Don’t judge a book by its cover. Why?

My maths textbook had a picture of someone having fun on the front.

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar

They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thro...

I started an 80's cover band with Arabic lyric translations.

We're called Quran Quran.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Caught Skinny Dipping

A priest and a rabbi are good friends and one night they get talking about Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden. The conversation leads them to try skinny dipping and under the light of the moon, they find themselves in swimming in a lake with their clothes hung from a tree. A car pulls up right next...

Whilst holidaying in France I saw a group of mushrooms performing Queen covers.

I said 'You're brilliant, what's the band called?'
They replied 'We are the Champignons, my friend'

My wife was really scared when I said: Police! Freeze! She kicked me in the face.

Guess I won’t go undercover again.

Q. What do you get if you cover your favourite feline in a mixture of sugar and egg white and throw it out to sea?

A. A cat-a-meringue

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Taking a neighborhood walk one day, a man comes across another man in the middle of the street jumping up and down on a manhole cover

...and with each jump he calls out "21! 21! 21!" Repeatedly. Finally, after growing annoyed watching, the man on the sidewalk offers, "It's 22, you know. The next number...?" Manhole guy "21! 21! Yeah, I know. 21! 21!"

Sidewalk guy watches a little longer. "Why are you even doing that...?" Ma...

Did you know that on average people want 3 covers on their beds at all times?

That's just a blanket statement.

I listened to a cover of "Pony" the other day.

It was good and all, but it just wasn't Genuwine.

Don’t judge a book by its cover.

Unless it’s a spy book, then it better have a good one.

I ran for cover when I saw a sailboat getting too close to shore

It looked ready for a tack

I don’t accept nudes, I tell the girls to cover up

Go ahead, send me a nude and see what I say

Why did Kermit The Frog lift off a manhole cover and dive in?

He was kermitting sewercide.

Did you hear about the place in western Czech Republic where they do hip-hop covers of Queen songs?

It's the Bohemian Rap City.

I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of “Free Bird” being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.

Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.

How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?

Take a flute and shove it up your ass.

I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay $855 to cover the loss.

Now I’m starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.

What do you cover yourself with at night that can keep you hot and cold?

A bipolar blanket

My toughest assignment as a detective was finding my laptop cover

But I was on the case

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today my jerk colleague from work asked me to cover his ass so that he can attend a pool party with his friends

I refused with anger and told him to use swimming trunks like everyone else does.

About a month before his death my uncle asked us to cover him in grease

He went downhill quite quickly after that.

My wife told me these types of blanktes she is ordering perfectly cover our bed. I replied,

"Oh duvet?"

An essay should be like a skirt.

Long enough to cover everything but short enough to keep your attention.

Who is the drummer for the Austrialian Beatles cover band?

ɹɐʇs oƃuᴉp

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body, but I'm so polite...

...I only look at the covered parts.

Why does Kidz Bop cover Drake songs?

Because Drake's girlfriends have to have a age appropriate way to listen to his songs.

A teacher in Ireland is giving an English lesson and asks the class for examples of when they have heard the word "contagious" being used…

One eager child says, "Daddy says to cover my mouth when I cough because my cold is contagious!"

"Very good!" replied the teacher. "Has anybody else got an example?"

"My mummy says my laugh is contagious!" said another child.


"Great answer!" said the teacher, "How about you...

I murdered the pizza delivery man for messing up my order and had to cover it up.

I ordered another pizza to calm my nerves and the second delivery man noticed the body, so I had to kill him too. Now I feel even more nervous so I ordered yet another pizza. I think it’s starting to become a domino effect.

The TSA is like a paper toilet seat cover

They probably don't actually do anything, and experts say they don't really make us safer, but do you really want to sit on a public toilet (or plane) without them?

Did you know that Harry Potter sold so many books it is possible to cover all of Brazil with them?

They also did it when they were in tree form

I hate people who don’t cover their noses and mouths when they sneeze.

They make me sick.

When I was a kid people used to cover me in cream and put a cherry on my head

It was tough living in the gateau

The German Shepherd cover up...

I found my German Shepherd, Hondo, with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit was dead, and I panicked.. I took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. I gave it a bath, blew dried its fur, and put it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they would think it died ...

Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really ...

I'm about to be fired from a Sublime cover band...

I don't practice Santeria.

I’m in a band. We do covers of Stone Sour, Stone Temple Pilots, and The Rolling Stones.

We’re a rock band.

A group of veterans decided to put out a cover of an Aretha Franklin song

They're calling it RESPTSD .

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stormy Daniels says Donald Trump paid $130,000 hush money to cover up an affair. Do you believe the bleached blond with big tits?

Or do you believe Stormy Daniels?

Why will the "Reddit Book" be missing a cover?

Because you only start at the front page

A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party.

He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a pornstar entering a barber shop, sitting next to a nun

the nun is currently getting her hair done.. meanwhile the pornstar is talking dirty shit about how he would like to have sex with the nun

the nun tries to ignore those words, when her hair is finished, she says she cant do such unspeakable things as a nun, an leaves

the barber then te...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do ducks have tail feathers?

To cover their butt quacks

A duck tries to walk into a bar...

...but he is stopped by the bouncer. "One dollar cover," says the bouncer. The duck has a bill, so he waddles right in.

Five minutes later, a turtle tries to walk into the bar. "One dollar cover," says the bouncer. The turtle has a greenback, so he walks right in.

Five minutes after th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men go to hell and they’re pissed

“Surely we weren’t that bad?” they ask themselves. “There has to be something we can do to get out of here.”

Satan suddenly appears and says “Oh, but there is! Withstand ten whippings from my trusty whip here and you’re free to go. I’ll even let you pick something to cover your back with”
...

My girlfriend likes to tie me to the bed and cover me in chocolate and caramel

She’s a dominatwix

My girlfriend said she was sick of me pretending to be a detective...

...and that "we should split up"

"Good idea", I said, "that way we can cover more ground"

One night, after a romantic meal, I was walking home with my girlfriend, and I decided it would be the right time to propose to her.

So I turned to her, looked her in the eye and got down on one knee. But, as I was grabbing the ring, the old local drunk named Joseph came by. He'd injured his eye and was wearing a cotton patch to cover it. No one knew where he'd once lived and he never told. But, he stumbled over, grabbed my girlf...

After a terrible night, two professors have to run through campus while naked...

As they run, the first guy covers his genitals and the second covers his face. The first guy asks the second, "Are you not ashamed of your indecency?"

The second guy responds, "Yeah... But, I don't know about you, but more people recognize me by my face than by my genitals"

R/News

that about covers it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Names Bond

So, James Bond retired and a new 007 took his place. She had trained all her life for this role, and was eager to do her duty for queen and country. Her first day on the job, she was introduced to Q, who debriefed her on all her new gadgets. The one he was most proud of was a dress that could perfor...

I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

Once there was a girl named Darling...

... had a particularly rough childhood because of her uncommon name. She always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school and hated her parents for the pain they inflicted on her. By the time she graduated school, however, she overcame her anger and embraced her unusual name finding it brought her so...

I'm going to open up a store that only sells two bed covers and two snorkels.

Just four sheets and goggles.

I’m a big fan of Hip-Hop cover artists

My personal favorite is Repost Malone

I suffered a work-related injury on the set of the latest "The Land Before Time" movie, but my insurance refused to cover it

I asked them why but the rep. just said "we don't cover pre-existing conditions."

What was the name of Iran’s first 80’s cover band ?

Quran Quran

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar...

He sits at the bar and orders a shot of whisky. While his drink is being poured, the man spots a jar of ten dollar bills sitting by the peanuts labeled, “bar challenge”.
Curious, the man asked the bartender what was up with that.
“That there is the current jackpot for this months bar challen...

A good zinger that my friend carpenter used on a doctor

So this Dr hired my friend (who's a carpenter) to do some work around the house, the doc was curiously looking over my friends shoulder as he was putting a piece of molding to cover his uneven cut. The doc said with a cavalier attitude "that's an easy way to hide your mistakes!" and without thinking...

My response any time my boss tells me they need people to help cover shifts this week:

That sounds like a personnel problem.

Why was the gentleman with the umbrella arrested?

He was A gent under cover

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a thong bikini and Donald's Trump's hair have in common.

They both barely cover the asshole.
(gota give Seth Myer credit for this one).

Before I get into Spring Break traffic, I cover my car in Mucinex...

It really thins out the congestion.

What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover?

100 meter Daesh

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide & seek...

Einstein covers his eyes and begins counting.

While Pascal runs off and hides, Newton takes out some chalk and marks a square on the ground with a side length of exactly one meter, and then sits down inside the square.

When Einstein is finished counting and sees Newton sitting on the ...

How do you cover a doctor's mistake?

With soil.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman hasn't had sex with her husband in years, so he takes her to the doctor

The doctor takes her into the exam room, but he determines that she's healthy and that there is nothing physically wrong with her. So he asks her what could be preventing her from having sex with her husband. She replies:

"Well, every morning, my husband gives me money for work, but it only c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Only fifteen minutes

A group of men live and die for their Saturday morning golf game. One of them transfers to another city and they're lost without him.

A new woman joins their club. When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if...

There is a Malaysian '80s cover band called "The Union."

What were they thinking, not going with "Durian Durian"?

Reddit should all come together and create a film starring Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep about a newspaper uncovering a US government cover up.

It would be the greatest rePost of all time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s does Donald Trump’s hair and a thong have in common?

They both barely cover the asshole.


Thank you for the silver anon person!!

I need to put my phone in a cover

Just in case

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[LONG]So, a pianist walks into his local jazz bar...

As he's been down on his luck and is looking for work. He asks one of the waitresses there to speak to the manager, who he approaches and asks,

"Are you the dumb fucker that runs this shit hole of a bar?"

The manager, taken very much aback, responds, "Excuse me? I am the manager, yes...

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

Suddenly th...

A blonde was walking down a shady alley, when all of a sudden a mugger jumps out from behind cover and says "I have a knife, give me all your money!"

She screamed and yelled "Don't shoot!"

I'm going to cover my whole body in gift-wrap.

Then I can say I'm truly living in the present.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.