This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Justice is a dish best served cold

Because if it was served warm, it would be justwater

What's the difference between Dish soap and Lube?

The first one splits the greases, the second one greases the split.

Have you guys tried my new Texan pasta dish?

It's y'all dente

What's the heaviest Chinese dish?

Wanton

What side dish does George Michael ask for with his curry?

Well I guess it would be rice

I was trying to bake an egg-based dish with fresh vegetables but my wife told me not to

I said “why don’t you like quiche”

I'd always thought revenge was a dish best served cold

Turns out it means getting back at somebody.

What's the difference between Gordon Ramsay's favorite dish and a slow running computer?

One is a Rack of Lamb, the other is a Lack of RAM

I was eating at a restaurant and decided to try a dish I'd never had before. I was quite shocked when I found out that the meal was just a small plant with thick, fleshy leaves. But don't worry...

...it was succulent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mate just rang me in tears. His wife has left him and taken his Bob Marley collection and satellite dish!

I pity the poor bastard

No Woman No Sky!

What's a Russians favorite side dish?

Cold Slav.

What's Californians favourite dish?

The Chilli Con Valley.

Whats the national dish of ethiopia? Dont know?

Neither do they.

What is Waldo's (Wally's) least favorite dish?

Fondue!

Scientists have grown human vocal cords in a Petri dish

The results speak for themselves.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian farmer caught one of his cows masturbating. He slaughtered it and used the meat to invent a new dish.

He called it Beef Strokinoff.

What is it called when one biologist steals a petri dish from another biologist?

Cultural appropriation.

My dad made a Vietnamese/Thai fusion dish the other day...

It was Tom-Phocurry.

Brock Turner sounds like a dish made from broccoli and turnips...

Which is fitting because he prefers his women to be in vegetative states!

What is a white person's favorite Mexican dish?

Number 4.

If a recipe calls for you to turn off the heat and begin mincing your herbs to add to the dish, that step would be called:

Stop. Hammer thyme.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a poorly baked pastry dish and a cash-grabbing prick?

One’s a shit pie and the other’s Ajit Pai.

What do you call a cute dish with a Mexican explorer on it?

A Dora bowl

What’s the small box on the back of a satellite dish called?

A council flat.

What dish would you cook to ensnare a member of the UK Conservative Party?

Chicken Cacciatore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the riskiest dish to order from a Japanese restaurant?

Fish of the north star.

The Italian dish which is controversial in r/jokes

Copy Pasta

What did the spice jar say as he emptied into the dish?

Oh my god, I'm cumin!!!

Why did the chef not finish his dish?

He ran out of thyme.

What's the heaviest dish ever cooked?

A bowl of one-tons. (Wontons)

A cook got his hand caught in the dish-washer

and they were both fired.

A wife cooked her husband a pasta dish and posted the pic on fb

Later at the dining table...

Husband: “Sweetheart, I think it needs a bit more salt."

Wife : “What the hell! This pasta got 453 Likes and also 138 people commented 'Yummy'. But there's no pleasing you is there?"

Police are searching for a fugitive chef after he killed a customer who was arguing about spices used in a dish.

They are saying it's only a matter of thyme.

What is a horse's favourite italian dish?

Spaghetti bologneighs.

Don't ask, my brain comes up with silly things ._.

What's Luigi's favorite dish at a seafood restaurant?

It's a Cala-Mario!


I thought of this joke while I was dreaming one night and laughed myself awake.

Just turned my dish washer into a snow blower!

I gave my wife a shovel

I seek to promote the welfare of a certain baked dish.

I'm a flanthropist.

Did you hear about the white biologist stealing a petri dish from his black colleague?

It was a case of cultural appropriation.

An Australian Chef was caught spitting on every dish he made.

His career's saliva now.

What does a healthy dish and a good joke have in common?

Amy Schumer has never had any of them

What do you call Shaq if he was a delicious breakfast dish?

Shaquille Oatmeal

What is every dad's favorite dish?

Puncakes.

Man walks into an African restaurant and orders the most typical African dish...

...the waiter brings him an empty dish.

A friend tried to trip me up in an Indian restaurant, failed, and fell face first in to someone's mild chicken dish.

I call it instant korma.


I don't care if you like it, I can tikka or leave it.

[OC?I just heard that superstar Phil Collins has an irrational fear of eating an inauthentic Vietnamese noodle dish.

He calls it faux-pho-phobia.

What is reddits least favorite dish?

Kung Pao Chicken

Watching a cooking show when "We believe this was the last dish they served on the Titanic on that fateful day"

I bet that went down well.

what do apples, dish washer soap, the muppets, a black guy, beer, yankee candels, and the keyboard on a flip phone all have in common?

they all help make a really convoluted joke.

My dad is 100% Swedish and this was his favorite joke to tell waitresses when we went out to eat.

Waitress: Are you all finished?

Dad: No, I'm not Finnish, I'm Swedish.

What is your favorite dish?

I'm not gonna cook it but I'll order it from ZANZIBAR!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For Halloween this year, I'm gonna be a dish.

Because bitches do dishes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Iranian Joke: Tranlated

A man was laying on his death bed at home. His beautiful wife sat by his side, holding his hand.

He was dismayed about his wife being with another man. He knew that this was probably inevitable but he wanted to hear it from her. He asked, "wife, do you think that when I am gone you will marr...

My brother can dish it out, but he can't take it.

He since lost his job as a waiter.

What's a panda's favorite kitchen dish?

A pan....duh

What's Pao's favorite Chinese dish?

Infant children.

Today, I was thinking about the expression 'revenge is a dish best served cold'.

Then I considered 'revenge is sweet'. I've come to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream.

My wife uses an entire bottle of dish soap when she washes the dishes every night.

Another day, another Dawn

In the west, You have a washing machine, a dish-washer, a shower, litter boxes, a toilet & a cemetery

But in India: We have the Ganges!

I was cooking a dish with onions in it and my friend cried.

I only now realized recently that she wasn't raising that dog for food.

What did the unskilled chef serve as a side dish?

Mediokra

I got charged for a satellite dish the other day...

I was furious. He told me it'd be on the house.

Whenever you're serving a dish with a hollandaise sauce, make sure to use a chrome plate.

Because there's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise.

One of my chefs at my culinary school told the class this one and we got out early because we couldn't stand to be in the room with him any more.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a chronic masturbator's favorite dish?

Meat stroganoff

What's the first step to making your favorite Jewish dish?

Preheat the oven

What was the cannibal's favorite part about the Vegetarian dish?

The Vegetarian

What is the coldest dish at a Mexican restaurant?

a b-r-r-r-r-ito

"Look, I know I'm just a deep dish filled with dough, tomato sauce, and mozzarella cheese... But you should really reconnect with your father."

"Hey! That's a little personal, pan pizza!"

Farmer John had the prettiest wife in town--we're talking a real dish

--and every many in town wanted her. Sam Spoon wanted her the most, and he had a plan to get her. Every day Farmer John would drive his truck to the base of his pasture to feed his prize cow, Bessie. Farmer John'd throw hay over the fence and ring a big cowbell, and when she heard it, Bessie'd come ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.