How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?

When it turns guaca-moldy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Comparing dick size is like asking the difference between guac and guacamole...

They're both the same thing, one's just a lot less of a mouthful.

My long distance girlfriend wanted to see the guacamole I made

So I sent her a solicited dip pic

How many guacas in a guacamole

6.02x10^23

Accidentally got some guacamole in my eyes...

... and now I think I have guacoma.

Happy Avocado Day!

How does a robot eat it's guacamole?

Microchips.

I met a vegan magician the other night who surprised everyone by making guacamole appear from thin air.

Avocadabra.

What happens when you put guacamole in a zip-loc bag?

It suffocados.

What do you get if you cut an avocado into 6.02 * 10^23 pieces?

Guacamole.

How do robots eat guacamole?

With computer chips

What do you get when you put guacamole on a BLT?

An LGBT.

What do chemists make guacamole out of?

Avogadros

I was going to drive to the shop to pick up some guacamole...

....but I don't avocado.

Bird Jokes

Just some random bird-brain jokes...

What do you call a bird that picks its nose? A flicker

What do you call a bird that works at a restaurant? A wader

What bird can do more that others? Pelican

What two birds met in the insane asylum? A cuckoo and a loon

What bir...

Since chipotle charges like a $1.30 for guacamole...

I wonder if In their bussiness meetings, if they refer to their guac profits as


Avacadough

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother just fed my 10 m.o. nephew a whole bowl guacamole before dropping him off with me. Now I've gotta change the diaper.

What a dip shit.

The one with a big hole and an anvil

So there were two hunters walking in the wilderness when one spots a giant hole.

"Holy guacamole, look out for that hole!" he says to the other hunter.

Noticing it, the second hunter has an idea. "I wonder how deep it is." he says, picking up a rusty anvil sitting on the ground and dro...

What's your favorite type of sandwich?

Mines an LGBT

Lettuce
Guacamole
Bacon
Tomato

I developed a game where you feed avocados to small subterranean mammals!

It's called Guacamole!

I always thought LGBT means Lettuce Ginger Bacon and Tomato...

Until my smart friend told me that G stands for Guacamole

what do you call 6.02 X 10^23 atoms of avocado dipping sauce?

one guacamole

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hired a prostitute to indulge my food fetish.

She said that for $500 we could spend the night licking food off each other's bodies, although if I wanted guacamole it was $1.80 extra.

What does the Pope dip his chips in?

Holy Guacamole

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