I went to Dunkin Donuts and ordered 4 blueberry donuts and the cashier asked if I wanna box....

...I've been banned for life from that shop.

If Johnny buys seventeen donuts every Monday and eats twelve of them each Wednesday, what is Johnny left with at the end of the year?


An angry customers walks back in a donut shop.

He says to the worker:

"Why isn't my donut glazed?!

The worker respond:

"Look sir, i'm not going to sugar coat it."

What kind of Donuts are Bob Marley's favourite?

Ones with Jammin'!

What did the Woodpecker say to the donut?

You've got the sweetest hole I ever put my pecker in.

My wife accused me of taking the last donut.

It’s true. I just ate the hole thing.

Why did the man quit his job at the donut factory?

He was fed up with the hole business!

How do you remove the inherent bureaucracy that's plaguing the donut industry?

Cut out the middle, man.

Have you heard of the robbery at the donut store?

I heard that the robbers left with buns glazing

Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment?

Because it was already holy.

What do you call an underwater Dunken Donuts?

Sunken Donuts

Why did the baker stop making donuts

He got tired of the HOLE business

Krispy Kremepie.

Wife: "You been at the donut shop, again."

Husband: "How did you know?!"

Wife: "You have a glazed look in your eyes."




There *is* a difference between doughnuts and donuts


me: I'm going to build a time machine

**her *[eating the last donut]*:** what you gonna use it for?

**me *[eating the last donut]*:** righting wrongs

Did you hear about the police seige at the donut factory robbery?

The bad guys came out with all buns glazing.

I used to have an obsession for sweet foods with a hole in the middle

I donut care for them anymore though

What do you call the greasy donut of zits surrounding my gob that appeared this year?


Why Was The Baker So Depressed About Purchasing Containers That Only Fit 12 Donuts?

If you ask him he will give you 13 Reasons Why.

Vacationers spend too much time and money at donut shops

They're torus traps

Traffic stop

Cop says to motorist: “Your eyes look a little red. Have you been smoking marijuana?”

Motorist: “No. Your eyes look a little glazed. Have you been eating donuts?”

My wife and I are following a Ketogenic, low carb diet plan, but this morning I cheated and had a donut for breakfast.

Oddly enough, when I came clean during dinner this evening, she seemed only upset about the pastry and not at all that I had slept with another woman.

A poor man, a well off middle class man, and an extremely wealthy man in the 1% find themselves at the same event. The poor man and middle class man run into the wealthy man when they find out there's complimentary donuts and arrive to see him wrapping up 10 of the last 12 donuts and pocketing them

As the wealthy man is leaving he walks up to the middle class guy, motions to the poor man and whispers in his ear: "watch out, he's trying to take your donut.

What do you call a kilogram of donuts .

Property of obesity

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The guy that can carry 2 cups of coffee and a dozen donuts.

Who is the most popular lady at the nudist colony?
The one who can eat the last donut.

A cop caught me doing donuts in the parking lot.

I thought cops loved donuts!

What do you see what the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?


I hate donut’s without holes

There always so full of themselves

Paddy says to mick

‘If you guess how many donuts are in my bag you can have them both’

Why did the Croissants take the Donuts and Bagels to Disneyland?

They thought it would be fun for the hole family.

What's the opposite of Donut?


What does an angel say at a pastry shop?

Donut be afraid

What do you call a donut with no holes?

A dnut.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How was the donut invented?

Let’s just say there was a very horny baker...

Going to open up a donut shop next to a medical marijuana store

I’ll call it glazed and confused

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what's the difference between a black man and a box of donuts?

One of them's already full of holes before the cops see them.

I Walk Into A Bar

I sit down and ask the bartender for a drink.

He gets me a drink and I drink it.

Then I pay him and walk out.

I then get in my car and drive to the supermarket.

I arrive at the supermarket and get out of my car.

I go up to the entrance and grab a shopping cart...

How does Bob Marley like his donuts?

Wi’ jam in

This morning I was in my car doing donuts in the parking lot at work

Now I have glaze all over my balls.

Wife asks. “can you leave me some of your donut?”

Husband replies “Ok, I’ll leave you the hole!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Daddy do you want a STD? NSFW (Kinda)

My son walked up to me yesterday and asked me if I wanted a STD. I asked him where he heard that phrase and he said that he saw it on YouTube, I said sure I would like a STD just to see what in the fuck he was talking about then he casually ran to the pantry, opened the doors and grabbed the donuts ...

What's the healthiest part of a donut?

The middle.

What rhymes with donut

Wow, it actually does!

What's the differnce between donuts and dead kids?

A swat team doesn't break down my door over donuts.

What's Harry Belafonte's favorite donut?

"*DAAAAAAAAaaaaa*aaay OLDS!"

I've heard Dunkin Donuts is going to be the official sponsor of no nut November.

Their name will be Dunkin Nonuts for a month.

Celebrate the Ides of March with a donut. In fact...

Eat two, Brute.

Do you know why donuts have a hole in them?

Because the baker made them with love. ^^^^^also ^^^^^why ^^^^^they're ^^^^^glazed

I'm opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts...

... calling it Hole Foods.

So I was doing donuts in my car..

And a cop pulls me over. Now I know what you're thinking, who names their dog Donuts?

Why do donuts have holes?

The baker makes them with love.

What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts?

Hole foods

Bagels and donuts are the same thing...

I donut see a difference.

So I got pulled over...

I was driving home from the bar and of course Sirens were wailing and showing red and blue.

I pulled over and the officer showed up to my window and shined a light in my eyes.

“Sir you have been swerving and your eyes are red have you been drinking”

“Well, your eyes are glazed h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the similarity between a penis and a donut?

They do-nut.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just bought some vegan donuts.

Big mistake, they won't shut the fuck up.

I really want to start a donut shop

But I don't have enough dough

French Donuts

Are the Beigne of my existence

What do you call a bagel in fancy dress?

A donut

What is worse than getting stung by a donut?

Bagel Bites.

For national donut day in the US

Q: what did the donut say to the cake?

A: if I had all that dough I wouldn't be hanging around this hole.

A donut walks into a church and approaches the priest...

"Excuse me, Father," the donut says, "I don't mean to trouble you, but I'm very interested in joining the clergy. I was hoping that you could give me some pointers."

The priest - after taking a moment to accept the fact that he's speaking with a pastry - offers a warm smile in response. "That...

An idiot starts to work at a bakery

One day a woman comes in and asks him how much the donuts are. The idiot says “I don’t know.” The lady became annoyed and leaves the bakery. Just then the manager storms in and says, “you have to tell them they’re fifty cents!”

Next day comes, and a gentleman enters the bakery. He asks “so ho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Donut Joke

First time posting, but this is my favorite joke. It takes some acting, and can only be used in certain situations, but I've had rooms of people rolling on the floor.

This joke works best when you are in a group of people all trading jokes. When it comes to your turn, tell the first part:...

So a man walks into a donut shop on Dagobah...

And he sees a little green alien behind the counter. He asks for a hot donut.

The alien says, "Broken, our fryer is. Yesterday's donuts, I can sell you. Also, donut ingredients, we still have."

But the man is really craving a warm donut, so he asks, "Are you absolutely sure I can't get...

i'm going to quit my job and open a donut shop that also sells weed

i'll call it 'glazed and confused'.

69'd the wife then went to buy donuts after. The guy at the counter said he already knew what I wanted, so I asked how.....

He said "You had 'glazed' all over your face. "

How do you know that donut is created by God

It's holy

Waitress, bring me a donut...

...and step on it.

How did the pastry chef do on the donut-making exam?

She passed with frying crullers.

I heard Dunkin Donuts has a cold brew now.

Cool beans.

What's a basketball player's favorite doughnut shop?

Dunkin' Donuts!

Donut Man

What did the donut delivery man say to the guy who was raping and murdering his entire family?

"Please donut do that"

Arent a donut and a danish the same thing?

Well they are both synonym rolls!!

I heard this joke at a new museum opening in DC, told by a five year old:

Knock knock

Who's there?


Donut who?

Donut ask me, it's a secret.

That kid has a bright future of dad jokes ahead of him

A health official walked into a local bakery for an inspection.

She was immediately appalled when she saw the owner smashing the dough against his bare chest before flattening it out on the table. Speechless, she grabbed her pen and notebook and started writing a citation. Seeing the disgust on her face, one of the customers walked up to the health official a...

Damn politicians

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked
about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the

When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning t...

What the difference between a black guy and a donut?

One of them already had a hole before the cop saw it

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