What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

Roberto

What do you call a Mexican who owns 2.47 acres of land?

Hector

Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos?

Because there's no Tres passing.

A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border

He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

"What h...

What’s a Mexicans favorite band?

Hispanic at the Disco!

You can make joke about anything except Mexicans...

That would be crossing the border

What do you call a short Mexican?

A paragraph, because they're not a full ese yet

A Mexican man had a job interview

Interviewer: How would you explain this 4 year work gap in your resume?

Man: That's when I went to Yale.

Interviewer: Very impressive. You're hired.

Man: Thanks I really need this yob.

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three.

>!Uno, dos... poof. He disappeared without a tres.!<

A mexican woman walks into a car dealership and starts looking at a car. A salesman asks if she needs any help or got any questions.

Her: Cargo space?

Salesman: Car no do that. Car no fly.

A Mexican man walked into an old folks home...

He was a senor citizen

A Mexican magician was doing a vanishing trick.

He said he'd disappear on the count of three.

Uno.

Dos.

*Poof!*

He disappeared without a tres.

What do you call a Mexican beetle

Gringo Star

Why do Mexican Vampires prefer Asians who have ticks?

They want that Corona and Lyme

Someone asked a blind mexican man if there was anything he could not do

he replied:

“sí”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 1st day at school: the new student named Jose Armando, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the 5th grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Jose, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Jose :"Abraham Lincoln, 1863....

A Mexican and his Chinese friend are hosting a Super Bowl party

I wonder who’s bringing the Corona

A man walks into a juice bar and orders a smoothie. The Mexican behind the counter says "would you like to add any milk protein?"

The man responds, "No whey Jose."

What is a Mexicans favorite sport?

Cross country

what do you call 2 Mexican people playing basketball

juan on juan

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, ...

I made a joke about Mexicans

I am now a registered mex offender.

If Americans are supposedly so racist towards Mexicans...

.....how come the first word of their national anthem is in Spanish?

Three Mexican men are walking through a desert...

They are all hungry and haven't ate in days, in the distance they spot a tree that appears to have bacon growing from it, they slowly approach it not believing their eyes, all of a sudden the tree stands up and starts chasing and throwing things at them, one of the men shouts to the others "run!! it...

What do you call four Mexicans in quick sand?

Quattro Cinco.

What do you call a Mexican who asks properly for permission?

Meximay

I’m never smoking weed with a Mexican anymore

I asked him if he had papers and he just ran away

What is the name of the Mexican man who lost his car yesterday ?

Carlos.

Yesterday, my Mexican friend called me and started babbling hysterically.

I couldn’t understand his panic.

What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who’s run out of protein?

No whey Jose.

A grumpy, drunken, old cowboy was riding his horse near the Mexican border when he noticed it chewing on a strange, stout cactus.

Before long, the pony started behaving strangely, walking slowly and irregularly and not responding to the cowboys commands.
The cowboy became progressively more frustrated, as well as more drunk and more mean as he continued to glug himself into the depths of his whiskey bottle.
The horse ev...

IHOP is allowing all Mexican men in the U.S. legally to show ID and get 10% off.

It's their new señor citizen discount.

The Mexicans are upset about Trump’s wall

but they’ll get over it.

So, this Mexican guy comes riding up to the border on a bicycle with two big sacks over his shoulders.

He tells the border guard that the sacks are full of sand, but the guard doesn’t believe him.

The guard detains the guy, then rips open the bags. Nothing but sand. He even has the sand analyzed... only to find out that it really is just sand, and the sack really is just a plain old sack....

A Black guy, a Mexican guy, a White guy, and an Asian guy walk into a bar.

They sit down and have a drink because we live in a more tolerant age.

What did the Mexican say when the two houses fell on him?

Get off me, homes.

Why did the Mexican guy order whiskey without rocks?

He hated ICE

To everyone's surprise , our Mexican neighbors got the city to sign for a bill to restrict loud noisess

Nobody expects the Spanish din petition

HGTV just put out a new show where interior designers redo the homes of Mexican Mathematicians

It's called La Place Transform.

A Mexican politician visits an American politician

A Mexican politician visited his friend that was an American politician, they went to the Americans house, and the Mexican was impressed by the beauty and size of the home, and he asked him,
“My friend how can you afford such a luxurious home?”
Which to the American replies;
“Did you see ...

Why did the Mexican take Xanax ?

For Hispanic attacks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am a black belt in Mexican Judo...

Judo know if I have a knife. Judo know if I have a gun. Judo know shit, guey.

did you hear the one about the mexican restaurant owner who died?

he wanted to be put in the ground upside down with his ankles and feet showing, with one final instruction to the people at his funeral:



burritos

I’ve been saying “mucho” to all of my Mexican friends.

It means a lot to them.

What did the Mexican say when his homework flew out of the window?

Aye, where you going essay?

What do you call Two Mexican Snipers?

Juan Shot
Juan Kill

What did the Mexican fireman call his two sons?

Jose

And Hose B.

Where did the Mexican man hide when he was scared?

Hispanic room

What's a Mexicans favorite book?

Tequila mocking bird

How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Juan

What do you call a Mexican that is a 1/3 German?

Nein Juan Juan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) Three guys are hanging out together at a house. One is white, one is black, and one is Mexican. After doing a couple lines of coke, they are all revved up and horny. The white guy says “hey we should get a hooker and we can take turns for a little entertainment”

The other two guys agree this is a great idea and so the white guy makes a phone call to a pimp. Ten minutes later, a prostitute arrives.

After a few minutes of discussion, the white guy says “well I paid for her so I’m going first”. The other two guys, while annoyed, agree to this.

T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Japanese, a German and a Mexican are lost in a tropical island, when they found a cannibal tribe

“We eat you now” -Says the tribe boss.

“Please, no” -Says the mexican. -“you can eat fruits if you want, why humans being”

“We like human, we eat humans” -said the boss.

“If we bring you fruits, you can eat fruits instead of eating us” -Continue the mexican.

The tribe bos...

What do you call a hungry Mexican horse?

No-hay josè

I’ve been working at a charity, teaching college education to reformed Mexican gangsters.

It’s not going very well because for some reason they refuse to turn in their essays.

What is the name Tinkerbell’s Mexican sister?

Taco Bell.

What does walter white order at a mexican restraunt?

Rice n' beans

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British, a Irish, a American, and a Mexican are on the plane...

But their plane has too much weight, it needs to lose some stuff. The British says, "my country has lots of tea!" so throws the tea off the plane. The Irish says "my country has lots of potatoes" so throws the potatoes off the plane. The American throws the Mexican off the plane and says "this basta...

What's a robot's favourite Mexican food?

Silicon Carne.

A teenage girl gives birth to twins and puts them up for adoption...

She never hears from them again except for the news that one baby was adopted by a Mexican couple, and the other was adopted by a couple from the Middle East.

Years later she hires a private investigator to track down her two adopted children, just so she can find out how their lives have bee...

An American, a Canadian and a Mexican walk into a bar.

The barman asks: "What is this, a joke?"

Why did the Mexican rob a train?

He had loco-motives

My Mexican friend had twin boys and couldn't come up with names..

I suggested Juan and Two

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black man, mexican man and a redneck are walking down the beach one day when they stumble upon a magical lamp.

They rub it and a Genie pops out. "Thank you for freeing me from 1000 years inside! I will grant each of you ONE wish!"

The black man goes first : "I wish all black people could be returned to Africa to live peacefully and happily with all the resources to guarantee a great life for many gene...

What do you call 3 Mexican guys walking through your property?

Tres passing.

Mexican jokes and black jokes are all the same.

Once you’ve heard Juan, you’ve heard Jamal.

A guy goes up to a Mexican and asks if he knew what the symbol for potassium was

“¿Que?”

Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff?

Tequila

How does a Mexican cut his pizza?

With little ceasers.

A man is walking through his local mall and notices a Mexican book store.

He decides to go in because he has never seen a Mexican book store before. He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?"
The clerk replies, "F*ck you, get out, stay out!" The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one!"

What’s the difference between a Mexican and a polar bear?

Polar bears don’t have to hide from ICE

Why didn't the Mexican archer fire his bow?

He didn't habanero.

How does a Mexican greet Zeus?

Jesus

A little Mexican girl dreamed of playing the guitar.

Her name was Maria. She was very poor, but she knew that one day she would be a famous entertainer. One sunny morning, she discovered a makeshift vihuela abandoned behind a local shop. Ecstatic, she raced home and immediately started practicing.

While carefully fingering a chord outside of h...

What goes great with Mexican Coca-Cola?

ICE

How can Mexicans get over the wall?

By using trumpolines.

sorry... I will see myself out.

Did you hear about the Mexican space program?

They’re sending chickens to the moon for the first time ever, they’re calling it A-pollo 11

Once upon a time a Mexican magician performed in a magic show.

He counted:

“Uno...”

“Dos...”

And disappeared without a trace.

I went to eat at a Mexican restaurant with my friend Sara.

She had recently been diagnosed lactose intolerant, and hadn't eaten dairy in months, so I was a little surprised she wanted to eat there.

Before the server could even ask if we wanted an appetizer, Sara blurted out "I haven't had cheese in forever. Bring us a cheese dip, and don't even bothe...

A Mexican operational system would be called

TAC-OS

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many Mexicans does it take to build a

holy shit they’re already done.

What did the Mexican say to the professor when he told him to turn in his essay?

“I ain’t no snitch”

My Mexican friends always drink their drinks warm...

it's like they're afraid of ICE or something.

A Mexican got into a fistfight with a priest the other day.

Talk about alien vs predator!

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