I recently found out that wheat in Alabama

is actually in-bread

(NSFW) I have celiac disease, and my BDSM wife likes to tie me up and feed me wheat bread...

I’m a gluten for punishment.

I took a picture of a wheat field today...

It came out pretty grainy.

Two cows walk into a barn and start arguing about who gets the wheat

Now they got beef

Why did the farmer start growing wheat?

Because he was tired of Hall and Oats.

(Joke from brother while watching Stranger Things and hearing 80s music hits.)

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

A wheat farmer has a headache and all his crops disappear...

Ahh Migraines!

Did you hear about the guy who got a headache after stealing wheat from my farm?

He got my grain

What do you call 18 wheat fields in france?

Dix-huit fields.

How did the cow feel walking through a field of wheat?

Udderly tickled.

Why was the wheat bullied?

Because he was in bread.

Despite the fact that whenever I eat any products with wheat in I get stomach cramps, I still regularly enjoy consuming it.

You could say that I'm a gluten for pun-ishment.

I ordered a foot long Italian on whole wheat at Subway but I got a six inch turkey on flatbread.

Wrong sub.

A gang made up of domesticated wheat, barley and hops plants are reported to have been looting and rioting all over the country

Police say they are farmed and dangerous.

What do you call 18 year old wheat?

Barley legal.

When I eat wheat it gives me a headache. Oddly, it doesn’t if the wheat belongs to someone else.

It’s just migraine

White bread or wheat bread?

Tough doughcision.

What do you call a bundle of holy wheat?

A Christian Bale

A man believed that he was a grain of wheat.

As much as Eric’s family would try, they could not convince him that he was in fact a human man, and not a grain of wheat.

The worst was when Eric even sensed a bird was around. Because he thought he was a grain of wheat, he would completely panic and run as far as he could. He figured that b...

What did one German wheat farmer say to the other German wheat farmer?

Gluten tag

A blonde is rowing a boat through a wheat field.

A blonde cop sees her and stops. She asks what the blonde is doing?

The blonde in the boat responds by saying she is trying to get to the other side.

The blonde cop tells her that it's blondes like her that give them a bad name and if she could swim she would go over there and kick ...

I bought some Shredded wheat, but I think it's a bit of a con.

It's no more muscular than regular wheat.

Why did the wheat become misshapen?

It was inbread

Un deux trois quatre cinq six sept ACHOO!

Sorry, I have a wheat allergy.

What would a literary person call a bot-test in a wheat field?

Captcha in the Rye.

The hard of hearing stoner...

got really disappointed when he finally arrived at his uncle's wheat farm.

I should start a store that sells wheat and beans.

It would be called "Gluten And Tootin"

What do wheat, gluten, and Arkansas have in common?

They're all in bread.

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

Some of the jokes on this sub are selling me wheat,

They're giving me my grain

gluten free whole wheat spaghetti

its inpastabowl

A Blonde Drives Past a Wheat Field

A blonde woman is driving past a wheat field, when she sees another blonde in the wheat field in a rowboat just rowing like mad. She drives past, but as she gets farther away, she becomes irate and drives back to the wheat field. She jumps out of the car and yells, "You know, it's blondes like you t...

Blond in Wheat

Two blondes drive through the middle of Kansas, surrounded entirely by wheat fields.

One blonde riding shotgun says, "Look over there!" They see another blonde in scuba gear who is acting like she's swimming through the wheat.

The blonde driving says, "It's girls like that who give us ...

How are Joeffrey Baratheon and wheat related?

They're both in-bread.

Why didn't Bono sell any wheat bread at his bakery?

Cuz it's all rye, it's all rye, it's all rye.

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.

There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says,
"Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large". 

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, <...

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The Russian President:

At a KHL game: Vladimir Rutin

At a gun range: Vladimir Shutin

Imitating an owl: Vladimir Hutin

With a wheat harvest: Vladimir Gultin

Looking Amphibious: Vladimir Newtin

Rioting and stealing shit: Vladimir Lutin

Bungling a ground ball: Vladimir Butin
...

TIL: ”Buckwheat” from the “Little Rascals” tv show converted to Islam...

His new name is “Kareem O Wheat”

A long, long time ago, I used to be a farmer.

I used to grow wheat and the quality of my product was second to none. I was famous all over the world for my unmatched wheat harvest.

Everything was going fine, until this one day.

In the middle of a pitch black night, my most bitter rival stole all of my wheat. None of it left on the...

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While driving a blonde woman was listening to the radio...

The hosts were telling blonde jokes, so while frustrated because of how blondes are perceived she sees another blonde in a boat rowing in the middle of a wheat field.

She gets off of her car red with anger and starts yelling at the other woman:
-You dumb bitch, women like you are the reaso...

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What do vegans call jerking off?

Beating their wheat.

A child who loved tractors (sorry if it’s a repost, haven’t seen it yet)

There was a young boy born to a family of farmers, his name was Ryan.

From a very early age he was amazed by all the machinery on his farm, but especially the tractors, his father owned four, each unique to their tasks. The large red one for the tonnes of wheat, the slightly smaller green one...

A Blonde was driving down an old country road when she spots another Blonde...

... in a wheat field rowing a boat. She pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief she stands at the side of the road to watch the girl for a while.

When she could not stand it any more she called out to the Blonde in the field. "Why are you rowing a boat in th...

During the annual cavemen conference ...

Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .

Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Google buys local Pizzeria

“Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?”

“No sir, it's Google Pizza – we bought Gordon’s Pizza last month. Do you want your usual, sir?”

“My usual? You know me?”

“According to our caller ID data, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with cheese, sausage, peppero...

A Tv-crew is sent to interview a farmer before the election.

"Could you please share with our viewers, how has the past year been for you?"

"Well, you know I can't complain. I had a very good harvest of wheat, so my family definitely won't go hungry. My vegetable patches brought in amazing organic crops, I was able to sell those at a good profit. And ...

Stalin visits a farm

One day, Joseph Stalin visits an agricultural collective. And so....

Stalin: Comrade, how much wheat do you have?

Farmer: Comrade Stalin, we have enough wheat to reach God!

Stalin: Comrade, as a Marxist, you know that there is no God!

Farmer: Comrade Stalin, as a Marxist...

What is a linguist's least favorite kind of bread?

Whole Wheat.

The Jumpers

The Jumpers

Three guys, an Italian guy, an American guy, and a Polish guy were working construction together on a high rise. Everyday at lunch, they would sit and eat together on an I-Beam, high above the city. Italian guy opens his lunch and says, "Man, I'm tired of getting the same meatball...

During a drought, a farmer remembers hearing about a native tribe who's rain dance is said to work every time...

so the next day he gets in his pickup and heads out to visit the tribes chief.

When he gets there he asks if the tribe would be able to preform a rain dance for him.

"Yes, we can call the spirits of water with our dance, but first I must gather the tribe, and my son is two states away ...

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Father and his 5 year old Son are walking on their farm together...

The dad steps in dog poo and yells "SHIT!"


The son asks, "Daddy, what does shit mean?"


The father answers, panicking as he doesn't want to set a bad example, "Its another word for doormat"


The son is convinced and the dad breathes a sigh of relief.


Later...

What type of cereal goes to the gym twice a day?

Shredded wheat.

I wish I could pin this joke on a 4-year-old, I'm so sorry

Apple pie and coffee

A Russian man has been taught a phrase by his friend so that he can order food at the local restaurant.

Each day on his lunch break he goes to the same place and orders “ah pull pi and cough yeh”

One day he asks his friend to please teach him something else because he is so tired of ...

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Story of McQuinn

An old Scottish man is sitting in a pub and drinking whiskey. He takes a sip and says: "Look, what a magnificent windmill. I built it all by myself, carried all the rocks together by myself. Till this day it grinds wheat for the village, but nobody calls me the Windmill builder McQuinn."
He proc...

A successful American farmer makes a trip to Poland and visits a Polish farm...

The American asks, "How much of what I can see is your land?" The Pole replies, "Oh from the edge of that wheat field over there, to that river over there. And what about your farmland?"

"Oh let me tell you," the American begins to boast, "My farmland is so big, I could get in my car in the m...

A woman is shopping at a grocery store.

She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're...

A Texan goes to Australia for vacation...

... while there, he takes a tour with a local guide. While driving around the guide points out a large wheat field. "In Texas, we have wheat fields twice as large!" They then drive past a herd of cattle. "Our long horns are at least twice that large in Texas!" the Texan drawls. The guide is becoming...

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A farmer selling his peaches

A farmer knocks on the door and an attractive woman answers the door in skimpy lingerie.
"Hello Ma'am, would you like to buy some peaches?"

As she leans on the door frame she asks; "are they as soft as these?" while she touches her breasts. "Or are they as round as this?" as she touches h...

Two Scotsmen are sitting on a hill.

They are drinking some beer and reminiscing about their youth.

"Macalister, look at our town, I've built a third of those building, so many would be homeless without my work, but do they call me Shamus the builder?"

"No Shamus they don't." Replied his friend.

So they sit on the...

What's more inbred than English monarchs?

Wheat.

An old blonde joke I was told years ago.

A blond driving down a rural road sees a wheat field and notices something strange, another blonde that appears to be swimming.

She pulls over, stands at the field and yells, "Excuse me what are you doing?". The other one replies, "I heard about the these amber waves of grain in a song and w...

A Day in the Life of a Cheerio

One day in Cheerio City, an ordinary young Cheerio started his day. He decided to get a job. He was nearing his sell by date and figured it was time. There are three social classes in Cheerio City: the Regulars, the Wheats, and the Frosteds. The young Cheerio was simply a Regular and had little to n...

The Hillbilly and the Duck

A man is driving his SUV through the woods. It's springtime. He reaches a river with a drivable bridge, but much to his surprise the river has flooded over, covering the bridge completely. He stops his car before the river, trying to figure out what to do.


He spots an old house a little b...

If u stand in the pouring grain....

Your gonna get all wheat!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Angel's Food vs. Devil's Food

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream ...

Did you know that 90% of all dog in South Korea are inbred?

Most commonly it's whole wheat or rye

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little boy walks by a farmer

Little boy goes walking by a farmer carrying some chicken wire.
"whatcha doin with that chickenwire?"
Says the farmer.
"gonna catch me some chickens!"
Says the little boy.
"you can't catch chickens with chickenwire."
Says the farmer.
The little boy just walks on.
At...

Here's one for the photographers of reddit

Why was the photo of a wheat field rejected from Alamy? A=It had too much grain

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