I was feeling poorly so I went to the doctors. After a thorough investigation, he said “don’t eat anything fatty”. I asked “Do you mean fries, burgers, etc?”

He replied “No! Don’t eat anything, FATTY!”

Did you know that the first french fries weren’t cooked in France?

They were cooked in Greece.

When I had dinner with my parents at a restaurant, they argued over whether we should get french fries or mashed potatoes to go with the steak. They asked me whom I agreed with,

but I couldn't pick a side

What do they call a Double Quarter Pounder with cheese, large fries, and a Diet Coke in France?

"The American Weight Loss Plan."

Why does the Dairy Queen have small fries?

Because the Burger King forgets to wrap his Whopper!

Some people are like the fries at the bottom of a bag . . .

You may not notice them at first, but you'll be glad they're there when you find them.

becca: [fries beans]

**rebecca:** *[refries beans]*

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I work in a factory that makes McDonalds french fries...

One of co-workers told me yesterday that he's always wanted to put his dick in the Potato Peeler. I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do it. I saw him today; he was clearing out his desk. "So you went ahead and did it?" "Yeah, and I got caught, so they ...

I saw a good looking guy at McDonalds spank his kid for throwing his fries on the ground.

So I threw my fries on the ground too

What did Zeus use to make the best fries ever?

Ancient Greece

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A guy walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $18.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket an...

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Everyone loves potato skins and french fries,

But nobody likes dick taters.

My Canadian friend eats a bowl of fries, cheese curds and brown gravy every single morning.

It's just his daily poutine.

A Frenchman Visits Texas

A French man came to Texas to visit an old friend from WW2. The Texan picked him up in his gigantic Cadillac with longhorns mounted on the hood. Knowing that his friend must be hungry and thirsty after the long flight, he stopped at a bar and grill on the way. They walked in and took a seat at the b...

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An American was talking to a Japanese friend on why he wouldn't eat french fries and hamburgers...

The Japanese friend said: "In Japan normally we don't eat a lot of unhealthy stuff because it'll make us fat".

The American said: "Why do you care about being fat?"

The Japanese friend said: "You don't want to know what happened last time when we had a fat man in Japan..."

A blonde goes to the counter and in a very loud voice declares, “I’ll have a cheeseburger, a small order of fries and a Diet Coke, please!”

The lady behind the counter is astonished and says,” Ma’am, this is a library.”
The blonde apologizes and leans in close and says in a whisper, “I’ll have a cheeseburger, a small order of fries and a Diet Coke, please.”

Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England

French Fries Were Not Invented In France.

We Sometimes Take English For Granted

But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:

Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly

Boxing Rings Are Square

And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.

If Writers Write, H...

Sharing is caring...

The old man placed order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He...

Wanna hear a joke about french fries?

Probably not, it might be a bit salty.

What would Napoleon Bonaparte's fried chicken restaurant be called?

The French Fries

A man enters a library and

approaches the librarian and says, “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”

The librarian says, “Sir, you know you’re in a library, right?”

“Sorry,” he whispers. “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”

Why were the burger and fries running

Because they’re fast food

I went to McDonald’s and asked if they had any deals. The lady said, “We have the Travis Scott special, it comes with fries and a drink.”

I asked, “does it include a burger or is it just the rapper?”

A couple of shrimp were at the bar next to me, eating a bowl of fries. I went to ask if I could have one, but the bartender stopped me. "Don't bother," he said, "they won't share.

They're two shellfish."

A New Yorker Was Teaching A Midwesterner How To Ski

A Midwesterner is on vacation in the Poconos. Over there, he decides to take up downhill skiing. He's done a lot of cross country skiing, but he's never skied downhill, since there are no mountains over in Fargo. Fargo's flatter than a pancake.

He decided to try downhill skiing. "How hahr...

You fry fries...

But you should never cook cooks.

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A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

After eating fries covered in ketchup, I accidentally rubbed my eyes without washing my hands. Luckily, I'm able to see just fine.

You know what they say. Heinzsight is 20/20.

I saw an attractive man spank his child after the child threw his fries

I then saw an old lady walk up to them and drop her fries

A hamburger walks into a bar and orders French fries.

Bartender replies rudely "We don't serve food here".

The big questions

What are the big questions a philosopher, scientist and liberal arts grad seek to answer?

The Philosopher: “What is the meaning of existence?”

The Scientist: “Why are things the way they are?”

The Liberal Arts Grad: “Would you like some fries with that?”

A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu: "Cheeseburgers: $5 Fries: $3 Handjobs: $10." He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter,

"Are you the one that gives the handjobs?"



"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.



"Well, wash your hands, **I want a cheeseburger."**

A guy came up to me and asked if I would chuck bacon, eggs, fries, beans and toast at him!

I said; "what do you want a brunch in the face?!"

What do you call a bunch of French fries at a ballgame?

Spectaters

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.

“I’d like to be six again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park – the Death Slide, Wall of Fear, Screamin...

What do you call the fries at the bottom of the bag you find after finishing your food, wishing there were more?

Consolation frize.

How do you stop fries from curling in the pan?

Take away their brooms.

There was this guy working at McDonald’s.

and it was his turn to cook the French fries. So he put the frozen fries in the metal basket and dipped it in the oil. You see this guy was a veteran chef and used to be able to sense when food was cooked by looking at it's color or by smelling it, he never needed a timer or a meat thermometer or an...

Physicist Joke

That is an oldy we told told each other while doing our master in Quantum Physic :

Q: what does a physicist with job tells to a physicist without job ?

A: Sir, do you want french fries with your order ?

I called my wife and said that I’ll pick up Burger and Fries on the way home from work. I was met with stony silence.

I think she’s beginning to regret letting me name the twins.

Be very careful if someone offers you fries, gravy, and cheese curds with raspberries on top.

I’ve heard of people trying to poison raspoutine.

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In the groove

A man walks into a restaurant and he's pissed off for some reason. The waiter comes up to him and says "May I take your your order."

The man looked at the waiter and screaming says "I want you to get in there and tell the chef, I want a cheese burger not too greasy and not too dry but right ...

Got this friend who always drops french fries when he eats them. I told him to try onion rings because they're easier to hold, so he switched but it's still a problem.

They're dropping like fries.

A guy walks up to the counter and says, "Burger and Fries, please".

Certainly Sir," I replied. "Are you eating in or taking out?"

"[email protected] off, you c*nt." he snaps, before walking off with his food.

I love working in a prison kitchen

What do french fries do when they met after a long time?

They ketchup

What’s the best part about majoring in philosophy?

You get to ask people why they want fries with that

My teacher used to tell me that I would never amount to anything by looking out of the window all day

Man did I feel smug as I passed him his burger and fries at the drive-through last night

A blonde girl walks into a library and loudly exclaims, "I'll have a cheeseburger with fries"

The librarian stares at her questioningly and says, "Madam, this is a library."

The blonde turns red with embarrassment and apologizes.

She leans in and whispers, "I'll have a cheeseburger and fries."

Yo mama is so fat she deep fries her fingers before she bites her nails.

Random text here because in all honesty, who opens "yo mamma" jokes anymore?

What does a disgruntled Mcdonalds employee and side order of fries got in common?

They both came in the meal deal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Excuse me, you got my order wrong

I asked for 2 large fries, and you gave me a couple bags of hundreds of little ones you fuckin idiots.

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