UPJOKE
cerealmaizegrainriceemmerbreadflourryewheat berrydurumcornfruitbarleybulgurdurum wheat

I took a picture of a wheat field today...

It came out pretty grainy.

Where do grains of wheat sleep?

In a breadroom

I recently found out that wheat in Alabama

is actually in-bread

A wheat farmer has a headache and all his crops disappear

Ahh Migraines!

My coworker keeps complaining about his lunch being stolen from the break room fridge.

Monday morning he brought in a turkey and provolone on wheat bread. Put it in the fridge. By lunch time it was gone.

Tuesday he brought in ham and cheddar on white bread. Put it in the fridge, again gone by lunch.

Today he brought a chicken ceaser wrap. Gone by noon.

I hope he...

What did one German wheat farmer say to the other German wheat farmer?

Gluten tag

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

Why do Hillbillies like wheat

Because it's inbred.

The person who discovered wheat intolerance has died.

The family has requested, NO FLOURS.

When I eat wheat it gives me a headache. Oddly, it doesn’t if the wheat belongs to someone else.

It’s just migraine

Why was the wheat bullied?

Because he was in bread.

What do you call a headache caused my someone stealing your wheat

My-grain

What do you call 18 year old wheat?

Barley legal.

Why do I always get a headache when I eat the wheat I grew?

Because it's my grain

Stalin goes to a local wheat farm to see how things are going.

"Mr. Stalin, we have so many wheat bags, that, if piled on top of each other, could reach god himself!" The farmer told Stalin gleefully.

"But god doesn't exist", Stalin Replied.

"Exactly", said the farmer. "neither does the wheat."

As a wheat farmer, I keep having these strange headaches

My doctor said it's my grains

A man was arrested while running in a wheat field.

.

.

He was charged for going against the grain.

Two cows walk into a barn and start arguing about who gets the wheat

Now they got beef

A blonde is in a wheat field attempting to row a small boat.

### A blonde is in a wheat field attempting to row a small boat.

A blonde is in a wheat field attempting to row a small boat.


Another two blondes drive past and see her struggling.


The driver says “look at that idiot! She gives smart blondes like us a bad name!” ...

Why did the farmer start growing wheat?

Because he was tired of Hall and Oats.

(Joke from brother while watching Stranger Things and hearing 80s music hits.)

Blond in Wheat

Two blondes drive through the middle of Kansas, surrounded entirely by wheat fields.

One blonde riding shotgun says, "Look over there!" They see another blonde in scuba gear who is acting like she's swimming through the wheat.

The blonde driving says, "It's girls like that who give us ...

What do you call a stallion raised by a reclusive author on whole grain wheat? [oc]

A Thoreau-bred thoroughbred fed thorough bread.

Why did the man with a wheat allergy eat bread?

He was a gluten for punishment.

A sea of wheat

A blonde was driving down a road when she saw another blonde in a boat trying to row through a sea of wheat. She gets out of her car and yells "Hey! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! And if I knew how to swim I'd come out there and kick your ass!"

Why did the wheat become misshapen?

It was inbread

You can't just decide to be a wheat farmer...

...you have to be bread for it.

[OC] What did the farmer say after getting a headache from people stealing his wheat

Migraines!

How did the cow feel walking through a field of wheat?

Udderly tickled.

A man believed that he was a grain of wheat.

As much as Eric’s family would try, they could not convince him that he was in fact a human man, and not a grain of wheat.

The worst was when Eric even sensed a bird was around. Because he thought he was a grain of wheat, he would completely panic and run as far as he could. He figured that b...

(NSFW) I have celiac disease, and my BDSM wife likes to tie me up and feed me wheat bread...

I’m a gluten for punishment.

I should start a store that sells wheat and beans.

It would be called "Gluten And Tootin"

A Turkish farmer, Hodja, goes to the mill to get his wheat ground to flour. While he's waiting in line he starts dipping his hand into the sack of the man in front of him and moving handfulls of wheat to his own sack.

The man turns and catches him: "Hodja! What are you doing stealing my wheat!"

Hodja, embarrassed, starts rolling his eyes and jittering: "Huh? What? I don't even know what I'm doing because I'm just craaaaaazy!"

The man says "if you're so crazy, how come you're only putting my grain in...

How are Joeffrey Baratheon and wheat related?

They're both in-bread.

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.

There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.

The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have. wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle.

The Texan immediate...

Did you hear about the guy who got a headache after stealing wheat from my farm?

He got my grain

I bought some Shredded wheat, but I think it's a bit of a con.

It's no more muscular than regular wheat.

Why didn't Bono sell any wheat bread at his bakery?

Cuz it's all rye, it's all rye, it's all rye.

What's a pigs favorite type of bread?

*Wheat wheat wheat wheat wheat . . .*

Un deux trois quatre cinq six sept ACHOO!

Sorry, I have a wheat allergy.

A long, long time ago, I used to be a farmer.

I used to grow wheat and the quality of my product was second to none. I was famous all over the world for my unmatched wheat harvest.

Everything was going fine, until this one day.

In the middle of a pitch black night, my most bitter rival stole all of my wheat. None of it left on the...

A gang made up of domesticated wheat, barley and hops plants are reported to have been looting and rioting all over the country

Police say they are farmed and dangerous.

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What do vegans call jerking off?

Beating their wheat.

What brand of cereal is the strongest??

Mini Wheats, because they’re shredded.

Before the Russian invasion of Ukraine. The Kremlin decides to try and intimidate Ukraine.

Before the Russian invasion of Ukraine.
The Kremlin decides to try and intimidate Ukraine.

They send a few truckloads of wheat with the note: "That's how many of us are coming!"

A few days later the trucks return full of flour with the note: "And this is how they will be sent back t...

During the annual cavemen conference ...

Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .

Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours...

What do you call a stupid grain?

A half wheat!

Chicken! Run!

A man has been suffering from a rare delusion: he considered himself to be a grain of wheat, and was therefore mortally afraid of the chickens.

He has eventually been hospitalized and treated for about a year. At his annual check-up, the attending asked this guy if he was still considering hi...

After the Little Rascals Buckwheat converted to Islam...

He is now known as Kareem of Wheat

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

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Ah, blondes.

Two blondes are driving through farm country. As they are chatting and enjoying the scenery, they notice something unusual and pull over to investigate.

There they see, in the middle of a wheat field, a blonde sitting in a boat rowing furiously but obviously not going anywhere.

After w...

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A group of horses walks into a juice bar...

"What'll it be for ya?"

The first horse replies "wheat grass"

The barista says "that's not on the menu"

The second says "wheat grass, it's on the board"

The barista: of course you eat grass, you're horses. But I'm telling you we don't serve grass."

Sensing some ...

Stalin visits a farm

One day, Joseph Stalin visits an agricultural collective. And so....

Stalin: Comrade, how much wheat do you have?

Farmer: Comrade Stalin, we have enough wheat to reach God!

Stalin: Comrade, as a Marxist, you know that there is no God!

Farmer: Comrade Stalin, as a Marxist...

Buckwheat grew up to be a Muslim

He changed his name to Kareem Wheat

A Texan goes to Australia for vacation...

... while there, he takes a tour with a local guide. While driving around the guide points out a large wheat field. "In Texas, we have wheat fields twice as large!" They then drive past a herd of cattle. "Our long horns are at least twice that large in Texas!" the Texan drawls. The guide is becoming...

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A long, long time ago, a boy asks his father how we acquire our names.

The father replies "Well some people are named after what they do. John Butcher is a butcher, Michael Baker is a baker. Now, me, I do many things around town for many people. I help the wood workers, but they don't call me Bill Carpenter, do they? No. I help on the wheat fields, but they don't call ...

What do you call a bread delivery service

Uber wheats

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The beer sommelier

A guy walks into a bar and brags to the barman, that he can recognize any beer by its taste. The make a bet and the barman starts to put forwards glasses.

— Oh, that’s easy. Budweiser.

— That’s wheat Paulaner.

— Hmmm, that’s trickier. That’s an IPA by Minhas Craft

The bar...

The hard of hearing stoner...

got really disappointed when he finally arrived at his uncle's wheat farm.

A woman answered her front doo

A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list.
"Ma'am," he explained, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper so I can earn a dollar."
"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging...

What is Jonathan joestars favorite sandwich?

Hamon whole wheat.

An attractive blonde was driving down a country road...

when she spotted another blonde in the middle of a wheat field, rowing a boat for all her worth.

Curious, she stopped the car, staring in disbelief as the woman pulled and sweated.

When she couldn’t stand it any more, she called-out, “Why are you rowing a boat in the middle of the fiel...

The Illiterate Farmer

A group of learned professors chose to spend a relaxing vacation at a remote farm - far from the maddening crowd of the city they lived in.

Their host was a simple farmer who had never seen the inside of a school.

The professors were astonished to see the order and discipline by which ...

A Day in the Life of a Cheerio

One day in Cheerio City, an ordinary young Cheerio started his day. He decided to get a job. He was nearing his sell by date and figured it was time. There are three social classes in Cheerio City: the Regulars, the Wheats, and the Frosteds. The young Cheerio was simply a Regular and had little to n...

A woman is shopping at a grocery store.

She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're...

What type of cereal goes to the gym twice a day?

Shredded wheat.

I wish I could pin this joke on a 4-year-old, I'm so sorry

A miner moves out west to California...

A miner moves out west to California. Having spent a few years in Colorado, he has a pretty good idea of the sort of lifestyle miner's live; up from dawn 'til dusk in the mines, and then up from dusk 'til dawn drinking and playing card games.

So, to his surprise, when he moves to Bluster's Bl...

The Jumpers

The Jumpers

Three guys, an Italian guy, an American guy, and a Polish guy were working construction together on a high rise. Everyday at lunch, they would sit and eat together on an I-Beam, high above the city. Italian guy opens his lunch and says, "Man, I'm tired of getting the same meatball...

For some reason I remembered this joke my sister told from my childhood (long)

There was once this old lady who lived in a little pink house. One night she decided to get ready for bed, so she put on her little pink slippers, her little pink nightie and her little pink dressing gown, and climbed up her little pink stairs to go to her little pink bedroom. Once there, she took o...

Did you know that 90% of all dog in South Korea are inbred?

Most commonly it's whole wheat or rye

What's more inbred than English monarchs?

Wheat.

A successful American farmer makes a trip to Poland and visits a Polish farm...

The American asks, "How much of what I can see is your land?" The Pole replies, "Oh from the edge of that wheat field over there, to that river over there. And what about your farmland?"

"Oh let me tell you," the American begins to boast, "My farmland is so big, I could get in my car in the m...

There was once an incorrigible punster.

No matter the situation her'd have a groaner ready. One day, served a simple dinner of buns and water, he quipped: "The bun is the lowest form of wheat."

His friends were so tired that they decided to come up with a situation that he could not turn into a pun. They took him to visit an orpha...

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While driving a blonde woman was listening to the radio...

The hosts were telling blonde jokes, so while frustrated because of how blondes are perceived she sees another blonde in a boat rowing in the middle of a wheat field.

She gets off of her car red with anger and starts yelling at the other woman:
-You dumb bitch, women like you are the reaso...

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A farmer selling his peaches

A farmer knocks on the door and an attractive woman answers the door in skimpy lingerie.
"Hello Ma'am, would you like to buy some peaches?"

As she leans on the door frame she asks; "are they as soft as these?" while she touches her breasts. "Or are they as round as this?" as she touches h...

Why did the dinner roll spend his afternoon knocking on doors?

He was a Jehovah's Wheatness

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