I think I figured out the source of the beef between Kyle Rittenhouse and LeBron James.

Kyle has LeBron sorely outclassed in both shooting and defense.

Why can't you use beef stew as a password?

Because it's not stroganoff

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A bear goes into a beef and bourbon bar

A bear goes into a beef and bourbon bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says "We don't serve beers to bears in beef and bourbon bars."

The bear is getting angry. "Give me a beer you piece of shit!"

The bartender replies "We don't serve beers to bears in beef and bourbon bars wh...

What ever you do, don't use 'beef stew' as your computer password.

Apparently its not stroganoff...

McDonalds just released a new sandwich made entirely of beef lips.

They're calling it the McJagger.

When two meat-eaters fight, it’s called beef.

When two vegans fight, it’s called a tofeud.

I bet my butcher $1,000 that he couldn't reach the beef on the top shelf without a ladder.

He said the steaks were too high.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef

I’ve started investing in stocks; beef, chicken and vegetable.

One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

A young Chinese couple got married.

In the hotel room that evening, the bride blushed demurely: "I am very shy. Please, husband, tell me what to do."

The husband, a gentle and thoughtful young man said: "Why don't you tell me what you might like to do?"

The blushing bride hesitated before replying: "Well ... husband, uhm...

How do you program a computer to make beef stew?

You use bullion logic.

I couldn’t get $GME, so I got CHKN, BEEF, and VGTBL stock instead.

I hope to become a bouillionaire!

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What do you call a herd of masturbating cattle

Beef strokin-off

Vegans...

If two vegans are arguing, is it still considered 'beef"

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What's the difference between and Arby's roast beef sandwich and a vagina?

I expect there to be pubes on the sandwich

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Husband of a family owned Chinese Food restaurant is kinda horny. He says to his wife, as they are are going to bed. "I wanna 69"

She says, "You want Beef and Broccoli?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was.

I said, "Fried chicken."

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member o...

What do you call a cow...

...with 2 legs?
Lean Beef.
...with no legs?
Ground beef.
...with no legs burried halfway in the dirt?
Steak.

Apparently there’s a beef shortage on the rise.

Good news is fast food restaurants shouldn’t be affected.

When two people don't get along, they have a "beef"

But if they were vegetarian, do they Squash it?

It is really unfortunate that Islam, Christianity, and Judaism have been fighting each other for centuries.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

She handed me a jar and said, "This herb goes well with pork, beef, duck and chicken recipes, and fatty meats in particular."

I looked at the label and thought, "That is some sage advice."

I used to visit a casino, until I found out their top floor restaurant served beef.

That meant the steaks were just too high for me.

There's beef burgers made out of beef, and chicken burgers made out of chicken, but no burgers made out of pork.

They could call it a hamburger.

My butcher once gave me beef from a female cow.

I said, "I believe this is a Miss Steak".

What do Spanish people call leftover beef?

Reincarne

Roast beef and pork are both pulled from the oven

The pork says to the beef, "we meat again".

(Courtesy of my 8 year old)

Where do you find a cow that doesn't have any legs

Right where you left it. It isn't going anywhere.



(You thought this was going to be a "ground beef" joke, didn't you?)

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A man goes to the store to buy some beef Jerky...

The clerk at the counter asks "is that everything sir?"

The man licks his lips and says "yep. Just the jerky"

The clerk responds "OK, but please don't lick my lips ever again."

A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife can't hear him

A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife can't hear him.

“How bad is it?” the doctor asks.

“I have no idea.” the husband says.

“Well, please test her. Stand 20 feet away from her and say something.

If she doesn’t hear you, get closer and say the same thing....

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Sex is a lot like beef jerky.

It’s rough, tough, and found easily in truck stops.

If 2 vegans have an arguement is it beef?

Or is it a qourn-frontation?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) What do you call a competition where you eat beef jerkey?

A jerk-off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Remember the good old days when you can walk into a gas station with $1 and walk out with two bags of chips, beef jerky, and a drink?

Nowadays, there’s cameras everywhere.

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(NSFW) A Chinese couple are having sex...

when the woman says to the man, "I wanna sixty nine!"

The man says, "why you want beef and broccoli now?

If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called?

'American'.

Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.

What's the difference between a beef wellington and an asteroid?

One is meaty and the other is a little meteor!

I got offered to eat raw beef, but I said no.

I figured the steaks were too high and I probably shouldn’t brisket.

You cant argue with people who like their beef well cooked

They are still chewing

[OC] What's the difference between Grade A and Grade B beef?

One studied harder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Mint Contest

John runs a candy shop, selling mints of all kinds. Business was good, until Covid hit.

John realized he’ll have to shut down the store and risk losing his business, unless he could figure out a way to advertise and sell his confections on the Internet. His nephew suggested running a contest ...

What do you call the meat from a cow that died in a helicopter crash?

Kobe beef.

McDonald's tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed.

Hopefully, they learned from their McSteaks.

Customer: What would you recommend from the menu? Waitress: The beef tongue is very good today. Customer: Yeech! I'd never eat anything that came from an animal's mouth.

Waitress: Okay. How about some eggs?

So it seems i lost the cut of beef i was preparing...

...it was a mistake.

A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef.

The butcher replies: "Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!"

A woman living on a shtetl in Poland goes to see her rabbi

"Rabbi!" she says. "My son Avram has a very strange fear - he is afraid of kreplach!"

The rabbi says, "Kreplach? He's afraid of the meat dumplings we make for Rosh Hashanah?"

She nods. "Yes. I've tried to tell him there's nothing to be afraid of, but whenever he sees kreplach he runs o...

My friend nailed some beef to the ceiling and told me to slap it

I told him no

The steaks were too high

Every recipe for meatballs I find says to crack open a couple of eggs into some ground beef.

I guess that's why the two yolk is always in the cow mince

My friend claims that he can make the best red paint you’ve ever seen out of raw beef

It looks great, but it’s only meaty ochre

TIFU by ordering a Roast Beef instead of Chicken Teriyaki sandwich.

Oops, wrong sub.

I tried to throw a slab of beef at my boss

That was a missed steak

A Colorado company has just given up on THC infused beef

They said the steaks were just too high.

I forgot I marinated the beef 3 days ago.

I think I put more thyme in it than I should.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on itallian bread, make with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the sa...

What happened to the beef between 50 Cent and Ja Rule?

51

I hear deformed cows aren't the best for yielding beef...

...but they are okay udderwise.

What are the people involved in the beef industry called?

Steak-holders.

What do you call it when you have a problem with beef?

A mis-STEAK.

(Submitted by my 10 year old.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do they decide which cows to use for beef jerky

They pick the bull.ies. (Joke my 11 year old son made up)

Why does Angus beef taste so good?

Because it has a lot of yummy coweries in it!

Why is ground beef so popular?

Because the flying cows are really hard to catch.

I’m trying to beef up my messaging game.

I’m taking textosterone.

When vegans have an argument, is it still beef?

No. It’s leaf.

(My little cousin has just told me the old joke, and I instantaneously made up the answer. Thought I’d share it with you all!)

A guy asks his friend to rub some beef fat on his ribs

His friend refuses saying he won’t assist in a suet side!

(My first OC post, thought up while cooking dinner. Improvement suggestions welcome)

India is a very peaceful country.

Because nobody has any beef over there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the differance between a roast beef sandwich and a blow job?

You don't know?

soooo...you wanna do lunch tomorrow?

- Waiter! Is this a beef or pork steak?

\- Can't you tell by the taste of it?

\- No!

\- Then why do you care?

What do you call an overweight average ogre eating beef flavored yogurt?

A mediocre meaty ogre eating meaty yogurt.

My brother has a beef eating disorder and I'm worried

His life is at steak

I've started investing in stocks. Beef, pork, chicken.

With any luck, someday I'll be a bullionaire.

How do cows shade their room?

They use beef curtains

So I was eating out at a steak house the other night when some guy complained that the sign said Halal...

He said his beef should be killed the **American way**, to that all I could think is does he really expect a cow to enrol in a high school just to get shot by one of its peers?

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