A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks,
"What's going on?"


"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fir...

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My wife said this sub is nothing but the same recycled crap over and over.

She is so wrong so I told her to check my history. My last post here says otherwise.

[Dad Jokes] 3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with.

So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.



*Wow this blew up!! I didn't expect it to get so many upvotes! THANK YOU! I heard this joke from my friend today and I decided to share it with Reddit.*

*Thank you for the silver! First time receivi...

As a Pink Floyd fan, nothing makes me angrier than seeing a vegan eating pudding.

Because how can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

Periods are 100% normal and nothing to worry about.

But a semi colon is not; you should see a proctologist about that.

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[NSFW] A guy is sunbathing on the beach wearing nothing but a hat over his dick.

A guy is sunbathing on the beach wearing nothing but a hat over his dick. A woman walks by and says: "If you were a gentleman you would lift your hat", to which the guy replies: "If you were pretty it would lift itself".

^(Note: I know it's not original but thought someone might enjoy it.)

I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now.

Oh wait, my bad. That wasn’t my waiter.

A wise man once said “it’s better to say nothing at all”

An even wiser man didn’t say that

3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with

…so they throw one cigarette off the boat to make the boat a cigarette lighter

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A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but pants.

The host asks: "What are you supposed to be?"

The man replies: "I am a premature ejaculation!"

To which the host replies: "Interesting... But why are you not wearing a shirt or shoes or a hat or anything else?"

The man says: "Well I just came in my pants!"

What do you call a piece of wood with nothing to do?

Bored.

People say nothing rhymes with orange.

It seems very strange to me.

[NSFW] A cowboy is walking down main street in nothing but his boots and hat...

Shortly after he got into town, a sheriff stops him.

"Sir, why in the hell are you walkin down the street naked as a jaybird?"

"I can explain! See I met this girl named Sally. Well, I took her back to my place and she took her shirt off... So I took off mine. Then she took her pants of...

“Absolutely nothing” spelled backwards is “gnihton yletulosba”

Which means absolutely nothing.

Nothing is more conspicuous

than a farting princess.

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Trump is nothing like Hitler

There’s no way he could write a book.

Nothing says stable genius like...

A degree in equine sciences.

It's now 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed.

Maybe it's time I go there personally and find out what's wrong.

There’s nothing worse than having a Cranberries song stuck...

In your heeeeeead, in your heeeeeead, in your head, in your head, in your hea, hea, hea, head....

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What else could he say??

A young couple decided to take their 5 year old son to see the circus. After several amazing acts, the ringmaster led six bull elephants into the center ring, linked trunk to tail in the usual manner.

"What's that big thing hanging off the elephant, Mommy?" Little Johnny asked.

"That...

A man goes to a costume party with nothing but a naked woman on his back.

"What are you supposed to be, then?" The host asks.


"I'm a turtle" said the man.


"How can you be a turtle when all you've got is that naked woman on your back?" Replies the host.


"Oh her?" He smiles. "That's just Michelle."

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face

... for instance when you push them down the stairs.

A geologist, physicist and an economist are marooned on a desert island with nothing to eat.

A can of soup washes ashore. They ponder how to open it. The geologist says, ‘Let’s smash it open with a rock.’ The physicist says, ‘Let’s heat it up and blow it open.’ The economist says, ‘No, no. You guys will lose most of the soup. Let’s just assume we have a can opener.’

TIL: If the Queen farts during dinner, all the other guests should pretend like nothing happened.

Noble gases have no reaction.

The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 160 days, proving the country does not belong to China.

Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.

An unpaid internship is nothing like actual slavery

Slaves are given food and housing.

As a gardener, nothing makes me more excited than when my plants first sprout.

I guess that makes me a petalphile.

I can't believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician!

I was just sitting there doing nothing!

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin'! There's no paper on this side either!"

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My girlfriend keeps telling me a small penis is nothing to be ashamed of.

I still wish she didn't have one though...

They say nothing is impossible...

So that means they were able to lick their back?!?!

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A Marine returns from duty in Iraq and is immediately reassigned to a remote location in Afghanistan.

That evening he arrives at his new post; a run down mosque in the middle of nowhere.

As he switches over with the marine currently stationed there, he realises there is no bed, no clean water, no toilet, just him, his weapon and the dirt on the floor.

The next morning he wakes up to fi...

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I hope its not a repost(but probably is nothing is ever new anymore)- I recently joined so go easy on me: Man approaches Woman in a bar.

Man: How many people have you had sex with?

Woman: Hey! That's my personal business!

Man: Oh sorry, I didn't know you make a living out of it.- bye!

Billy turned in his art project and his teacher said, “This piece of paper has nothing on it?”

Billy replied “I know, I drew a blank.”

There's nothing I like more than sleeping through a road trip

But they're always saying keep your eyes on the road

A man suddenly awakens remembering nothing of his past

Suddenly a genie exclaims: what is your third and final wish?

The man ponders for a minute before replying: I would like to remember that which I have forgotten.

The genie grins and states: interesting, that was also your first wish.

A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.

He then proceeded to draw his weapon.

There is nothing worse than being second guessed.

But I'm not sure

Our country needs a border wall. South of the border is nothing but criminals, disgusting people, and entitled people and their government does nothing about it.

Just to be clear, I live in Canada.

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A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment building

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment building. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvio...

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed.
"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.
"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.
The nake...

Judge: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

Me: No.

Judge: *(covers mic)* What do I do?

I know nothing about the sport of fencing

But I attended a match with a friend who promised to explain everything.

The fencer took position, and one lunged at the other who batted the blade away.

The crowd went wild.

"That was a parry." My friend explained.

The fencer lunged again, the other deflected the blade...

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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all ...

A man wearing a trench coat, with nothing on underneath, walks up to 3 nuns sitting on a park bench. The first 2 nuns were so appalled they gasped and fainted.

The 3rd nun had a stroke.

Nothing says I have total faith in God

than the bullet proof glass on the Pope's car.

There is nothing more embarrassing than your parents entering your room in the morning when you have an erection

in your mouth...

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[NSFW] A doctor is giving a tour of a local hospital

One day a public health official goes to visit a local hospital. The doctor is giving them a tour around the hospital, bragging about what an outstanding reputation it has. He claims that they are the leading hospital in treating rare disorders and afflictions.

As the doctor and visitor pass ...

People always say there is nothing new on r/jokes but hundreds of new jokes go on every day!

Fortunately I’m not one of them, I’ve been here for an entire year!

Can we stop the conspiracy theories on Epstein's death? It was a normal suicide, because he had nothing to live for.

"This post is supported and paid for by the Clinton Foundation"

What did the psychiatrist say to the man who showed up wearing nothing but Saran Wrap?

“Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”

Nothing is better than lifelong happiness...

But a cheese sandwich is better than nothing.

Therefore, a cheese sandwich is better than lifelong happiness.

I just discovered that the word 'nothing' is a palindrome...

Backwards it spells 'gnihton', which also means nothing.

Nothing beats the Swedish summer...

it's simply the best day of the year.

Three people, named Crazy, Nothing and Nobody, are working on the roof.

Suddenly, Nobody falls off.
"Quick!" Nothing says. "Call an ambulance!"
So Crazy pulls out his phone, dials 911 and says: "Hi. I'm Crazy. I'm calling for Nothing, because Nobody fell off the roof!"

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Everyone debates butts vs. boobs, but nothing beats a pretty face.

Except for Chris Brown

If Darth Vader said "Nothing's gonna stop us now" instead of "There will be no one to stop us this time..."

Would that make him Mannequin Skywalker?

A lady dies and goes to heaven and is standing in front of God...

" there is one thing I've always wanted to know"

"Ok, ask away," God said.

" Do vaccines cause autism?" she asked

" The truth is no, vaccines have nothing to do with autism", admitted god.

The women shakes her head and says " They got to you too, this thing really goes hi...

A math professor is trapped on a deserted island with nothing but a pie

He decides to ration the pie so he can survive for a month, and hopefully someone will have come by then.

He dies a week later cause he ate all the pie in one day.

He should’ve listened to what he told his students

“Pi is irrational”

I went to Spain to attend the Running of the Bulls, but when I arrived, there was nothing there but cows with fake horns attached.

I was in shambles.

I recently took up meditation,

It's certainly better than sitting around doing nothing.

First they came for the nihilists, and I did nothing.

That is all.

A man decided to become a monk

The head Monk says to the man "This is a silent order. You will only be allowed to speak once every 15 years."

The man says "Ok" and begins his time with the silent order.

15 years pass and the man is sitting in the refectory when the head monk approaches and says to the man "It has be...

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I went to the pet shop and the owner said he had a talking centipede for sale.

I said ‘no way, centipedes don’t talk.’
The owner promised me it was a talking centipede so I purchased it and took it home with me.
A little later in that evening I went up to its tank and said ‘alright mate, I’m just popping down the pub if you fancy a few pints?’ The centipede said nothing...

A man and his girlfriend check into a hotel.

“I don’t know why, but I’m afraid that this room might be bugged with hearing devices.” the girlfriend tells her boyfriend.

“That’s crazy, there’s nothing to be worried about.” the man replies.

The girl insists, so he starts to search the room. He looks in all of the drawers, under th...

Nothing’s better than being 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, or 97 years old

Those are the years you are in your prime.

What did the ocean say to the land? Nothing, it just waved.

Did you SEA what i did there?

Seeing a spider is nothing.

It becomes a problem when it disappears.

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I saw nothing.

The first speaker, a lady from England stood up and said, "During last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband, Barrington, that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself! After t...

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3 Cowboys NSFW

Three cowboys sat around a campfire, all exchanging tall tales about how tough they all were.

The first cowboy says “I’m the toughest of the bunch. I was out in the tall grass, looking for a good spot to take a piss. All the sudden this snake appears. And you can see in its eyes, it’s out fo...

Crazy, nothing and no-one

Crazy, Nothing and no-one are sitting in a boat. After a big wave no-one falls out out the boat! “Quickly, call an ambulance!” Shouts nothing.
Crazy calls 911 and says: “help! I’m crazy, i am calling for nothing, because no-one fell out of the boat!”

Anyway this joke was really funny in ...

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I can never get anything right. Yesterday I attempted suicide.

My wife left for work. I went into the garage, sealed the windows and doors.
Started my car, let it run.
I sat in my lawn chair and closed my eyes. After eight hours, nothing. I felt the same. I was soo pissed off I shut of my Tesla and went back inside.

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The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 120 days, proving the country does not belong to China

Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.

There's nothing more annoying than people who get their sayings wrong.

I mean, it's not rocket salad.

To the guy who invented the number zero

Thanks for nothing

I'm a masochist. There's nothing I love more than getting up at 3 in the morning for a cold shower.

So I don't.

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As my wife and I lay in bed together, I felt the tension in the air. She then folded her arms and huffed, “You never make the first move.

“Jesus!” I said as I rolled my eyes. “Every night it’s the same thing.”

“Well you don’t!” she moaned. “It’s always me and quite frankly I’m fed up with it. And before you start, it’s nothing to do with you being black.”

“It is,” I said.

“No, it isn’t,” she said.

“You know...

I saw a lady on the street the other day wearing nothing but whipped cream.

She was Chantilly Clad.

The final episode of Game of Thrones should end in a huge musical number where everyone comes back to life for some reason and nothing is explained and no real ending is given.

That'll cause riots.

In Moscow, between the '80s and the '90s

Two friends are waiting in the breadline, when one of them says:

"Ugh, I can't take it anymore, we're waiting from 4 hours and still nothing."

"Yeah, and so? What are you gonna do?"

"Know what? Let's end all this! I'm gonna kill Gorbachëv!"

And he walks away.

After...

Long Joke

Ever since he was a little kid, Bob always had one goal in life: to become a train conductor. Finally when he grew up, he achieved his goal and became the conductor of the Happytown train. He was so excited to conduct the train that he decided to see how fast he can go. He went faster and faster unt...

There’s nothing worse than a broken window

It’s always a pane to fix

I keep reading nothing but black hole articles...

They just keep pulling me in!

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A priest is sitting inside the church, when a guy comes in and asks to be confessed.

“Very well, my child,” says the priest, as he leads the man into the confession booth, “Tell me about your sins.”

“Well, Father,” says the guy, “On Monday, I was at my girlfriend’s house, and, well… the two of us alone, the house empty… I sinned, Father.”

“Don’t worry, child,” says the...

There’s nothing much I can say about the Swiss

But their flag is a big plus

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Sperm count

A 65 year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as cle...

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day....

Theres nothing wrong with open relationships

Im in a open relationship my wife just doesn't know yet

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What do you call nuts on the wall? -Walnuts. What do you call nuts on your chest? - Chestnuts. What do you call nuts on your chin?... ? ? .. nothing because you’ve got a mouth full of dick.

Lool my uncle told me this yesterday it is an absolute cracker ;)

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

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A QUEEN and a famous porn star died on the same day

when they fronted up to St Peter he told them there was only one space left for that day, and they’d have to argue their respective cases.The horizontal humper ripped off her top and said, “These are the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I’m sure it will please him greatly to be able to gaz...

There's nothing like cuddling up to your significant other.

Until they ruin it by saying stuff like, "Who are you? How did you get into my house? Get out before I call the cops!"

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Gambler gets a notice from IRS that he is being audited.

The gambler calls his tax attorney and they go to see the IRS agent. As they are waiting in the office, the IRS agent looks over his paperwork and says:

"The reason for your audit is that you have a relatively lavish lifestyle, but not much income to justify it, can you tell me what you do fo...

I was once in a group project with a girl who did nothing but send feet pics

That was her sole contribution

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Wearing nothing but a cape I jumped into the bedroom startling my wife.

I shouted SUPER SEX!!!!

She replied, “ I don’t know, what kind of soup is it?

A man walks into a Halloween party wearing nothing but his underpants and has a woman stuck on his back

His friends see him and ask "What are you supposed to be?"

"A turtle" the man replied

"What? How is that a turtle? and why is there a woman on your back? the friends ask

"Oh, thats just Michelle"

So a doctor gives a guy a check-up, tries to take his heart beat, nothing, his heart is where his stomach is, his intestines where his lungs should be, and his liver where his stomach should be, i guess you could say his insides were...

Un*organ*ised

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Life is getting pretty dull, so I've decided to eat nothing but Swiss cheese

I just need more 'holy shit' in my life

A man's fence is broken and he needs to hire someone to fix it

So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.

He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to los...

A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, ‘Father,may I ask a favor?’

‘Of course child. What can I do for you?’

‘Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electric hair dryer for my Mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for
me? Under your robes ...

Nothing like selling an old man your selfies in skin tight outfits, covering strangers with your sticky white goo, and taking compromising photos when they’re vulnerable.

I sure loved the old Spiderman movies.

stolen from comments of r/showerthoughts

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up infront of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antilope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood infront of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know...

Bored at work so I wrote my first joke. It’s extremely dumb but maybe it’ll make someone laugh.

An extremely wealthy family owned countless successful companies, bought out competitors and even purchased new ventures if they looked promising enough. Nothing was too big or small, and nothing was off limits.

The family consisted of a mother (Linda), father (Robert) and 3 sons (Robert Jr.,...

I’d been trying to get the lid of my pen for hours...

Nothing I was trying was working.

Then it clicked.

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There was a man who worked for the Post Office

... whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.
The letter read:
Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small p...

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A man is in an hospital bed wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth.

‘Nurse’, he mumbles. ‘Are my testicles black?’ Nurse raise his gown, hold his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other. She take a close look and says ‘there nothing wrong with them sir’. Man pulls off the oxygen mask, smile at her and says very slowly, ‘ Thanks for that, it was lovely but l...

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

It’s sad that nothing is made in America anymore...

I just bought a new t.v. and it said “Built in antenna”
I don’t even know where that is!

A Million Dollars of nothing

A 9th grade English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars.

Alex handed in a blank sheet of paper.

"Alex!" yelled the teacher, "you've done nothing. Why?"



"Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I wou...

Kid: Waahhh! Dad, my toy is broken! Dad: Nothing that a duct tape can’t fix.

Kid: mmmph.. mmrr...

TIFU by taking my girlfriend to a food themed costume orgy.

Obligatory didn't happen today, but a few weeks ago, me and my girlfriend decided to spice up our relationship by going to an orgy. A mutual friend of ours gave us the adress, and told us to wear costumes. I was broccoli, my girlfriend was a tomato.

When we arrived, the door was unlocked. Th...

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NO SEX TONIGHT!

I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example… One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

We...

Never fall in love with a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them.

God? What's a billion years like to you? Nothing but a mere sec. Really!? Well then what's a billion dollars to you? Nothing but a penny. Well... Can I have a billion dollars then?

Sure... Hang on a sec.

There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink...

He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.


The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't s...

In early The Who gigs their drummer would sometimes go on stage dressed in nothing but a layer of blue paint. However, he didn't do it too often.

In fact, it would only happen once in a blue Moon.

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Three men are sitting in a bar with a buy 3 get one free special

One says, "this deal is crap, we could go down the street to McVee's, it's buy two get one free"

The second guy says, "yeah well I always go to O'Donnell's, it's buy one get one."

The third says, "that's nothing, I know a bar that gives you the first *three* beers for free, then they t...

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Three friends bragged about who has more sex....

Friend A said "You all have nothing on me. I go to the bar and bring home a woman every night. Not only that but I drive a corvette into work everyday and have a 8 inch penis. I have slept with more than 1,000 women"

Friend B said "Oh yeah? Well I'm the top gynecologist doctor at the most hig...

A boy with nothing else but a head

A boy was born as only a head. No other parts of his body. Somehow, the head didn’t need the rest of his body to live, a medical mystery.

10 years has gone by, every afternoon, the boy’s mother has set his head to look through the window and watch his schoolmates play baseball. One night, the...

A woman goes into labor with her child.....

The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father.

He asks if it's okay to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain of the father to 10%.

The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels noth...

If you know nothing about constellations at least learn Ursa Minor

...that's the bear minimum.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between red and green?

Nothing if you're a cyclist cunt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke I made up that's funny only when you look back at it.

This guy shows up to his optometrist and says "I have a weird problem",



The Optometrists replies, "What seems to be the trouble?"



The guys says, "Everything's blurry. My vision is horrible!"



"That's pretty common", the Optometrist replies. "We can certai...

Joe's Talking Trees

Joe was a simple and serious man. He was a carpenter in a small village named Arge Oaks where he owned the store "Joe's Carpentry."

For years Joe impressed his fellow neighbors with the highest quality carpentry work. Some people in town complained he was a bit too expensive, but no one ever...

You are stuck in a locked room with nothing but a mirror and a chair. How do you escape?

You look at the chair, turn around, look in the mirror, see what you saw, take the saw, cut the chair in half, two halves make a whole and you climb through the hole.

A mother and her daughter went to the doctor's office...

The mother asked her doctor to examine her daughter.

"She has been having some strange symptoms and I'm worried about her" the mother said.

The doctor examined the daughter carefully. Then he announced,"Madam, I believe your daughter is pregnant."

The mother gasped,"That's nonse...

Your fetishes are nothing to be ashamed of

Unless your fetish is humiliation. Then you should be ashamed, you nasty little pervert.

After his wife passed away, he stopped wearing his glasses. His sister saw him and exclaimed: “Aww it must be so hard for you, nothing is worth seeing anymore after she’s gone?”

He said: “What? No, I sold her jewelry and paid for a Lasik surgery.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store...

...so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.

They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big st...

Reddit is nothing but a damn joke...and here’s why..

Why.

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Nothing gives me more anxiety than riding shotgun through a mountain underpass.

Think I've got Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.

A lady walks into a park, and finds a man lying on a bench, with nothing but a cap over his crotch

The lady says "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your cap". The man replies " If you were any sort of a hot lady, the cap would've lifted itself"

An old Irish saying about worrying.

There are only two things in life to worry about: if you are well or if you are sick. If you are well, there is nothing to worry about.

If you are sick, there are only two things to worry about: if you will get better or if you will die. If you get better, there is nothing to worry about. ...

The Bulgarian conductor

So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living. He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single per...

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