There was once an island kingdom whose people were all fabulously wealthy. Even though they could have afforded to live anywhere they wanted, tradition dictated they stay on their tiny island home. Eventually, their king became frustrated and called a meeting of the tribe's elders.

He said he wanted them to figure out a way he could enjoy his wealth, and stay within traditional guidelines. After much consideration, the elders suggested he build a magnificent throne. When he objected there was not enough room in his hut for a throne, the elders suggested he call in an engineer ...

Have you ever had traditional North Korean food?

That's OK, neither have the citizens.

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I'm a firm believer of traditional wisdom. So I use the world's first and most effective contraceptive there is,

Being really fucking ugly.

My wife and I wanted to follow tradition and give our children respectable names from the Bible...

Our boys Cain, Lucifer, and Judas are truly a blessing.

Contrary to belief, Wikipedia actually has less factual errors than traditional printed encyclopaedias.

Source: Wikipedia

A man discovers a strange tradition at a resort

A man walks into a resort and the first sign he sees says “Lool Area”. He was confused and asked one of the employees about it.
“Yes, we have this tradition here where we replace the first ‘P’ of a word that starts with P with an ‘L’”
The man thought this was strange, but as long as there were...

A woman dies and finds herself at the gates to haven.

When she gets there, she is confused as she saw how many others are standing and sitting outside, cracking eggs, mixing batter, and baking something.

She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of strawberries, frosting, and tiering at every...

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My team decided to establish a tradition

Everyone on the team would sit in a circle surrounding the team captain before the start of the season. He would then headbutt the ball at one of us, and they would have to headbutt it back at him. The captain would then headbutt it at the person sitting next to them. This would repeat as it cycled ...

In my family it's traditional to have a Christmas jumper

and it's my job to talk them down.

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Billy was just diagnosed with terminal cancer. The doctor gave him 3 weeks to live. Billy came home and called his young son upstairs. With a heavy voice, Billy said “I have cancer and I only have 3 weeks left to live. It is in our family’s tradition to drink ourselves out in such events.”

The son cried briefly and the two went to their favorite pub and drowned themselves in alcohol.

Billy’s workmates suddenly showed up and noticed the mass amount of empty pints on the table and asked what’s the occasion. Billy answered while sobbing “I have a bad case of AIDS and herpes. The d...

I dont understand how one of the most widespread traditions in America is about flying reindeers from the north pole.

Its just not clausible.

The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline.

No one remembers where this tradition originated, but every year it attracts many tourists from all over the world.

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day....

I'm thinking about opening a clothing store. Half the store will carry only traditional, colorful women's gowns from India, and the other half will carry everything else.

I'm going to call it Sari/Not-Sari.

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Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. “Don’t worry, Maria. Tony’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll take care of you.”

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, “Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a big hairy chest.”

“Don’t worry, Maria,” says the mother,” all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He’ll take good care of you...

I scared a German the other day

I was in Berlin at a beer garden, so I decided to get a brew in one of their traditional mugs (with the metal tippy cap). After the beer, I got hungry and went for a sausage. The guy was horrified when I told him to save a plate and just put the sausage in my mug. I guess Germans really are afraid o...

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Tampax has announced they will replace the traditional tampon string with tinsel.

This will be for the Christmas period only.

The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.

Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.

And that's where we get the term Inca-hoots.

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A junior journalist is given his first article

For this, she was asked to make the best-possible artivle abut a little town near the city where the newspaper is located.

She went to the town decided to make her best with this, and even create a great article, but no one is on the streets.

She kept walking on and on, and finally mee...

An international conference was held to decide what the most annoying musical instrument was.

After intense debate, a shortlist of instruments was created, consisting of the bagpipes, didgeridoo, and vuvuzela, but before a vote was held it was decided that the exact origin of each instrument had to be accounted accounted for beyond any doubt.

The didgeridoo's origin was easily proven,...

What do you call a professional chef whose specialty is traditional Vietnamese dishes?

He’s the Pho King, boss!

Why do melons have traditional weddings?

Because they cantaloupe!

A Christmas tradition...

It was Christmas eve and Santa was in a really foul mood. The elves were on strike, Mrs. Claus was having one of her snit-fits, and the reindeer had gotten sick with dysentery and were tracking the results everywhere.

Just then, an angel appeared with a Christmas tree. "Hey, Santa! Where shou...

A psychiatrist arrives for a house call and is greeted by a panicked mother

Who shows him to her son’s room. Her son had taken an extreme interest in First Nations culture in the past years going as far as packing his room with First Nations ornaments and trinkets and even changing his name to Spirit Eagle. However, the interesting state of his room was over shadowed by the...

Trump says he believes in traditional marriages

He has had 3 of them so far

The new LGBT NFL rules are modified from the Traditional NFL

There’s no tight end

I always suspected that my neighbors had weird traditions, and it was confirmed when I saw them donating their deceased

It was a dead giveaway

Did you hear about the Smiths' tradition of carving the names of the people next in line to the family fortune into their old weaving machine?

It's a family heirloom.

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A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service. Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.

Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.

“Rabbi,” he said, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”

“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.

“Well, Ra...

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A groom breaks tradition by taking a quiet moment with his bride before their wedding...

He can barely get one word in before she drops to her knees and gives him the best blowjob he’s ever had.

Later, beaming, as he takes his place at the altar, his best man asks him why he’s so happy.

“I just got the best blow job of my life, and I’m marrying the woman who did it!” He re...

Which fruit is most likely to have a big, traditional wedding?

Melons, those cantaloupe.

How can you tell you’re at a traditional Arkansas wedding?

No one has to tell the bride “welcome to the family”.

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A virgin from a traditional family tells her grandmother she's going on her first date.

The grandmother says,

"Sit here and let me tell you about these young boys.

He is going to try to kiss you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that.

He is going to try to feel your breasts. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that.

He is going t...

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A hunter shoots a duck and the duck falls dead on Aboriginal territory.

The Hunter goes to get it, and an Aboriginal man stops him. "This duck is on my land, so it's mine."

The hunter argues that he shot it, so it's his.

They go back and forth for some time, and finally the Aboriginal says, "We have a tradition here for settling disputes - we take turns k...

I'm so disappointed. I bought dessert for a traditional German Christmas dinner.

But it was stollen.

New Harley-Davidson

A young man has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson
One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out the perfect bike, the dealer asks if he would like some extra chrome protection added to the bill. The young man is upset because he does not ha...

Meat

Guy in a pub sees two lumps of meat nailed to the ceiling. “What’s that about?” he asks the barman.
“Pub tradition. Jump and touch the meat, you get a free beer.”
The guy thinks a moment, then shakes his head. “I’m not taking that bet. The steaks are too high.”

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There's only one Japanese tradition that Logan Paul should explore.

Seppuku.

I just found out that the traditional 15th wedding anniversary gift is crystal.

My wife going to be so surprised to have a threesome with my mistress!

I told my girlfriend that I made traditional African food

She was really surprised when I handed her an empty plate

What do you call a traditional Indian monk who partakes in the devil's lettuce?

A Merry Jain.

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

Traditions

A young man was listening to a story from his grandfather.

"Back in the homeland whenever a newcomer was found to be a criminal we had a tradition."

"What was it grandpa?"

"We would send them back the way they came bound to a horse, with a list of their crimes hanging from its ...

Traditional Indian Joke (Americanized)

There is a man named Paul and a man named Edwin. They enjoy each other's company very much. One day, Edwin asks Paul and his wife over to his house. Paul acts very politely and is overall a pleasure to be with. Edwin, in his own house, belches out loud and is rude to his wife. The next day, Paul ask...

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Three worshippers set out one day to serve their Gods

Eager to prove their devotion, the three worshippers go their separate ways.

First is Bliss, a proud Jehovah's witness. She stays in her neighborhood, visiting door-to-door to save her community's souls.

Next is Chris, a Mormon missionary. He visits Zimbabwe to spread the good word to ...

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A hunter shoots a duck and it falls on First Nations land...

The Hunter goes to get it, and a native man stops him. "This duck is on my land, so it's mine."

The hunter argues that he shot it, so it's his.

They go back and forth for some time, and finally the native says, "My people have a tradition here for settling disputes - we take turns kick...

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Beer Bros

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.


The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they're gone.


He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold, so yo...

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I said to my husband that we should start a new tradition of daytime Saturday sex.

I told him we should really try to fit it in.

I started a fried chicken joint. In order to be halal, the chickens must be killed in the traditional Islamic manner:

It's pretty hard getting the little explosive-filled vests on them, though.

Modern technology has never matched the simplicity and grace of the traditional pen.

In fact, you could say that there is still no e-quill.

My great uncle Chuck started the elf on a shelf tradition.

Well, actually, he was a drunk on a bunk, but we toned it down for the kids.

We're having a traditional Thanksgiving this year.

We're going to invite the neighbors to dinner, murder them, and take their land.

Santa's bad luck day OR The birth of a Christmas tradition

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, ...

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A few originals (hopefully) by me.

I read an article the other day that said women named Rachel are 10x more likely to get pulled over by the police...

Another terrible example of Rachel profiling.


_______


What do you call a dinosaur that is attempting to get his girlfriend to try new things in the bedr...

Every time a new Pope is elected...

...there are a lot of rituals in accordance with tradition. Well, there is one tradition that very few people know about. Shortly after the new Pope is enthroned, the Chief Rabbi seeks an audience. He is shown into the Pope's presence, whereupon he presents the Pope with a silver tray bearing a velv...

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At the gates of the Vatican, there stood a jew demanding to meet with the pope.

The cardinals on gate duty knew him to be the head of an ancient Jewish family, that had tried to meet with The Pope for generations.

As they were shooing him away, The Pope walked by and heard the commotion.

"what is going on?" he asked.

"Your Grace, it is simply a jew who wish...

Religious traditions

Back in the 1950's a Catholic neighbourhood was settling down to eat their Friday night fish when they smelled a delicious steak wafting from the recently-purchased house nearby. The men of the neighbourhood looked and saw their new neighbour having a BBQ. They looked at their fish but remained stoi...

A man walks into a bar...

He walks up to the counter and says, "bartender, I'll have three beers". The bartender replies, "woah, slow down, I need to see IDs for the other people." The man then goes to tell the bartender a story. "Your don't understand . I have two brothers who I'm very close to. But now they live far away...

Coming-of-age Family tradition

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had
all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that
special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on
the far side for their firs...

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Pope is asked to change the prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'."

The marketing Director of Nescafe manages to meet with the Pope at the Vatican.

After receiving the papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers: 'Your Eminence, I have some business to discuss. We at Nescafe have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church if ...

Le Pen honored an age old French tradition.

Losing.

Old man is lying on his deathbed

He has 3 daughters that all are married. He tells them to call their husbands because he has last wish and he needs them.

When they come, he speaks to them: "It is a long time tradition in this family to put $1000 in a coffin of a dead person, because that grants him good life in another wor...

Family Tradition

A bunch of rednecks up in Michigan had a strange family tradition.

When their dad reached 21, he walked across the the lake to have his first legal beer. Ever since then, when his kids turned 21, they too would walk across the lake. Billy walked the lake, Susie walked the lake, JoBob walked t...

In a small town, there were two brothers who, over the course of many years, cheated, swindled, robbed and generally stole from everyone that they ever did business with.

The entire town and surrounding community reviled and despised these two brothers as everyone was aware of just how disreputable and dishonest they were.

One day, one of the brothers mysteriously died.

Although they had never attended church, the one remaining brother ...

Why do melons hold the traditional ceremony of marriage in such high regard?

Because they can't elope.

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Why did Santa start the Christmas tradition?

Mrs. Clause overheard Santa on the phone:
Santa: “Have you been naughty? ….That actually sounds nice. You can sit on my lap and tell me what you want while those wet stockings dry ….. I want to (come) down your chimney and eat your (cookie). What kind of (toys) should I bring?…. Yes, I’d love to ...

Dad Tradition

The new father A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink. "Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something." "Dad you dont mea-" "Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son. "Dad I dont know ...

My auntie has a traditional remedy for Tourette's.

She swears by it.

An American is on a business trip to Mexico and has the first day off.

He decides he wants to ride a donkey, a traditional Mexican thing.

He asks this local man if he can rent a donkey for the day. The man says, "Gringo we call them asses here in Mexico. If you want him to stop though you need to scratch him." The American agrees and pays the Mexican man his ...

Four friends decide to create a new tradition

They all have their birthdays the same week, so when they turn 50, they decide they would go every ten years to celebrate at a fancy restaurant.

The first time, when they turn 50, they have a discussion about where to go.

Friend 1: Let's go to the *Thai Orchid*, I heard they have reall...

Just heard this variation on an oldie!

A hat maker was trying to sell his hats on a hot summers day. After having no luck for 4 hours under the sun, he decided to take a short rest underneath a gigantic tree. He set his briefcase of hats down, took one out to cover his face, and laid down on the grass. With the shade from his hat and the...

A farmer has triplets, and they're getting ready for prom night

.
The first date arrives, and in redneck tradition, the farmer greets him with a shotgun in hand. The boy tells the farmer, "My name is Teddy, I'm here to pick up Betty, we're going to get spaghetti, is she ready?" The farmer looks the boy over, and then calls Betty to go with him.

The sec...

An Irishman walks into a bar amd orders three pints of Guiness.

He takes them to a table and takes a drink from each one, alternating cups until all of them are empty.

He comes back the next week and does the same. Three pints and takes a drink from each until they are all gone.

The third time he comes in the barman, curious, asks why he drinks lik...

A traditional Indian woman in a bar

A traditional Indian woman working goes to the US for her first work assignment. In the evening, she visits a bar, which is the first time experience of her life.

After taking seat at the counter, a guy on her left orders : "Johnny Walker, single."

The guy on her right orders : "Jack...

My daughter wants a pony for Christmas

I think a traditional turkey would taste better but it's her choice.

My girlfriend wanted a traditional wedding;

Guess I didn't offer her father enough goats.

Happy stories from a remote village

A journalist goes to a poor remote village for a documentary.

He saw an old man and asked him to narrate a typical happy story of his village.

The old man smiled and began:
"One day, a long time ago, my goat got lost in the mountains. As is our tradition, all the men of the village...

Traditionally, orthopedic surgeons were strong and dumb.

But now they have power tools.

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A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian are all best friends

A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian are all best friends. They have this tradition of meeting up at a certain coffee shop and talking about this and that while they eat their collective favorite desert; cherry pie.

One day, as the friends are enjoying their cherry pie, the topic of who’s religio...

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Back in high school, I had a friend named Ving

He and his twin sister, Ling, had recently moved here from China and so they had very traditional names. One day, Ving mentioned to me how much he hated his name.
“What kind of name is Ving? It’s so stupid,” he said, frustrated.
“You know, you can get your name changed at city hall.”
“Re...

Mum, why am I named Penny?

Mum: "Well, as you know, your dad has a habit of tossing and playing with a coin when he's nervous, and when you were born and your dad went to embrace you, the penny fell on your head. We named you accordingly."

Penny: "Wow, that's how I got my name!"

Daisy: :Mum, was that the same wa...

Two old soldiers are reflecting during a visit to the town where they grew up.

The first soldier had had both arms amputated at the elbow following after the war, and the second both legs at the knee.

After a while of gazing upon old buildings and storefronts, the men come across a statue in the town park; the statue shows signs of age and neglect.

The second rem...

The Opium Wars

During the opium wars in China the nobility wanted to escape to a more stable country, one couple, Mr. And Mrs. Long, decided to move to Texas to escape the conflict.

Once settled in Texas they decided to have kids, they could afford to due to their work as farm hands.

When the...

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The Angel Atop The Tree Tradition

One Christmas, Santa was having a really bad day. The local elves union was up in arms over their contract and were threatening a walk-out. Mrs. Clause was pissed that Santa was never around to appreciate all of the hard work she had been doing around the house. Santa decided he needed to go home, s...

A man goes into a Massage Parlor for his first Thai Massage

He's a little nervous because he's never gotten one before.

Before they start the woman asks him if he has any questions.

He says, "What should I expect?"

She replies, "Well you'll wear loose, comfortable clothing and lie on a mat. Traditional Thai massage uses no oils or lotio...

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TIL: Many medieval surnames like Fletcher or Cooper refer to the patriarch's traditional occupation.

I guess I won't be marrying Mr. Dickinson.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? [not the traditional punchline]

Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.

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A North Pole story of Christmas traditions

It was not shaping up to be a Merry Christmas at the North Pole. Mr. Claus was buttoning his suspenders when an angel popped in out of nowhere, yelling "HEY SANTA!". That caused his fingers to lose grip, and the whole thing snapped him in the eye.

When he got out to the elves, they were all g...

Don't call it traditional marriage

if it doesn't improve relations with neighboring fiefdoms

Four rabbis were golfing

EDIT: So everyone seems to be reading "rabbits," like "bunnies," only to get confused halfway through the joke. This is actually about "rabbis," meaning Jewish clergymen. Carry on...



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Four rabbis had a tradition of spending a day each week golfing and di...

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