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A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"


To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his<...

What do you call canned pork laced with Ritalin?

Short Attention Spam

What’s green and smells like pork?

Kermits fingers.

What's the difference between a pork chop and a small rock entering Earth's atmosphere from space?

One's meaty, but the other is a little meteor.

She handed me a jar and said, "This herb goes well with pork, beef, duck and chicken recipes, and fatty meats in particular."

I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."

What is green and smells like pork?

Kermits fingers.



Also....



What is green and goes 100 MPH?

Frog in a blender.

With all the NSFW jokes here lately, we could use a nice clean joke

A pharmaceutical salesman was staying at a bed and breakfast in a small town while on a business trip. The B&B was run by a kindly old gentleman and advertised three square "southern" meals a day and a relaxing country feel.

While the salesman was eating his breakfast, he noticed what app...

What do you call a small pork farm?

... a hamlet.

Roast beef and pork are both pulled from the oven

The pork says to the beef, "we meat again".

(Courtesy of my 8 year old)

What did Tommy Wiseau say to his wife when she was making pulled pork?

You're tearing meat apart Lisa!

I got attacked by a plant with leaves that looked like pork.

It was a ham bush!

Take a night off

The married owners of a Chinese restaurant have been working hard and decide to take a night off to get their love life back on track.

As things heat up in the bedroom the wife, feeling adventurous, whispers "How about a 69?".

Her husband responds "Why do you want me to make Sweet and ...

2 Mexican gang members...

Carlos and Pepe; are lost in the desert after a drug deal gone wrong...

After days wandering aimlessly, Pepe finds a tree covered in pork. Bacon of all kinds and thicknesses, gammon, sausages and pulled pork hanging in place of leaves.

Not wanting to waste energy on what could potentia...

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What kind of pet shop is this?

Joe loved his dog. Only one problem - his dog wasn’t housebroken. Joe tried everything, read every dog training book, bought every device on the market. But the dog was untrainable. Finally, he saw an ad for a pet shop that guaranteed results. Desperate, he gave it a try.

The pet shop was ve...

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I smoked my first pork shoulder this weekend. I hope I'm saying that right.

"I finally popped my butt cherry" means something else, apparently.

There's beef burgers made out of beef, and chicken burgers made out of chicken, but no burgers made out of pork.

They could call it a hamburger.

When is a pig not pork.

When you cook it with pine nuts, it’s a pork you pine.

What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop!

What to you call a upscale restaurant that specializes in pork?

Swine dining.

(My daughter just told me this one and I told her I'd post it on here for her)

The last time I was down in Mexico, I saw something very peculiar; what I thought was a shrub covered in slices of pork...

I went for a closer look and one of the locals stopped me.

"Don't go down there, Señor..." he tells me, "... Eet might be a Hambush."

When will people stop eating ground pork?

When pigs fly.

What's the difference between a hot potato and a pork chop on the floor?

One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham.

A butcher was selling a barrel of pork

For 600 dollars.

What’s better pork or mutton?

Depends on what religion you ask.

Doctor to Patient do you smoke?

Patient: yes

Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?

Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.

I tried to make some slow cooked pork today

But I forgot to plug in the crock pot before I left for work.


It really sucked coming home to my wife giving me the cold shoulder.

There’s an email going around offering processed pork, gelatine and salt in a can.

If you get this email, don’t open it. It’s spam.

Some people love deep fried pork rind, somw hate it.

To Chicharron.

- Waiter! Is this a beef or pork steak?

\- Can't you tell by the taste of it?

\- No!

\- Then why do you care?

I've started investing in stocks. Beef, pork, chicken.

With any luck, someday I'll be a bullionaire.

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Hilarious, subversive memo sent to 20,000 federal employees early in computer mass-messaging age

This memo was sent out to 20,000 federal employees in my agency in the early 1990s, when federal computer systems first got mass messaging. The first incarnation of this system allowed *any employee* to mass message. Some low-level employee sent this to all. Needless to say, the agency immediatel...

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Why are Muslims and Jews not allowed to eat bacon, which is pork at its best?

Because they also cannot handle pigs at their wurst.

A Muslim guy's girlfriend was killed for eating pork

RIP Haram bae

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A comprehensive observation about common religions and religious practices.

Jainism: You must not disturb shit

Bhuddism: You must become one with the shit.

Taoism: Shit happens

Shintoism: Our ancestors thought of this shit.

Hinduism: Eating meat makes you a shit person.

Paganism: Here's some shit that represents other shit.

Reform J...

What do you call a Muslim that eats pork?

Mo' Ham Head

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A priest and a rabbi are talking about their religions with one another. The priest leans over to the Rabbi and asks him if he’s ever eaten pork before....

The Rabbi says, “I’ve had it once.”

The priest says, “oh it’s fantastic, BBQ pulled pork is my favorite. You are really missing out.

The rabbi smirks and leans in and says to the priest, “well have you ever had sex before?”

Priest says,”yes I did once.”

Rabbi smiles an...

I did my nurse's training at a hospital in Liverpool, England.

My fellow students and I had little money for meals, so we ate the awful food provided at the hospital complex. We often took our breaks in the kitchen, and sometimes kindly visitors would give us some of the treats they had brought for patients.

One night a woman brought a pork pie to the ki...

What do you call ancient Roman pork

Igpay atinlay

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Three Hobos are hunkered down around a jungle fire by the railroad tracks

Reminiscing about the windfalls they'd found in their years riding the rails and living the vagabond life. The first hobo said:

"This one time, a train stopped, and I found a whole case of pork and beans. Took some strength to haul it off and hide it, but I had enough chow to make it through ...

Why don't German pessimists eat pork....

They always fear the wurst.

Kermit Doesn’t Always Eat Pork

But when he does, he makes her shower first.

A priest and a rabbi, old friends, are talking about their youthful indiscretions.

So the priest says, "tell me, have you ever tasted pork?"

The rabbi, slightly ashamed, admits: "Yes, once when I was young..."

After a thoughtful pause, the rabbi asks the priest, "tell me, have you ever made love to a woman?"

Sheepishly, the priest admits: "Yes, once when I was...

I know Muslims can't eat pork.

Islam ok though?

Everything we eat always seems to taste like chicken, beef or pork, except for snake.

That always tastes like my ex.

What do you call someone who is in love with multiple hunks of pork?

Polyhamorous

What do you get when you cross a pig and a dinosaur?

Jurassic Pork.

What do you call a pig who just lost at a game of tug-of-war?

Pulled pork

Q: What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig?

A: Pulled-Pork

A woman answered her front doo

A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list.
"Ma'am," he explained, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper so I can earn a dollar."
"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging...

What do you call a pig with fleas?

Pork scratchings
( I think that might just be a British thing so sorry if it is)

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Rabbi and priest are on a plane

When priest turns to rabbi and says "Say, I heard you guys can't eat pork. Is that true?" Rabbi nods: "Yes, it's banned in Torah." "And have you ever tried it?" asks the priest. "Yes" admits the rabbi. "When I was young I wanted to see what's all about and had some pork chops. Priest smirks. "And yo...

Pork Chop

Most people are confused when I tell them that me and my dad had a falling out over him cutting up my little Pork Chop.

I guess that they don’t understand the bond between man and dog.

What do you get when you cross BBQ'ed pork with a gigantic sea monster?

Release the Kracklen!

A man walks into a bar and asks for a pint and a Pork pie.

The barman gives him his pint, and a nice fresh pork pie. He drinks his pint, picks up his pork pie, puts it on the top of his head and walks out, carefully balancing it on his noggin.

About 10 minutes later, he returns and goes to the bar. Again, the man asks for a pint and a pork pie.
<...

A Chinese restaurant owner arrives home very drunk.

He crawls into bed next to his wife and shakes her awake, whispering, " Hey honey, how about a little 69?"

She jumps out of bed, livid, and yells at him, "You come home at 3am, stinking of whiskey, wake me up, and have the nerve to ask me for some pork fried rice, chicken chow mein, and an eg...

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Why can't Rabbis eat pork and Priests can't have sex?

Because the Rabbis got to choose first.

TIL Muslim extremists do not like pulled pork sandwiches.

whoops, wrong sub.

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Jerk chicken and pulled pork...

The owner of my favorite restaurant was arrested for beastiality..

That explains why jerk chicken and pulled pork were the only two menu items.

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A duck walks into a bar...

He sits at the bar and requests 'A pint of beer and a pork pie please'

The barman is aghast. A talking duck! 'Wow, where did you come from?' he asks.

'I work across the road at the building site' replies the duck annoyed. He ruffles his newspaper and begins to read. The barman is in sh...

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The Transreligious Dinner Party

Six people are planning a dinner party: a Jew, a Christian, a Muslim, a Pagan, a Hindu, and an Atheist. The Atheist suggests pork chops as the main course. The Jew says, “No, we can’t have pork, YHWH strictly forbids the consumption of pork.”

The Christian says in response, “No He doesn’t! Je...

A Rabbi and a Priest

A rabbi and a priest are in the same compartment on a train. They exchange pleasantries and are having a conversation about the differences in their religions.

The Priest asks the Rabbi if he has ever tried pork. The Rabbi says that yes, when he was younger he tried pork. Then the Rabbi as...

Where was the first pig discovered in?

SINGAPORK!

Miss piggy has filed for divorce from Kermit the frog...

...cause Kermit converted to Judaism and can no longer eat pork.

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