The 53+ Best Fries Jokes

I like my camgirls like I like my French fries.

Steaming hot and covered in oil.

DID YOU KNOW....french fries arent cooked in France?

They're cooked in Greece *rim shot*

A young man came to the library counter and said, "Give me some fries and a cola."

The receptionist at the counter was surprised and said, ”Young man, this is the library!"

The young man looked apologetic and repeated in a small, quiet voice, "Give me some fries and a cola."

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I went to Wendy’s and ordered two large fries

The asshole served me hundred tiny ones

I went to McDonalds and Wendy’s and Burger Kings and all the fries were burnt!

Then I realized it’s Black Fryday

An elderly couple decides to live it up a little and go to McDonald's...

When they order the food, the old man divides the fries in half and splits the burger in two.

Some students see this and offer to buy some more food so that they can both eat a whole sandwich.

"No, no, that's fine," says the old man, "We share everything."

So the old man start...

A boy reads a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free free French fries.

“Sounds great!” said the health conscious boy, as he ordered some.

He watched as a the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them in the box.

“Wait a minute, those don’t look fat free!”

“They sure are,” the cook said...

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I tried to share some fries with a homeless man today

He told me to Fuck off and buy my own

When I had dinner with my parents at a restaurant, they argued over whether we should get french fries or mashed potatoes to go with the steak. They asked me whom I agreed with,

but I couldn't pick a side

Why should you carry french fries with you when walking your dog on a cold day?

French fries go well with chili dogs

I saw a good looking guy at McDonalds spank his kid for throwing his fries on the ground.

So I threw my fries on the ground too

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a guy walks into a restaurant with an ostrich...

A guy walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "...

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a dog walks into a bar

he orders a root beer and a plate of fries.

“holy shit!” bartender says, “a talking dog, you should join the circus!”

“circus?” the dog says, “why, are they hiring an electrician?”

Why does the Dairy Queen have small fries?

Because the Burger King forgets to wrap his Whopper!

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I work in a factory that makes McDonalds french fries...

One of co-workers told me yesterday that he's always wanted to put his dick in the Potato Peeler. I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do it. I saw him today; he was clearing out his desk. "So you went ahead and did it?" "Yeah, and I got caught, so they ...

I was feeling poorly so I went to the doctors. After a thorough investigation, he said “don’t eat anything fatty”. I asked “Do you mean fries, burgers, etc?”

He replied “No! Don’t eat anything, FATTY!”

What did Zeus use to make the best fries ever?

Ancient Greece

An old man placed an order for one hamburger, french fries and a drink...

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the french fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then s...

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Everyone loves potato skins and french fries,

But nobody likes dick taters.

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An American was talking to a Japanese friend on why he wouldn't eat french fries and hamburgers...

The Japanese friend said: "In Japan normally we don't eat a lot of unhealthy stuff because it'll make us fat".

The American said: "Why do you care about being fat?"

The Japanese friend said: "You don't want to know what happened last time when we had a fat man in Japan..."

What do they call a Double Quarter Pounder with cheese, large fries, and a Diet Coke in France?

"The American Weight Loss Plan."

becca: [fries beans]

**rebecca:** *[refries beans]*

My Canadian friend eats a bowl of fries, cheese curds and brown gravy every single morning.

It's just his daily poutine.

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Nobody's ever offered me money to have sex!

sure a Bud Light and a basket of curly fries, but not cash.

A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu: "Cheeseburgers: $5 Fries: $3 Handjobs: $10." He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter,

"Are you the one that gives the handjobs?"

"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.

"Well, wash your hands, **I want a cheeseburger."**

Some people are like the fries at the bottom of a bag . . .

You may not notice them at first, but you'll be glad they're there when you find them.

A couple of shrimp were at the bar next to me, eating a bowl of fries. I went to ask if I could have one, but the bartender stopped me. "Don't bother," he said, "they won't share.

They're two shellfish."

Why were the burger and fries running

Because they’re fast food

A blonde walks into a library and says to the librarian "CAN I GET A BIG MAC FRIES AND A COKE?!!" The librarian says "excuse me miss.....this is a library."

The blonde says...."oh im sorry (whispers) can i get a big mac fries and a coke?"

A blonde goes to the counter and in a very loud voice declares, “I’ll have a cheeseburger, a small order of fries and a Diet Coke, please!”

The lady behind the counter is astonished and says,” Ma’am, this is a library.”
The blonde apologizes and leans in close and says in a whisper, “I’ll have a cheeseburger, a small order of fries and a Diet Coke, please.”

Wanna hear a joke about french fries?

Probably not, it might be a bit salty.

I saw an attractive man spank his child after the child threw his fries

I then saw an old lady walk up to them and drop her fries

I called my wife and said that I’ll pick up Burger and Fries on the way home from work. I was met with stony silence.

I think she’s beginning to regret letting me name the twins.

Here's a joke about a terrible cable car operator

So there was this man who had only one ambition in his life: he wanted to live in San Francisco and drive cable cars. So he moved there, and studied, and took a test to become a cable car driver. He failed. Studied some more, took the test again. Again he failed. Finally, on the third attempt, he pa...

What do french fries do when they met after a long time?

They ketchup

what's the most commonly used phrase by artists?

Would you like fries with that.

How do you stop fries from curling in the pan?

Take away their brooms.

A Frenchman came to Texas

A Frenchman came to Texas to visit an old friend. The Texan picked him up in his gigantic Cadillac with longhorns mounted on the hood. Knowing that his friend must be hungry and thirsty after the long flight, he stopped at a bar and grill on the way. They walked in and took a seat at the bar and the...

After eating fries covered in ketchup, I accidentally rubbed my eyes without washing my hands. Luckily, I'm able to see just fine.

You know what they say. Heinzsight is 20/20.

A hamburger walks into a bar and orders French fries.

Bartender replies rudely "We don't serve food here".

What do you call a bunch of French fries at a ballgame?

Spectaters

A guy walks up to the counter and says, "Burger and Fries, please".

Certainly Sir," I replied. "Are you eating in or taking out?"

"F@ck off, you c*nt." he snaps, before walking off with his food.

I love working in a prison kitchen

What do you call the fries at the bottom of the bag you find after finishing your food, wishing there were more?

Consolation frize.

A blonde girl walks into a library and loudly exclaims, "I'll have a cheeseburger with fries"

The librarian stares at her questioningly and says, "Madam, this is a library."

The blonde turns red with embarrassment and apologizes.

She leans in and whispers, "I'll have a cheeseburger and fries."

So I went into Mcdonalds and ordered some fries.

There was a chubby girl working, she seemed busy and kinda stressed out. She informed me the fries are cooking, and will be ready in about 3 minutes. I told her "no problem" and waited for my fries. After a few minutes she brought me my order and said "sorry about the wait" I said "no problem ch...

Be very careful if someone offers you fries, gravy, and cheese curds with raspberries on top.

I’ve heard of people trying to poison raspoutine.

Every time I go to dinner with my parents, they constantly argue about the mashed potatoes, rice or french fries...

And I always tell them that I'm not choosing sides…

What did the soldier use to season his fries?

A salt rifle.

Got this friend who always drops french fries when he eats them. I told him to try onion rings because they're easier to hold, so he switched but it's still a problem.

They're dropping like fries.

TIL The first 'French Fries' weren't fried in France.

They were fried in grease.

Credit: ~~Bob &Tom in the Morning~~ All Me Baby. No credit to anyone else.

Yo mama is so fat she deep fries her fingers before she bites her nails.

Random text here because in all honesty, who opens "yo mamma" jokes anymore?

What does a disgruntled Mcdonalds employee and side order of fries got in common?

They both came in the meal deal.

Went to a diner with a couple I know. They started arguing.

Normally, I'm not one to take sides, but they were so distracted by yelling at each other that I stole her fries and his cole slaw...

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