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I ordered two large fries at McDonald's

The bastards gave me 86 tiny ones

Why should you carry french fries with you when walking your dog on a cold day?

French fries go well with chili dogs

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I tried to share some fries with a homeless man today

He told me to Fuck off and buy my own

Norm McDonald Joke: A man walks up and orders food.

Man walks up to the employee and says "Yeah, I would like uhhh...the Polish sausage." The employee kinda chuckles and says "Polish sausage, you must be Polish?" The man now angry yells " HEY, JUST CAUSE I ORDERED A POLISH SAUSAGE DON'T MAKE ME POLISH! IF I ORDERED FRENCH FRIES DOES THST MAKE ME FREN...

When I had dinner with my parents at a restaurant, they argued over whether we should get french fries or mashed potatoes to go with the steak. They asked me whom I agreed with,

but I couldn't pick a side

Did you know that the first french fries weren’t cooked in France?

They were cooked in Greece.

Can’t believe what I saw in McDonald’s today.

An old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front...

Here's a joke about a terrible cable car operator

So there was this man who had only one ambition in his life: he wanted to live in San Francisco and drive cable cars. So he moved there, and studied, and took a test to become a cable car driver. He failed. Studied some more, took the test again. Again he failed. Finally, on the third attempt, he pa...

what's the most commonly used phrase by artists?

Would you like fries with that.

I saw a good looking guy at McDonalds spank his kid for throwing his fries on the ground.

So I threw my fries on the ground too

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I work in a factory that makes McDonalds french fries...

One of co-workers told me yesterday that he's always wanted to put his dick in the Potato Peeler. I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do it. I saw him today; he was clearing out his desk. "So you went ahead and did it?" "Yeah, and I got caught, so they ...

A Frenchman came to Texas

A Frenchman came to Texas to visit an old friend. The Texan picked him up in his gigantic Cadillac with longhorns mounted on the hood. Knowing that his friend must be hungry and thirsty after the long flight, he stopped at a bar and grill on the way. They walked in and took a seat at the bar and the...

A squad of potatoes is engaged in a firefight after being sent to secure several important roads...

Gunfire and explosions are raining down on the group of potatoes until it's only the sergeant on his radio and a couple of others standing over the crispy skins of their fallen comrades. The General's voice suddenly blares from the radio...
"Sergeant, come in! What is your status, are the route...

I was feeling poorly so I went to the doctors. After a thorough investigation, he said “don’t eat anything fatty”. I asked “Do you mean fries, burgers, etc?”

He replied “No! Don’t eat anything, FATTY!”

What did Zeus use to make the best fries ever?

Ancient Greece

What do they call a Double Quarter Pounder with cheese, large fries, and a Diet Coke in France?

"The American Weight Loss Plan."

Why does the Dairy Queen have small fries?

Because the Burger King forgets to wrap his Whopper!

Trying to teach English is very frustrating

I mean how hard is it to understand that "I peppered salt on my baked fries and boneless ribs?"

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My friend visiting from France wants to try real American food

She was really pissed off when I bought her French fries.

becca: [fries beans]

**rebecca:** *[refries beans]*

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An American was talking to a Japanese friend on why he wouldn't eat french fries and hamburgers...

The Japanese friend said: "In Japan normally we don't eat a lot of unhealthy stuff because it'll make us fat".

The American said: "Why do you care about being fat?"

The Japanese friend said: "You don't want to know what happened last time when we had a fat man in Japan..."

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Everyone loves potato skins and french fries,

But nobody likes dick taters.

My Canadian friend eats a bowl of fries, cheese curds and brown gravy every single morning.

It's just his daily poutine.

Some people are like the fries at the bottom of a bag . . .

You may not notice them at first, but you'll be glad they're there when you find them.

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The Tale of Three Heavens

Once upon a time, long long ago, in village far far away, there lived a fairly affluent merchant who lived a nice luxurious life in his spacious mansion. The merchant befriended a homeless man who lived in front of the gates of his mansion and often gave him food.

One day, the merchant n...

A young man watched as an elderly couple sat down to lunch at McDonald’s.

He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the old gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, etc, until each had exactly half. Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup...

A couple of shrimp were at the bar next to me, eating a bowl of fries. I went to ask if I could have one, but the bartender stopped me. "Don't bother," he said, "they won't share.

They're two shellfish."

Three College Graduates in McDonald's

Three recent college graduates met in McDonald's, and the engineering major said, "Did you see the new wind turbines going up on the east side of town? They had asked our class to run some stress studies during windstorms as an exercise".

"Yes", the geology graduate said, "They also contacte...

Wanna hear a joke about french fries?

Probably not, it might be a bit salty.

A blonde goes to the counter and in a very loud voice declares, “I’ll have a cheeseburger, a small order of fries and a Diet Coke, please!”

The lady behind the counter is astonished and says,” Ma’am, this is a library.”
The blonde apologizes and leans in close and says in a whisper, “I’ll have a cheeseburger, a small order of fries and a Diet Coke, please.”

Years ago I went to dinner with Stephen Seagal

Never again. He kept stealing my fries.

A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu: "Cheeseburgers: $5 Fries: $3 Handjobs: $10." He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter,

"Are you the one that gives the handjobs?"



"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.



"Well, wash your hands, **I want a cheeseburger."**

Why were the burger and fries running

Because they’re fast food

Went to a diner with a couple I know. They started arguing.

Normally, I'm not one to take sides, but they were so distracted by yelling at each other that I stole her fries and his cole slaw...

I saw an attractive man spank his child after the child threw his fries

I then saw an old lady walk up to them and drop her fries

Ask

What does a graduate student with a science degree ask? "Why does it work? "What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask? "How does it work? "What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask? "How much will it cost? "What does a graduate student with a liberal arts degree as...

You fry fries...

But you should never cook cooks.

A blonde walks into a library and says to the librarian "CAN I GET A BIG MAC FRIES AND A COKE?!!" The librarian says "excuse me miss.....this is a library."

The blonde says...."oh im sorry (whispers) can i get a big mac fries and a coke?"

What is the thing that a person with a PhD in philosophy would most likely ask you?

"Do you want fries with that?"

A hamburger walks into a bar and orders French fries.

Bartender replies rudely "We don't serve food here".

I called my wife and said that I’ll pick up Burger and Fries on the way home from work. I was met with stony silence.

I think she’s beginning to regret letting me name the twins.

After eating fries covered in ketchup, I accidentally rubbed my eyes without washing my hands. Luckily, I'm able to see just fine.

You know what they say. Heinzsight is 20/20.

How do you stop fries from curling in the pan?

Take away their brooms.

A mathematician and his colleague go to a diner…

Professor Wilkins, a professor of topology, and his colleague, Professor Thompson of the statistics department, go to a diner near their building for lunch.

“So, what do you figure the chances are that I can get a free donut with lunch if I ask the waitress nicely?” asked Wilkins.

“Fre...

What do you call the fries at the bottom of the bag you find after finishing your food, wishing there were more?

Consolation frize.

What do french fries do when they met after a long time?

They ketchup

What do you call a bunch of French fries at a ballgame?

Spectaters

A guy walks up to the counter and says, "Burger and Fries, please".

Certainly Sir," I replied. "Are you eating in or taking out?"

"F@ck off, you c*nt." he snaps, before walking off with his food.

I love working in a prison kitchen

Be very careful if someone offers you fries, gravy, and cheese curds with raspberries on top.

I’ve heard of people trying to poison raspoutine.

A blonde girl walks into a library and loudly exclaims, "I'll have a cheeseburger with fries"

The librarian stares at her questioningly and says, "Madam, this is a library."

The blonde turns red with embarrassment and apologizes.

She leans in and whispers, "I'll have a cheeseburger and fries."

So I went into Mcdonalds and ordered some fries.

There was a chubby girl working, she seemed busy and kinda stressed out. She informed me the fries are cooking, and will be ready in about 3 minutes. I told her "no problem" and waited for my fries. After a few minutes she brought me my order and said "sorry about the wait" I said "no problem ch...

Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England

French Fries Were Not Invented In France.

We Sometimes Take English For Granted

But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:

Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly

Boxing Rings Are Square

And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.

If Writers Write, H...

Fat Free French Fries

A boy read a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free French fries.

“Sounds great,” said the health-conscious boy.

He ordered some.

He watched as the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container.
...

What would Napoleon Bonaparte's fried chicken restaurant be called?

The French Fries

Every time I go to dinner with my parents, they constantly argue about the mashed potatoes, rice or french fries...

And I always tell them that I'm not choosing sides…

Got this friend who always drops french fries when he eats them. I told him to try onion rings because they're easier to hold, so he switched but it's still a problem.

They're dropping like fries.

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So my brother had this beautiful motor cycle.

So my brother had this beautiful motorcycle. For years he had that thing, shined like a diamond. It was his baby. Well, he's getting older now, just got married, has a kid on the way, big new promotion in the city, new house, the works. It's about time to settle down for him so he decided to pass it...

Me at McDonald's screaming at the manager : " I ordered two large fries....

....and I get 100 little fries WTF?

Yo mama is so fat she deep fries her fingers before she bites her nails.

Random text here because in all honesty, who opens "yo mamma" jokes anymore?

What did the soldier use to season his fries?

A salt rifle.

What does a disgruntled Mcdonalds employee and side order of fries got in common?

They both came in the meal deal.

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