Juan arrives at the Mexico/US border

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on a bicycle. He's got 2 large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them ou...

Why doesn't Mexico have a Olympic team?

Because everybody that can run, jump, and swim are already in the U.S

My friend’s girlfriend is pregnant, and he is thinking of a name for the past few weeks.

Finally he decided on Carlos and ran away to Mexico.

Why didn't Mexico win any medals at the Olympics?

Their best runners and swimmers are in America

Mexico should stop importing cocaine for a month;

then the Americans will be the ones climbing the wall...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Trump is doing everything in his power to make Mexico pay for the wall

By acting so batshit crazy they want to build the wall themselves for protection

Who do you call when you have a taco emergency in Mexico?

9 Juan Juan

If Game of Thrones teaches us anything it is that Mexico should build the wall.

Whingers are coming.

Why doesn't Mexico host the Olympic games?

All the good runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in the US.

An American got busted at the border for trying to smuggle two donkeys into Mexico.

It was an assassination attempt.

Since Mexico won’t pay for the wall

Americans will have to Putin their own money

What do you call a gearbox that has been made in Mexico?

Manuel

What is the most important sport in Mexico?

Cross-country

Did you hear about the failed Canadian plot to bomb Mexico with a nuclear missile?

It went south fast.

The wall with Mexico won't work because it doesn't extend into the ocean.

Everyone knows Jesus can walk on water.

A man in New Mexico asked a farmer if he had any local chili peppers for sale.

Unfortunately, the farmer said he had 99 poblanos but a Hatch ain't one.

I was hanging out with my friend from Mexico the other day and he asked me how runny I like my cottage cheese.

I told him "No whey, Jose"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Pedro worked in a fine pickle factory in Mexico City

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the cucumber slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.
After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Pedro to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of ...

Want to know Mexico's favourite sport ?

Cross Country

I was speaking to a group of the migrants from Central America. I asked them how they felt about a wall between Mexico and the United States.

They told me they would get over it.

A government plane crashes between united states and mexico, where do you bury the survivors?

What plane?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Rabbi took a vacation to Mexico

While there, he met a Mexican priest on the street. They get to talking about this and that and start to have nice conversation. It's decided that they'll go to a place that the priest likes for dinner together. After they're seated, the Rabbi gets curious about something. "Padre, are there any Mexi...

An Oklahoma man decides to take a vacation down to mexico.

He figures he'll drive down through Texas. Halfway through Texas he notices his gas tank is getting pretty low and pulls off for the next truck stop. He gets off the highway and it's the biggest truck stop he's ever seen 50 pumps, a full motel, a diner. The works.


He goes in and asks th...

If Donald Trump becomes President I'm going to Mexico.

Not by choice though.

They should send Hillary Clinton to the U.S. Mexico border

Since no one can get over her...

If Mexico sends their rapists to the United States, where does the United States send theirs?

To the Supreme Court.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

At a wedding party in Mexico, the inebriated groom stumbles into the bedroom and finds his bride getting fucked by the best man.he laughs uproariously and calls his his friends to the doorway to have a look. They say to him "Juan, you are drunk!"

"You think I'M drunk?" he yells. .
"Take a look at Manuel. . He's so drunk, he thinks he's ME!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man notices a Mexican bookstore

He decides to go in because he has never seen a Mexican book store before.

He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?"

The clerk replies, "Fuck you!! Get out, and stay out!!"

The man replies, ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An American goes on a vacation to Mexico.

After his day’s sight-seeing, he stops at a local restaurant. While sipping his wine, he notices a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only it looked good, but the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, “What was that you just served the gentleman at the next...

Why can't Donald Trump and Melania have a romantic getaway in Mexico?

He always wants to take the kids.

A huge earthquake shook Mexico

Around 3000 people died.

The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.

England gave medicine.

France sent food.

Germany made huge donations.

USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar in Mexico, and sees a sign that says "If you can make this donkey laugh we will give you $100."

So the guy goes to the donkey and whispers something in his ear and the donkey starts laughing uncontrollably. Then the guy walks straight to the bartender and collects the $100.

A week later the guy goes back to the bar and now the sign says "If you can make this donkey stop laughing we wil...

The San Diego Padres visited an orphanage in Mexico...

"It's really sad to see their faces with no hope" said Juan, age 9.

A tourist is shopping at a market in Mexico

He goes up to a vendor and struggles to communicate with the shopkeeper, who eventually pulls out an apple.

"Disfrutan mucho los turistas", the vendor says while smiling.

The tourist stops and thinks for a second, and then responds with "No, dis fruit an apple".

In Mexico, UNO is actually only played with three colors.

Well, they come with four, but everyone just keeps the green cards for themselves.

When I was visiting Mexico, I found it strange that they would keep cheese in their first aid kits.

Turns out it was just there in queso emergency.

What happens when you snort 12 lines of cocaine in Mexico?

You over Doce

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An older man retires, and decides to move to Mexico

because his modest savings will go a lot further there. He tries, but really struggles to learn the language and local customs. Some days he’d sleep until noon and enjoy being retired…but a few days a week he made it a point to wake up early, fry a couple of eggs, and head into town to immerse himse...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two Americans decide to open a bunjee-jumping business in Mexico.

They set up in the middle of a small village where they gather all the locals to preform a demonstration. Bob jumps, bounces at the end of the cord, and flies back up by the platform. Jeff isn't able to catch his friend, but he notices he has a few cuts and scratches.

Bob falls again, bounces...

Most popular dog breed in New Mexico?

The Meth Lab.

If black panther took place in Mexico, the name of the protagonist would be..

T’Cholo

2020 Olympic high jump results

Gold - Mexico

Silver - Mexico

Bronze - Mexico

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My uncle told me this joke after coming from a trip from Mexico.

A man went on vacation to Mexico. He went to a restaurant and while eating saw a plate with two huge meat balls on it, he called over the waitress and asked "what is that dish you just served." And the waitress said "that is bull testicles, everyday we have 1 bull fight, if you want to eat it you ha...

in mexico, we don't say "I love you"

cause we dont speak english.

I've been very anxious about being mugged while on holiday in mexico, so I've been taking Valium to calm my nerves.

So far I haven't had any Hispanic attacks.

A Texan, Donald Trump, and a New Mexican are walking along when they stumble upon a gold lamp...

They all immediately grab for it, and each get a hand on it.

As they each struggle to take it from the other two, a genie pops out. The genie says, "You have woken me from my slumber, and I shall give you three wishes. Since you each have a hand on the lamp, you will get one wish a piece."...

What does an Arab eat in Mexico?

Inshalladas

Donald Trump dies and goes to hell

In 50 years, he comes to the devil and says: "I know I'm going to spend an eternity here. I would like to ask you for a favor. I miss my country, I miss the United States. Can I go back to Washington DC for 15 minutes? I will go to the nearest bar, drink some beer and have a little chat with the bar...

What do they call Samuel L. Jackson in Mexico?

“Samuel El Jackson”




I’m sorry

Depression in Mexico

There are been a sharp increase in depression in Mexico since Trump got into office on the platform of building a wall between the two countries.

Leading mental health experts have said that sadly many Mexicans will never get over it.

A friend from Mexico recently moved up to Wisconsin with me

Naturally, one of the first places we went was a cheese shop. He was being all tentative, only considering purchasing a small block of cheddar. He’s never going to fit like that.


I said to him, “Jesus, take the wheel.”

What's the most popular book in Mexico?

Tequila Mockingbird

Germany lost 1-0 to Mexico at the World Cup.

It’s not the first time they’ve gone to Russia unprepared.

Kansas, Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas are all about to Outlaw Interstate Begging

These four states are all against the Oklahoma panhandle.

Did you check the weather for Mexico City?

It's chili today and hot tamale.

If Trump wins, I think I may know what will happen to New Mexico

[Removed]

People should not move to Canada because of Trump

They should go to Mexico, then at least there will be a wall between them and Trump.

What does milk in Mexico say when meeting others?

Soy Milk

Why am I against Donald Trump's wall idea?

It will make fleeing to Mexico more difficult when he ruins our country.

What do you need to cause a railway accident in Mexico?

A loco-motive.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I’ve been thinking about opening an archery center somewhere in Mexico...

I figured I’d call it ‘Elbow’



...please pray for my girlfriend. My brain comes up with this shit all the time and normally she is my audience. I figured I’d try re-routing things here to save her sanity.

Who's Going to Pay For the Wall?

Mexico
Mexic
Mexi
Mex
Me

Two Americans decide to start a bungee jumping business in Mexico.

They're almost done setting up on a bridge by a city but first they have to test to see if the cord will work.

So one of the men ties the cord to himself, jumps off, and comes back up with scratches on his face.

So they get a shorter cord and the same guy tests it again.

Before ...

Mexico didn't get a single yellow card against Germany in this football match.

Which is fine, since they only care about Green Cards.

I once tried driving to Mexico to steal a couple pet dolphins.

But I was arrested for trying to enter the country for illegal porpoises.

Hellmann's

Most people don't know that back in the early 1900's, Hellmann's Mayonnaise was actually manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 15,000 jars of the condiment destined for Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call after its stop in New York. At the time this was to...

How does Harry Potter order a drink in Mexico?

Expecto Patrona

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two Jewish men, were sitting in a Mexican restaurant discussing religion

"I wonder if there are any Jewish people in Mexico?" asked the first one.

"There must be" said the second one, "let's ask the waiter."

When the waiter came by, they asked him, "Do you have any Mexican Jews?" and the waiter said, "I don't know Senor, I'll ask the cooks."

He retu...

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.

They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words.
She says, “I just graduated f...

2 speeding cars got in a head-on collision in Mexico today. 33 people died.

Only Juan survived.

I brought my girlfriend to Mexico for Valentine's Day.

I got arrested on the way back for snuggling her over the border.

A man named Jose has just moved from Mexico to the US

and he wants to do something very American so he decides to go to a baseball game.

Unfortunately, the game is completely sold out. However, the cashier says there is one seat available if Jose is willing to sit atop the flag pole. He agrees.

Finding the pole, Jose climbs to the top an...

What would you get if Canada had a kid with Mexico?

Juantario

Have you guys seen the train that killed many people in mexico?

Police was investigating the reasons of the accident, apparently it was a loco-motive.

Leon Trotsky asks a travel agent if they have any hotel rooms in Mexico.

The travel agent responded by saying that Mexico would be a very ice pick.

Mexico's president says he will not go to the U.S. for a meeting with Trump

The wall's not even finished and it kept a Mexican out!

What do they call Four Loko in Mexico?

Cuatro Krazy.

What did Mexico get Trump for Christmas?

A Walmart gift card.

Parked my car in Mexico City last night. Came out in the morning to find a gang of kids had come and stolen all the parts off it.

Jesus took the wheel.

Did you hear about the Kidnapping in Mexico?

He woke up.