly to...

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my latina mother-in-law

Her address is 1837 3rd St, LA 90023, blue house. She gets off work at 6.

I should never have given my real email address to Rolex.

Now I'm forever placed on some kind of watch list.

Who do dyslexic kids address their Christmas list to?

Satan.

I can't find the army base, so I've typed the address into my GPS.

Apparently I need to go left, left, left, right, left.

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Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York.

She spoke for almost an hour about her plans for increasing every Native American’s present standard of living. She referred to her time as a U.S. Senator and how she had voted for every Native American issue that came to the floor of the Senate.

 

Although Hillary was vague a...

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day....

How do you address a recently-divorced alcoholic?

"Beerly Deloved"

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The Queens Breasts

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.



Nick, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.



One day Nick revealed his secret ...

What does a house wear?

Address

What pronouns do you use to address a chocolate bar?

Her/she

Putin visits Estonia

Immigration officer says: "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin".



"Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia".



"Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".

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Bros, friends, amigos... If she gives you this for her address, just go ahead and move on. Toss that cocktail napkin away. Move on. THere's other fish in the sea. (feel free to add to the list)

• Drinkand Dr.

• Vicious Circle

• West 943,185th Street

• Psycho Path

• Peoples Ct.

• Nofriggin Way

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Snoop Dogg should have given the official response to Trump's Presidential Address to Congress...

He has probably participated in more Joint Sessions than just about anyone.

I asked my dad what our IP Address was...

He just pointed at the toilet.

I got fired from the zoo today for talking to Dumbo

Apparently I am not allowed to address the elephant in the room

My eyesight improves if I strap an address book to my face.

I wear contacts.

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[NSFW] so, this guy is going on a business trip,

and he doesn't want his wife to get horny and not have anyone to help, so he decides to get her a little gift. he heads on down to a sex shop, and he's looking at the dildos. "too short. too think. ... WAY too big.." so he goes up to the clerk and asks "hey, you have anything really special?" the cl...

What does an IT Technician call their bathroom?

An I-Pee address.

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Redneck Letter

Dearest Redneck Son,

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansa...

Dollar pints

Michael O’Leary, Chief Executive of Ryanair after arriving in a hotel in Manchester went to the bar and asked for a pint of Guinness.

The barman said, "That will be £1 please, Mr. O’Leary."

Taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.

"We do try ...

How do men in New Zealand address their women?

"Hey! Ewe!"

What's your address?

Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: with me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is our house?
Me: Next to my neighbors house.
Police: Where is your neighbors house?
Me: You won't believe me ...

Yes ma'am, my address is 391 Easy Street...

...that's 'E' as in Eye, 'A' as in Are, 'S' as in Sea, and 'Y' as in You.

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Where does the computer programmer take a piss?

At the IP address.

Where does he poop?

Install.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"I've finally realized that I should never have given Timex my real email address when I filled out my warranty card," he complains to the bartender. "Now it looks like I'm on some sort of a watch list."

To my dearest wife...

A couple decide to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary by visiting the same hotel in Spain they'd visited for their honeymoon.

In the excitement, they get to the airport but sadly find the plane is overbooked.

The wife says to the husband, "don't worry, you catch this flight and I...

I would hate to have a pet elephant.

I'd have to address him so much.

So this farmer named Juan wants to run for city council.

He notices his small town is going downhill and wants to make a difference. He asks his wife what his slogan should be and she says: "Well you don't beat me, the kids, or your cow, so use that."

So Juan runs for city council using the slogan: "I don't beat my wife, I don't beat my kids, I don...

A man travelling across Europe catches a nasty cold

While resting at a hotel in Madrid, a man realizes hes sick and needs to go to the hospital. He quickly walks to the hotel's check-in desk and asks where the nearest hospital is, as he didnt really know what to call or where to go.

The hotel clerk says to the man: "No worries, sir. We shall ...

A german joke in english

Last week Otto the German was driving from Germany to Paris to visit some relatives.
A French cop stops him and asks the usual questions:


cop: name?

Otto: Otto

cop: address?

Otto: 341 Brandenburg Street, Berlin

cop: Occupation?

Otto: no, just visitin...

The $50 Cruise

A man sees an ad for a $50 cruise on Craigslist. Despite his better judgement, he grabs some cash and makes his way to the address given in the ad. He opens the door to a small office and is knocked unconscious from behind.



He wakes up tied to a barrel floating in the Atlantic Ocean....

The President of the United States delivered a speech in Algeria recently...

"I would first like to apologise to the fine people of Algeria that I can not address them in their own language. Unfortunately, I was never that good at algebra."

Where do network engineers go to use the toilet?

At their IP address.

Why was William Henry Harrison's inaugural address so memorable?

He had a killer final draft.

Shingles

A man walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He replied: “Shingles.”

So she wrote down his name, address and phone number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse came out and asked the man what he had. The man said: “Shingles!"
<...

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A woman (mom) was sitting at a bar enjoying a cocktail after work one night,

when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered.

He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes,

and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman could not help but stare.

Th...

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A young military man is standing outside having a smoke

A Private is standing outside in the smoking area, joking around with one of his buddies.

A young Lieutenant walks up to them, and asks "Private, have you got change for a dollar?"

The private looks over at him, and replies " Yea sure buddy, no problem".

The Lieutenant stares at...

David and Shane worked for a small furniture company which had recently developed a new product.

They had been developing a new kind of smart shelf, and it was finally finished. This shelf had everything! Part of it featured a built in wireless charger, there were USB ports, part of it could flip up to reveal a screen which could be used as digital picture frame as well as had access to YouTube...

Classic Giggle (I will forever double check before I send an email)

**After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis. They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together.**

**Unfo...

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John was a boy who sent a letter to Santa Claus.

As soon as the letter arrived in the mail, the mailmen, as having no one to send the letter to, decided to open it. In said letter, John stated that he did not want gifts but $ 200 to buy medicine for his mother who was very sick.

He also said that he was poor, but hardworking, and that he h...

So much has changed ever since my girlfriend told me we were having a baby!

For instance, my name, address, and telephone number!

A blonde reporter is given a choice...

Her boss tells her that she has to get a good scoop within an hour or she’ll be fired. She thinks for a while, then, her face lights up, and she runs to her car and drives off. Her boss waits an hour, then texts her to ask where she is. She responds with an address, and after driving there, her boss...

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(NSFW) Tax time

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, Social security number, etc. and then asks, "Whats your occupation?"

"I'm a lady of the ni...

A couple decides to spend a vacation in a Caribbean beach, in the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years ago, but due to work problems, the woman could not travel with her husband, so she would catch him in few days.

When the man arrived at the hotel, he saw there was a computer with Internet connection in the room. So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife but, he made a mistake in a letter and without realizing he sent it to another address ... The e-mail is received by a widow who had just arrived from her ...

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A Valentine’s Day story

A boy was walking home from school when he passed by a stray cat. The cat was trying to drink water that had spilt on the tarmac near it. The boy saw that the tarmac was dirty, and was worried that the cat would get sick if it kept drinking the water. He started to slowly walk towards the cat while ...

A bar is testing out an innovative new exchange system.

The bar owner has noticed a relatively major problem in her area-
people come in to drink, and when they are ready to head out, they feel obligated to finish the drink they paid for. This little bit is enough to push many patrons past their limit and the bar owner wants to do something to encour...

What do you call a dead URL?

An R.I.P address

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