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What do McDonalds and pussy have in common?

It's generally frowned upon to eat in a Burger King.

There was this guy working at McDonald’s.

and it was his turn to cook the French fries. So he put the frozen fries in the metal basket and dipped it in the oil. You see this guy was a veteran chef and used to be able to sense when food was cooked by looking at it's color or by smelling it, he never needed a timer or a meat thermometer or an...

If McDonalds sold fancy steaks they’d call them Filet Mc’gnons

...also it’s my 5 year cake day so shower me in internet points or however this works I dunno. Thanks!

What types of large PC's do McDonalds workers use?

Big Macs

My math teacher told me I would be stuck working at McDonalds for the rest of my life

Jokes on her, I'm lovin' it

I saw a good looking guy at McDonalds spank his kid for throwing his fries on the ground.

So I threw my fries on the ground too

I was with my wife at mcdonalds drive thru and after 3 mins when they gave her our order she began complaining how agonizingly long the wait was.

Turns out reminding her that last night she told me 3 mins was way to quick was not a good response

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I work in a factory that makes McDonalds french fries...

One of co-workers told me yesterday that he's always wanted to put his dick in the Potato Peeler. I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do it. I saw him today; he was clearing out his desk. "So you went ahead and did it?" "Yeah, and I got caught, so they ...

McDonalds

Yesterday I wasn't that hungry, so I just ate a Kid's meal at McDonalds.

His mother was furious...

Why did Adam go to McDonalds

They’re selling the McRib sandwich again

How many McDonalds workers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they can't climb the ladder.

*Edit: Wasn't my joke, it was a friends but I can't credit him since I don't know his account name*

What would be Trump's rapper name?

McDonalds

I have started eating McDonalds after deciding to run a marathon.

I need some fast food

McDonald’s fired CEO Steve Easterbrook has already got a new job at Old McDonalds farm

He's their CIEIO

A man was tired of working as a burger-flipper at McDonalds.

All day every day he made Big Macs. And in his head he would list off the ingredients; Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle and onion, on a seasame seed bun.

Over and over: Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle and onion, on a seasame seed bun.<...

Whats the difference between a dairy farm and a McDonalds.

You’ll get arrested if you try to milk the cows at McDonalds.

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I have the body of an athlete

and a dentist, a mcdonalds cashier, a businessman

yeah my basement is a bit crowded

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

‘About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into ...

Me: Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your McOrder?

**McDonalds Boss:** Again *(rubs temples)* you don't need to put Mc in front of words.

**Me:** Oh ok *(...to customer)* welcome to Donalds.

Why did the McDonalds cashier beat up the customer and then strut around bragging about it until police arrived?

Someone ordered a McGregor

What did Albert Fish like to get from McDonalds?

The kids meal.

It was getting close to my wife’s birthday. She was looking at herself in the mirror. I asked her what she’d like for her birthday. She sighed and said I’d like to be eight again...

On the morning of her birthday. I woke up early and made her a nice big bowl of coco pops. I then took her to for a special trip to Legoland. On the way home we stopped at McDonald’s where I got her a Happy Meal together we a special McDonalds balloon. We then went to the cinema where they were pl...

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How to Write a Paper

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair, in a well lit place, with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

2. Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand.

4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you conce...

The first high definition photos have been received from the Mars rover, Perseverance.

As I predicted, it has found a McDonalds with a drive-thru lane, and a Walmart Supercenter.

It has also started receiving calls from telemarketers.

I went to McDonalds the other day.

I asked for two large fries but the idiot behind the counter just gave me a bunch of little ones.

What do you call someone who steals from McDonalds?

A Hamburglar

So McDonalds now have ‘The Alabama Chicken’

Even the chicken is inbred

To celebrate Shakespeare's birthday this year, McDonalds are launching a new burger...

...called the McBeth.

What do Priests and McDonalds have in common?

They both like putting their meat in 10 Year Old buns

Are you a McDonalds?

"Why?"

Because you make my heart stop.

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My Job Application for McDonalds

NAME: Kicky Pie   

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a yea...

Three graduates are stood in McDonalds.

The economics graduate asks how the business became so successful and made so much money?

The engineering graduate asks how the kitchens were built to maximise production efficiency.

The fine arts graduate asks, "Do you want fries with that?".

The date is January 31, 1990, and the Soviet Union has opened its first McDonalds...

A KGB agent walks up to order and says, “One vodka, please.”

The woman at the register looks and says, “Comrade, this is a McDonalds. We don’t serve vodka.”

The KGB agent looks surprised and says, “Excuse my mistake, comrade. One *McVodka*, please.”

A Muslim lady was denied entrance into Mcdonalds today until she removes her hijab....

Should have gone to Burka king.

Why does McDonalds like to hire altar boys?

Because if you can turn on a priest, you can turn on a fryer.

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Boy asks his mum...McDonalds for dinner?

Mum: ..only if you can spell it.

Boy: ...fuck it. KFC?!

A man walks into McDonalds

The cashier says, “Hello sir! May I take your order? By the way sir, we don’t have any-”

The man interrupts, “Yes, can I get a, uh, Big Mac with large fries?”

“Sir, we don’t have any fries, would you like-“

“Oh, then can I get some small fries?”

The cashier sighs and roll...

McDonalds will soon be offering your choice of fillet steaks...

Big McStake

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Viagra and its consequences

Doctor, what should I do? Sex with my husband doesn't really work anymore!"

The doctor asks, "Have you tried Viagra?"

"My husband doesn't even take aspirin!"

"You have to do it in secret. Just put the drug in his coffee."

"Good, Doctor, I'll try it out!"

Two ...

An old couple walks into mcdonalds

An old couple walk into MacDonald. They order one hamburger, one order of fries and drink.

The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the fries dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one...

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