Do not use "beef_stew" as a password!

It's not stroganoff.

TIFU by ordering a Roast Beef instead of Chicken Teriyaki sandwich.

Oops, wrong sub.

I tried to throw a slab of beef at my boss

That was a missed steak

If two vegans get in a fight, is it still considered a beef?

Or a beet down?

Started investing in beef and chicken stock.

I want to be a bouillonaire.

If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called?

'American'.

Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.

Customer: What would you recommend from the menu? Waitress: The beef tongue is very good today. Customer: Yeech! I'd never eat anything that came from an animal's mouth.

Waitress: Okay. How about some eggs?

I had beef with my friend

the burgers were delicious

I've started investing in stocks. Beef, pork, chicken.

With any luck, someday I'll be a bullionaire.

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?

Everyone can chop beef, but no one can pee soup

Every recipe for meatballs I find says to crack open a couple of eggs into some ground beef.

I guess that's why the two yolk is always in the cow mince

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef strokin' off

Of all the people I know, my Hindu friends are the most chilled out.

They never have beef with anyone.

A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef.

The butcher replies: "Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!"

I really don’t get why people on Reddit don’t get along with vegans.

I’ve never had a beef with one.

- Waiter! Is this a beef or pork steak?

\- Can't you tell by the taste of it?

\- No!

\- Then why do you care?

You shouldn't eat beef of a cow fed with marijuana.

The steaks will be high.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'll let you in on the secret to making the BEST beef jerky...

You need to feed the cows coffee.

When vegans have an argument, is it still beef?

No. It’s leaf.

(My little cousin has just told me the old joke, and I instantaneously made up the answer. Thought I’d share it with you all!)

A guy asks his friend to rub some beef fat on his ribs

His friend refuses saying he won’t assist in a suet side!

(My first OC post, thought up while cooking dinner. Improvement suggestions welcome)

McDonalds recently canceled their plans for the sandwich made entirely from beef lips.

It was gonna be called the McJagger.

What unit of energy do you get from beef ?

Cowlories.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the differance between a roast beef sandwich and a blow job?

You don't know?

soooo...you wanna do lunch tomorrow?

McDonald's tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed.

Hopefully, they learned from their McSteaks.

Where's the beef ?

The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked.

"Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bouraguiginon for you, and I got it out of the oven to seas...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cow Jokes

What do u call a cow with 4 legs? A cow

What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Tri-tip

What do u call a cow with 2 legs? Lean Meat

What do you call a cow with 1 leg? Steak

What do u call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

Where do you find a cow with no legs?
R...

What do you call a cow with four legs?

Just a cow.

What if it has three? Lean beef.

No legs? Ground beef.

Okay how about a cow with two leg? Your mom.

Why India is considered a peaceful country?

Because most of them don’t like beef.

Why is India a prominent member of the Non-aligned Movement?

Because they don't like to have beef with anyone.

I was eating a hamburger and accidentally dropped it on the floor......

But it’s ok, it was made from ground beef.

Hindus are so chill

i’ve never had beef with any of them

I have always loved animals,

Specifically chicken tenders, beef stroganoff, pork chops, and ribeye steak.

A local casino is offering marijuana infused beef to their best bettors.

That’s really high steaks for their high rollers.

The chef overcooked the beef...

it was a misteak!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men were working on a beef ranch together

Their names are Ron and Mitch. They’re sitting down on a bench after working a few hours and Mitch has been chewing the whole day and he has a cup that he’s been spitting in, the cup is full to the brim with spit and mucus and saliva and he looks over to Ron and says “I’ll give you 20 bucks if you d...

I don't think making the world's biggest piece of cooked beef was McDonalds' greatest ideea.

In fact, I believe it was quite a huge McSteak.

A guy walks into a bar and notices many cuts of beef suspended from the ceiling several feet above his head.

The guy orders a drink and asks the bartender about the meat.
The bartender replies, "It's a contest I run here. You get one try. If you can jump high enough to touch one of them, you get the money in the pot . If you miss, you have to put $500 in. You want to try?"
The guy thinks for a second...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Shaquille O'Neal and a Japanese restaurant have in common?

Kobe beef

What do you call not bad, not good brown beef?

Meaty-ochre

I really adore the inherent pacifistic attitude of the vegans.

They don't want to have any beef with people.

That isn't to say that they are cow-ards

A horse walks into a bar.

The horse says "ow".





The barman shoots him in the head and sells his constituent parts to Tesco for beef mince.

Why was the beef scared?

Because it was on tenderhooks.



A man is on a journey through the rural countryside

On the first night of his journey, he stops at a farm and asks if he can spend the night. The farmer agrees, but tells the man he must sleep in the barn with his 18 sheep. The man does so and in the morning, the farmer asks the traveller how he feels. "I feel like wool. Wouldn't you feel like wo...

Even the best farmers or engineers failed to develop a brand of cannabis-fed beef meat

The steaks were too high

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef, and why do people prefer ground beef?





...Because flying cows are hard to catch.

My brother has a beef eating disorder and I'm worried

His life is at steak

Are you hungry?

Just go to a high school, everyone has beef there

If 2 vegans have beef...

It's the one who backs out still a chicken?

If the opening night of my marijuana-smoked beef restaurant isn’t a success, I could lose everything.

The steaks are so high.

How do you sell beans for the price of beef?

Make vegan burger.

A Chinese woman suggests to her husband that they should 69

The husband replies..."But isnt it a bit late for beef and broccoli?"

I put my name into a drawing in order to win a tiny broom used to clean beef.

I hope I win this sweep steaks

Why should you always knock before entering the Hamburger Helper Mascot’s room?

He might beef stroganoff.

I ordered Chinese take out from a place around the corner

Just went to pick it up and as I was driving home I heard the bag rustling and moving!!!

I thought what on earth is that? Has something got in the bag? I thought I could even see a little pair of eyes peering out.

I pulled over, leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenge...

If two vegetarians get into a fight, would it still be called a beef?

Not sure, depends on what's at steak.

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV.

I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen. "What would you like for dinner, my love, chicken, beef or lamb?"





I said, " Thank you, I'll have chicken please"




She replied, "You're having soup, you fat goat. I was talking to my cat"

With many truck routes blocked from Wildfire, California residents are having beef shipments airdropped to them.

The steaks have never been higher.

What do you call a feud between two of Genghis Khan’s generals?

Mongolian beef

Everything we eat always seems to taste like chicken, beef or pork, except for snake.

That always tastes like my ex.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It leads to something, I promise

What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

Milkshake



What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef jerky



What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef



What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef



What do you c...

Do you know why some vegans love to start fights with other people?

They need to get some beef in their lives somehow.

What do you call an overweight average ogre eating beef flavored yogurt?

A mediocre meaty ogre eating meaty yogurt.

A chicken gives us eggs, a cow gives us beef. What does a pig give us?

A bloody speeding ticket

European monarchs are a lot like beef Wellington.

They're in bread.

A Chinese guy calls his wife from work and tells her that when he gets home he wants 69.

As he walks in the door, sitting on the kitchen table is beef and broccoli.

Two cows walk into a barn and start arguing about who gets the wheat

Now they got beef

My niece wouldn't eat the beef tongue because it came out of the mouth of an animal.

I then prepared her an egg...

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