What's a Russians favorite side dish?

Cold Slav.

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Justice is a dish best served cold,

if it were served warm it would be justwater.

I was eating at a restaurant and decided to try a dish I'd never had before. I was quite shocked when I found out that the meal was just a small plant with thick, fleshy leaves. But don't worry...

...it was succulent.

What's the difference between Gordon Ramsay's favorite dish and a slow running computer?

One is a Rack of Lamb, the other is a Lack of RAM

Whats the national dish of ethiopia? Dont know?

Neither do they.

What is Waldo's (Wally's) least favorite dish?

Fondue!

Scientists have grown human vocal cords in a Petri dish

The results speak for themselves.

What is it called when one biologist steals a petri dish from another biologist?

Cultural appropriation.

What's Californians favourite dish?

The Chilli Con Valley.

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A Russian farmer caught one of his cows masturbating. He slaughtered it and used the meat to invent a new dish.

He called it Beef Strokinoff.

What is a white person's favorite Mexican dish?

Number 4.

Brock Turner sounds like a dish made from broccoli and turnips...

Which is fitting because he prefers his women to be in vegetative states!

What’s the small box on the back of a satellite dish called?

A council flat.

What do you call a cute dish with a Mexican explorer on it?

A Dora bowl

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What is the riskiest dish to order from a Japanese restaurant?

Fish of the north star.

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What’s the difference between a poorly baked pastry dish and a cash-grabbing prick?

One’s a shit pie and the other’s Ajit Pai.

If a recipe calls for you to turn off the heat and begin mincing your herbs to add to the dish, that step would be called:

Stop. Hammer thyme.

A cook got his hand caught in the dish-washer

and they were both fired.

What dish would you cook to ensnare a member of the UK Conservative Party?

Chicken Cacciatore.

Why did the chef not finish his dish?

He ran out of thyme.

What did the spice jar say as he emptied into the dish?

Oh my god, I'm cumin!!!

I always thought Revenge is a dish best served cold....

But then I learned it meant Getting back at someone.

The Italian dish which is controversial in r/jokes

Copy Pasta

What's the heaviest dish ever cooked?

A bowl of one-tons. (Wontons)

A wife cooked her husband a pasta dish and posted the pic on fb

Later at the dining table...

Husband: “Sweetheart, I think it needs a bit more salt."

Wife : “What the hell! This pasta got 453 Likes and also 138 people commented 'Yummy'. But there's no pleasing you is there?"

Police are searching for a fugitive chef after he killed a customer who was arguing about spices used in a dish.

They are saying it's only a matter of thyme.

What is a horse's favourite italian dish?

Spaghetti bologneighs.

Don't ask, my brain comes up with silly things ._.

Just turned my dish washer into a snow blower!

I gave my wife a shovel

As a Englishman, I feel shame for my countries lack of a unique dish

I mean, look at Italy with their pasta and pizza. Portugal has Peri-Peri sauce, the French have omlettes and fancy bread. And I think we all know how the good the Germans are with ovens.

I seek to promote the welfare of a certain baked dish.

I'm a flanthropist.

What's Luigi's favorite dish at a seafood restaurant?

It's a Cala-Mario!


I thought of this joke while I was dreaming one night and laughed myself awake.

Did you hear about the white biologist stealing a petri dish from his black colleague?

It was a case of cultural appropriation.

[OC?I just heard that superstar Phil Collins has an irrational fear of eating an inauthentic Vietnamese noodle dish.

He calls it faux-pho-phobia.

What does a healthy dish and a good joke have in common?

Amy Schumer has never had any of them

An Australian Chef was caught spitting on every dish he made.

His career's saliva now.

What do you call Shaq if he was a delicious breakfast dish?

Shaquille Oatmeal

What is every dad's favorite dish?

Puncakes.

Man walks into an African restaurant and orders the most typical African dish...

...the waiter brings him an empty dish.

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Did you know that the Venezuelans use the excrement of a rare species of bovine in an ancient dish passed down from generation to generation?

I lied it's all bullshit.

What is reddits least favorite dish?

Kung Pao Chicken

Watching a cooking show when "We believe this was the last dish they served on the Titanic on that fateful day"

I bet that went down well.

A friend tried to trip me up in an Indian restaurant, failed, and fell face first in to someone's mild chicken dish.

I call it instant korma.


I don't care if you like it, I can tikka or leave it.

what do apples, dish washer soap, the muppets, a black guy, beer, yankee candels, and the keyboard on a flip phone all have in common?

they all help make a really convoluted joke.

My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.

It’s an extremely rare dish order.

My dad is 100% Swedish and this was his favorite joke to tell waitresses when we went out to eat.

Waitress: Are you all finished?

Dad: No, I'm not Finnish, I'm Swedish.

My brother can dish it out, but he can't take it.

He since lost his job as a waiter.

What's a panda's favorite kitchen dish?

A pan....duh

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For Halloween this year, I'm gonna be a dish.

Because bitches do dishes.

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An Iranian Joke: Tranlated

A man was laying on his death bed at home. His beautiful wife sat by his side, holding his hand.

He was dismayed about his wife being with another man. He knew that this was probably inevitable but he wanted to hear it from her. He asked, "wife, do you think that when I am gone you will marr...

What's Pao's favorite Chinese dish?

Infant children.

Today, I was thinking about the expression 'revenge is a dish best served cold'.

Then I considered 'revenge is sweet'. I've come to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream.

My wife uses an entire bottle of dish soap when she washes the dishes every night.

Another day, another Dawn

I was cooking a dish with onions in it and my friend cried.

I only now realized recently that she wasn't raising that dog for food.

What did the unskilled chef serve as a side dish?

Mediokra

Whenever you're serving a dish with a hollandaise sauce, make sure to use a chrome plate.

Because there's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise.

One of my chefs at my culinary school told the class this one and we got out early because we couldn't stand to be in the room with him any more.

I got charged for a satellite dish the other day...

I was furious. He told me it'd be on the house.

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What is a chronic masturbator's favorite dish?

Meat stroganoff

What's the first step to making your favorite Jewish dish?

Preheat the oven

What was the cannibal's favorite part about the Vegetarian dish?

The Vegetarian

A blind man walks into the restaurant..

The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dis...

My wife has just left me, taking my satellite dish and Bob Marley collection.

No woman, no Sky.

What is the coldest dish at a Mexican restaurant?

a b-r-r-r-r-ito

"Look, I know I'm just a deep dish filled with dough, tomato sauce, and mozzarella cheese... But you should really reconnect with your father."

"Hey! That's a little personal, pan pizza!"

Farmer John had the prettiest wife in town--we're talking a real dish

--and every many in town wanted her. Sam Spoon wanted her the most, and he had a plan to get her. Every day Farmer John would drive his truck to the base of his pasture to feed his prize cow, Bessie. Farmer John'd throw hay over the fence and ring a big cowbell, and when she heard it, Bessie'd come ...

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