3 Mexicans tried to cross the border,but only 2 got through.Why?

There was a sign that said no tres passing.

Why did the Mexican man take Xanax?

For hispanic attacks.

A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border.

He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

"What h...

What do you call a rich Mexican?

Jeff Pesos

A cowboy and a Mexican man are at a bar.

The cowboy takes a shot, slams the glass down and yells "T.G.I.F!"

The Mexican man looks over at the cowboy, takes a shot, slams the glass down and yells "S.P.I.T!"

The cowboy looks back over at the Mexican man, takes another shot, slams down the glass again and yells "T.G.I.F!"
...

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

Hispanic Attacks

With great flourish, the Mexican magician exclaimed, "On the count of three, I shall make myself disappear!"

"Uno!!!"



"Dos!!!"



...and then he vanished, without a tres.

I want to hire a Mexican, An Italian and a Russian

To show up at my funeral in black suits and say "thank you boss", then leave.
Just so that my Family and Friends would think I had something Big going on.

What do you call a mexican who lost his car?

Carlos

An Englishman, Frenchman, American and Mexican are on a plane…

Plane starts going down and the pilot yells “we need to cast off weight to make a landing but there is only one parachute!”

So the Brit decides to be valiant and be the first to jump. “God save the Queen!” and he jumps out.

The Frenchman follows suit: “Vive le France!” and out he goes....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

American tour bus pulls up at a small Mexican village.

After a few hours shopping one of the tourists asks a sleepy local laying by a tree the time. The guy throws back his poncho, leans over and cups the balls of a donkey with his hand, lifting them up and down, "it's 4:35 senoir." Astounded the tourist calls to his wife, "git over here and see how the...

Why did a Mexican throw his wife off the bridge?

Tequila

What do you call it when a Mexican youtuber does a video talking about a subject?

A video ese

I showed my Mexican friends I know a little Spanish by saying "mucho" and they seemed really flattered

...they said it meant a lot to them.

What sound do Mexican ducks make?

Guac, guac, guac.

What do you call a family of Mexican-American robots?

Tex Mechs

A Mexican guy comes riding up to the border on his bicycle with two big sacks over his shoulders.

He tells the border guard that the sacks are full of sand, but the guard doesn’t believe him.

The guard detains the guy, and rips open the bags, but there’s nothing but sand.

He even has the sand analyzed, only to find that it really is just sand. And the sack is just a plain sack. <...

Joke my 12 year old son made up: What do you call it when you throw Mexican food at high velocity?

Fa-yeet-a

How many Mexicans do you need to fix a lightbulb?

Juan

What did the Jamaican guy say to the Mexican guy when he asked him if he likes ham?

Ja món

The Mexican guy next door was fired and kicked out of the house in the same day

You should've seen hispanic

Did you hear about the new Marvel hero? He’s a Mexican guy that can clone himself...

I think he’s called Juan Division.

A Mexican actor died while performing stunts for a movie.

During the funeral, his mother walks towards the director and says,

"Jesus died for your scenes."

What do you call a tasty Mexican demon dog served in a restaurant?

A chalupacabra.

U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans rowing towards Texas. The Captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts:

“Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"

One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, "Gringo, we are invading the United States of
America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's."

The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 1st day at school: the new student named Jose Armando, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the 5th grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Jose, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Jose :"Abraham Lincoln, 1863....

A man crosses the Mexican border seeking better living conditions for his family.

Then his constituency calls for him to resign as a senator from Texas.

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the sale...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Gates woke up in the morning and found that his Mexican housekeepers were gone.

He asked his wife Melinda where they went, who replied that Steve Jobs showed up earlier and offered them the same work at his mansion for double their previous wage.
Bill became furious. "Fucking Jobs, coming here and taking our immigrants!"

What the difference between a black joke and a Mexican joke?

Meh, if you’ve heard Juan, you’ve heard Jamal.

Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?

They say he had locomotives

I can't stand it when my Mexican friend is late

I wait for no Juan.

Mexican book store

Mexican book store.

He decides to go in because he has never seen a Mexican book store before. He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?"
The clerk replies, "F*ck you, get out, stay out!" The man replies, ...

What did the Mexican truck driver say in his defense when he got pulled over with ten tons of imported snails?

Es Cargo.

What do you call a small, mexican dish?

INCHalladas!!

What do Mexicans exhale?

Cabrón di oxide

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Mexican prostitute that doesn't charge?

Frijoles

Did u hear about the Mexican who drove his Audi into a lake?

Quattro Sinko...

How did the Mexican cheese factory report an equipment malfunction?

No whey, Hose A.

Why did Sherlok Holmes like the Mexican restaurant?

It gave him good case ideas.

Mexican carpet fitters!!

Never trust a Mexican carpet fitter!!

I had one recently and he only did half the job!!

Sure he was fast and all...

But he was all about the Underlay!!

What do Mexicans use to cut there pizza?

Little Caesars.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian...

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, ...

If you were a Mexican hosting a party in Norway...

would that be considered a Fjord Fiesta?

A Russian family always ate very bland food. However, one day they invited their Mexican neighbor over for dinner. When little Ivan asked his Babushka while their food tasted so much more flavorful, she replied:

Jesus is the reason for the season.

A Mexican man visits his cousin in the US

He wants to watch a baseball game; an integral part of American culture, he has heard. Unable to purchase a ticket, he scales the stadium facade and watches while clinging to the roof.

Afterwards, his cousin enquires about his experience.

“It was great!” He says. “Americans are so co...

A customs officer at the Mexican border noticed a man coming across one day on a bicycle with two small sacks tied to the handlebars...

Naturally, he got suspicious and asked him to open the sacks, but when he did he found nothing but sand.

Each time he'd stop the bicycle and open the sacks, and he'd find only sand. He had the sand analyzed at the lab and looked at the sack under a microscope he could never find anything wron...

Did you hear about the mexican magician?

He said, "I'm going to disappear." "Uno, dos,..." He was gone without a tres :-)

What did the Mexican cannibal want to eat, after going on thrill rides at the county fair?

Carny Asada

In order to stop accusations of racism, Trump decides to hire a Mexican immigrant

However, he doesn't feel confortable having him as an employee and calls him over in his office.

Juan: "Why you call me, jefe ?"

Trump: "You're fired!"


Juan: "Que ?! Why ?!!"


Trump: "Because....uh... Because you didn't finish high school!"

Juan: "Oh, no pro...

What do you call a Mexican space chicken?

Apollo.

Did you hear about Mexican drug dealer that kept falling asleep on the job?

He had narcolepsy

What plane does the Mexican President fly in?

AirForce Juan

What do you call a Mexican quarterback?

El Passo.

Why did the Mexican go to the psychiatrist?

His-panic disorder.

What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

Roberto

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Translation attempt: A Mexican, an American, and a Canadian compete with the Devil to see who gets out of hell

The Devil tells the three of them that whoever can fool him gets out of hell.

The Canadian is first. He is a good guy who never plays jokes on people, so he takes out a coin and makes a pretty basic magic trick. The Devil vaporizes him.

The American is next.

He walks towards th...

I see two Mexicans fighting

Call that a Juan on Juan

What do you call cold Mexican food?

A Brrrr-rito.

Guess what I had for breakfast. Apologies if repost.

2 Mexicans with the same name walk into a bar

One says hello my name is ____

Two says oh cool my name is also ____

One replys "oh, i guess I'm not the only Juan"

What do you call a British Mexican?

A Limey Bean

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A white guy, an African American, an Arab and a Mexican walk into a bar......

...and they all sit there and drink and have a nice time like good friends. What did you expect you fuckin racist?

Mexican olympics

Why is mexico never winning in the olympics

Because everybody who can already jump, swim and run are in the us.

whenever i needed help, my Mexican friend is always there for me.

He is Juan hell of a guy.

A friend of mine has never had Mexican before....

So I took him to a nearby food truck that had a delicious assortment of options. He went up to the food truck owner.

Friend: Hi I have never had Mexican before. I was wondering if you can describe what some of these are.

Food truck owner: Certainly sir! Which would you like to know ab...

Why is the teenage mexican pregnancy rate so high?

Cuz the teachers said "go home and do your essays"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two nuns are smuggling tequila across the Mexican-US border..

One nun is worried, telling the other nun they'll be caught.

"No we won't, just play it cool" she said, as the worried nun sweats in nervousness.

They pull up to the guards and the border guard tells them to step aside for a moment.

"I knew it!" the nervous Nun said "we're ca...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny was in class one friday.....

The teacher said we'll play a game, whoever answers my questions correctly can leave early for the weekend. The first question was, who started a speech with "four score and seven years ago "? Several kids raised their hand and little Johnny was waving his hand frantically in the back of the class....

How did the Mexican chef become the best cop on the force?

Consistency. He always finished a case a dia.

Jesus loves you

"Jesus loves you" is a nice thing, if heard in church.

However, it's a scary thing if you hear it in a Mexican prison.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian Cossack, an American Cowboy, and a Mexican Bandito are sitting on a ridge getting drunk at their camp.

After some merriment, the Cossack rises to his feet, throws his bottle of vodka into the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots it and says "Ah, we have too much of that in my country anyway." The Bandito looks at the bottle of tequila in his hand, then throws it, pulls his pistol, shoots it out of th...

To all my Americans today: Happy Cinco de Mayo

To all my Mexican-American friends: happy Wednesday

What's a Mexican's favorite sport?

CrossCountry

How many jokes does it take to make a Mexican smile?

Juan.

What do you call someone who believes the world is run by a shadow organization of Mexican chain restaurants?

QdobAnon

Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?

Because he didn't habanero..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Mexican prostitute goes to the Doctor

The Doctor asks the ho what's wrong. She tells him that she's been feeling insecure in herself and is suddenly finding herself unable to share personal details about herself with anyone, not even family.

The Doctor says "OK, I understand. Well before we get into that, let me perform some stan...

A Canadian, a Swiss, a German, a Mexican, a American, a Korean, a Austrian, a Brazilian, a Estonian, a Filipino, a British, a Egyptian, a Icelander, a Jamaican, a South African, a Puerto Rican, a Chinese, a Latvian, a Moroccan, a Taiwanese, a Spaniard, and a Romanian walk into a fancy restaurant.

The waiter stops them and says “Sorry, you can’t come in here without a Thai.”

One day, a family from mexico moves up from Mexico city all the way to Jacksonville Florida

One day, a family from mexico moves up from Mexico city all the way to Jacksonville Florida. They settle in a small little house. The neighbors are a little skeptical, being their race and all, so they keep an eye out on their plot for a few days. To his suprise, he sees that the family is one of th...

Mexican senate passes a bill to legalize Marijuana nationwide.

Mari & Juana can finally walk the streets at night & not be hauled off by the cops.

What cake do you bring for your Mexican friends going away party?

An ICEcream cake

Did you hear about the Mexican train conductor wanted for murder?

The authorities are saying he had loco motives.

An Irish, a Mexican and an American were having lunch on a scaffold on the 15th floor of a building construction.

Irish opened his lunch box and exclaimed "Colcannon again! If I have colcannon for lunch tomorrow I will jump off this scaffold"

The Mexican opened his lunch box and cried "Burritos as usual! If I have burritos one more time I will jump off too."

The American opened his lunch box and s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many Mexicans does it take to build a...

Oh shit, they’re already done!

A cowboy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks for a shot. Across the bar, a Mexican man is sitting and glaring at the cowboy. The cowboy takes the shot and slams the shot glass down on the counter, yelling "TGIF!"

The Mexican orders a shot, takes it, and slams his glass down, yelling "SPIT!" The cowboy looks over at him and notices the Mexican guy is still staring at him. The cowboy once again orders a shot, slams it down, and yells again "TGIF!"

Once again, the Mexican orders a shot, slams it down aft...

A Mexican, recently arrived in the US, wanting to earn some money, decides to become a handy-man...

...and starts looking for some work in an up-scale neighborhood nearby.

He goes to the front door of the nearest house and asks the owner, if he had any odd jobs for him to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch, how much will you charge?” the owner says.

The Mexican responds, “How a...

What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who’s run out of protein?

No whey Jose.

I was invited to a Mexican party, but I had to pay to get in

It was a fee-esta.

Why did Trump's supporters go looking for a dwarf Mexican?

Because most American power is held by a tiny minority.

What did the Mexican llama say to the other llama

Como te llama

Our Mexican friend is a whiz when it comes to assembling IKEA furniture.

He is our instruction Manuel.

Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3?

The signs say "no trespassing"

My mexican friend, Jesus, recently got addicted to methamphetamine

We now call him the Methiah.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a short Mexican researcher in Antarctica?

A Burrito

First joke I've ever come up with. My Hispanic wife laughed her butt off.

My two Mexican friends had a best of three microphone testing competition.

Juan One and Juan Two had a one-on-one one-two one-two. Juan One won one, but Juan Two won two, so Juan Two won two to one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recently got my ass kicked at a Mexican restaurant.

I don’t recommend ordering the machos.

The largest condom factory in the States burned down.

President Trump was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.