My girlfriend was just like a spicy burrito.

It hurt when she left me

Burritos are like blunts

If you cant roll, get a bowl

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I had a call from a scammer the other day

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”>...

My last girlfriend was a lot like a microwave burrito

Smoking hot on the outside

Ice cold on the inside

When I was a kid I had a penpal who lived in southeast Asia who worked in an athletic clothes sweatshop. I would send him gifts from America and he would send me different clothes he made at work. His name was Chen, but I called him Bean Burrito.

Because he made me puma pants.

Chipotle has a Miley Cyrus burrito on it's menu now!

I don't know what it's like going in, but I bet it's coming out like a wreaking ball.

I set my burrito down on the window sill and went to get a drink. When I came back, there was a long line of ants running into my food!!

I hate sill ant row!

Just traded my girlfriend for a bean burrito.

Food for thot.

What did the breakfast burrito say when it was being eaten for lunch?

Hey I'm not a LUNCH burrito!



(courtesy of a 7 year old lol sorry)

What does a burrito say when it finishes doing something?

That’s a wrap.

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Ate a bad burrito yesterday and went to bed early, woke up to use the bathroom and heard fireworks. Looked at the time and it was midnight.

What a shitty way to start the New Year. (True story)

What happens when a hooker eats a bean burrito?

Prostitoots!

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Working in porn for the free sex is like working at Chipotle for the free burritos

Yeah, you're getting paid, but it destroys your asshole

A taco and a burrito walk into a bar.

The taco starts talking the bartender's ear off while the burrito stays silent and sips his drink. Finally the bartender says, "Hey, why is he so quiet?"

The taco replies, "Oh, sorry. I'm just a lot more open than he is."

I really like burritos

I could taco about them all day

What does a duck put in its burrito?

Quackamole.

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I ate a bad burrito and now I feel like Nazi Germany

A lot of gas and I’m fighting a war on 2 fronts

What do you call a cold burrito?

A burrr-ito

What do you call Muhammad Ali after he eats a burrito?

Gaseous Clay

What does a McChicken, a whopper, a beefy 5-layer burrito, and an extra most bestest pizza have in common?

They've all seen me naked.

What do you call a drug stuffed burrito?

A burweedo

How do you make a neato burrito?

With cool beans.

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What do you call sex with a burrito?

Getting chipotlaid.

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How is being a Jew like eating a burrito?

It's really not a problem until they give you gas.

What special ingredient do cannibals put in their burritos?

People de gallo

How much does a Chinese burrito weigh?

Won Ton

A Man Stands In front of a Taco Truck and Reads the Menu.

It reads:

Taco $2
Burrito$6
Handjob$10

He walks up to the window and there is a beautiful woman at the register.

"Are you the one who gives the handjobs?" He says, ahnding her ten dollars.

"Yes I am." She answers seductively.

"Well wash your hands, I want 5 ...

Chipotle is releasing a new "Ravens" burrito.

It comes with everything but rice.

I like to put grilled chicken in my egg and cheese stuffed breakfast burrito...

Nothing warms my heart and stomach more than reuniting a mother and child.

Three inmates at the insane asylum gather around the lunch table to plot how they can break out and regain their freedom.

Rudy, the longest standing resident explains they should all meet along the Southern wall at precisely midnight, whereupon he will use his recently illegally acquired hospital issue flashlight to vault them over the wall. Then it’s a short walk across the border into Mexico.

Upon hearing the ...

An Irish, a Mexican and an American were having lunch on a scaffold on the 15th floor of a building construction.

Irish opened his lunch box and exclaimed "Colcannon again! If I have colcannon for lunch tomorrow I will jump off this scaffold"

The Mexican opened his lunch box and cried "Burritos as usual! If I have burritos one more time I will jump off too."

The American opened his lunch box and s...

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Uncles are like burritos

The bad ones hurt your asshole

Dumb blond male.

There are three construction workers, a Mexican, an African American & a blond Caucasian. When lunch time comes, the construction workers are sitting on a steel beam 30 stories high about to enjoy their food.

The blond opens his lunchbox and is angered to find yet another bologna &...

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What do you call a short Mexican researcher in Antarctica?

A Burrito

First joke I've ever come up with. My Hispanic wife laughed her butt off.

I tried a new asian burrito recently, but the green onions kept falling out.

Curse those wrap-scallions!

A friend of mine has never had Mexican before....

So I took him to a nearby food truck that had a delicious assortment of options. He went up to the food truck owner.

Friend: Hi I have never had Mexican before. I was wondering if you can describe what some of these are.

Food truck owner: Certainly sir! Which would you like to know ab...

Blonde Construction Worker

Every day, three construction workers, one Mexican, one Italian, and one blonde, climb up to the highest steel girder in the building that they are all working on and eat their lunch.

One day, the Mexican worker opens up his lunchbox and sees that yet again his wife has packed him bean burrit...

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Same Lunch Everyday

A Mexican, Armenian, Korean, and Redneck are construction workers. Every day, there is a bell that sounds at 12:00 PM notifying the workers that it is their lunch break. The workers go on with their day and as soon as the bell rings, they grab their lunches and sit together to eat.


The ...

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Some jokes never get old... (Not mine)

Some jokes just NEVER get old LMAO

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blond guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to ...

What is Chipotle most known for?

- A. Steak Bowls
- B. Delicious Tacos
- C. Chips
- D. Burritos
- E. Coli

did you hear the one about the mexican restaurant owner who died?

he wanted to be put in the ground upside down with his ankles and feet showing, with one final instruction to the people at his funeral:



burritos

My local Greek restaurant just started serving tacos and burritos....

I tried it earlier today and it turns out it's plain old Greecey Mexican food.

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I was doing a little shopping at my local grocery store.

As the cute cashier was ringing up my stuff, she saw that all I had was some ramen noodles, frozen burritos, and canned spaghetti.

She giggled and said “I can tell your single”. I laughed and asked “what gave it away?”

She replied “you’re fuckin ugly”

Today this pervert offered me a taco to see me naked. So I replied...

What do I have to do to get a burrito?

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My friend said to me, "Whenever a World Cup game is on, let's eat something to do with that team for dinner that night."

Mexico was on, we had burritos.
Japan was on, we had sushi.
USA was on, we had burgers.
Italy was on, we had pizza.
Tuesday is England, so we're going out.

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An Englishmen, a Mexican and an American...

are all in a hot air balloon. The Englishman throws a teabag out of the balloon and the Mexican says "why did you do that?"
"We have too many of those in my country" replies the Englishmen. The Mexican then decides to throw a burrito out of the balloon and the American says "why would you do suc...

Wrote this while waiting for a burrito in 2009

What's the difference between Helen Keller and Susan B. Anthony?

One doesn't know her place, the other can't find it.

A group of construction workers, an Irishmen, a Mexican, and a Blonde are sitting on the 24th floor of a construction building...

The Irishman says "corn beef cabbage again, I swear to God if i get corn beef cabbage again I'm gonna jump from this roof"

The Mexican man says "tacos and beans, goddamnit, I swear to god if I get tacos and beans one more time I'm gonna jump from this roof"

The Blonde man says "bologna...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So it's lunch time on a construction site...

An Italian, Mexican, and an American are sitting on top of a construction building. It's their lunch break so they all get ready to eat and the Italian opens his lunch and says " Pizza! If I get pizza one more day I'm jumping off this building". The Mexican opens his lunch and it's tacos, and he sa...

That one time i hired a hooker...

... She offered me the girlfriend experience for no extra charge, of course i accepted ...

... i did not expect however that she would roll up in to a blanket burrito, order Pizza and watch Netflix.

Three workers were sitting on a bridge eating lunch...

The first worker opens his lunchbox and notices he got a turkey sandwich, then says “if I get another turkey sandwich I will jump off this bridge.

The second worker opens his box and sees he has a bean burrito. This angers him and he says “if I get another bean burrito I will jump off this b...

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Man at a motel in the middle of nowhere

This joke is actually best heard in Hindi, let's see how well it does translated.

A man is staying in a room at a motel at night in the middle of nowhere, on his way to a different city. Being the only establishment as far as the eye can see, let's just say the management is lax about basic u...

I got gas for $1 today

damn bean burritos.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes shopping at the market..

He pulls into the frozen food section and looks around, grabbing a few hungry man frozen dinners along with a bag of tater-tots and a few burritos. Next he rolled down the chip isle making sure to grab an original, bbq, and sour cream and onion variety of Lays. Next up: hot dogs, spaghetti, and some...

What does an egg say when he gets turnt?

Om lit



cred: my friend DaMexicanBurrito from playstation.

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One man he is rapper

He go to rap battle

He say to he enemy: i will make sick rap now

So what he do: he pull out chicken and salad and he put all in burrito bread and he roll and he say: here this wrap it is very tasty: eat it!!

He enemy: oh yes, this taste really good, it is a sick wrap!

so ...

There were three construction workers...

...a Mexican, a British man, and a Blonde. Everyday they ate their lunch breaks together, and everyday they each had the same lunch as the day before. The Mexican always had two tacos, the British man always had a fish sandwich, and the blonde man always had a PB&J. One day, they all were having...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three construction workers have been on a new job together for a little over a week...

There's an Italian, a Mexican, and a Polish guy.

Every day they eat their lunch on the top floor of the building they're working on, about 30 floors up. One day when the Italian opens his lunch pail he realizes that his wife has packed him meatballs for the tenth time in ten days. The Mexic...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Black man, a Mexican and a Polish man are at a construction site

A Black man, a Mexican and a Polish man are at a construction site having lunch. The black man opens up his lunch and says "If I get fried chicken for lunch again, I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opens up his lunch and says "If I get a burrito for lunch again, I'm going to jump off...

There's a blonde man, a Mexican man, and an Italian man sitting on a construction site eating lunch and...

The Mexican man opens his lunch and exclaims, "Bean burritos again?! I swear if I get bean burritos one more time I am going to jump and kill myself!" Then the Italian man opens his lunch and says, "Seriously?! Spaghetti and meatballs again?! If I get this one more time in my lunch I am going to jum...

An Italian, a Mexican and an American are all on a boat...

The captain runs out yelling we're sinking we're sinking!! Everyone needs to throw something off the boat! The Italian says "We have too many of these in our country" and throws over pots of spaghetti . Mexican says "we have too many of these in country" and throws burritos over board. Finally the A...

Did r/jokes hear about the new Taco Bell Express yet?

You give them 99c, and they throw a burrito in the toilet for you.

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