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The 1st day at school: the new student named Jose Armando, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the 5th grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Jose, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Jose :"Abraham Lincoln, 1863....

Why did the Mexican guy take xanax?

For Hispanic attacks.

My Mexican friends always drink their drinks warm...

it's like they're afraid of ICE or something.

I went to eat at a Mexican restaurant with my friend Sara.

She had recently been diagnosed lactose intolerant, and hadn't eaten dairy in months, so I was a little surprised she wanted to eat there.

Before the server could even ask if we wanted an appetizer, Sara blurted out "I haven't had cheese in forever. Bring us a cheese dip, and don't even bothe...

A little Mexican girl dreamed of playing the guitar.

Her name was Maria. She was very poor, but she knew that one day she would be a famous entertainer. One sunny morning, she discovered a makeshift vihuela abandoned behind a local shop. Ecstatic, she raced home and immediately started practicing.

While carefully fingering a chord outside of h...

A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border

He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

"What h...

Did you hear about the Mexican fireman who had twins?

He named them Josè and hose b

Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff?

Tequila.

Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?

Because he had a loco-motive.

What do you call a 2,000 lb Mexican dumpling?

JuanTon

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A Frenchman, a Mexican and an Irishman go to a bar

And each orders a beer.

The Frenchman looks into his beer and sees a fly, calls for the waitress, and demands a replacement.

The Mexican sees a fly in his, plucks it out, and drains the beer.

The Irishman grabs the fly by its wings and violently shakes it over his mug screaming...

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A man walks into a Mexican restaurant...

He gets a table and a waiter comes to him with a menu.

"Señor, is there anything I can get for you?"

The man scans through the menu briefly...

He couldn't understand any thing he saw there as most of the foods were Mexican.

"I think I'll have this... Cojones..." the man s...

Did you hear about the Mexican space program?

They’re sending chickens to the moon for the first time ever, they’re calling it A-pollo 11

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How many Mexicans does it take to build a

holy shit they’re already done.

What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?

quatro sinko

What do you call it when a Mexican and a priest are fighting?

Alien vs predator

What do you call hippie Mexican people who love to gamble?

Las Vegans

Why wouldn’t you call a short Mexican a paragraph

Because it’s not a full essay

How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Juan



(Don’t know if this joke is new or old my friend told me this yesterday)

What's a Mexican's favorite sport

Cross-country

[WARNING OC!] What does a Mexican carpet fitter say to his donkey when he's late?

"Underlay Underlay Underlay!"

Why do male, Mexicans get better jobs out of college?

Because they can apply for señor positions.

A Mexican got into a fistfight with a priest the other day.

Talk about alien vs predator!

Someone pretending to be a painter told a very convincing story and stole your Mexican food. What happened?

You’ve been hit by a chili-con-artist

What does the three eyed mexican say?

Aye-Aye-Aye

Why did the Mexican Archer not fire his Bow?

Cuz, he didn't habanero.

What is it called when two Mexicans play basketball?

Juan on Juan.

Once upon a time a Mexican magician performed in a magic show.

He counted:

“Uno...”

“Dos...”

And disappeared without a trace.

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A Mexican illegally crossed the border into the US and gets into a fight with a sex offender

It's Alien vs Predator

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Why did the blonde have sex with a Mexican?

Her teacher told her to do an essay.

Anyone hear about the Mexican train bomber?

They say he had loco motives.

We went to see a Mexican magician......

He told us that for his final act he would disappear. He lifted up a cloak to his waist. He proclaimed "uno, dos", flung his cloak up and was gone without a tres.

What’s a Mexican’s favorite sport?

Cross country

I got kicked out of the local Mexican restaurant

All I did was ask for ICE

So some crazy golfer snapped and stabbed a Mexican guy...

It was a hole in Juan.

A Mexican Train Conductor Committed a Murder

We don’t know his loco motive

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Turns out my wife likes Mexican food more than sex.

When I asked her if she wanted some dick for dinner, all she said was “nachos.”

A man is walking through his local mall and notices a Mexican book store.

He decides to go in because he has never seen a Mexican book store before. He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?"

The clerk replies, "F*ck you, get out, stay out!" The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one!"

What do you call a shooting at a Mexican golf course?

Hole in Juan

What do you wear to a Mexican funeral?

A somberero

what do you call a mexican who lost his car?

Carlos 🇲🇽

What's worse than yelling FIRE in a mexican neighborhood?

ICE

A joke from my Mexican grandmother: What's faster? Lightning, light, or diarrhea?

Diarrhea.

Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.

I had a girlfriend who was into Picasso and Mexican food

She was really artsy-fartsy.

Why can't Mexicans cross the border in threes?

No trespassing.

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, ...

Mexican word of the day: bishop.

Example: "last night my wife fell down, so I had to pick the bishop. "

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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “...

What’s a Mexican cannibals fav food?

Refried Beings

What do you call a mexican drug kingpin who likes to dress as a woman?

El Trapo

Why do Mexican gang members usual flunk school?

Cause they don't turn in their essays.

What do you call a Mexican person drowning in Mayonnaise

Cinco de Mayo

The shady workers behind the mexican restaurant,

Thats nacho business.

Mexicans and mayonnaise

Most people don't know that in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to have been the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would h...

What do Mexicans think about Trumps wall?

They'll get over it.

What did the Mexican milk say to the American milk?

Soy milk

How did the Mexican girl get pregnant?

Her teacher asked her to do an essay.

Mexican and black jokes are all the same

Once you heard Juan, you heard Jamal.

A Mexican serial killer killed dos people

He never even left a tres

How do Mexicans cut their pizzas?

with little caesars

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Why do Muslims, black people, Mexicans, and anti-vaxxers like chocolate?

Because everyone likes chocolate, and why would someone’s religion, race, nationality, or the fact that they’re an uneducated moron change that?

What did the Mexican man say after 2 houses fell on him...

"Get off of me, homes!"

What do you call a Mexican mushroom?

un Puertobello

What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

Robberto

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A man goes to a Mexican resturant after winning big in Vegas.

He decides he is going to order the most expensive item on the menu. When the plate is brought to him he asks what it is. The waiter responds with "Its the bull balls from the bullfight thats held every week. Whenever the bull loses we chop his balls off and serve them as a delicacy." The man is ske...

What do you call a Mexican child molester?

A Pedrophile

All Mexicans are yes men

Si what I mean?

I saw a little Mexican kid get dragged into a white van

Talk about Alien Vs Predator

What did the Mexican fire chief name his two children

Jose and Hose-B

My dad was Korean and my mom was Mexican

Hi, I am Guacamo Lee

The Mexican President, the US President, and the Russian President are on a plane.

Before take off the pilot tells them that the plane is too heavy to fly. The Mexican President then pushes off all the tequila off the plane and says, “We got a lot of that in my country it’s fine.” Then the Russian President pushes off all the vodka and says “We got a lot of that in my country it’s...

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says “uno, dos...”

But before he can finish his sentence, a gunshot rings through the air and he falls to the floor, blood oozing out of his head. Screams are everywhere as the audience seeks cover.

His best friend Nathaniel is in the audience, but all he can do is sit there in shock and stare at the corpse of ...

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Me (a Mexican): Oh shit, the printer says no papers

Coworker (also Mexican): Oh shit, Donald Trump is gonna get mad

An American, a Mexican, and a Russian are riding a train

They decide to have a wager on who's the best burglar, the rules being the lights go down and the person steals as much as they can without getting caught in the amount of time the lights are down on their turn.

The Mexican goes first, the lights go down, and they come back on one minute late...

What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who ran out of protein?

No whey Jose

What song does Trump play while going to a Mexican family's house?

Ice, Ice, Baby.

Why can’t you play UNO with Mexicans?

They steal all the green cards

"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.

But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

Why don’t Mexican cows have a sense of humor?

Because, de yoke is always on them!

What do you call a Mexican-Canadian pimp business?

Hoes, eh?

A Mexican actor died while performing stunts for a movie.

During the funeral, his mother walks towards the director and says,

"Jesus died for your scenes."

A Catholic Mexican couple decide to mix it up a bit.

They'd been engaged for a year and instead of getting married in their village they decided to have a spontaneous marriage in Las Vegas. So they flew there one night, found a cute little chapel and said their vows. As they were leaving a man walks up to them. He said "we like to offer newly wed coup...

why was the mexican octopus angry at the shark

because he ate his tentacos

Trump should hire the Chinese to build the wall.

They had one for over 2000 years and they still don't have any Mexicans.

Whats the difference between a Mexican and a book?

The book has papers.

An American, Mexican, and Italian robbed a bank...

They escaped with a haul of dollars, pesos, and lira. Back at their hide-out, the American distributed the money in three even shares.

“1000 dollars for me, 1000 pesos for you, 1000 lira for you... 1000 dollars for me, 1000 pesos for you, 1000 lira for you...1000 dollars for me, 1000 pesos fo...

How many Mexicans do you have to meet before you hear a really stereotypical name?

Juan

If we did build a wall, it definitely would work

China built a wall, do you see any Mexicans there?

What did the galaxy order at the Mexican restaurant?

A quasardilla

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