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A guy walks into a restaurant and orders minced pork shoulder and ham, pressed it into a block and served in a can.

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**Rule 3 - No Spam posts.**

As a butcher is shooing away a dog from his shop, he sees a $25 bill and a note in his mouth, reading: “10 pork chops, please.”

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of pork chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop.

He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he w...

what's green and smells like pork?

Kermit the frog's finger.

I made smothered pork chops for dinner.

Now the pillow I used to cut off oxygen is covered with grease.

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A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"


To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his<...

I was so ugly as a child

Had to tie a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.

Pork, eh?

A Canadian guy walked into the kitchen and saw his Mexican roommate having dinner, so he said to him, "pork, eh?" And the the roommate said, "porque me gusta."

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A guy goes to the doctor because his wife can't orgasm.

The doctor explains his wife is probably over heating and needs to find a way to cool her down.

The guy goes to his best friend and asks him to waft a towel over him and his wife while they have sex to keep them cool.

The friend agrees and the next day he shows up and wafts the towel w...

When my next door neighbour started throwing chunks of chicken, lamb, beef & pork off his roof, I thought “Wow...

...a meatier shower”.

A rabbi & a Catholic priest met at an interfaith conference

They decided to take a break for lunch together. While reading the menu, the priest asked a question.

"From what I know of your people Rabbi, you are not supposed to eat pork. Have you ever actually tried it?"

"Well, yes" said the rabbi "A couple of times. Now tell ME, Father- I've he...

A priest and a rabbi are having lunch

They have been friends for years, talking about their lives and their faith over lunch for as long as they can remember.

One day the priest says, "My friend, I must ask a difficult question, and if you don't answer, I'll understand. But I am too curious. Your faith prohibits you from eating...

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The parents want to get rid of the family's pet bunny.

A family has a pet rabbit, but their son and daughter fail to do their part when it comes to cleaning its cage etc. and so the parents decide to quietly kill off the bunny and tell the kids that it ran away. So that's what they do, and since it's a well-fed bunny and they don't want to let all that ...

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Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said...

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

I told my dad what happe...

Smart

A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's his turn to be helped. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked the dog wha...

A long-time rabbi has always wanted to try pork, but never seemed to find an print to do so.

One day, he finally gets a chance by boarding a plane and traveling first class to a 5- star restaurant in Florida that offers the best pork the world's had to offer.
The rabbi gets to the restaurant, orders his food, and minutes later, the waist brings out a perfect golden swine, cooked to perf...

Starved boy and Pork chop.

Today I went out from steak house and found a starved boy looking inside.

Are you hungry little boy? I asked him.

I never had a chance to eat pork chop, he replied.

So I invited him inside and order one for him.

He looked even more sad and said nothing.

Something i...

What do you call canned pork laced with Ritalin?

Short Attention Spam

What is the most haram food for Muslims?

Pregnant pig. Because it contains pork. Double haram.

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day

while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what
he went through so he prayed.

"Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours
while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know
what I go through, so please allow her body to switch
with mine for a day."

God, ...

She handed me a jar and said, "This herb goes well with pork, beef, duck and chicken recipes, and fatty meats in particular."

I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."

What's the difference between a pork chop and a small rock entering Earth's atmosphere from space?

One's meaty, but the other is a little meteor.

What do you call a small pork farm?

... a hamlet.

What is green and smells like pork?

Kermits fingers.



Also....



What is green and goes 100 MPH?

Frog in a blender.

What to you call a upscale restaurant that specializes in pork?

Swine dining.

(My daughter just told me this one and I told her I'd post it on here for her)

What did Tommy Wiseau say to his wife when she was making pulled pork?

You're tearing meat apart Lisa!

When is a pig not pork.

When you cook it with pine nuts, it’s a pork you pine.

Roast beef and pork are both pulled from the oven

The pork says to the beef, "we meat again".

(Courtesy of my 8 year old)

When will people stop eating ground pork?

When pigs fly.

I got attacked by a plant with leaves that looked like pork.

It was a ham bush!

What do you call a pork based subscription service?

OnlyHams

I tried to make some slow cooked pork today

But I forgot to plug in the crock pot before I left for work.


It really sucked coming home to my wife giving me the cold shoulder.

Doctor: Sir, do you smoke?

Patient: Yeah.
Doctor: Cigarettes? Marijuana?
Patient: Mostly Brisket and Pork...


Shamelessly stolen from Doctor Mike on Youtube, but hell I laughed at that...

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I smoked my first pork shoulder this weekend. I hope I'm saying that right.

"I finally popped my butt cherry" means something else, apparently.

There's beef burgers made out of beef, and chicken burgers made out of chicken, but no burgers made out of pork.

They could call it a hamburger.

The last time I was down in Mexico, I saw something very peculiar; what I thought was a shrub covered in slices of pork...

I went for a closer look and one of the locals stopped me.

"Don't go down there, Señor..." he tells me, "... Eet might be a Hambush."

A vampire walks into a grocery shop and asks for a bread.

The clerk looks at him and asks: 'Aren't you a vampire?'
The vampire says: 'Yes, I am.'
To that the clerk responds: 'Oh, then I have much better stuff for you than bread. I have bloody sausages, nice fresh liver, duck blood, pork blood - whatever you want!'
The vampire replies: 'No, thank...

What is the difference between a hot potato and a pork chop on the floor?

One is a heated yam and the other one is a yeeted ham.

A Muslim guy's girlfriend was killed for eating pork

RIP Haram bae

A butcher was selling a barrel of pork

For 600 dollars.

Some people love deep fried pork rind, somw hate it.

To Chicharron.

What’s better pork or mutton?

Depends on what religion you ask.

What do you call a Muslim that eats pork?

Mo' Ham Head

A couple are on a date in a romantic restaurant...

A couple are on a date in a romantic restaurant. As their order arrives, the wife looks around and notices every table has a couple having a romantic candlelight dinner date.

The man on the table to her right says to his date, "pass me the sugar, my sweet Sugar"

The man on the table t...

What do you call a pig that knows karate?

A pork chop

I've started investing in stocks. Beef, pork, chicken.

With any luck, someday I'll be a bullionaire.

I don't want to go to school

"Dad, I don't want to go to school

today." said the boy.

"Why not, son?"

\-"Well, one of the chickens on the

school farm died last week and we had

chicken soup for lunch the next day.

Then three days ago one of the pigs

died and we had roast pork the<...

What do you call someone who is in love with multiple hunks of pork?

Polyhamorous

Kermit Doesn’t Always Eat Pork

But when he does, he makes her shower first.

- Waiter! Is this a beef or pork steak?

\- Can't you tell by the taste of it?

\- No!

\- Then why do you care?

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A priest and a rabbi are talking about their religions with one another. The priest leans over to the Rabbi and asks him if he’s ever eaten pork before....

The Rabbi says, “I’ve had it once.”

The priest says, “oh it’s fantastic, BBQ pulled pork is my favorite. You are really missing out.

The rabbi smirks and leans in and says to the priest, “well have you ever had sex before?”

Priest says,”yes I did once.”

Rabbi smiles an...

I know Muslims can't eat pork.

Islam ok though?

Why don't German pessimists eat pork....

They always fear the wurst.

What do you call ancient Roman pork

Igpay atinlay

A man walks into a bar and asks for a pint and a Pork pie.

The barman gives him his pint, and a nice fresh pork pie. He drinks his pint, picks up his pork pie, puts it on the top of his head and walks out, carefully balancing it on his noggin.

About 10 minutes later, he returns and goes to the bar. Again, the man asks for a pint and a pork pie.
<...

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There’s something very weird about this pet shop…

Joe loved his dog. Only one problem - his dog wasn’t housebroken. Joe tried everything, read every dog training book, bought every device on the market. But the dog was untrainable. Finally, he saw an ad for a pet shop that guaranteed results. Desperate, he gave it a try.

The pet shop was ve...

Everything we eat always seems to taste like chicken, beef or pork, except for snake.

That always tastes like my ex.

(Repost because I screwed up) You know how Muslims can't eat pork?

I mean if I couldn't eat bacon, I would want to fly a plane into a building.

(Yeah this joke bombed)

Little Ken Fok grew up working hard in his father’s restaurant in China

Every day before school he would get up at 6am and help prepare the dishes for that days lunch before coming home from school at 4pm to help with the evening shift by preparing and serving customers. He would make Spicy crab cakes, shredded pork and tofu. He would work until midnight and then repeat...

What do you get when you cross BBQ'ed pork with a gigantic sea monster?

Release the Kracklen!

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Why can't Rabbis eat pork and Priests can't have sex?

Because the Rabbis got to choose first.

Pork Chop

Most people are confused when I tell them that me and my dad had a falling out over him cutting up my little Pork Chop.

I guess that they don’t understand the bond between man and dog.

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Jerk chicken and pulled pork...

The owner of my favorite restaurant was arrested for beastiality..

That explains why jerk chicken and pulled pork were the only two menu items.

TIL Muslim extremists do not like pulled pork sandwiches.

whoops, wrong sub.

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