When I had dinner with my parents at a restaurant, they argued over whether we should get french fries of mashed potatoes to go with the steak. They asked me whom I agree with, but

I couldn't pick a side

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I work in a factory that makes McDonalds french fries...

One of co-workers told me yesterday that he's always wanted to put his dick in the Potato Peeler. I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do it. I saw him today; he was clearing out his desk. "So you went ahead and did it?" "Yeah, and I got caught, so they ...

Fun fact: the first french fries weren’t made in France

They were made in Greece

becca: [fries beans]

**rebecca:** *[refries beans]*

What did Zeus use to make the best fries ever?

Ancient Greece

My Canadian friend eats a bowl of fries, cheese curds and brown gravy every single morning.

It's just his daily poutine.

What would Napoleon Bonaparte's fried chicken restaurant be called?

The French Fries

Wanna hear a joke about french fries?

Probably not, it might be a bit salty.

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Everyone loves potato skins and french fries,

But nobody likes dick taters.

A blonde goes to the counter and in a very loud voice declares, “I’ll have a cheeseburger, a small order of fries and a Diet Coke, please!”

The lady behind the counter is astonished and says,” Ma’am, this is a library.”
The blonde apologizes and leans in close and says in a whisper, “I’ll have a cheeseburger, a small order of fries and a Diet Coke, please.”

Fat-free French fries

A boy read a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free French fries.

“Sounds great,” said the health-conscious boy. He ordered some.

He watched as the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container.

...

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An American was talking to a Japanese friend on why he wouldn't eat french fries and hamburgers...

The Japanese friend said: "In Japan normally we don't eat a lot of unhealthy stuff because it'll make us fat".

The American said: "Why do you care about being fat?"

The Japanese friend said: "You don't want to know what happened last time when we had a fat man in Japan..."

Lets face it English is a stupid language

There is no egg in the eggplant

No ham in the hamburger

And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England

French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted

But if we examine its paradoxes ...

I saw a good looking guy at McDonalds spank his kid for throwing his fries on the ground.

So I threw my fries on the ground too

I went to McDonald’s and asked if they had any deals. The lady said, “We have the Travis Scott special, it comes with fries and a drink.”

I asked, “does it include a burger or is it just the rapper?”

Why were the burger and fries running

Because they’re fast food

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that they would grant them one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN reporter said "well I'm an American, so I'd like one last hamburger with fries."

The leader nodded to an underling, who then returned with a burger and fries. The repo...

A couple of shrimp were at the bar next to me, eating a bowl of fries. I went to ask if I could have one, but the bartender stopped me. "Don't bother," he said, "they won't share.

They're two shellfish."

My teacher used to tell me that I would never amount to anything by looking out of the window all day

Man did I feel smug as I passed him his burger and fries at the drive-through last night

I saw an attractive man spank his child after the child threw his fries

I then saw an old lady walk up to them and drop her fries

What do you call a bunch of French fries at a ballgame?

Spectaters

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.

“I’d like to be six again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme par...

You fry fries...

But you should never cook cooks.

After eating fries covered in ketchup, I accidentally rubbed my eyes without washing my hands. Luckily, I'm able to see just fine.

You know what they say. Heinzsight is 20/20.

A hamburger walks into a bar and orders French fries.

Bartender replies rudely "We don't serve food here".

An old man placed an order for one hamburger, french fries and a drink...

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the french fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then s...

A blonde walks into a library and orders a burger and fries

the librarian says, “excuse me, but this is a library!”

the blonde then quietly whispers, “i’m sorry - can i have a burger and fries?”

A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu: "Cheeseburgers: $5 Fries: $3 Handjobs: $10." He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter,

"Are you the one that gives the handjobs?"



"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.



"Well, wash your hands, **I want a cheeseburger."**

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy is visiting his Grandpa for a weekend.

When the young boy arrives he is treated to a great barbeque dinner. Smoked ribs smothered in a homemade southern BBQ sauce, coleslaw, steak fries, and biscuits slathered in butter.

The next morning the boy comes down for a hearty breakfast of bacon, sausage, eggs, and fried potatoes. Before ...

What do you call the fries at the bottom of the bag you find after finishing your food, wishing there were more?

Consolation frize.

How do you stop fries from curling in the pan?

Take away their brooms.

Be very careful if someone offers you fries, gravy, and cheese curds with raspberries on top.

I’ve heard of people trying to poison raspoutine.

Got this friend who always drops french fries when he eats them. I told him to try onion rings because they're easier to hold, so he switched but it's still a problem.

They're dropping like fries.

What do you call a Burger King on a deserted island?

Lord of the fries

I called my wife and said that I’ll pick up Burger and Fries on the way home from work. I was met with stony silence.

I think she’s beginning to regret letting me name the twins.

What's the difference between an art student and a philosophy student?

A philosophy student asks you *why* you want fries with that.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a restaurant...

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders.
The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later...

What does a disgruntled Mcdonalds employee and side order of fries got in common?

They both came in the meal deal.

I went to McDonald's and ordered two large fries

I was so confused when they gave me a bunch of small ones instead!

A little IDAHO HUMOR From John H. Hill

A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,

and finally they got married, and had a little sweet

potato, which they called 'Yam'.

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going...

A guy walks up to the counter and says, "Burger and Fries, please".

Certainly Sir," I replied. "Are you eating in or taking out?"

"[email protected] off, you c*nt." he snaps, before walking off with his food.

I love working in a prison kitchen

Yo mama is so fat she deep fries her fingers before she bites her nails.

Random text here because in all honesty, who opens "yo mamma" jokes anymore?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL that McDonald's and police use the same training material.

It's a 5 step de-escalation procedure. You know, a kind that some corporate HR would come up. Ones with corny, forced acronyms. But this one actually works pretty well:

1. Believe
2. Listen
3. Apologize
4. Satisfy
5. Thank the customer

So when a customer gets all pissy abou...

I like my guys just like my fries

5 at a time.

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