A man walks into a diner one day and orders a bowl of chili but the waitress says she gave the last of it to a guy sitting nearby who is just staring at it.

After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"

The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."

So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.

About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He l...

My dad’s famous chili recipe calls for exactly 239 beans....

One more would make it too farty :)

Do you know how to make a good vegetarian chili?

Stick her in the freezer.

A guy sits down in at a bar and asks for a bowl of hot chili...

The bartender says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".
He looks over and sees that the guy has finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?"
The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".
He slides the bowl of chili over and s...

When the bass player from the red hot chili peppers was growing up...

he only saw his father at Christmas time, because his work digging the railways of Mexico kept him away from home most of the year. To deal with missing his father he wrote a song about him which his father loved and used to play to his fellow workers when he returned to Mexico. As a result the song...

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What’s the difference between the comment sections and a man eating a chili dog?

I dunno. All I know is after an hour they both go to shit.

I ate five alarm chili last night...

...this morning I'm declaring a National Emergency at my southern border.

The secret to making slow cooked chili is placing the bay leaf on top, not the bottom.

A good chili doesn't rest on its laurels.

So you've all heard about the neutron that walks into a bar, but what about...

A neutrino walks into a Mexican Restaurant. He orders a taco with extra chili sauce. The bartender comes up to his table with a taco and a gigantic bottle of super-hot chili sauce. He opens the taco, starts pouring sauce and asks:

"So how much salsa do you want, amigo?"

The neutrino a...

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For All You Disney Fans, here’s a little Story about the time I rode the Monorail at Disneyland

One time while riding the monorail at Disneyland, I let out the loudest, wettest, deepest and almost foul smelling fart I have ever ripped in my life. There are no words in the English language that can describe the absolute rancidity of this fart. It was so putrid that actual green gas was visible ...

How do you measure the heaviness of a red hot chili pepper?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

Is my mom fat?

Your mama's so fat
she heard the weatherman say it was chili outside she grabbed a bowl and spoon and ran out the door

Why does Irish chili only have 239 beans?

Because anymore and it'd be too farty.

What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua?

A hot, diggety dog.

Hoy many beans should you put in your delicious fall chili?

239.
Any more would be too farty.

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A Hunter's Resilience

Two deer hunters had decided to go hunting on opening day of the season. They had left in the afternoon because both had day jobs and could not get time off.

About halfway to their turn-off they see a sign that reads, "Aunt Gracy's Diner, Next Exit". They were ahead of schedule, so both agree...

Do you know why I don't eat at Chili's or Applebee's?

Because i'm old enough to microwave my own food...

What happens when you add Cold hot sauce on Hot food?

you Chili things up.

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My girlfriend and I wanted to spice up our sex life

The chili peppers were unsuccessful

What happens when a chili pepper gets mad at you?

He gets jalapeño face!!!

The woman and her chili.

A man walks into a bar and notices a woman sitting at a table. In front of her on the table is a full bowl of chili. Since the man is very hungry, he asks her if he can have her chili. She agrees, giving him the bowl. The man starts to quickly put spoonfuls into his mouth. As he gets to the end of t...

A young cowboy walks into a saloon and orders a bowl of chili.

The older cowboy next to him says, "here, you can have mine. I'm not hungry"

So, the young cowboy being extremely hungry gobbles up the chili to find a dead rat in the bottom of the bowl. He quickly throws up the chili back into the bowl because he was disgusted.

The older cowboy said,...

A man stops for chili

A guy driving along sees a diner with a sign that reads all you can eat chili for 5$
The man loves chili so he stops. As he sits down the waitress asks what’ll it be? He says I’ll have the chili. The waitress says sorry sir we’re currently out of chili but here’s a menu.
As the man looks over ...

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A little Texas joke

A young man in Oklahoma turns 21. Excited, he tells his father, “I want to finally go to Texas.”

His father warns, “Scooter, you’re a full-grown man, now. I can’t stop you from going to Texas. But I have to warn you… **EVERYTHING IS BIG IN TEXAS!** You can’t be prepared for how absolutely hug...

What do you feed an angry person?

Chili.

Why is chili so annoying?

Because it's always Jalopeño business.

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A chicken has a question for his mother

A young chicken goes to his mom and asks,"why are all of our names just chicken and nothing unique?"
She tells him not to worry and that he'll have a unique name soon, just like his siblings chili chicken, butter chicken and teriyaki chicken.

Why was the baby jalapeno shivering?

He was a little chili.

Two men are eating chili together.

One finishes his bowl and claims it's the best chili he's ever eaten. He looks at the second man who's bowl is completely full.

First man: are you gonna eat that?
Second man: nah I'm not feeling too good.
First man: wouldn't want it to go to waste then.

The first man eats the se...

What's Obi-Wan's favorite Red Hot Chili Peppers song?

Higher ground.

I Want to Make a Band called Mashed Potatoes

Then go on an Ultimate Tour with Meatloaf, Korn, Bread, Red hot Chilie Peppers, Salt-N-Pepa, The Cranberries, The Black Eyed Peas, Orange Juice, Ice Cube and Cake!

*I know a few are dead and some of them suck but I tried damn it, lol

10 yr old brother put a twist on this joke I saw awhile back. Why do the Irish serve up their chili with 139 beans?

Because one more would be one-farty bowl of chili!

Bowl of Chili (from Jackie the Joke Man)

A guy walks into a diner and sits down at the counter. A waitress comes up to him and asks "What'll ya have?"

He sees a sign on the wall for a hot bowl of chili for $5. He asks the waitress for a bowl of the chili.

"I'm sorry," she says, "but I just sold the last bowl to the gentlema...

A man in New Mexico asked a farmer if he had any local chili peppers for sale.

Unfortunately, the farmer said he had 99 poblanos but a Hatch ain't one.

My wife said she is divorcing me if I don’t quit making Red Hot Chili Peppers puns.

I assured her “We could put this all under the bridge and I would see her on the other side of it. Although I used to think I can’t stop I will because I don’t want her getting scar tissue emotionally. By the way, what’s for dinner?”

Anyway, she’s leaving me.

A man goes into a diner.

He sits down at the counter and the waitress comes up to hand him a menu and asks if he would like anything to drink. He refuses and goes to look at the menu. At the other end of the counter is a man with a bowl of chili in frint of him, the man is resting his head on his hands and doesnt look too g...

A boy runs into his parent's bedroom at 3am and says, "Dad! Dad! There's a burglar in the kitchen eating all of mom's leftover chili!"

The dad replies, "Go back to bed, son. We'll bury him in the morning."

What happens to Pastors who eat chili dogs?

They have to sit in their own pew.

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A man walks into a bar and asks for a bowl of chili...

...and the bartender says "ehhh, sorry man, but the guy next to you has the last bowl. Is there anything else I can get you?"

"No, it's fine," the man says.

Sitting there in is own self-pity, the man looks over to his chiliful neighbor and notices the dick isn't even touching it!
<...

try the chili

A man walks into a restaurant. He asks the waitress for an order of chili.The waitress points to a man at the the table next to him and says, "sorry, that guy over there got the last bowl. Is there anything else I can get for you?
The man replies," let me think about it for a little bit longer, I...

A man goes to a diner and orders chili...

The waiter tells the man that unfortunately the woman sitting at the table behind him got the last one.

The man looks back and sees that the chili has not been touched at all. So he asks the woman, "Are you going to finish that?"

The woman goes, "No, you can have it if you want."
<...

I bought a tiny chili pepper plant today.

I wanted to spice up my apartment.

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The danger of eating Chili

I went grocery shopping this weekend, which in
hindsight may not have been very wise.

You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'You're definitely going to shit yourself' chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful,which ...

A hillbilly shows up for his first work day at a construction jobsite

A hillbilly shows up for his first work day at a construction jobsite. At lunch time notices a coworker with a thermos. He asks him what it is. He says, "It's a thermos, it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold!" The hillbilly is impressed so he gets one and brings it in the next day. His cowor...

I visited my girlfriends family in Mexico during the summer.

They all laughed at me for wearing a sweater to dinner.

But, my girlfriend told me it would be chili

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A man orders some chili

A man walks into a bar and sits down and orders a bowl of chili. The bartender says "I'm sorry, the old man next to you got the last bowl". He looks over and see's the old man reading the paper and a full bowl of chili sitting in front of him, so he orders a drink and some wings, even though he real...

A chili connoisseur heard of a new restaurant with the best chili in the world...

The restaurant happens to be about four hours away from where he works, so one Friday he decides to make the trip after getting off at 5pm to get there in time for a late supper. Upon arriving he realizes to his chagrin that he neglected to check their closing time but notices he still has 15 minute...

What do you call a dog in winter?

A chili dog!

We are thinking about making chili for Christmas Eve.

We're starting a new tradition called 'silent but deadly night'.

Chili Joke

Guy walks into a restaurant, doesn't know what he wants. At the next table is a guy with a plate of food and a bowl of chili, that looks good he thinks. When the waiter comes by, he says
" I'd like a bowl of chili, and a burger, please" Waiter says, "sorry , that was last bowl of chili." " Ok ju...

Cowboy Chili

A man walks into a bar and pulls up a stool next to this old cowboy sitting at the bar. He orders a drink and notices this old cowboy just sitting there staring at a bowl of chili.

After some time goes by he asks the old cowboy if he isnt going to eat the chili if he can have it.

The...

A couple of Hobos are sitting under an overpass sharing some hobo chili...

When Colorado Curly Bo says to Dakota Slim, "So, how'd you end up like this?"

Dakota Slim says, "Booze."

Bo says, "Yeah, I know how that is."

Dakota Slim continues, "I had it all; a beautiful wife, big house, two-car garage, and I just drank it all away."

He pauses, and ...

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red hot chili peppers joke (original)

So Anthony Kiedis is hanging out at Flea's house. Flea says he's having trouble hooking up his VCR to his TV and he asks Anthony to take a look at it, to see if he can find the problem.

Anthony gets up and takes a look behind the TV at the wires and cables and whatnot.

"I think the pr...

Some people say that when a pepper is really small it's a sign that it is very hot...

...but, in reality, it's a little chili

Why was the Jalapeño wearing a sweater?

Because he was a little chili

Why did the group of previously miscarried mothers meet at chilis?

They wanted their baby back ...baby back... baby back

Someone pretending to be a painter told a very convincing story and stole your Mexican food. What happened?

You’ve been hit by a chili-con-artist

Why’d the momma pepper put a jacket on her baby?

Because he was a little chili

A hungry cowboy walks into a saloon

The cowboy sits down at the bar but hes short on money.

He looks around and sees a man staring at a bowl of chili.

Cowboy- "are you going to finish that?"

The man without saying a word or looking up slides the bowl over.

The cowboy starts eating and starts thinking to him...

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