Male bees die after mating. That's basically their entire lives.

Honey. Nut. Cheerio.

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Being a male pornstar takes a ton of dedication

No matter what you’re always working hard

What is the best male contraceptive?

An empty wallet.

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A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.

The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."

They tried it and sure enough, the s...

I was born male and I identify as male, yet...

... according to Tesco's Finest Sticky Toffee Pudding, I'm a family of four!

I used to be a male trapped in a women's body

Then I was born.

I've been receiving a lot of targeted ads about male enhancement lately....

Never have I been more offended and grateful in my life.

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I got fired from being a male pornstar.

They said I was too cocky.

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Assuming that God is male is so sexist

... especially considering that no matter how many times you repent for your sins God is still giving you a silent treatment.

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Male Birth Control

So Cletus decided 9 kids was enough since there was no more room on their bed, so off he went to the local vet. He told the vet he and his cousin were through with having kids, and asked to be snipped.
"The way I see it" - said the vet - "You have one of two choices. You can either get a vasectom...

A dog lover, whose female dog was in heat, agreed to look after her neighbor’s male dog while the neighbor was on vacation.

She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

As she was drifting off to sleep late that night she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs passionately locked together.

Despite her best attempts she was unable to se...

The Male Perspective

### Two men are on opposite sides of a river.

The first man shouts: “How do I get to the other side?”


The second shouts back: “You are on the other side!”

Is Google male or female?

Female, because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

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So a penis walks into a bar,

So this penis walks into a bar, right? And the bartender says, “Why the fuck is there a giant walking penis in my place of business? What morbid Lovecraftian monstrosity is this, where a male sex organ has taken an anthropomorphic form and moved frictionlessly to my very own bar? What does this crea...

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After the surgery, the plastic surgeon said to his male patient "I have good news and bad news."

The patient said "Tell me the bad news first." The doctor replied "I'm sorry, but we couldn't make your penis larger."

The patient then said "What's the good news?"

The doctor said "We were able to make your hands really small."

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Why are Male Prostitutes' more expensive than Female Prostitutes'?

The Price of wood is so damn high.....

A woman placed an ad in a news paper. 'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements.

1. He shouldn't beat me.
2. He shouldn't leave me.

Third and most important.

3. He should be great in bed.


One week later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.

The man said, "Hi, I'm Peter. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't hav...

What are a male donkey’s pronouns?

He / haw

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A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he migh...

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Girlfriend: "I'm new to learning about male anatomy how does your penis work?"

Guy: "It doesn't."

How does a male donkey laugh at a mediocre joke

He haws

It must be good to be a male bus driver...

They pick up ladies all day!

A woman enters the veterinarian's office with a large male Rottweiler.

The vet asks, " How can we help you today?"

The woman says, "My dog is all grown up now, and has started humping everything he can for hours on end day after day."

The vet asks, " Ahhh, ok so you want to set up an appointment to have him neutered?"

The woman responds, "No no, ju...

Male Logic...

***Woman: And how long have you been drinking?***

***Man: About 20 years, I suppose***

***Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5,400 ...correct?***

***Woman: Do you know that if ...

Sometimes a person is born male, but later transitions to being a woman.

If that person then decides they actually do identify as a man, does that make them a transformer?

What did the male magnet say to the female magnet?

*"Seeing you from the back, I thought you were repulsive. But seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive."*

The month before Frank's 21st birthday, his father told him, "Did you know that something amazing happens to all the male members of your family when they turn 21?"

"When your grandfather turned 21, he went to the lake and discovered that he was able to walk on the water. When my oldest brother, your uncle George, turned 21, he discovered the same. Me, your other uncles, your older brothers...all of them could walk on water at age 21."

"Cool!" said Frank...

I couldn't figure out why a male sheep is called a Ram...

Then it hit me.

What do you call a male thermometer?

A therdadeter.

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Say what you want about male sex workers

But they always work hard

NSFW Advice For Aspiring Male Genital Models

Don't do it if you have other options. The whole industry is just pretty nuts.

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A lady approaches a priest and shyly tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots but, they only know how to say one thing... they keep saying 'Hi, we’re hot... do you want to *fuck us*?'"

"That's terrible!" says the priest. "But, I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house tomorrow. I will put them with my two male talking parrots... to whom I've taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible filt...

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What do plants and male strippers have in common?

They grow when you make it rain.

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As a guy, I refuse to play as a female character in online games.

Not because I’m sexist, I just don’t think it’s right to perpetuate the stereotype that girls are bad at games.

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Which is the lightest organ of the male human body ?

Penis. Because thoughts can lift it.

On my first day of work as a zoo keeper I noticed one of my male coworkers had a bulge in his pants. I asked him...

"Is that a small monkey in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

He said "Yeah, it's Macaque"

Two guys were walking down the road when they came upon a male dog licking his self.

One guy says I wish I could do that and the other guy says you better make sure he’ll let you pet him first...

The Falkland Islands are the male nipples of the British Empire

Not necessary- but will protect

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What do you call a really cheap male prostitute?

Five dollar footlong.

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Went for a walk with my new girlfriend

and we saw dogs mating.

She said: "How does the male know when the female is ready for sex?"

I replied: "He can smell she is ready . That's how nature works."

We then walked past a sheep field and the ram was mating the ewe.

Again my girlfriend asked: "How does the ram kn...

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I was shocked to learn that a famous male pornstar had received $1,000,000 for his sperm. But, you know what they say

Sex cells.

what do you call male mermaids?

sea men

What do you call bread that doesn’t identify as male or female?

Naan-binary.

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A female and a male whale were swimming through the ocean.

They spot a ship up ahead and the male whale turns to the female whale and
says: "Hey I have an idea... why don't you swim over, underneath the ship,
and blow air out your blow hole, knock the ship over and gobble up all the
sailors?" The female responds "Hey! I do not mind the blow j...

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A man takes a walk with his new girlfriend who he's been dating for three months

About 20 minutes into the walk, they pass a park and see two bunnies mating. The woman says "how does the male bunny know that the female bunny is ready for sex?" The man says "it's natural, the male can smell it".

The couple continues to walk for another 20 minutes and they pass a forest whe...

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A male pornstar was robbed on the street in the daylight!!

He lost his hard earned money.

What’s the male version of a Karen called?

I don’t know but a group of them is called a Senate.

What did the male alpaca say to the female alpaca?

Como te llama

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The rabbit was running away from two hunters

He stoped for a second to tell the old shepherd something, and continued running.
Soon the hunters caught up and asked the old shepherd: "Have you seen the rabbit passing through here?"

Shepherd without hesitation answerd : "Yes he passed through here."

Hunters wanting to make fun...

If you made a guess, would google be male or female?

Definitely a female, she won’t let you finish a sentence without trying to finish it for you!

Me: You know, the female black widow spider kills the male spider after mating. I don’t understand why?

Wife: I’m pretty sure it’s to stop the male from snoring before it starts

I have so much respect for male to female trans people...

I mean, that surgery takes balls.

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A statue of a man and a statue of a woman stood looking at each...

A statue of a man and a statue of a woman stood looking at each other for hundreds of years out in a park. One day a wizard, feeling sorry for the statues, brought them to life for 30 minutes. Right away, the two of them ran into some nearby bushes and you could hear all kinds of strange sounds from...

What do you call a man doing standard deviation?

A sigma male.

What do you call a group of males from Germany?

Germen

What does a woman wash with if she wants to put off male suitors?

Deter-gent.

Why can’t you ever justify something wrong done by a male cow?

Because it’s In defence of bull!

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A jealous king was about to go on a long journey but was afraid that his queen would be unfaithful to him..

Therefore he summoned his best blacksmiths, in order to create a device that was going to provide protection from any penetration to his queen.

The most ingenious blacksmith came with an invention that could split in half anything that would dare to penetrate the queens genitals.

...

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In the time of the Ottoman Empire, there was a wedding.

Back then, weddings were pretty big, and also long. People used to travel tens or hundreds of kilometers to attend at a wedding. For that reason, they would stay for a few days as guests. They would normally sleep in really big rooms, on the floor, and women and men would normally be separated... ...

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A male praying mantis sees a hot praying mantis at the bar

"Hey girl... you want go back to my place?"

"fuck off!"

"OK, woman, no need for you to bite my head off...unless you want to."

My friend was upset to find out my percussion instrument liked both males and females.

I replied "mate, just let bi-gongs be bi-gongs".

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Life cycle of the male sex drive

Age 16-32 : Tri-weekly

Ages 32-55: Try-weekly

Over 55: Try-weakly

Heard about the male escort with leprosy?

He did pretty good til his business dropped off

How do you tell the difference between a female and male ant?

A girl ant sinks in water.

A buoyant floats.

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As male porn stars age they learn one thing...

You’re either working hard, or you’re hardly working.

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Sexism is everywhere, even in botany

To this day, there is still a stigma attached to female plants

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A man decides to go golfing one Sunday. He's in the clubhouse paying for 18 holes when a gorgeous blonde woman approaches him. "Hey, I noticed you're golfing alone," she said...

"I'm golfing alone too. Can I join you?"

The man enthusiastically agrees and they head to the course.

She's good. *Really* good, and beats the man's score by many strokes. The man is feeling self conscious for losing so soundly to a woman. The woman notices his change in mood and says,...

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[NSFW] Did you hear about the guy who hired a.....

...... male prostitute to fuck him in the ear?

He got hearing AIDS

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Dirty Whale joke

A male and female whale were swimming in an ocean. They noticed a whaling ship sailing nearby. The male whale told the female whale: "This is the same ship that was used to kill my dad."

Then he proceeded to say: "I have a plan. Let's swim right below the ship, and use our blowholes at once. ...

How do you know coronavirus is male?

Because if it was female, they would have killed it when it was born in China.

What's the difference between a vegan and a straight male submissive?

A vegan craves umami. A male sub craves "ooh mommy".

Two students, both 5 year old kids are peeing inside the male toilet.

Boy 1: Hey, what's wrong with your pee-pee?

Boy 2: What do you mean?

Boy 1: It doesn't look like mine, why is there no skin thingy?

Boy 2: Oh, i was circumcised when i was 2 days old. The doctor removed the skin.

Boy 1: (Grimacing) Oww, was it painful?

Boy 2: Painf...

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[NSFW] A New Male Server in Texas was Arrested for Unsolicited Sex. His reasoning?

“Well, I asked her what I could get her and she said, Mountain Dew Me, and so I did her right there.”

What second language is most commonly spoken by male tea drinkers?

Hebrew.

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Two statues were in a park

Two statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park until one day, an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such great statues," the angel said, "that I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, during which time you can...

Why'd the male Jewish dog feel the need to study up on his Hebrew?

He was about to celebrate his bark mitzvah :3

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Awful puns are jokes too.

I was telling my mate Edward that I couldn't stop referring to myself as male genetalia. He told me I could stop any time I wanted.

I said, "No, I'm a dick, Ted."

What's the greatest benefit of a male-male relationship?

Double the income

Dumb blond male.

There are three construction workers, a Mexican, an African American & a blond Caucasian. When lunch time comes, the construction workers are sitting on a steel beam 30 stories high about to enjoy their food.

The blond opens his lunchbox and is angered to find yet another bologna &...

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The Queen Elizabeth was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals

and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.

"Oh my God!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"

The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your Majesty, this man has a very serious condition where the t...

A women is out golfing (the magic frog)

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but...

Anybody caught breaking rule will be fined....

The first day of university and Dean addressing the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.”

He continued, “A...

What’s IT slang for male enhancement pills?

Front-end developer

A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!"

The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS."

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There has been some speculation as to whether male cows defecate.

As you can see... That's bullshit.

A woman walked into the kitchen

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. ! Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked "How can you...

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An alien couple land their saucer in a farmer's field

They approach the house and explain to the farmer and his wife that they are intergalactic swingers. He asks them if they are ok to spend the night and then go back to their planet in the morning. The farmer and his wife talk it over and agrees.

The male alien takes the farmer's wife into the...

It's disgraceful that in 2020 the train-driving profession is overwhelmingly male-dominated. Surely it's...

a woman's right to choo-choos.

Two older male dolphins notice their hairlines are starting to recede.

Dolphins go bald, too. Tough for humans to notice, but dolphins notice... Anyway...

Understandably, they start getting a little down in the dumps recognizing the loss of their youth and feeling a profound sense of their own mortality.

In a moment of clarity, one dolphin says to his bud...

What did the male beaver say to the female beaver when she said she wanted him to build something nice for her?

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a dam.”

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A boss calls one of his male employees into the office

Boss: I want you to go into the bathroom and masturbate.
Employee: ...excuse me sir?
Boss: Do as I say. Now go.
5 minutes later, guy comes back a bit sweaty and relaxed.
Employee: Ok done sir.
Boss: very well. Now go and do it again.
Employee: what? Really?
Boss: Just go ...

Why did Great Britain send male convicts to Australia?

To set up a penile colony!

How can you differentiate male ants from female ants?

They're all female, otherwise they'd be called uncles

How did the dyslexic cop subdue the violent male suspect ?

He used his NUTS gun.

There are creatures in my house…

… who sit in the same spot all day long, expect food to come to them, and leave silky white stuff everywhere.

Such is life with male teenagers.

Never go to bars run by male giraffes.

They only serve highballs.

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A male snake charmer married a female undertaker..

Their bath towels read "Hiss" and "Hearse"

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Male vampires account for 0% of all unexpected pregnancies.

This is because they need permission to cum inside.

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Two male mice sucked each other’s dicks

Later they talked about the incident.

Mouse#1: It was pretty disgusting what we did

Mouse#2: I know. But I only did it for the cheese

Some say we should end the practice of male circumcision

Personally I think they're making a mountain out of a mohel.

An average Wookiee is 2.23-2.54 meters in height, weighs 100kg (female) or 150kg (male) and has a lifespan of 400 standard years

Those are Wookiee numbers

What’s a male Jewish New Zealanders pronouns?

He/Brew

When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body

Then I was born

What word in the English language does the following: the first two letters signify a male, the first three letters signify a female, the first four letters signify a great, while the entire world signifies a great woman. What is the word?

Heroine

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Two bathtubs were about to have sex

The female bathtub looked at the male bathtub’s flaccid dick and laughed at how small it was. To which the male bathtub replied: ”I’m a bathtub, not a shower.”

How does a male farmer win the heart of a female farmer?

Attract her.

A farmer is trying to grow hydroponic potatoes, but he starts them in test tubes. This results in the potatoes being long with a round bulge at the top, so they look like male genitals.

The farmer tries to sell them to anyone and eventually even posts them online, where he surprisingly starts getting more orders than he can fill; and all from Russia. He’s surprised but grows another batch and they sell out again. He starts worrying there might be something illegal going on so he go...

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