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Guacamole Jokes

Accidentally got some guacamole in my eyes...

... and now I think I have guacoma.

Happy Avocado Day!

There are 6.02x10^23 guacas in a guacamole,

Which is also known as avocado’s number

What's guacamole made of?

Guacamolecules

How do robots eat guacamole?

With computer chips

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favourite joke to perform. Terrible accent recommended.

Pierre, zee French fighter pilot is with his amour.

"Oh, Pierre, I want you to kiss me", she exclaims.

And so he tilts her chin up and leans in, but just before he plants a kiss on her lips, he pours a little red wine on them, and then goes in for the kiss.

"Oh, Pierre, mon di...

What do you get when you put guacamole on a BLT?

An LGBT.

I met a vegan magician the other night who surprised everyone by making guacamole appear from thin air.

Avocadabra.

What do you call lawyers for the guacamole industry?

Advocateos

Have you every heard a joke with the punchline “Guacamole”?

Guacamole.

How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?

When it turns guaca-moldy.

What do chemists make guacamole out of?

Avogadros

My long distance girlfriend wanted to see the guacamole I made

So I sent her a solicited dip pic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When a priest really has to crap, he says "holy shit!". When a priest needs some dip for his chips, he yells "holy guacamole!" What does a priest say when masturbates without any lubrication?

Holy smoke!

What do you get when you cut an avocado into 6.022x10^23 pieces?

Guacamole.

Since chipotle charges like a $1.30 for guacamole...

I wonder if In their bussiness meetings, if they refer to their guac profits as


Avacadough

What do you get when you mix Swiss Cheese and avocados?

Holy Guacamole!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother just fed my 10 m.o. nephew a whole bowl guacamole before dropping him off with me. Now I've gotta change the diaper.

What a dip shit.

Mashed potatoes....

Is just Irish guacamole

I always thought LGBT means Lettuce Ginger Bacon and Tomato...

Until my smart friend told me that G stands for Guacamole

Social Justice Warriors Favorite Sandwich:

Lettuce, Guacamole, Bacon and Tomato

what do you call 6.02 X 10^23 atoms of avocado dipping sauce?

one guacamole

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hired a prostitute to indulge my food fetish.

She said that for $500 we could spend the night licking food off each other's bodies, although if I wanted guacamole it was $1.80 extra.

I developed a game where you feed avocados to small subterranean mammals!

It's called Guacamole!

The one with a big hole and an anvil

So there were two hunters walking in the wilderness when one spots a giant hole.

"Holy guacamole, look out for that hole!" he says to the other hunter.

Noticing it, the second hunter has an idea. "I wonder how deep it is." he says, picking up a rusty anvil sitting on the ground and dro...

A poor family starts saving up for spoons so they can invite their rich neighbor for supper... (Long)

Once they save up, they invite the rich man, and in the midst of their conversation, it is mentioned that they had to save up for a spoon. The rich man laughs and says,

"I have a spoon for every meal." The husband goes quiet at this, but the wife replies,

"We have a friend who uses a ...

What does the Pope dip his chips in?

Holy Guacamole

Bird Jokes

Just some random bird-brain jokes...

What do you call a bird that picks its nose? A flicker

What do you call a bird that works at a restaurant? A wader

What bird can do more that others? Pelican

What two birds met in the insane asylum? A cuckoo and a loon

What bir...

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