Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts

So the cops caught me doing doughnuts in my car today.

I know what you're thinking. Who the hell names their dog doughnuts

A new guy starts work at a bakery.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

I’m opening a dispensary that sells weed and doughnuts.

It called glazed and confused.

Why did the baker quit making doughnuts?

He was fed up with the hole business!

Oldie but goodie: How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?

Wi jammin

There *is* a difference between doughnuts and donuts

**Ugh!**

Why do golfers love doughnuts?

Always a hole-in-one!

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A guy wants to experience some deep soul searching solitude...

He manages to hire an old abandoned sheep station in outback Australia. Tens of thousands of vast empty hectares stretching out to all the horizons.

As soon as the chopper drops him off, flies away and the dust settles, the quiet falls upon him. The distance recedes out endlessly in front of...

Free Haircuts

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God's work."

The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.


A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber...

What are strange doughnuts made out of?

Weird doughs...

A sheep, two doughnuts, and a snake walked into a bar.

Bah-Dunk-Dunk, Sssss.

The arrogant baker declared 'You'll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window'

The customer agreed 'It must be the double glazing'

Life...

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there w...

Biscuits & Doughnuts

An Admiral visits one of the ships under his command. While eating breakfast with the crew he was impressed to see the US Naval Insignia stamped on every biscuit.

He went to the cook to ask how this feat was done, so it could be used on other ships under his command. The cook replied, "Well...

Who is the moat popular guy in a nudist colony?

The one who can hold 12 doughnuts without any hands.

Who is the most popular woman?

The one who can eat the last doughnut

What does ADHD stand for?

Attention Deficit HEY DOUGHNUTS!!!

What happens when doughnuts join a sorority?

They have to go through the glazing.




I'm sorry I'm a baker it just came to me... Pun-ishment is in order.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts

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I was at a buffet.

This rather large woman walked up to me, as I browsed the treats.

"Mind if I take one of those doughnuts just there?" she asked me.



"Help yourself," I replied.



"Thanks," she smiled.



"No," I added, "I mean help yourself...and don't have any more fuc...

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger...

The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "One burger!"
Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill.

"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," the old lady says. ...

Eyes give everything away.

A cop pulls over a guy. “Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?” “Gee, officer,” the man says, “Your eyes are awfully glazed-have you been eating doughnuts?”

The police say that they burn all the weed they confiscate...

That would explain the doughnuts...

A teacher asks her class their favorite after school snacks.

“Decklyn,” the teacher calls to the new student in the back of the room, “what’s your favorite after school snack?”

“Nuts,” he replies.

“Very good,” the teacher replies. “What kind of nuts? Peanuts? Pine nuts?”

The boy shakes his head and answers, “Doughnuts.”

Jake is driving in the desert...

And he's driving wildly. He's doing tons of doughnuts to pass the time. Suddenly, his car stops. Jake checks and realizes that he's out of gas. And nowhere near civilization. And without water.

Realizing he needs liquids for the trek ahead of him, so he searches his car for something. The onl...

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What do you call the Pillsbury Doughboys testicles?

Doughnuts

I got arrested today

I got arrest today, apparently you aren't allowed to do doughnuts within 200ft of a school zone... the frosting worked as great lubricant though

A couple we’re having dinner at a restaurant

One of them finds a hair in the steak and calls the waiter to say:
“Waiter there’s a hair in my steak!”
The waiter nods and says “That’s because the chef uses his armpits to mash the meat”
“That’s disgusting” says the indignant diner
To which the waiter replies “You should see how he ma...

Barber Shop

One day at a local barber shop a priest went in to get his hair cut. After he finished he asks the barber how much he owes him for the haircut. The barber politely responds with "For you, it is free of charge. Think of it as my way of giving back to my religion". The priest is very thankful and leav...

A guy was in a bakery and accidentally pushed open the door to the back room.

To his surprise, he saw one of the bakers lying down naked on a counter, kneading bread dough on his chest. The guy turned and said to another baker, "That's the oddest thing I have ever seen." The baker replied, "You should see him make the doughnuts!"

Army Post

A friend of mine recently back from his time in the army told me about one night, at his military base when he woke up about 2am, went outside - and he saw doughnuts, eclairs, cakes of all sizes scattered over the yard - but not another person in sight. Then he realised...

They had desserted ...

One time the Pillsbury Doughboy attacked me.

I kicked him in his doughnuts and ran.

Two guys walk into a dinner

They sit down and the waitress takes their order.
"Two cheese burgers and fries."
They watch as she walks to the kitchen window and gives the cook the order slip. The cook reads it and turns to the cooler and grabs a hand full of ground beef. He sticks it in his arm pit and brings his arm d...

A customer at a restaurant finds a hair in his meatballs.

He calls the waiter over and says: "Excuse me, but there appears to be a hair in my meatballs."

The waiter says: "Sorry about that. You see, we just hired a brand new chef and he has a very unique approach to making meatballs. He likes to take the ground meat and roll it on his chest into th...

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Little Johnny comes home late from School one day...

...and his Dad asks, "You're late, where have you been..?"
"With Jessica."
"Doing what..?"
"Revising."
Little Johnny then picks up a snack from off the Kitchen Table and says, "Wow, these Fishcakes smell nice."
His Dad says, "Go wash your hands Son, cos they're fucking Doughnuts..!"

PTA Meeting

Three fathers are waiting around at a PTA meeting. They are mulling over life, family and education over by the coffee and the doughnuts until the first dad says, 'I recently taught my son Ben about Taxes. Gee, I wish I hadn't though. Every time I ask him to get me a beer now, he cracks open a tinny...

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