A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border

He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

"What h...

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The 1st day at school: the new student named Jose Armando, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the 5th grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Jose, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by t...

The Mexicans are upset about Trump’s wall

but they’ll get over it.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball

Juan v Juan

What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who’s run out of protein?

No whey Jose.

What did the Mexican say when the two houses fell on him?

Get off me, homes.

A Black guy, a Mexican guy, a White guy, and an Asian guy walk into a bar.

They sit down and have a drink because we live in a more tolerant age.

what do you call a mexican without a car?

Carlos

What do you call Two Mexican Snipers?

Juan Shot
Juan Kill

Why did the Mexican take Xanax ?

For Hispanic attacks

How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Juan

What do you call a hungry Mexican horse?

No-hay josè

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3.He says"uno, dos..."poof.

He disappeared without a tres.

What's a Mexicans favorite book?

Tequila mocking bird

What is the name Tinkerbell’s Mexican sister?

Taco Bell.

What do you call four Mexicans trapped in quicksand?

Quatro Sinko

I’ve been saying “mucho” to all of my Mexican friends.

It means a lot to them.

I’ve been working at a charity, teaching college education to reformed Mexican gangsters.

It’s not going very well because for some reason they refuse to turn in their essays.

What does walter white order at a mexican restraunt?

Rice n' beans

An American, a Canadian and a Mexican walk into a bar.

The barman asks: "What is this, a joke?"

What do you call a Mexican body builder?

A Flexican.

What do you call a mexican with a rubber toe?

Roberto

Where did the Mexican man hide when he was scared?

Hispanic room

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A black man, mexican man and a redneck are walking down the beach one day when they stumble upon a magical lamp.

They rub it and a Genie pops out. "Thank you for freeing me from 1000 years inside! I will grant each of you ONE wish!"

The black man goes first : "I wish all black people could be returned to Africa to live peacefully and happily with all the resources to guarantee a great life for many gene...

A man is walking through his local mall and notices a Mexican book store.

He decides to go in because he has never seen a Mexican book store before. He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?"
The clerk replies, "F*ck you, get out, stay out!" The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one!"

Mexican jokes and black jokes are all the same.

Once you’ve heard Juan, you’ve heard Jamal.

What’s the difference between a Mexican and a polar bear?

Polar bears don’t have to hide from ICE

My Mexican friend had twin boys and couldn't come up with names..

I suggested Juan and Two

What goes great with Mexican Coca-Cola?

ICE

Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff?

Tequila

What do you call 3 Mexican guys walking through your property?

Tres passing.

What did the Mexican Fire Chief name his two sons?

Jose and Hose B

A Mexican operational system would be called

TAC-OS

How does a Mexican cut his pizza?

With little ceasers.

How does a Mexican greet Zeus?

Jesus

Why didn't the Mexican archer fire his bow?

He didn't habanero.

How can Mexicans get over the wall?

By using trumpolines.

sorry... I will see myself out.

What did the Mexican say to the professor when he told him to turn in his essay?

“I ain’t no snitch”

A little Mexican girl dreamed of playing the guitar.

Her name was Maria. She was very poor, but she knew that one day she would be a famous entertainer. One sunny morning, she discovered a makeshift vihuela abandoned behind a local shop. Ecstatic, she raced home and immediately started practicing.

While carefully fingering a chord outside of h...

In prison I learned from mexicans

That "Jesus loves you" means something different.

Did you hear about the Mexican space program?

They’re sending chickens to the moon for the first time ever, they’re calling it A-pollo 11

I went to eat at a Mexican restaurant with my friend Sara.

She had recently been diagnosed lactose intolerant, and hadn't eaten dairy in months, so I was a little surprised she wanted to eat there.

Before the server could even ask if we wanted an appetizer, Sara blurted out "I haven't had cheese in forever. Bring us a cheese dip, and don't even bothe...

What do you call a Mexican drowning in mayonnaise?

Sinko de Mayo

My Mexican friends always drink their drinks warm...

it's like they're afraid of ICE or something.

What’s the worst thing to put in a Mexicans drink?

ICE

Credit: My friend

What do you call a Mexican body builder who doesn’t take diet supplements?

No Whey Jose!

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How many Mexicans does it take to build a

holy shit they’re already done.

What's a Mexicans favorite drink?

They aren't picky as long as it doesn't have ICE

I ate a dangerous amount of Mexican food

After which Poseidon gave me a rimjob in the toilet.

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Three homeless men (a black man, a white man, and a Mexican man) see a dead dog in the middle of the road

The white man says” Let’s all put in $10 and see who lays down beside the dog the longest and the winner gets the money”. The men agree and put $10 in each. The white man went first and laid down next to the dog.5 minutes pass. Then 10. Then 15. He finally gets up and says “ I can’t do this anymore”...

Mexican train killers scare me.

They have loco motives.

Why are waiters in Mexican restaurants so nosy?

Because they get jalapeno business!

What do mexicans say when they find their keys?

aquí!

Have you guys tried out the new Mexican white wine yet?

It’s a Pinot Gringo

How did the Mexican girl get pregnant?

Her teacher told her to do an essay!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My ancestry DNA test shows 10% African, 20% Mexican, 40% Cuban, 5% Chinese...

Mom, what this even mean?

-Mom "a fucking great party"

Did you hear about the Mexican serial killer?

I heard he had a loco-motive

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the best tool in the Mexican Magician’s arsenal?

His Magic Juan.

A Mexican got into a fistfight with a priest the other day.

Talk about alien vs predator!

A Mexican particle physicist was asked if he was ready to explain the neutrino in layman's terms or if he required more time.

He said "no mass".

Once upon a time a Mexican magician performed in a magic show.

He counted:

“Uno...”

“Dos...”

And disappeared without a trace.

What do you call a young Mexican

Paragraph, because he’s not a full ese.

In high school I knew we had an alcoholic Mexican English teacher

When she had us read Tequila Mockingbird

Why do male, Mexicans get better jobs out of college?

Because they can apply for señor positions.

What do you call it when a Mexican and a priest are fighting?

Alien vs predator

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, ...

An American, a Mexican, a Chinese,

a German, a Korean, an Australian, a Canadian, a South African, a Brazilian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Dane, an Iraqi, a Singaporean, an Indian, an Egyptian, a Vietnamese, a Nicaraguan and a Brit walk into a bar and the bartender says "Hey! You can't come in here without a Thai"

What do you call a 2,000 lb Mexican dumpling?

JuanTon

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A Frenchman, a Mexican and an Irishman go to a bar

And each orders a beer.

The Frenchman looks into his beer and sees a fly, calls for the waitress, and demands a replacement.

The Mexican sees a fly in his, plucks it out, and drains the beer.

The Irishman grabs the fly by its wings and violently shakes it over his mug screaming...

Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?

Because he had a loco-motive.

What do you call a beautiful woman who likes Mexican food?

Taco Belle.

What did the Mexican carpet layer say to the apprentice?

Underlay underlay!

Did you guys hear about that Mexican stunt man that died.

At the funeral, his mom was crying at the director saying: “Jesus died for your scenes!”

Do you know why Donald trump wants to ban the shredded Mexican cheese in a bag ?

He wants to make America Grate again

What do you call hippie Mexican people who love to gamble?

Las Vegans

A joke from my Mexican grandmother: What's faster? Lightning, light, or diarrhea?

Diarrhea.

Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.

[WARNING OC!] What does a Mexican carpet fitter say to his donkey when he's late?

"Underlay Underlay Underlay!"

How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Juan



(Don’t know if this joke is new or old my friend told me this yesterday)

Someone pretending to be a painter told a very convincing story and stole your Mexican food. What happened?

You’ve been hit by a chili-con-artist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Mexican illegally crossed the border into the US and gets into a fight with a sex offender

It's Alien vs Predator

Why can't Mexicans cross the border in threes?

No trespassing.

We went to see a Mexican magician......

He told us that for his final act he would disappear. He lifted up a cloak to his waist. He proclaimed "uno, dos", flung his cloak up and was gone without a tres.

So some crazy golfer snapped and stabbed a Mexican guy...

It was a hole in Juan.

What do you call a shooting at a Mexican golf course?

Hole in Juan

A Mexican Train Conductor Committed a Murder

We don’t know his loco motive

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