Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

For Hispanic attacks (please don't hurt me)

A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border.

He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

"What h...

3 Mexicans tried to cross the border,but only 2 got through.Why?

There was a sign that said no tres passing.

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Juan

An American and Mexican business men talk about getting rich

There is a conference in DC and a Mexican and American guy meet and talk about highway infrastructure projects. The American invites the Mexican to his home. They show up in a Cadillac where the American invites him inside and they go up to the second story balcony. He points below and says, see tha...

A Mexican magician says that he’ll disappear on the count of three.



“Uno… dos…” POOF!

He disappeared without a tres.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan

Mexican Custodian

A Mexican custodian finishes mopping the lobby floor. A young girl enters the lobby with her eyes glued to her smartphone.

"Miss," the Mexican custodian says, "the floor is wet."

The girl looks up from her phone with a bored expression. "K," she replies.

"Miss," the Mexican cu...

What souns does a mexican duck make?

Guac

Why did the Mexican throw his wife off the bridge?

TEQUILA!

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In Texas, close to the border with Mexico, there was a priest who hated Mexicans

That Sunday, after reading the Bible, the priest started his sermon:

"Today we'll reflect on Peter's lie about being a follower of Jesus. That night, Peter acted as a coward and a liar, just like these damn Mexicans we see every day in this town!"

The whole congregation started to shou...

What do you call a Redditor eating Mexican food?

Incelada

A Mexican man was found dead at the bottom of a lake.

He was tied up, had chains wrapped around him, and had seven bullet wounds.

When the local sheriff was asked what had happened, the sheriff replied, “It is truly the worst damn case of suicide I’ve ever seen.”

A Mexican man walks onto a field in America and places his flag into the ground.

The owner of the field then says "Hey, what are you doing? This is America, what is your Mexican flag doing here?"

The Mexican looks confused at the American before replying "I hear this free country, yes? I buy America."

2 Mexican gang members...

Carlos and Pepe; are lost in the desert after a drug deal gone wrong...

After days wandering aimlessly, Pepe finds a tree covered in pork. Bacon of all kinds and thicknesses, gammon, sausages and pulled pork hanging in place of leaves.

Not wanting to waste energy on what could potentia...

What do you call an old mexican Man?

Señor citizen

I showed my Mexican friends I know a little Spanish by saying "mucho" and they seemed really flattered

...they said it meant a lot to them.

What do you call a rich Mexican?

Jeff Pesos

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The 1st day at school: the new student named Jose Armando, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the 5th grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Jose, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Jose :"Abraham Lincoln, 1863....

My Mexican friend takes anti-anxiety medication

Its for Hispanic attacks.

Did you hear about the latest Messianic cult that has sprung up around a Mexican guy in Korea?

They're calling him The Choseon Juan.

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A teacher asked a white student, a black student and a Mexican student to use the words "cheese" and "liver" in a sentence

The white kid answered, "My mom made liver and cheese for dinner".

The teacher said that was very good.

The black kid said, "I would never eat cheese on liver, that is gross."

The teacher said that was very good.

The Mexican kid says if some dude tried to step to my girl ...

Why did the mexican man steal a train?

Well he had loco-motives

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Did you hear about the moose who escaped a Mexican zoo and ran all the way to Virginia?

He's now a VA-moose.

Why did the Mexican go to the Emergency Room (ER)?

Because of Hispanic attacks

An Englishman, Frenchman, American and Mexican are on a plane…

Plane starts going down and the pilot yells “we need to cast off weight to make a landing but there is only one parachute!”

So the Brit decides to be valiant and be the first to jump. “God save the Queen!” and he jumps out.

The Frenchman follows suit: “Vive le France!” and out he goes....

I want to hire a Mexican, An Italian and a Russian

To show up at my funeral in black suits and say "thank you boss", then leave.
Just so that my Family and Friends would think I had something Big going on.

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

Hispanic Attacks

A cowboy and a Mexican man are at a bar.

The cowboy takes a shot, slams the glass down and yells "T.G.I.F!"

The Mexican man looks over at the cowboy, takes a shot, slams the glass down and yells "S.P.I.T!"

The cowboy looks back over at the Mexican man, takes another shot, slams down the glass again and yells "T.G.I.F!"
...

Did you hear about the Mexican Serial Killer?

He had loco-motives.

What do you call a mexican who lost his car?

Carlos

How long does it take a group of Mexicans to,

oh wow they’re already done.

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A man with a tendency to over-explain things lays on his therapist's couch.

The therapist says “I have a new exercise for you today. Instead of spending an hour talking about your day, try to tell me the essentials of what happened in one breath.”
The patient agrees and takes a deep breath

“So they cast Callie Hernandez as Supergirl and I’m not sure if it was th...

Mexican word of the day: ice mocha

I am really thirsty right now because ice mocha Lotta weed.

A Mexican actor died while performing stunts for a movie.

During the funeral, his mother walks towards the director and says,

"Jesus died for your scenes."

What do you call a family of Mexican-American robots?

Tex Mechs

A Mexican guy comes riding up to the border on his bicycle with two big sacks over his shoulders.

He tells the border guard that the sacks are full of sand, but the guard doesn’t believe him.

The guard detains the guy, and rips open the bags, but there’s nothing but sand.

He even has the sand analyzed, only to find that it really is just sand. And the sack is just a plain sack. <...

A man crosses the Mexican border seeking better living conditions for his family.

Then his constituency calls for him to resign as a senator from Texas.

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the sale...

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Bill Gates woke up in the morning and found that his Mexican housekeepers were gone.

He asked his wife Melinda where they went, who replied that Steve Jobs showed up earlier and offered them the same work at his mansion for double their previous wage.
Bill became furious. "Fucking Jobs, coming here and taking our immigrants!"

How many Mexicans can you fit in the trunk of a BMW?

I need the answer asap. I am about to cross the border.

Joke my 12 year old son made up: What do you call it when you throw Mexican food at high velocity?

Fa-yeet-a

What you call a house with a Mexican and American ghost?

A Juan-Ted house

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American tour bus pulls up at a small Mexican village.

After a few hours shopping one of the tourists asks a sleepy local laying by a tree the time. The guy throws back his poncho, leans over and cups the balls of a donkey with his hand, lifting them up and down, "it's 4:35 senoir." Astounded the tourist calls to his wife, "git over here and see how the...

What did the Jamaican guy say to the Mexican guy when he asked him if he likes ham?

Ja món

The Mexican guy next door was fired and kicked out of the house in the same day

You should've seen hispanic

What do Mexicans use to cut there pizza?

Little Caesars.

What do you call a tasty Mexican demon dog served in a restaurant?

A chalupacabra.

What the difference between a black joke and a Mexican joke?

Meh, if you’ve heard Juan, you’ve heard Jamal.

What do you call it when a Mexican youtuber does a video talking about a subject?

A video ese

Mexican book store

Mexican book store.

He decides to go in because he has never seen a Mexican book store before. He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?"
The clerk replies, "F*ck you, get out, stay out!" The man replies, ...

I can't stand it when my Mexican friend is late

I wait for no Juan.

What do you call a small, mexican dish?

INCHalladas!!

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What do you call a Mexican prostitute that doesn't charge?

Frijoles

Did you hear about the new Marvel hero? He’s a Mexican guy that can clone himself...

I think he’s called Juan Division.

What do Mexicans exhale?

Cabrón di oxide

Did u hear about the Mexican who drove his Audi into a lake?

Quattro Sinko...

A Mexican man visits his cousin in the US

He wants to watch a baseball game; an integral part of American culture, he has heard. Unable to purchase a ticket, he scales the stadium facade and watches while clinging to the roof.

Afterwards, his cousin enquires about his experience.

“It was great!” He says. “Americans are so co...

A customs officer at the Mexican border noticed a man coming across one day on a bicycle with two small sacks tied to the handlebars...

Naturally, he got suspicious and asked him to open the sacks, but when he did he found nothing but sand.

Each time he'd stop the bicycle and open the sacks, and he'd find only sand. He had the sand analyzed at the lab and looked at the sack under a microscope he could never find anything wron...

What did the Mexican truck driver say in his defense when he got pulled over with ten tons of imported snails?

Es Cargo.

How did the Mexican cheese factory report an equipment malfunction?

No whey, Hose A.

Why did Sherlok Holmes like the Mexican restaurant?

It gave him good case ideas.

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian...

... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camero...

What do you call a Mexican space chicken?

Apollo.

An Alabama couple with 9 children went to see the doctor about getting the husband "fixed".

The doctor started the procedure and making small talk, asks them "Why, after having 9 children have you decided not to have any more?".

The husband replied, "We just read an article that said 1 in 10 American children born in the United States is Mexican".

The wife continued, "We didn...

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Here It Is! The Poopie list!

Ghost Poopie--The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie--The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie--The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unw...

U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans rowing towards Texas. The Captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts:

“Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"

One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, "Gringo, we are invading the United States of
America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's."

The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter....

A Russian family always ate very bland food. However, one day they invited their Mexican neighbor over for dinner. When little Ivan asked his Babushka while their food tasted so much more flavorful, she replied:

Jesus is the reason for the season.

Did you hear about Mexican drug dealer that kept falling asleep on the job?

He had narcolepsy

What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

Roberto

Why did the Mexican go to the psychiatrist?

His-panic disorder.

In order to stop accusations of racism, Trump decides to hire a Mexican immigrant

However, he doesn't feel confortable having him as an employee and calls him over in his office.

Juan: "Why you call me, jefe ?"

Trump: "You're fired!"


Juan: "Que ?! Why ?!!"


Trump: "Because....uh... Because you didn't finish high school!"

Juan: "Oh, no pro...

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Translation attempt: A Mexican, an American, and a Canadian compete with the Devil to see who gets out of hell

The Devil tells the three of them that whoever can fool him gets out of hell.

The Canadian is first. He is a good guy who never plays jokes on people, so he takes out a coin and makes a pretty basic magic trick. The Devil vaporizes him.

The American is next.

He walks towards th...

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Dick measuring contest

Kind of long


3 men, 1 white, 1 Mexican, and 1 black were standing on a 15 story building.

Mexican: hey let’s measure our dicks. Just throw yours down, and whoever’s makes it the most stories wins.

They all agree, and the white guy goes first. He unzips, throws his dick do...

What do you call a Mexican quarterback?

El Passo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A white guy, an African American, an Arab and a Mexican walk into a bar......

...and they all sit there and drink and have a nice time like good friends. What did you expect you fuckin racist?

whenever i needed help, my Mexican friend is always there for me.

He is Juan hell of a guy.

What did the Mexican cannibal want to eat, after going on thrill rides at the county fair?

Carny Asada

What do you call cold Mexican food?

A Brrrr-rito.

Guess what I had for breakfast. Apologies if repost.

What plane does the Mexican President fly in?

AirForce Juan

What do you call a British Mexican?

A Limey Bean

Mexican olympics

Why is mexico never winning in the olympics

Because everybody who can already jump, swim and run are in the us.

How many jokes does it take to make a Mexican smile?

Juan.

What's a Mexican's favorite sport?

CrossCountry

A friend of mine has never had Mexican before....

So I took him to a nearby food truck that had a delicious assortment of options. He went up to the food truck owner.

Friend: Hi I have never had Mexican before. I was wondering if you can describe what some of these are.

Food truck owner: Certainly sir! Which would you like to know ab...

Why is the teenage mexican pregnancy rate so high?

Cuz the teachers said "go home and do your essays"

Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?

Because he didn't habanero..

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A Mexican prostitute goes to the Doctor

The Doctor asks the ho what's wrong. She tells him that she's been feeling insecure in herself and is suddenly finding herself unable to share personal details about herself with anyone, not even family.

The Doctor says "OK, I understand. Well before we get into that, let me perform some stan...

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Two nuns are smuggling tequila across the Mexican-US border..

One nun is worried, telling the other nun they'll be caught.

"No we won't, just play it cool" she said, as the worried nun sweats in nervousness.

They pull up to the guards and the border guard tells them to step aside for a moment.

"I knew it!" the nervous Nun said "we're ca...

What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who’s run out of protein?

No whey Jose.

A Mexican, recently arrived in the US, wanting to earn some money, decides to become a handy-man...

...and starts looking for some work in an up-scale neighborhood nearby.

He goes to the front door of the nearest house and asks the owner, if he had any odd jobs for him to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch, how much will you charge?” the owner says.

The Mexican responds, “How a...

How did the Mexican chef become the best cop on the force?

Consistency. He always finished a case a dia.

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Why is Trump so keen to build a wall to keep out Mexican rapists?

He's afraid of the competition.

Did you hear about the Mexican train conductor wanted for murder?

The authorities are saying he had loco motives.

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A Russian Cossack, an American Cowboy, and a Mexican Bandito are sitting on a ridge getting drunk at their camp.

After some merriment, the Cossack rises to his feet, throws his bottle of vodka into the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots it and says "Ah, we have too much of that in my country anyway." The Bandito looks at the bottle of tequila in his hand, then throws it, pulls his pistol, shoots it out of th...

Governor DeSantis and Raul Castro are walking on a beach in Miami discussing immigration policy.

Castro stumbles on something, but DeSantis picks it up. It's a magic lamp! The genie pops out and decides
they each get one wish.

DeSantis goes first goes first. "Build an indestructible 50 ft wall all around Florida. That will keep the Cubans, Mexicans, and storm surges out." No soon...

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What do you call a short Mexican researcher in Antarctica?

A Burrito

First joke I've ever come up with. My Hispanic wife laughed her butt off.

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Governor Abbot wants to build a border wall with Mexico...

So, after a period of bidding, his team shortlists a few contractors and bring them for an interview with the Governor...


First, a Mexican contractor shows up:

\- Hi, I'm going to charge 1 million dollars for each mile of wall.
\- And how come it's going to be so cheap? ...

I was invited to a Mexican party, but I had to pay to get in

It was a fee-esta.

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