Mexico called.

They are willing to pay for the wall now.

What do you call a small, Muslim house of worship located in Mexico?

A mosquito.

Two Melons ran away to Mexico to get Married

The first asked the second, "Honey, do you really think we should do this?"

The second replied, "You're right, we can't elope."

What's the most popular arcade game in Mexico?

Guac - a - mole

The last time I was down in Mexico, I saw something very peculiar; what I thought was a shrub covered in slices of pork...

I went for a closer look and one of the locals stopped me.

"Don't go down there, Señor..." he tells me, "... Eet might be a Hambush."

Juan comes to US/Mexico border on a cycle...

...with 2 large bags over his shoulders.

The guard stops him and says, "What's in those bags?"

"Sand," answered Juan.

The guard says, "We'll see about that. Get off the bike."

The guard takes the bag and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If that fucker Trump gets re-elected, I'm going to Mexico

but not by choice though

What do Mexico and Canada have in common?

They both border on stupidity.

Why doesn't Texas fall into the Gulf of Mexico?

Because Oklahoma sucks.

The price of your average meat pie in Nicaragua, Panama, Dominica and Cubais $3. In Mexico, Honduras, Jamaica and Bahamas it lies around $2.79, and the cheapest at $1.79 can be found in Granada and Guatemala.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

You think you can go down to Mexico and do whatever you want? Well I have news for you buddy, Mexico has laws!

That no one follows so go ahead and do your thing.

A detective is investigating a crime scene in Mexico.

A cop fills him in on what happened.

“Apparently the killer is riddled with dementia and considers the train his lover, so he killed the train operator out of jealousy”

“Wow” says the detective, looking up at the train in question.

“That’s some locomotive”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Since we're doing translations, here's one from Mexico:

On the first day back from summer vacation, the teacher asked the students what they did over the summer and if they got any nicknames.


Juan goes first: "I spent my summer working with my dad laying bricks!"
Teacher: "did you have a nickname?
Juan: "Yes, the brick mason's son"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump decides to visit Mexico to see the progress of his border wall.

While out in the middle of the hot sun he notices a pond of water by a farm. Thirsty, after having drunk all the water he brought with him, he decided to kneel down and take a drink.

An older Mexican man approaches him and says “No bebas el agua, las vacas se han cagado en ella.” (Translated...

A Mexican is strolling down the street in Mexico City and kicks a bottle lying in the street.

Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Mexican is stunned and
the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish; anything
you want."

The Mexican begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking tequila."
Finally the Mexican says, "I wish to drink tequila whenever I want,<...

Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York...

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiti...

Why is Mexico so bad at the olympics

Because everybody who can run, jump and swim is in America

What will happen if Mexico see’s what’s going on in America

They’ll build the wall themselves

A Brazilian man in Mexico doesn't know why the U.S. deported him there.

Can you imagine Hispanic?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Roger was very thin because he was afraid to spend a lot of money on food. He looked forward to the day when his grandfather would die and leave him a fortune.

His grandfather was blessed with both a sense of humor and a sense of justice. So he planned that when he finally died all he would leave to Roger was a cookie.

But what a cookie.

It was made with butter, churned from milk from a yak milked by a virginal milkmaid on the highest field o...

Why doesn't Mexico perform well in the Olympics?

Because anyone who can swim, jump, climb, or sprint is already over the border.

The president of Mexico just called Trump on the phone...

Yesterday the president of Mexico called Trump on the phone. They want the walll built, right now. They are even willing to pay for it, with toilet paper.

What do you call the Beatles' drummer when in Mexico?

Gringo Starr

TIL the sinking of the Titanic is commemorated in Mexico.

Otherwise known as Sink-o de Mayo.

In china, they invented a machine that can capture thieves

They tested out the machine in china for a week and they caught 2 thieves. The following week the russians decided to test this machine in Moscow, they caught 10 thieves. Seeing the machine's success, the Mexican government wanted to try this in the City of Mexico, they caught 400 thieves. Then the ...

911 - A Parody Of Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow, on a pair of broken skis


Over the hills we go, crashing into trees!


The snow is turning red, I think I might be dead,


I woke up in the hospital with stitches in my head, oh!


9-1-1, 9-1-1, Santa Claus is dead!


...

My friend: “My girlfriend said she wanted to eat tacos, so we flew to Mexico”

Me: “Hey babe what do you wanna eat?”

Her: “Nothing”

Me: *flies to Africa*

Update- Mexico has 2000 plus cases of Corona

At the Corona beer factory warehouse

Randomly came up with this joke laying in bed one night - What do you call a bald eagle with the flu that migrates from Mexico to the US?

An ill eagle immigrant...

What’s green, comes from Mexico and goes underground?

A guaca mole

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m on a date with a cute guy and we start talking about tattoos.

He asks me if I have any tattoos and I say “yeah, some stars on my right hip.” I ask him if he has any and he says “yeah, one on my dick and it says Shorty.” My face falls as I realize what this means just when we are really starting to hit things off. But then he says “when my dick gets hard it say...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A historian goes to Mexico to do research on Pancho Villa.

After a few weeks of going from village to village, getting 3rd and 4th hand stories, he meets a man who tells him, "Go talk to the old man at the end of the road. He knew Pancho Villa."

So the historian goes to meet the old man, who is well over 100 years old. He asks the old man, "I underst...

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD...

How bad is it you ask?

So bad,

THAT....

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer....

Who is Mexico's richest man?

Jeff Pesos

Emergency!

The largest condom factory in the States burns down. President Trump is awoken at 4 am by the telephone.


"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the ...

After hearing how dangerous Mexico is an American decided to see it for himself

He arrived there and went downtown with a deck of cards in his back pocket to see if anyone would attempt to rob him,
After walking around for 2 hours he noticed the deck of cards was still there.
He saw a homeless guy and came to him and said:
"well, people told me I was absolutely going t...

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico.

"The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more p...

A man went on vacation and arranged for his mother to stay at his house and take care of his cat.

And just to be sure, he asked his next-door neighbor if he would look in on them every day and make sure they were all right. “No problem,” said the neighbor. The man flew off to Mexico and after a couple of days he called the neighbor and asked how things were going.
“Well,” the neighbor sa...

Two guys go bungee jumping on a bridge in Mexico

The first guy gets his gear all on and steps up to jump, he jumps down and comes back up, and his face is bloody?...
So down and up again and his face is even more bloody...
down and up again and his face is swollen, bloody and bruised so his friend grabs him and say “are you okay what happe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two aliens landed in the New Mexico desert near a gas station that had been closed for the night.

They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger of the two aliens addressed it.

"Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pump (of course) didn't respond.

The younger alien started to get mad at the lack of response and the older one said, "I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes on vacation to Mexico with his family

When they get to the town they are staying in, the family wanted to explore and go thier own way. The man's wife agreed and told everyone to meet in the middle of the town at exactly 1pm so they could have lunch together.


The man wanders off and goes to the bar. After a couple of drinks, ...

I tried to practice archery in Mexico.

But I didn't habanero.

Lets ban all shredded cheese from Mexico

Make America grate again.

There was a deep sea fisherman

That accidentally caught an eagle porpoise - a rare species of porpoise (though not endangered) that inhabits the waters off Southern Mexico to Peru (ie, the Pacific coast). This species has a down-turned snout ideal for catching bottom-dwelling mollusks (octopi and squid) that inhabit the reefs and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Soldier's True Mettle

Canada, Mexico and The USA decide to test their three best soldiers in the ultimate test of a soldier's ability to deal with extreme situations. Each man is given a gun, placed in front of a door and told to walk in and kill whoever is in the room. With a deep breath, each walks in.

After 5 ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Canadian stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.

While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Co...

Two women archaeologists are down in Mexico excavating an ancient Mayan burial ground looking for some remains to take back to their museum.

Unfortunately, everything they run across is badly decomposed. One of the two says, "We don't seem to be having much luck."
The other replies, "Keep on digging, honey, a good Mayan is hard to find!"

Mexico should stop importing cocaine for a month;

then the Americans will be the ones climbing the wall...

A French friend of mine drowned while swimming in a borrowed bathing costume in Mexico during a public holiday...

...she didn't realize it was the *sinky de maillot*.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can’t they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day in Mexico?

They had to give the donkey a break at some point

What is the new party drug in Mexico called?

Guacamolly.

On a border patrol agent’s first day on the job...

...he’s checking people coming in and out of Mexico. At one point, a guy pulls up on a bicycle, and is wearing a large backpack.

“Aha!” says the agent to himself. “I’ve caught my first smuggler!”

He stops the guy and searches his backpack. He’s astounded to find nothing but rocks. The ...

After a soundcheck there’s always a guy in a tree in Mexico.

Juan, to tree! Juan, to tree!

What did Pikachu said when he tried food in Mexico?

Pica, Pica.

What do you get when you cross Mexico with an anti-racism book?

Tequila Mockingbird.

Want to know Mexico's favourite sport ?

Cross Country

I visited my girlfriends family in Mexico during the summer.

They all laughed at me for wearing a sweater to dinner.

But, my girlfriend told me it would be chili

If Mexico is paying for the wall and China paying for the tariffs

Can somebody pay for my bills?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Government

The federal government is sending most Americans a $1200 rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China.
If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs.
If we buy a computer it will go to India.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras
a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump is doing everything in his power to make Mexico pay for the wall

By acting so batshit crazy they want to build the wall themselves for protection

A magician performing in Mexico told his audience he could vanish before they could count to three . . .

In unison, they chant “Uno! Dos! ...”
Poof!
He disappeared without a tres.

What borders on stupidity?

Canada and Mexico.

(Stolen from a German friend on FB where it's apparently making the rounds...)

Trump is actually a caring guy

He was trying to build a wall so mexico wouldnt have to put up with americas rioting,racism,and the people to stupid to social distance

Why doesn't Mexico host the Olympic games?

All the good runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in the US.

TIL: In the movie “The Day After Tomorrow”, the scene involving people migrating illegally into Mexico involve dozens of extras actually crossing from the USA into Mexico over the Rio Grande

Fortunately, all 1673 of them safely made it back to the US side without issue.

A man is walking through his local mall and notices a Mexican book store

He decides to go in because he has never seen a Mexican book store before. He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?"

The clerk replies, "F*ck you, get out, stay out!" The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one!"

It's difficult, but Trump is still focused on keeping campaign promises during this pandemic.

Just a few more cases and Mexico will pay for that wall

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tourist in Mexico goes into a bar to get wasted

It’s his last week on vacation and one of the things on his bucket list to do is basically to drink until he is completely wasted. As the night prolongs, he notices little by little the bar begins to empty. The bartender in his best English that he can muster says to him, “Señor, I think you should ...

What do you call Amoxicillin made in Mexico?

Amoxicillin, you racist

An American, a Brit and a Mexican are on a plane.

The brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!". The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so many peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!". The American proceeds to throw the Mexica...

They should send Hillary Clinton to the U.S. Mexico border

Since no one can get over her...

Since Mexico won’t pay for the wall

Americans will have to Putin their own money

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are cleaning windows on the 99th floor in a lift. One of them has an urge to pee.

Not wanting to travel all the way down Tom proposes he could piss down from the side. Chris hesitates a little because he's afraid of falling down. Tom says he'll hold Chris and Chris agrees. Chris starts pissing down but Tom gets distracted by a fly and he lets Chris go...


A month later ...

The wall with Mexico won't work because it doesn't extend into the ocean.

Everyone knows Jesus can walk on water.

An American is on a business trip to Mexico and has the first day off.

He decides he wants to ride a donkey, a traditional Mexican thing.

He asks this local man if he can rent a donkey for the day. The man says, "Gringo we call them asses here in Mexico. If you want him to stop though you need to scratch him." The American agrees and pays the Mexican man his ...

An old man is riding his Harley through California,

As he was riding, he saw a shiny object on the side of the road. The old man pulled over, picked it up, dusted it off and discovered it was a genie lamp. He rubbed the lamp and the genie appeared.

"You have freed me from the bottle, so I shall grant you one wish. Name your wish!" Stated the G...

Coronavirus

This thing is getting crazy, I just got two round trip tickets to see my family. And a trip to mexico, all for the price of the coins I found between my sofa cushions. It really just goes to show you that whatever you want in life, China will always make it cheaper.

Why didn't Mexico win any medals at the Olympics?

Their best runners and swimmers are in America

A huge earthquake shook Mexico

Around 3000 people died.

The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.

England gave medicine.

France sent food.

Germany made huge donations.

USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Mexico sends their rapists to the United States, where does the United States send theirs?

To the Supreme Court.

It was really hard spending Christmas with my estranged family in Mexico.

I don’t think anyone cared I was there. The whole time they kept looking for this lady, Phyllis, and her Navy Dad.

Coronavirus arrives in the USA.

Mexico: So, about that wall......

A government plane crashes between united states and mexico, where do you bury the survivors?

What plane?

What is the most important sport in Mexico?

Cross-country

If Game of Thrones teaches us anything it is that Mexico should build the wall.

Whingers are coming.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At a wedding party in Mexico, the inebriated groom stumbles into the bedroom and finds his bride getting fucked by the best man.he laughs uproariously and calls his his friends to the doorway to have a look. They say to him "Juan, you are drunk!"

"You think I'M drunk?" he yells. .
"Take a look at Manuel. . He's so drunk, he thinks he's ME!"

I was speaking to a group of the migrants from Central America. I asked them how they felt about a wall between Mexico and the United States.

They told me they would get over it.

At the turn of the last century, Mexico was introduced to mayonnaise.

At the turn of the last century, Mexico was introduced to mayonnaise.

And they just loved it. They couldn't make mayonnaise quick enough.

Little known fact, the Titanic had a large vat of mayonnaise that was going to go to Mexico.

Now when the Titanic sunk, and the mayonnaise we...

A man in New Mexico asked a farmer if he had any local chili peppers for sale.

Unfortunately, the farmer said he had 99 poblanos but a Hatch ain't one.

What’s Mexico’s favourite sport?

Cross-Country

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My uncle told me this joke after coming from a trip from Mexico.

A man went on vacation to Mexico. He went to a restaurant and while eating saw a plate with two huge meat balls on it, he called over the waitress and asked "what is that dish you just served." And the waitress said "that is bull testicles, everyday we have 1 bull fight, if you want to eat it you ha...

in mexico, we don't say "I love you"

cause we dont speak english.

I was hanging out with my friend from Mexico the other day and he asked me how runny I like my cottage cheese.

I told him "No whey, Jose"

What happens when you snort 12 lines of cocaine in Mexico?

You over Doce

An American got busted at the border for trying to smuggle two donkeys into Mexico.

It was an assassination attempt.

When I was visiting Mexico, I found it strange that they would keep cheese in their first aid kits.

Turns out it was just there in queso emergency.

Did you hear about the failed Canadian plot to bomb Mexico with a nuclear missile?

It went south fast.

So I was at Mexico and I asked a man if what we were looking at was the ocean.

He said: "Si"

Bus Stop

2 Mexicans are standing at a bus stop where they usually get picked up for day labor. The first Mexican notices one day that the other just pulled up in a new tricked out car. He went up to the other Mexican and started talking to him.

Mexican 1: Hey amigo, I see you here to get work every da...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pedro worked in a fine pickle factory in Mexico City

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the cucumber slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.
After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Pedro to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Rabbi took a vacation to Mexico

While there, he met a Mexican priest on the street. They get to talking about this and that and start to have nice conversation. It's decided that they'll go to a place that the priest likes for dinner together. After they're seated, the Rabbi gets curious about something. "Padre, are there any Mexi...

Why can't Donald Trump and Melania have a romantic getaway in Mexico?

He always wants to take the kids.

Donald Trump dies and goes to hell

In 50 years, he comes to the devil and says: "I know I'm going to spend an eternity here. I would like to ask you for a favor. I miss my country, I miss the United States. Can I go back to Washington DC for 15 minutes? I will go to the nearest bar, drink some beer and have a little chat with the bar...

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