How can you tell if an ant is male or female?

Throw it in water. If it sinks, its a girl ant, otherwise its buoyant

How do chickens tell who's the alpha male or female?

They use a *pecking* order

A 17 year old male walks into a drug store.

He says "I've been invited to Christmas dinner at my new girlfriend's house. Afterwards I hope there is a chance I get lucky, if you know what I mean" Clerk: "How about condoms then? They could come in handy. Here's a pack." The young man after paying walks to the door, stops, smiles, comes back: "y...

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A male stripper goes into a restaurant. He sees a beautiful young nun and decides he wants to do the dirty on her.

So he decides to propose to her directly.
"Ey girl how you doin? What do you think about leaving that chastity aside and come with me for a good time?"
The nun angrily answers, "I am a woman of no man, only God! To hell with you, sinner!"
The man goes to a table, defeated, but then his wait...

Why do male, Mexicans get better jobs out of college?

Because they can apply for señor positions.

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I thought I’d found my dream job as a male prostitute

But it turned out to be a pain in the ass.

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a Male Hen

It was Passover and the priest had lost his Rooster and didn't know where to find it. So at the sermon on Good Friday he asked, "Has anybody got the cock?" All the men stood up. "No! no! I mean has anybody seen the cock?" All the women folk stood up. "No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?"
...

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What do you call a male chicken in a gang?

A hard cock.

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:

Man: What's the problem officer?

Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.

Man: No sir, I was going 65.

Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail l...

What type of toothpaste do they use in male prisons?

Cavity protection

Wendy was dared by her male classmate to climb to the top of the school’s flagpole

She bets him an ice cream that she can and he agrees. She climbs all the way to the top and gets ice cream.
Upon reaching home, she bragged to her mom, feeling proud about what she did.
“Oh, Wendy. You do know that he just wanted you to climb the pole so he could see your underwear.” She say...

Why Ironman and why not Fe-male?

Do not spoil the answer

Today at work, a male client jumped on me and started licking me.

I work at a vet though, so it’s ok.

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How did the male porn star describe the female porn star’s beauty?

He said she had the nicest face he ever came across.

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What did God say when he was trying to make the first male snake but accidentally made it female.

“Crap! I made a miss snake.”

Is Google male or female?

Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Priests around the globe protest as more and more male teenagers use the new Snapchat filter to fap to themselves.

As a countermeasure, next month Snapchat will release a baby filter.

As a male, if a girl gets undressed in front of you, she is either interested in you or you're level 100 friendzoned

Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet.

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What do you call a homeless male prostitute?

Street Meat

What is the male version of telekinesis?

Telekinephews.

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I don't get why so many people talk down on male pornstars

These men are hard at work

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What do you call a startup male pornstar?

Up and coming.

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A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.

The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turn...

What do you call a juice box’s daughter who’s transitioned to a male?

CapriSon.

When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body

Then I was born

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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,

wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and...

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Male gunowners are, in fact, compensating for their manhood.

You can't kill a deer or repel intruders with your dick.

A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!"

The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS"

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I realised today that as a straight male in my mid twenties, having been single for multiple years and surrounded myself with other men, I'd never taken the opportunity to take part in the tossing and rolling they did together behind closed doors. My older neighbor told me about it in 2nd grade and

I was fascinated by how far it broke from the concepts of "normalcy" I had been brought up with. He said they'd go for hours exploring with eachother, never leaving the room. Sometimes in middle school I'd walk by a class in the hall and hear a group of them grunting and huffing, occasionally lettin...

How many tickles does it take to make a male octopus laugh?

Eleven.

It's usually ten-tickles, but an extra one is counted for the test-tickle

Iron Man is a very confusing character.

I know he’s a guy but he could’ve been Fe Male.

How much does Male to Female surgery cost?

About a third of your salary.

A farmer had 5 female pigs but times were hard and he needed a solution.

A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.

The farmers lived 60 miles apart, so they decide...

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I want to start a four piece all Male country western pop band...

And call it "The Chixie Dicks"

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A man goes into a pet shop to buy a dog, the owner asks him, "Would you like a male or a female dog?"

"Bitch please."

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My friend says someone in our male friend group is gay

I hope it’s Lucas, he’s really cute

Why don't junkies like a good male protagonist in a story?

Because they prefer heroine.

A woman comes home late in the night and goes quietly in the bedroom.

To her surprise, she sees male and female feet peeking out from under the blanket. Shocked and raging, she gets her baseball bat and beats and beats until all movement stops. After that she goes into the living room and sees her husband laying on the sofa. He turns to her half asleep: "Oh, you're ho...

The world’s best female and male thieves got married. When their first child was born, they saw and surprised that the newborn baby was holding something. They finally managed to open the baby’s hand and shocked more

The midwife’s ring

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Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms ...

Pickup line for male hamsters to females

Are you from Amsterdam? Cause hamster , damn !!

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A Male Fairy Tale...

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "NO!!!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big-breasted broads and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to titty bars and dated women hal...

What do you call a male cow who is taking a nap?

A bull dozer

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On a recent safari, I saw two male lions having sex with each other out in the open.

I thought, “Have they got no pride?”

I'm starting an all-male cross-dressing dixie chicks tribute band

I'm calling it chicks with dixies

Why did no one like to hang with the male pig?

He was too Boar-ing.

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A Jew and a Czech while on a trip are attacked by two bears, one male and one female.

The Jew is able to escape; however, the Czech gets eaten by the male bear. Being a good Samaritan the Jew alerts the park ranger that there are two bears on the loose, one of which has eaten his friend. The park ranger then proceeds to kill both of the bears. The Jew asks the park ranger if he can c...

Scientists have determined that it's impossible to change a female sheep into a male.

They'll never make a man out of ewe.

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I've been told male cows don't deficate

I think that's bullshit

There is a way of telling if an orange is male or female.

If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.

If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female.

What do young male Spanish cows call each other?

Moo-chachos

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How much does it cost to have sex with a male deer in the missionary position?

Under a buck

[NSFW] Apparently Mohammed is now the most popular male name

Guess you could say it blew up.

A government run initiative to restore the male geese population is getting a lot of media attention...

Critics are referring to it as proper gander.

What’s the male ghosts favorite part of a female ghost?

Her boooooobies.

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There are 3 flies in a jar, one male, two female. One day, one of the female flies decides she wants to get out of the jar. She goes up to the other female fly and says, "Hey, how do you get out of the jar?" The other female fly says, "I don't know, maybe ask him."

So the female fly goes up to the male fly and asks, "Hey, how do you get out of this jar?"

The male fly says, "I can tell you, but you have to fuck me first." And flies....they aren't very smart. So they do it and the male fly tells the female fly, "You start from the bottom of the jar and fl...

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What do you call it when a male physical therapist doesn’t support women?

Massage a knee.

Why did the female rock break up with the male rock?

Because he took her for granite

What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?

100 sows and bucks.

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The KKK recently announced that male Asian porn stars are welcome to join the Klan

As they too are a part of he supreme cockasian race

Aparently 30% of males go on a diet before going on holiday. I cheated

And just took a fat girlfriend to the beach

What's the difference between a male and a female fire sprinkler system?

The male will exhaust the fire, the female will exhaust the water supply

I don't like going on the male toilets because men are a lot more open to farting loud there so I sometimes like to sneak into the female toilets and there they are a lot more quiet and discreet about it....

At least when they know I'm there

What should the name of the first male birth control gel be?

Sonblock.

Why do female vampires have an advantage over male vampires?

Because they get free supply of blood once a month.

Male Logic.

Woman: do you drink beer?
Man: yes

Woman: how many beers a day?
Man: usually about three

Woman: how much do you pay per beer?
Man:$5.00 which includes a tip (this is where it gets scary!)

Woman: and how long have you been drinking? ...

Our town's male strip club has employed a lot of poorly endowed men.

Ironically, they aren't short staffed.

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Why are male bathrooms on the left, and female bathrooms on the right?

Because no matter what, women are always right, even when they're full of
shit.

What did the male alpaca say when he was kicked out of the house for cheating on his wife?

Alpaca bag.

I’ve been looking to get rid of some male geese.

Would you like to take a gander?

Disney has announced that all future Marvel movies will have an all male cast.

They are doing their part to combat the heroine epidemic.

At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other

The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.

After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and ...

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Male Sex Drive Through The Ages

Between 16 and 32: Tri-weekly

Between 33 and 52: Try weekly

52 and up: Try weakly

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The General Social Survey reports that the average male has sex 54 times a year.

It’s going to be a busy month.

Someone once told that there’s little difference between the male and female reproductive systems. But in reality...

There’s a vas deferens.

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A male and female statue stare at each other for hundreds of years.

One day a wizard, feeling sorry for the statues, brought them to life for 30 minutes. Right away, the two of them ran into some nearby bushes and you could hear all kinds of strange sounds and moans from there. After a while they came back out, giggling. The wizard told them "You have another 15 min...

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"Why are you telling me this story about a male chicken?" I asked the bartender, confused.

He just looked at me and replied, "You asked for a cock tale, sir."

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A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sex threatening health attack.

He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on a hospital bed. An young nurse came to clean his body with sponge. The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir, I am just getting you clean” The patient repeated again, “Are my testicles black?” N...

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