I was feeling poorly so I went to the doctors. After a thorough investigation, he said “don’t eat anything fatty”. I asked “Do you mean fries, burgers, etc?”

He replied “No! Don’t eat anything, FATTY!”

Why do anacondas like hamburgers?

Cause it got buns, hun

It’s kind of silly we’re trying turning plants into burgers

Haven’t cows been doing that for like, forever?

There's beef burgers made out of beef, and chicken burgers made out of chicken, but no burgers made out of pork.

They could call it a hamburger.

Hey, has anyone seen the new deer burgers they sell at Walmart?

I heard they only cost a buck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do female pornstars and burgers have in common?

Both have seed on their buns

Read this on an anniversary special edition of Reader's Digest

Julius Caesar was coming out of a fast food restaurant when Brutus bumped into him and asked,"How are the burgers, Julius?

Julius replied, "Ate two, Brute!"

What does cooking burgers and wives have in common?

When the blood starts oozing out you flip them over to the brown side.

One day when I was young, I watched my father grilling burgers.

When they were done, he handed me one telling me it was a bison burger.

He than left, and never came back.

when I worked at Wendy's, the company insisted that whoever made the burgers must draw the mustard onto the bun as a "W"

but I would draw the mustard onto burgers as an "M" and no one ever found out.

My kids were hungry so I made them burgers from scratch.

They got really upset and started to cry.

Scratch is a stupid name for a cat anyway..

I bought a pet snake. He’s a very picky eater. Only eats burgers, hot dogs, and sloppy joes.

Apparently, my anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hon.

Handjobs [nsfw]

A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:

"Cheeseburgers: $5

Fries: $3

Handjobs: $10."

He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?"

"Yes, I am," she replies seductivel...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do veggie burgers and dildos have in common?

They both are meat substitutes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend and I broke up bc I couldn’t handle that she likes her sex like she likes her burgers....

5 Guys

A large man goes to his doctor concerned about his weight.

“I really need to lose some weight. What is the best way to do that?”

The doctor replied, “Don't eat anything fatty.”

“What, you mean stuff like burgers and chips, pizza, bacon, etc?”

“No, as I said before, fatty, don't eat anything"

Buying burgers is like dating.

If you get the ones with more fat, you’ll enjoy more flavor, but if you get the leaner ones, you’ll look better.

I go to the store and buy ten hotdogs, nine burgers, three bags of chips, and six sodas. If I eat nine hot dogs, seven burgers, three bags of chips, and drink five sodas, what do I have?

No self control

Did you hear about the line of veggie burgers released by Greta Van Fleet?

They are 100% plant-based.

Where do burgers go to dance?

The meatball.

My friend Nick is known as the grill master amongst us, but his ground burgers are undeniably the best.

He's got a real Nick knack patty whack!

A man walks into a library and orders two cheese burgers...

The librarian says, "Uh, sir, this is a library."

The man whispers

^(oh sorry, may I have two cheese burgers please?)

Why are people from Alabama so good at making burgers?

Because they know alot about things that are in-bred.

My dentist told me to stop eating burgers.

This left me in shock. "Why?" I said.
"Beacuse Im trying to fix your teeth and its in my way"

I went to get my hair cut today but there were so many in front of me.

After an hour the manager started to hand out hot dogs and burgers as an apology for the long wait.

It was the Best Barber Queue ever!

I left some burgers sitting in my fridge since the horse-meat scandal.

AND THEY'RE OFF!!

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