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Chipotle Jokes

I got a job at Chipotle by telling this joke during my interview.

What do Mexicans use to cut their pizza with?

Little Ceasars.

What is Chipotle most known for?

- A. Steak Bowls
- B. Delicious Tacos
- C. Chips
- D. Burritos
- E. Coli

I like to do drugs in a Chipotle bathroom

Because no one questions you if you spend 45 minutes in a Chipotle bathroom.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Working in porn for the free sex is like working at Chipotle for the free burritos

Yeah, you're getting paid, but it destroys your asshole

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My local Chipotle is organizing a stand-up comedy night

I'm going for shits and giggles

Chipotle has a Miley Cyrus burrito on it's menu now!

I don't know what it's like going in, but I bet it's coming out like a wreaking ball.

Chipotle guy asked, "White rice or Brown rice ?"

I am not ricist, I said.

What the difference between Maroon 5 and Chipotle?

People actually want their Chipotle in a bowl.

What do you call a Chipotle Employee?

A burrista.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Cardi B and a Chipotle server?

They both take your money and leave you with a sore asshole, but a Chipotle server can wrap.

What does Chipotle dread when making a post on social media?

Going viral

Chipotle is releasing a new "Ravens" burrito.

It comes with everything but rice.

I paid $30 for gas that would last for weeks

And when I finished eating at Chipotle, I stopped at 7 Eleven to fill my car up.

Where is the most expensive place to get gas?

Chipotle.

Since chipotle charges like a $1.30 for guacamole...

I wonder if In their bussiness meetings, if they refer to their guac profits as


Avacadough

What do you call a voucher for complimentary Chipotle?

free coli

Jesus turns water into wine, everyone admires him and talks about it for 2000 years..

I turn water into sprite at Chipotle, and everyone calls it stealing.

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[Long] Two brothers, a vegan and a carnivore, sit down to Thanksgiving dinner together with their family...

The father intones, "on this day of thanks, let us give thanks to God..."

The vegan brother interrupts..."I'm not eating the turkey..."

The carnivore brother replies, " that's fine, there's plenty of other food on the table."

The vegan then says " I'm not eating any of the stuff...

So I went to Subway the other day

I ordered the usual, roast beef with cucumbers, lettuce and Chipotle sauce.

When I got the sandwich, it was mouldy and looked like it had been used many times before, so I handed back to the employee who had made it.

He looked at it for a while before saying "oh yeah, this sub has a lo...

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Sex advice from Janet Reno

Hillary Clinton is having lunch with Janet Reno at Chipotle one day. She complains to Janet that Bill is just insatiable in bed, and sometimes wishes she had a way to deflect him.

Janet tells Hillary that whenever a she needs to fend off amorous advances, she farts as loudly as she can, and ...

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