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I work in a factory that makes McDonalds french fries...

One of co-workers told me yesterday that he's always wanted to put his dick in the Potato Peeler. I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do it. I saw him today; he was clearing out his desk. "So you went ahead and did it?" "Yeah, and I got caught, so they ...

With McDonalds closing all around Russia I guess that means it is a..

..no fry zone.

(Credit to my dad for the joke)

I saw a good looking guy at McDonalds spank his kid for throwing his fries on the ground.

So I threw my fries on the ground too

I ate a kid’s meal at McDonalds yesterday.

I have to say, his mother sure overreacted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My daughter just got a job at mcdonalds

So my daughter got home from work and was in tears, she said it was so stressful and a customer was mean to her today.

She said he yelled at her and was so angry, she's never seen someone so furious before.

Now I'm a grown man so I think it can be a good thing if the world chews on you...

What does McDonalds and your tinder hook-up have in common?

They don’t look as good as advertised but you’ll eat them anyways.

McDonalds just released a new sandwich made entirely of beef lips.

They're calling it the McJagger.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do McDonalds and pussy have in common?

It's generally frowned upon to eat in a Burger King.

My math teacher told me I would be stuck working at McDonalds for the rest of my life

Jokes on her, I'm lovin' it

If McDonalds sold fancy steaks they’d call them Filet Mc’gnons

...also it’s my 5 year cake day so shower me in internet points or however this works I dunno. Thanks!

McDonalds was originally going to sell hot dogs...

They just felt like nobody would buy the mcweenie

What is Ronald Mcdonalds favourite weed type?

A burger joint

How many McDonalds workers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they can't climb the ladder.

*Edit: Wasn't my joke, it was a friends but I can't credit him since I don't know his account name*

What types of large PC's do McDonalds workers use?

Big Macs

I was with my wife at mcdonalds drive thru and after 3 mins when they gave her our order she began complaining how agonizingly long the wait was.

Turns out reminding her that last night she told me 3 mins was way to quick was not a good response

What do priests and McDonalds have in common?

They both put meat in 10 year old buns.

McDonald’s fired CEO Steve Easterbrook has already got a new job at Old McDonalds farm

He's their CIEIO

To celebrate Shakespeare's birthday this year, McDonalds are launching a new burger...

...called the McBeth.

Why did Adam go to McDonalds

They’re selling the McRib sandwich again

I have started eating McDonalds after deciding to run a marathon.

I need some fast food

A Muslim lady was denied entrance into Mcdonalds today until she removes her hijab....

Should have gone to Burka king.

An old couple walks into mcdonalds

An old couple walk into MacDonald. They order one hamburger, one order of fries and drink.

The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the fries dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one...

McDonalds will soon be offering your choice of fillet steaks...

Big McStake

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My Job Application for McDonalds

NAME: Kicky Pie   

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a yea...

So McDonalds now have ‘The Alabama Chicken’

Even the chicken is inbred

Why did the McDonalds cashier beat up the customer and then strut around bragging about it until police arrived?

Someone ordered a McGregor

I went to McDonalds the other day.

I asked for two large fries but the idiot behind the counter just gave me a bunch of little ones.

Why does McDonalds like to hire altar boys?

Because if you can turn on a priest, you can turn on a fryer.

Shoutout to my teachers from high school who said I would work at McDonalds

I have my first shift on Monday.

So I went into Mcdonalds and ordered some fries.

There was a chubby girl working, she seemed busy and kinda stressed out. She informed me the fries are cooking, and will be ready in about 3 minutes. I told her "no problem" and waited for my fries. After a few minutes she brought me my order and said "sorry about the wait" I said "no problem ch...

A old man walks into a McDonalds

He is bent over and shuffling slowly. He approaches the counter with great difficulty and orders an ice cream sundae.

The cashier asks "Crushed nuts?"

The old man replies, "No arthritis."

A man walks into McDonalds

The cashier says, “Hello sir! May I take your order? By the way sir, we don’t have any-”

The man interrupts, “Yes, can I get a, uh, Big Mac with large fries?”

“Sir, we don’t have any fries, would you like-“

“Oh, then can I get some small fries?”

The cashier sighs and roll...

I don't think making the world's biggest piece of cooked beef was McDonalds' greatest ideea.

In fact, I believe it was quite a huge McSteak.

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When I go to McDonalds I always ask for a 50c cone...

But the bastards keep giving me ice cream.

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