I’ve started investing in stocks; beef, chicken and vegetable.

One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

I couldn’t get $GME, so I got CHKN, BEEF, and VGTBL stock instead.

I hope to become a bouillionaire!

I used to visit a casino, until I found out their top floor restaurant served beef.

That meant the steaks were just too high for me.

what's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

When two people don't get along, they have a "beef"

But if they were vegetarian, do they Squash it?

My butcher once gave me beef from a female cow.

I said, "I believe this is a Miss Steak".

She handed me a jar and said, "This herb goes well with pork, beef, duck and chicken recipes, and fatty meats in particular."

I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."

It is really unfortunate that Islam, Christianity, and Judaism have been fighting each other for centuries.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

I bet my butcher $1,000 that he couldn't reach the beef on the top shelf without a ladder.

He said the steaks were too high.

Roast beef and pork are both pulled from the oven

The pork says to the beef, "we meat again".

(Courtesy of my 8 year old)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) What do you call a competition where you eat beef jerkey?

A jerk-off.

There's beef burgers made out of beef, and chicken burgers made out of chicken, but no burgers made out of pork.

They could call it a hamburger.

What do Spanish people call leftover beef?

Reincarne

Do not use “beef stew” as a computer password.

It is not stroganoff.

Apparently there’s a beef shortage on the rise.

Good news is fast food restaurants shouldn’t be affected.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is a lot like beef jerky.

It’s rough, tough, and found easily in truck stops.

If two vegans have an argument is it still called a ‘beef’?

Or is it a quornfrontation?...

If 2 vegans have an arguement is it beef?

Or is it a qourn-frontation?

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What do you call a cow that's masturbating?

Beef Stroganoff.

I got offered to eat raw beef, but I said no.

I figured the steaks were too high and I probably shouldn’t brisket.

You cant argue with people who like their beef well cooked

They are still chewing

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Remember the good old days when you can walk into a gas station with $1 and walk out with two bags of chips, beef jerky, and a drink?

Nowadays, there’s cameras everywhere.

So it seems i lost the cut of beef i was preparing...

...it was a mistake.

69

A Chinese couple has finally made it to their hotel on their wedding night. She says, my love we are finally married. Anything you want tonight, just ask.

He says, how about a 69?

She says, you want beef with broccoli?!?!?!?!

[OC] What's the difference between Grade A and Grade B beef?

One studied harder.

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What do you call it when a bull masturbates?

Beef Jerky!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the store to buy some beef Jerky...

The clerk at the counter asks "is that everything sir?"

The man licks his lips and says "yep. Just the jerky"

The clerk responds "OK, but please don't lick my lips ever again."

What Are We Eating?

A can of tuna has a picture of a tuna fish

A pack of Ham has a picture of a pig

Turkey has a picture of a turkey

Egg carton has a picture of a chicken

Beef has a picture of a cow

Dogfood has a picture of a dog

What's the difference between a beef wellington and an asteroid?

One is meaty and the other is a little meteor!

A cow with no legs is ground beef. A cow with 3 legs is lean beef. But what do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Your Mom

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American man walks into a restaurant in Spain and looks at the menu.

He doesn't speak a lick of Spanish, so he defaults to a passing waiter for advice on what to get. "I would recommend the *cojones*," the waiter says. "Our house specialty. The dish is sourced fresh from the bull killed by one of our bullfighters in the ring today."

So the man orders the cojo...

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

My friend claims that he can make the best red paint you’ve ever seen out of raw beef

It looks great, but it’s only meaty ochre

My neighbor and I are having a land dispute.

Well, it’s actually more of a ground beef.

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While a guy is eating a girl out he finds a pea in her vagina

He thinks to himself, “hmm that’s odd..”, but he’s really in the mood and just keeps going to town on her.

After a while he finds a piece of a carrot, and that made him think “there’s something weird going on..”, but he continues anyway.

A few moments later he finds a small chunk of ...

Despite the Corona virus, sales of cheese and beef have gone way up in India. How?

There is a New Delhi that opened up.

What happened to the beef between 50 Cent and Ja Rule?

51

If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called?

'American'.

Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.

I forgot I marinated the beef 3 days ago.

I think I put more thyme in it than I should.

I hear deformed cows aren't the best for yielding beef...

...but they are okay udderwise.

An African American woman named Bethany goes to the butchers to see if they have any beef.

"No, black Betty. Ham or lamb"

Customer: What would you recommend from the menu? Waitress: The beef tongue is very good today. Customer: Yeech! I'd never eat anything that came from an animal's mouth.

Waitress: Okay. How about some eggs?

A Colorado company has just given up on THC infused beef

They said the steaks were just too high.

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Why are Jewish delis and therapist's offices alike?

They're both places where beef is cured.

TIFU by ordering a Roast Beef instead of Chicken Teriyaki sandwich.

Oops, wrong sub.

My friend nailed some beef to the ceiling and told me to slap it

I told him no

The steaks were too high

McDonald's tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed.

Hopefully, they learned from their McSteaks.

I tried to throw a slab of beef at my boss

That was a missed steak

During this pandemic, I'm buying lots of stocks.

Beef stock, chicken stock, fish stock. Soon I'm going to be a bouillon-ere!

What are the people involved in the beef industry called?

Steak-holders.

India is a very peaceful country.

Because nobody has any beef over there.

A guy has been chatting to a pretty Chinese girl in a bar and offers to take her home.

At her place things are starting to get hot and heavy, especially when she says "So, anything you really really like?". He decides to go for it and says "I'd love a 69."

She turns bright red, slaps his face and says "You bloody men all the same...

"I'm not cooking beef and broccoli at ...

What do you call it when you have a problem with beef?

A mis-STEAK.

(Submitted by my 10 year old.)

Every recipe for meatballs I find says to crack open a couple of eggs into some ground beef.

I guess that's why the two yolk is always in the cow mince

I don’t understand why people don’t seem to get along with vegetarians.

I have never had a beef with one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do they decide which cows to use for beef jerky

They pick the bull.ies. (Joke my 11 year old son made up)

Why does Angus beef taste so good?

Because it has a lot of yummy coweries in it!

I haven't seen this one here before

Late one Friday night, John visits the brothel. As he walks in, he is greeted by all the usual faces.

"Hey John, back again?"

"Johnny boy. Must be payday."

So on and so forth.

Then the Madame of the house spots him and hurries over.

"Mr. John. How lovely to...

What do you call the argument between two vegans?

A plant-based beef.




P.S. [This is my first joke, pls don't judge too harshly]

What do you get when you cross a water buffalo with a firetruck?

steamed beef

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had to pull out my A1 sauce on someone.

They had beef.

When vegans have an argument, is it still beef?

No. It’s leaf.

(My little cousin has just told me the old joke, and I instantaneously made up the answer. Thought I’d share it with you all!)

What’s it called when you drop a steak in the supermarket?

Ground beef...

What do rappers and vegans have in common?

Fake beef

I've started investing in stocks. Beef, pork, chicken.

With any luck, someday I'll be a bullionaire.

My vegetarian wife wanted the egg smell gone from the pan in which I cooked scrambled egg

So i cooked beef in it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a cow...

...w/ no legs? Ground beef.

...w/ 1 leg? Stake.

...w/ 2 legs? Lean beef.

...w/ 3 legs? Tri-tip.

...w/ 4 legs? A cow, you dummy.

...w/ 4 legs in the air? High stakes.

...w/ 5 legs? Chernobull.

...w/ no hind legs? An udder drag.

...w/ a twitch? B...

- Waiter! Is this a beef or pork steak?

\- Can't you tell by the taste of it?

\- No!

\- Then why do you care?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the differance between a roast beef sandwich and a blow job?

You don't know?

soooo...you wanna do lunch tomorrow?

A guy asks his friend to rub some beef fat on his ribs

His friend refuses saying he won’t assist in a suet side!

(My first OC post, thought up while cooking dinner. Improvement suggestions welcome)

A pair of Estranged brothers.

There once were two brothers born to a somewhat well off family. The younger one was exemplary. He always excelled in his classes, went to the best university in the country, and became a renowned lawyer. The older one was pretty average. He was the middle of his class, went to a local community col...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An eighty-five year old couple, married for almost sixty years, died in a car crash and went to the Pearly Gates.

They had been in good health for the last ten years, mainly as a result of the wife's interest in healthy diets and exercise.

St. Peter welcomed them into Heaven and took them to their small palace in heaven- complete with a large bedroom, Jacuzzi, full kitchen, and billiards table. "How much...

Why is ground beef so popular?

Because the flying cows are really hard to catch.

You know why vegans are the nicest people...?

Because they got no beef

If two vegetarians get into a fight, would it still be called a beef?

Not sure, depends on what's at steak.

Did you hear about McDonald's new burger made entirely of beef lips?

It's called the McJagger.

Vegans never have arguments between them.

Cause they dont want any kind of beef.

I don't think making the world's biggest piece of cooked beef was McDonalds' greatest ideea.

In fact, I believe it was quite a huge McSteak.

What unit of energy do you get from beef ?

Cowlories.

My brother has a beef eating disorder and I'm worried

His life is at steak

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