Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second.

"You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."

The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the ...

Two women archaeologists are down in Mexico excavating an ancient Mayan burial ground looking for some remains to take back to their museum.

Unfortunately, everything they run across is badly decomposed. One of the two says, "We don't seem to be having much luck."
The other replies, "Keep on digging, honey, a good Mayan is hard to find!"

I heard Mexico has a secret facility where people believe they are cloning illegal aliens

They call it Area 50 Juans.

Why does Mexico never win gold in the Olympics?

Because the best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are already in America

What’s Mexico’s favorite sport?

Cross country

If Mexico is paying for the wall and China paying for the tariffs

Can somebody pay for my bills?

After a soundcheck there’s always a guy in a tree in Mexico.

Juan, to tree! Juan, to tree!

Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team?

Because everyone who can run jump and swim is already in the USA

TIL: In the movie “The Day After Tomorrow”, the scene involving people migrating illegally into Mexico involve dozens of extras actually crossing from the USA into Mexico over the Rio Grande

Fortunately, all 1673 of them safely made it back to the US side without issue.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Canadian stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.

While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Co...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can’t they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day in Mexico?

They had to give the donkey a break at some point

What do you get when you cross Mexico with an anti-racism book?

Tequila Mockingbird.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump is doing everything in his power to make Mexico pay for the wall

By acting so batshit crazy they want to build the wall themselves for protection

Mexico should stop importing cocaine for a month;

then the Americans will be the ones climbing the wall...

My friend’s girlfriend is pregnant, and he is thinking of a name for the past few weeks.

Finally he decided on Carlos and ran away to Mexico.

Juan arrives at the Mexico/US border

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on a bicycle. He's got 2 large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them ou...

What do you call Amoxicillin made in Mexico?

Amoxicillin, you racist

So I was at Mexico and I asked a man if what we were looking at was the ocean.

He said: "Si"

An American is on a business trip to Mexico and has the first day off.

He decides he wants to ride a donkey, a traditional Mexican thing.

He asks this local man if he can rent a donkey for the day. The man says, "Gringo we call them asses here in Mexico. If you want him to stop though you need to scratch him." The American agrees and pays the Mexican man his ...

I visited my girlfriends family in Mexico during the summer.

They all laughed at me for wearing a sweater to dinner.

But, my girlfriend told me it would be chili

If Donald Trump becomes President I'm going to Mexico.

Not by choice though.

At the turn of the last century, Mexico was introduced to mayonnaise.

At the turn of the last century, Mexico was introduced to mayonnaise.

And they just loved it. They couldn't make mayonnaise quick enough.

Little known fact, the Titanic had a large vat of mayonnaise that was going to go to Mexico.

Now when the Titanic sunk, and the mayonnaise we...

Why doesn't Mexico host the Olympic games?

All the good runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in the US.

What is the most important sport in Mexico?

Cross-country

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man notices a Mexican bookstore

He decides to go in because he has never seen a Mexican book store before.

He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?"

The clerk replies, "Fuck you!! Get out, and stay out!!"

The man replies, ...

A tourist in Mexico goes into a bar to get wasted

It’s his last week on vacation and one of the things on his bucket list to do is basically to drink until he is completely wasted. As the night prolongs, he notices little by little the bar begins to empty. The bartender in his best English that he can muster says to him, “Señor, I think you should ...

If Game of Thrones teaches us anything it is that Mexico should build the wall.

Whingers are coming.

Since Mexico won’t pay for the wall

Americans will have to Putin their own money

The wall with Mexico won't work because it doesn't extend into the ocean.

Everyone knows Jesus can walk on water.

A government plane crashes between united states and mexico, where do you bury the survivors?

What plane?

Want to know Mexico's favourite sport ?

Cross Country

A man in New Mexico asked a farmer if he had any local chili peppers for sale.

Unfortunately, the farmer said he had 99 poblanos but a Hatch ain't one.

An American got busted at the border for trying to smuggle two donkeys into Mexico.

It was an assassination attempt.

They should send Hillary Clinton to the U.S. Mexico border

Since no one can get over her...

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If Mexico sends their rapists to the United States, where does the United States send theirs?

To the Supreme Court.

I was speaking to a group of the migrants from Central America. I asked them how they felt about a wall between Mexico and the United States.

They told me they would get over it.

Did you hear about the failed Canadian plot to bomb Mexico with a nuclear missile?

It went south fast.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pedro worked in a fine pickle factory in Mexico City

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the cucumber slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.
After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Pedro to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of ...

Why can't Donald Trump and Melania have a romantic getaway in Mexico?

He always wants to take the kids.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Rabbi took a vacation to Mexico

While there, he met a Mexican priest on the street. They get to talking about this and that and start to have nice conversation. It's decided that they'll go to a place that the priest likes for dinner together. After they're seated, the Rabbi gets curious about something. "Padre, are there any Mexi...

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At a wedding party in Mexico, the inebriated groom stumbles into the bedroom and finds his bride getting fucked by the best man.he laughs uproariously and calls his his friends to the doorway to have a look. They say to him "Juan, you are drunk!"

"You think I'M drunk?" he yells. .
"Take a look at Manuel. . He's so drunk, he thinks he's ME!"

2020 Olympic high jump results

Gold - Mexico

Silver - Mexico

Bronze - Mexico

A Texan, Donald Trump, and a New Mexican are walking along when they stumble upon a gold lamp...

They all immediately grab for it, and each get a hand on it.

As they each struggle to take it from the other two, a genie pops out. The genie says, "You have woken me from my slumber, and I shall give you three wishes. Since you each have a hand on the lamp, you will get one wish a piece."...

What happens when you snort 12 lines of cocaine in Mexico?

You over Doce

A huge earthquake shook Mexico

Around 3000 people died.

The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.

England gave medicine.

France sent food.

Germany made huge donations.

USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock

When I was visiting Mexico, I found it strange that they would keep cheese in their first aid kits.

Turns out it was just there in queso emergency.

The San Diego Padres visited an orphanage in Mexico...

"It's really sad to see their faces with no hope" said Juan, age 9.

Depression in Mexico

There are been a sharp increase in depression in Mexico since Trump got into office on the platform of building a wall between the two countries.

Leading mental health experts have said that sadly many Mexicans will never get over it.

in mexico, we don't say "I love you"

cause we dont speak english.

A tourist is shopping at a market in Mexico

He goes up to a vendor and struggles to communicate with the shopkeeper, who eventually pulls out an apple.

"Disfrutan mucho los turistas", the vendor says while smiling.

The tourist stops and thinks for a second, and then responds with "No, dis fruit an apple".

If Trump wins, I think I may know what will happen to New Mexico

[Removed]

If black panther took place in Mexico, the name of the protagonist would be..

T’Cholo

Why am I against Donald Trump's wall idea?

It will make fleeing to Mexico more difficult when he ruins our country.

People should not move to Canada because of Trump

They should go to Mexico, then at least there will be a wall between them and Trump.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My uncle told me this joke after coming from a trip from Mexico.

A man went on vacation to Mexico. He went to a restaurant and while eating saw a plate with two huge meat balls on it, he called over the waitress and asked "what is that dish you just served." And the waitress said "that is bull testicles, everyday we have 1 bull fight, if you want to eat it you ha...

In Mexico, UNO is actually only played with three colors.

Well, they come with four, but everyone just keeps the green cards for themselves.

Most popular dog breed in New Mexico?

The Meth Lab.

I've been very anxious about being mugged while on holiday in mexico, so I've been taking Valium to calm my nerves.

So far I haven't had any Hispanic attacks.

What do they call Samuel L. Jackson in Mexico?

“Samuel El Jackson”




I’m sorry

What does an Arab eat in Mexico?

Inshalladas

A friend from Mexico recently moved up to Wisconsin with me

Naturally, one of the first places we went was a cheese shop. He was being all tentative, only considering purchasing a small block of cheddar. He’s never going to fit like that.


I said to him, “Jesus, take the wheel.”

Germany lost 1-0 to Mexico at the World Cup.

It’s not the first time they’ve gone to Russia unprepared.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve been thinking about opening an archery center somewhere in Mexico...

I figured I’d call it ‘Elbow’



...please pray for my girlfriend. My brain comes up with this shit all the time and normally she is my audience. I figured I’d try re-routing things here to save her sanity.

I once tried driving to Mexico to steal a couple pet dolphins.

But I was arrested for trying to enter the country for illegal porpoises.

Who's Going to Pay For the Wall?

Mexico
Mexic
Mexi
Mex
Me

What does milk in Mexico say when meeting others?

Soy Milk

Did you check the weather for Mexico City?

It's chili today and hot tamale.

What do you need to cause a railway accident in Mexico?

A loco-motive.

Kansas, Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas are all about to Outlaw Interstate Begging

These four states are all against the Oklahoma panhandle.

Two Americans decide to start a bungee jumping business in Mexico.

They're almost done setting up on a bridge by a city but first they have to test to see if the cord will work.

So one of the men ties the cord to himself, jumps off, and comes back up with scratches on his face.

So they get a shorter cord and the same guy tests it again.

Before ...

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.

They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words.
She says, “I just graduated f...

2 cars had a head-on collision in Mexico today..

34 people died.

How does Harry Potter order a drink in Mexico?

Expecto Patrona

A man named Jose has just moved from Mexico to the US

and he wants to do something very American so he decides to go to a baseball game.

Unfortunately, the game is completely sold out. However, the cashier says there is one seat available if Jose is willing to sit atop the flag pole. He agrees.

Finding the pole, Jose climbs to the top an...

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