You’re not allowed to use ‘beef-stew’ as a password.

It’s not stroganoff.

When two meat-eaters fight, it’s called beef.

When two vegans fight, it’s called a tofeud.

I bet my butcher $1,000 that he couldn't reach the beef on the top shelf without a ladder.

He said the steaks were too high.

McDonalds just released a new sandwich made entirely of beef lips.

They're calling it the McJagger.

How do you program a computer to make beef stew?

You use bullion logic.

Where do you find a cow that doesn't have any legs

Right where you left it. It isn't going anywhere.



(You thought this was going to be a "ground beef" joke, didn't you?)

what's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

I’ve started investing in stocks; beef, chicken and vegetable.

One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

I couldn’t get $GME, so I got CHKN, BEEF, and VGTBL stock instead.

I hope to become a bouillionaire!

When two people don't get along, they have a "beef"

But if they were vegetarian, do they Squash it?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) A Chinese couple are having sex...

when the woman says to the man, "I wanna sixty nine!"

The man says, "why you want beef and broccoli now?

She handed me a jar and said, "This herb goes well with pork, beef, duck and chicken recipes, and fatty meats in particular."

I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."

Roast beef and pork are both pulled from the oven

The pork says to the beef, "we meat again".

(Courtesy of my 8 year old)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a masturbating bull?

Beef stroganoff

I used to visit a casino, until I found out their top floor restaurant served beef.

That meant the steaks were just too high for me.

It is really unfortunate that Islam, Christianity, and Judaism have been fighting each other for centuries.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

Apparently there’s a beef shortage on the rise.

Good news is fast food restaurants shouldn’t be affected.

My butcher once gave me beef from a female cow.

I said, "I believe this is a Miss Steak".

There's beef burgers made out of beef, and chicken burgers made out of chicken, but no burgers made out of pork.

They could call it a hamburger.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Remember the good old days when you can walk into a gas station with $1 and walk out with two bags of chips, beef jerky, and a drink?

Nowadays, there’s cameras everywhere.

What's the difference between a beef wellington and an asteroid?

One is meaty and the other is a little meteor!

What do Spanish people call leftover beef?

Reincarne

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is a lot like beef jerky.

It’s rough, tough, and found easily in truck stops.

If 2 vegans have an arguement is it beef?

Or is it a qourn-frontation?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on itallian bread, make with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the sa...

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef

Whats the only group of people that cant argue

Vegans. They don't want the beef

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the store to buy some beef Jerky...

The clerk at the counter asks "is that everything sir?"

The man licks his lips and says "yep. Just the jerky"

The clerk responds "OK, but please don't lick my lips ever again."

I got offered to eat raw beef, but I said no.

I figured the steaks were too high and I probably shouldn’t brisket.

You cant argue with people who like their beef well cooked

They are still chewing

[OC] What's the difference between Grade A and Grade B beef?

One studied harder.

So it seems i lost the cut of beef i was preparing...

...it was a mistake.

If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called?

'American'.

Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.

McDonald's tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed.

Hopefully, they learned from their McSteaks.

69

A Chinese couple has finally made it to their hotel on their wedding night. She says, my love we are finally married. Anything you want tonight, just ask.

He says, how about a 69?

She says, you want beef with broccoli?!?!?!?!

Customer: What would you recommend from the menu? Waitress: The beef tongue is very good today. Customer: Yeech! I'd never eat anything that came from an animal's mouth.

Waitress: Okay. How about some eggs?

My friend claims that he can make the best red paint you’ve ever seen out of raw beef

It looks great, but it’s only meaty ochre

An African American woman named Bethany goes to the butchers to see if they have any beef.

"No, black Betty. Ham or lamb"

TIFU by ordering a Roast Beef instead of Chicken Teriyaki sandwich.

Oops, wrong sub.

How do cows shade their room?

They use beef curtains

My friend nailed some beef to the ceiling and told me to slap it

I told him no

The steaks were too high

Every recipe for meatballs I find says to crack open a couple of eggs into some ground beef.

I guess that's why the two yolk is always in the cow mince

I forgot I marinated the beef 3 days ago.

I think I put more thyme in it than I should.

I tried to throw a slab of beef at my boss

That was a missed steak

A Colorado company has just given up on THC infused beef

They said the steaks were just too high.

What happened to the beef between 50 Cent and Ja Rule?

51

I hear deformed cows aren't the best for yielding beef...

...but they are okay udderwise.

So I was eating out at a steak house the other night when some guy complained that the sign said Halal...

He said his beef should be killed the **American way**, to that all I could think is does he really expect a cow to enrol in a high school just to get shot by one of its peers?

What are the people involved in the beef industry called?

Steak-holders.

How to swear like an Irishman...

"Whale oil beef hooked!"

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef


Where do you find a cow with no legs?

Right where you left it

What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef

What do you call a cow with one leg?

Stake

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Your mom!

I bought minced meat but forgot to pay the butcher

He now has a beef with me

Why do you only find beef in a folded pizza?

Because it's cowsonly.

A German man on his first trip to America decides to see New York City.

As he's wandering around the smell of corned beef and fresh baked rye bread draws him into a Kosher deli. The man sits at the counter, eyes the menu and says, "I vood like to try ze bagel and ze lox." In a thick accent.

On his first bite he's throughly enjoying his food and pipes up to the gu...

What do you call it when you have a problem with beef?

A mis-STEAK.

(Submitted by my 10 year old.)

When vegans have an argument, is it still beef?

No. It’s leaf.

(My little cousin has just told me the old joke, and I instantaneously made up the answer. Thought I’d share it with you all!)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do they decide which cows to use for beef jerky

They pick the bull.ies. (Joke my 11 year old son made up)

A man with a short temper and his friend goes to a nice restaurant

After they both order their food, a fish in one of the decorative fish tanks starts to argue with what the first man ordered. The man obviously gets upset at this and argues back

After about 25 minutes of arguing, the waiter comes in with an order of steak and sushi, and asks:

"Okay, w...

India is a very peaceful country.

Because nobody has any beef over there.

Why does Angus beef taste so good?

Because it has a lot of yummy coweries in it!

If you want to live drama-free, you should move to India.

They don't have beef with anyone.

Why is ground beef so popular?

Because the flying cows are really hard to catch.

The doctor and his wife were playing golf at the club and she

Drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway. The doctor said Wow I have never seen you play this well before! Marie says, I took lessons.

A couple of days later on the tennis court in mixed doubles, she smashes her serves and never misses a point. The doctor said Wow I have never seen...

A guy asks his friend to rub some beef fat on his ribs

His friend refuses saying he won’t assist in a suet side!

(My first OC post, thought up while cooking dinner. Improvement suggestions welcome)

A pastor is on a plane when the man next to him strikes up a conversation.

After some pleasantries, the pastor says, "I'm flying across the country raising money for my parish. I've been performing small miracles hoping people will donate money to me. You see, I ask the Lord to provide a person's favorite food on the spot. My best luck is with college grads who are nostalg...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the differance between a roast beef sandwich and a blow job?

You don't know?

soooo...you wanna do lunch tomorrow?

- Waiter! Is this a beef or pork steak?

\- Can't you tell by the taste of it?

\- No!

\- Then why do you care?

I've started investing in stocks. Beef, pork, chicken.

With any luck, someday I'll be a bullionaire.

Started my first job two months ago: low paying job but with good potential for growth. I’m yet to pay my student loan

During the job interview, my boss said I spend to much time thinking before I answered the questions, so they have doubts with my sincerity. Nevertheless, he said he saw my potential and picked me.

The board was going to meet today to discuss about an impending merger. My boss asked me to co...

My brother has a beef eating disorder and I'm worried

His life is at steak

What do you call an overweight average ogre eating beef flavored yogurt?

A mediocre meaty ogre eating meaty yogurt.

What Are We Eating?

A can of tuna has a picture of a tuna fish

A pack of Ham has a picture of a pig

Turkey has a picture of a turkey

Egg carton has a picture of a chicken

Beef has a picture of a cow

Dogfood has a picture of a dog

I don't think making the world's biggest piece of cooked beef was McDonalds' greatest ideea.

In fact, I believe it was quite a huge McSteak.

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