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Mexico Jokes

What do Mexico and Canada have in common?

They both border on stupidity.

Mexico called.

They are willing to pay for the wall now.

2 cars had a head-on collision in Mexico today..

34 people died.

What is Mexico's national sport?

Cross Country

An old lady used to cross the US-Mexico border every day using a motorcycle...

The guards, especially officer Johnson, knew she was smuggling something. But, no matter what they did, they could never find it.

Dogs wouldn't sniff anything, metal detectors wouldn't bleep, disassembling the motorcycle wouldn't help.

Many years later, on his last day at the job, once...

What drove the train to commit crimes in Mexico?

Loco motives!

Trump's wall will cost 21.6 billion, Nasa's budget is only 19 billion

Probably because Mexico has more aliens

Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is in the US

An ant travelled across the Mexico into USA..

It's now import-ant.

in mexico, we don't say "I love you"

cause we dont speak english.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Each year I eagerly anticipate this day so I can share my favorite Dad Joke of all time:

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This wo...

The Olmecs lived in Mexico 3,000 years ago. Who lives there now?

The New Mex

What kind of car racing comes from Mexico?

Formula Juan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shai is excited for his trip to Mexico because he is an avid SCUBA diver.

When he goes, he finds a company that can take him to the reefs and links up with a dive leader. While on the boat preparing their tanks, the leader begins talking him about the different types of animals that they will see. Since the both of them will not be able to communicate verbally, the dive l...

What do you call a dog from New Mexico?

An Albu-corgi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few friends go to Mexico to watch the bull fights.

Afterwards, the friends go to a restaurant. The waiter asks them, "would you like to try the oysters? They are the testicles of the bull, but we only serve them when the bull loses."

After time, the men decide they do want to try the oysters. Out comes a dish with two huge, round balls, with ...

What do you call a small, Muslim house of worship located in Mexico?

A mosquito.

A detective is investigating a crime scene in Mexico.

A cop fills him in on what happened.

“Apparently the killer is riddled with dementia and considers the train his lover, so he killed the train operator out of jealousy”

“Wow” says the detective, looking up at the train in question.

“That’s some locomotive”

Why did I quit my job in Mexico?

It didn't peso well.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was on vacation in Mexico and he went to see the bullfights.

When it was over he went to a nearby restaurant. The waiter recited the menu and then said, "Since today there was a bullfight, we also have fresh testicles on the menu if you'd like to try them."

The guy was always up for something new so he ordered them. They arrived and they were absolutel...

A plane carrying Donald Trump made an emergency landing in New Orleans after alleged engine failure over the Gulf of Mexico.

Turns out there was just a loud whine coming from the right wing.

Juan arrives at the Mexico/US border

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on a bicycle. He's got 2 large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them ou...

Mexico

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. “You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico.” The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insu...

What is Mexico's favourite operating system?

TacOS

Inflation in the USA is so high at this point that...…

\- I recieved a predeclined credit card in the mail.
\- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
\- Exxon-Mobil fired 25 Congressmen.
\- McDonald's is selling the amazing 1/4 ouncer.
\- Angelina Jolie adopted a kid from the US.
\- Moms and Dad's in Beverly Hills let go of ...

Two major banks from Mexico and America are merging next month

They're calling the new company CapitalJuan

It's only Tabasco if it comes from that region of Mexico

Otherwise it's sparkling tomato juice.

Where does Disturbed always play when visiting Mexico?

Oaxaxaxaca

A Brazilian man in Mexico doesn't know why the U.S. deported him there.

Can you imagine Hispanic?

If Donald Trump becomes President I'm going to Mexico.

Not by choice though.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking through his local mall and notices a Mexican book store. He decides to go in, because he has never seen one before.

He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?"

The clerk replies, "Fuck you, get out, stay out!"

The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one."

I just sold my collection of Swiss watches to a friend in Mexico City.

Adios Omegas.

They should send Hillary Clinton to the U.S. Mexico border

Since no one can get over her...

One day, a family from mexico moves up from Mexico city all the way to Jacksonville Florida

One day, a family from mexico moves up from Mexico city all the way to Jacksonville Florida. They settle in a small little house. The neighbors are a little skeptical, being their race and all, so they keep an eye out on their plot for a few days. To his suprise, he sees that the family is one of th...

So a Police officer in Mexico got a call about a train robbery...

He showed up after the suspect fled.

After interviewing everyone, he found nothing was taken and was quite perlexted. The man must of had a real loco motive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.

The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"



The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"



The American ...

What do you call the top wealthiest people in Mexico?

The Juan percent.

What do you call an election ballot in mexico?







pick-o-de-guy-o

I sent an email to my friend in Mexico...

He never got it, guess I sent it to the wrong Juan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Texas, close to the border with Mexico, there was a priest who hated Mexicans

That Sunday, after reading the Bible, the priest started his sermon:

"Today we'll reflect on Peter's lie about being a follower of Jesus. That night, Peter acted as a coward and a liar, just like these damn Mexicans we see every day in this town!"

The whole congregation started to shou...

Depression in Mexico

There are been a sharp increase in depression in Mexico since Trump got into office on the platform of building a wall between the two countries.

Leading mental health experts have said that sadly many Mexicans will never get over it.

The largest condom factory in the States burned down.

President Trump was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of ...

Apple is introducing robot dogs to the market soon. They're testing one in Mexico right now.

It's called the iChihuahua.

Mexico should stop importing cocaine for a month;

then the Americans will be the ones climbing the wall...

What do you call an insane crocodile in Mexico?

Locodrilo

A huge earthquake shook Mexico

Around 3000 people died.

The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.

England gave medicine.

France sent food.

Germany made huge donations.

USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock

A Serbian politician visits Mexico

There he meets their president and gets invited to a diner at the president's house... There he sees a magnificient villa and he asks how did you build it... Mexican president points at the bridge few kilometres away and says 'Do you see that bridge'... Serbian politician says 'Yes', and the Mexican...

My friend’s girlfriend is pregnant, and he is thinking of a name for the past few weeks.

Finally he decided on Carlos and ran away to Mexico.

A Mexican politician and an American politician are having dinner

They are eating at the American politician's house. A 6 bedroom house with a 2 Mercedes Benz at the front. And a 500 square foot garden.

The Mexican politician remarked how nice his house was and how he was able to afford it.

The American politician said: "see that highway over there?...

Who is Mexico's richest man?

Jeff Pesos

If Trump wins, I think I may know what will happen to New Mexico

[Removed]

What's the most popular book in Mexico?

Tequila Mockingbird

What do you say to a man from Mexico that had a successful hip replacement?

Hip Hip Jorge!

Did you hear about the train engineer from Mexico that was arrested for terrorism?

Authorities say he had loco motives.

Two Melons ran away to Mexico to get Married

The first asked the second, "Honey, do you really think we should do this?"

The second replied, "You're right, we can't elope."

Why doesn't Mexico host the Olympic games?

All the good runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in the US.

The trip to ... hell?

To celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary, John and his wife are planning a trip to Mexico. Everything should be perfect. John leaves a few days earlier to get everything ready.

At night he writes an email to his wife, but enters a wrong address and the message ends up at the widow o...

President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.

Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.

The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.

Biden and Obrador were confused and gav...

How was the Canadian able to put out a fire while vacationing in Mexico?

With the help of a hose eh.

captain mexico

Always trying to take captain america's job.

Since Mexico won’t pay for the wall

Americans will have to Putin their own money

TIL Dr Dre adopted a child from Mexico

The child calls him his "PaDre"

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.

They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words.
She says, “I just graduated f...

What's the most popular arcade game in Mexico?

Guac - a - mole

Lets ban all shredded cheese from Mexico

Make America grate again.

I tried to practice archery in Mexico.

But I didn't habanero.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My uncle told me this joke after coming from a trip from Mexico.

A man went on vacation to Mexico. He went to a restaurant and while eating saw a plate with two huge meat balls on it, he called over the waitress and asked "what is that dish you just served." And the waitress said "that is bull testicles, everyday we have 1 bull fight, if you want to eat it you ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An agent of the CIA named Charles Dick goes missing after investigating a cartel in Mexico...

After a few days, another agent is sent to find out what happened to him, and after much effort the agent makes contact with one of the cartel's leaders


"What can you tell us about Charles?" the agent asks.
The leader replies, "We have Señor Dick."

Startled, the agent fasten...

I just bought an Adidas Christmas sweater from Mexico.

Fleece Adidas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump is doing everything in his power to make Mexico pay for the wall

By acting so batshit crazy they want to build the wall themselves for protection

A Mexican is strolling down the street in Mexico City and kicks a bottle lying in the street.

Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Mexican is stunned and
the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish; anything
you want."

The Mexican begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking tequila."
Finally the Mexican says, "I wish to drink tequila whenever I want,<...

Memory

A tourist was introduced to a Native American Indian in New Mexico who was said to have a perfect memory. Skeptical, the tourist asked, "What did you have for breakfast on September 10, 1943? " The Indian answered, "Eggs. " The man scoffed, "Everyone eats eggs for breakfast. He's a phony. "Thirteen ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Since we're doing translations, here's one from Mexico:

On the first day back from summer vacation, the teacher asked the students what they did over the summer and if they got any nicknames.


Juan goes first: "I spent my summer working with my dad laying bricks!"
Teacher: "did you have a nickname?
Juan: "Yes, the brick mason's son"
...

The president of Mexico just called Trump on the phone...

Yesterday the president of Mexico called Trump on the phone. They want the walll built, right now. They are even willing to pay for it, with toilet paper.

What’s green, comes from Mexico and goes underground?

A guaca mole

What does a former head of the Vatican have in common with a fruit grown in Mexico?

They're both Pope Pius/papayas!

Mexico's president says he will not go to the U.S. for a meeting with Trump

The wall's not even finished and it kept a Mexican out!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American goes on a vacation to Mexico.

After his day’s sight-seeing, he stops at a local restaurant. While sipping his wine, he notices a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only it looked good, but the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, “What was that you just served the gentleman at the next...

A man dies at the Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico, and Utah border.

He had to have four coroners.

Somewhere right now, maybe Mexico or Bavaria, there is a tuba player telling his girlfriend..

\- "No, Baby, don't say 'Daddy,' it's 'Oom Pa-Pa'"

2020 Olympic high jump results

Gold - Mexico

Silver - Mexico

Bronze - Mexico

What is the new party drug in Mexico called?

Guacamolly.

What does an Arab eat in Mexico?

Inshalladas

What's the difference between a product made in Mexico and a product made in America?

One is made by a Mexican, while the other is made by a Mexican immigrant.

Update- Mexico has 2000 plus cases of Corona

At the Corona beer factory warehouse

If Trump gets elected, I'm moving to Mexico.

Then at least there's a wall to protect me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Rabbi took a vacation to Mexico

While there, he met a Mexican priest on the street. They get to talking about this and that and start to have nice conversation. It's decided that they'll go to a place that the priest likes for dinner together. After they're seated, the Rabbi gets curious about something. "Padre, are there any Mexi...

I visited my girlfriends family in Mexico during the summer.

They all laughed at me for wearing a sweater to dinner.

But, my girlfriend told me it would be chili

What do you call Amoxicillin made in Mexico?

Amoxicillin, you racist

TIL the sinking of the Titanic is commemorated in Mexico.

Otherwise known as Sink-o de Mayo.

What do you call the Beatles' drummer when in Mexico?

Gringo Starr

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A historian goes to Mexico to do research on Pancho Villa.

After a few weeks of going from village to village, getting 3rd and 4th hand stories, he meets a man who tells him, "Go talk to the old man at the end of the road. He knew Pancho Villa."

So the historian goes to meet the old man, who is well over 100 years old. He asks the old man, "I underst...

Large tsunami hits Mexico - 300k were killed...

...Canada sends money, Brazilia sends food, USA sends 300k mexicans.

What do they call Four Loko in Mexico?

Cuatro Krazy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Mexico sends their rapists to the United States, where does the United States send theirs?

To the Supreme Court.

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