UPJOKE
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As a butcher is shooing away a dog from his shop, he sees a $25 bill and a note in his mouth, reading: “10 pork chops, please.”

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of pork chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop.

He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he w...

What’s green and smells like pork?

Kermits fingers.

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders minced pork shoulder and ham, pressed it into a block and served in a can.

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A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"


To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his<...

Have you heard the song about the pork sausage?

It's a banger.

Why should you eat pork sausage on February 2nd?

Because it is ground hog day.

I made smothered pork chops for dinner.

Now the pillow I used to cut off oxygen is covered with grease.

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A guy goes to the doctor because his wife can't orgasm.

The doctor explains his wife is probably over heating and needs to find a way to cool her down.

The guy goes to his best friend and asks him to waft a towel over him and his wife while they have sex to keep them cool.

The friend agrees and the next day he shows up and wafts the towel w...

Pork, eh?

A Canadian guy walked into the kitchen and saw his Mexican roommate having dinner, so he said to him, "pork, eh?" And the the roommate said, "porque me gusta."

A long-time rabbi has always wanted to try pork, but never seemed to find an print to do so.

One day, he finally gets a chance by boarding a plane and traveling first class to a 5- star restaurant in Florida that offers the best pork the world's had to offer.
The rabbi gets to the restaurant, orders his food, and minutes later, the waist brings out a perfect golden swine, cooked to perf...

When my next door neighbour started throwing chunks of chicken, lamb, beef & pork off his roof, I thought “Wow...

...a meatier shower”.

She handed me a jar and said, "This herb goes well with pork, beef, duck and chicken recipes, and fatty meats in particular."

I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."

What do you call canned pork laced with Ritalin?

Short Attention Spam

When will people stop eating ground pork?

When pigs fly.

Starved boy and Pork chop.

Today I went out from steak house and found a starved boy looking inside.

Are you hungry little boy? I asked him.

I never had a chance to eat pork chop, he replied.

So I invited him inside and order one for him.

He looked even more sad and said nothing.

Something i...

What's the difference between a pork chop and a small rock entering Earth's atmosphere from space?

One's meaty, but the other is a little meteor.

Don't drink too much liquor. You will go to Hell.

Priest - Don't drink too much liquor. You will go to Hell.
Alcoholic - Is it? What about the guy who sells the liquor?
Priest - He will also go to Hell.
Alcoholic - Ok, what about the guy who sells pork tacos in the food truck outside the Liquor Store?
Priest - He too will go to Hell....

What do you call a small pork farm?

... a hamlet.

What to you call a upscale restaurant that specializes in pork?

Swine dining.

(My daughter just told me this one and I told her I'd post it on here for her)

What did Tommy Wiseau say to his wife when she was making pulled pork?

You're tearing meat apart Lisa!

I got attacked by a plant with leaves that looked like pork.

It was a ham bush!

When is a pig not pork.

When you cook it with pine nuts, it’s a pork you pine.

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I smoked my first pork shoulder this weekend. I hope I'm saying that right.

"I finally popped my butt cherry" means something else, apparently.

There's beef burgers made out of beef, and chicken burgers made out of chicken, but no burgers made out of pork.

They could call it a hamburger.

Roast beef and pork are both pulled from the oven

The pork says to the beef, "we meat again".

(Courtesy of my 8 year old)

What do you call a pork based subscription service?

OnlyHams

I tried to make some slow cooked pork today

But I forgot to plug in the crock pot before I left for work.


It really sucked coming home to my wife giving me the cold shoulder.

What’s better pork or mutton?

Depends on what religion you ask.

The last time I was down in Mexico, I saw something very peculiar; what I thought was a shrub covered in slices of pork...

I went for a closer look and one of the locals stopped me.

"Don't go down there, Señor..." he tells me, "... Eet might be a Hambush."

What is the difference between a hot potato and a pork chop on the floor?

One is a heated yam and the other one is a yeeted ham.

I've started investing in stocks. Beef, pork, chicken.

With any luck, someday I'll be a bullionaire.

A butcher was selling a barrel of pork

For 600 dollars.

Some people love deep fried pork rind, somw hate it.

To Chicharron.

What do you call a Muslim that eats pork?

Mo' Ham Head

I know Muslims can't eat pork.

Islam ok though?

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States...

Wandering aimlessly and starving, They are about to lie down and accept their death when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune,...

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Why are Muslims and Jews not allowed to eat bacon, which is pork at its best?

Because they also cannot handle pigs at their wurst.

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A duck walks into a bar...

He sits at the bar and requests 'A pint of beer and a pork pie please'

The barman is aghast. A talking duck! 'Wow, where did you come from?' he asks.

'I work across the road at the building site' replies the duck annoyed. He ruffles his newspaper and begins to read. The barman is in sh...

A Muslim guy's girlfriend was killed for eating pork

RIP Haram bae

Kermit Doesn’t Always Eat Pork

But when he does, he makes her shower first.

A man walks into a bar and asks for a pint and a Pork pie.

The barman gives him his pint, and a nice fresh pork pie. He drinks his pint, picks up his pork pie, puts it on the top of his head and walks out, carefully balancing it on his noggin.

About 10 minutes later, he returns and goes to the bar. Again, the man asks for a pint and a pork pie.
<...

- Waiter! Is this a beef or pork steak?

\- Can't you tell by the taste of it?

\- No!

\- Then why do you care?

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A priest and a rabbi are talking about their religions with one another. The priest leans over to the Rabbi and asks him if he’s ever eaten pork before....

The Rabbi says, “I’ve had it once.”

The priest says, “oh it’s fantastic, BBQ pulled pork is my favorite. You are really missing out.

The rabbi smirks and leans in and says to the priest, “well have you ever had sex before?”

Priest says,”yes I did once.”

Rabbi smiles an...

A Muslim Imam, after years of adherence to the Quran, begins to wonder what pork taste like...

He confesses this temptation to his wife who reaffirms that pork is strictly forbidden by their faith.



One evening, however, he gives in to his curiosity and buys a pulled pork slider on his way back from work. He finds a quiet bench in a nearby park and prepares to take a bite of his...

What do you call a pig that knows karate ?

Pork Chop

What do you call ancient Roman pork

Igpay atinlay

Why don't German pessimists eat pork....

They always fear the wurst.

Everything we eat always seems to taste like chicken, beef or pork, except for snake.

That always tastes like my ex.

What do you get when you cross BBQ'ed pork with a gigantic sea monster?

Release the Kracklen!

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Why can't Rabbis eat pork and Priests can't have sex?

Because the Rabbis got to choose first.

Pork Chop

Most people are confused when I tell them that me and my dad had a falling out over him cutting up my little Pork Chop.

I guess that they don’t understand the bond between man and dog.

Rabbi Curious About Pork

A Rabbi who's been leading a congregation for many years is upset by the fact that he's never been able to eat pork. So he devises a plan whereby he flies to a remote tropical island to experience pork for the first time. He checks into his hotel, then immediately gets himself a table at the finest...

TIL Muslim extremists do not like pulled pork sandwiches.

whoops, wrong sub.

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