I was born male and I identify as male, yet...

... according to Tesco's Finest Sticky Toffee Pudding, I'm a family of four!

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Why are Male Prostitutes' more expensive than Female Prostitutes'?

The Price of wood is so damn high.....

The month before Frank's 21st birthday, his father told him, "Did you know that something amazing happens to all the male members of your family when they turn 21?"

"When your grandfather turned 21, he went to the lake and discovered that he was able to walk on the water. When my oldest brother, your uncle George, turned 21, he discovered the same. Me, your other uncles, your older brothers...all of them could walk on water at age 21."

"Cool!" said Frank...

What are a male donkey’s pronouns?

He / haw

I couldn't figure out why a male sheep is called a Ram...

Then it hit me.

What do you call a male thermometer?

A therdadeter.

A woman placed an ad in a news paper. 'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements.

1. He shouldn't beat me.
2. He shouldn't leave me.

Third and most important.

3. He should be great in bed.


One week later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.

The man said, "Hi, I'm Peter. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't hav...

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What do plants and male strippers have in common?

They grow when you make it rain.

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A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he migh...

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Say what you want about male sex workers

But they always work hard

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Which is the lightest organ of the male human body ?

Penis. Because thoughts can lift it.

Is Google male or female?

Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

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I was shocked to learn that a famous male pornstar had received $1,000,000 for his sperm. But, you know what they say

Sex cells.

Male Logic...

***Woman: And how long have you been drinking?***

***Man: About 20 years, I suppose***

***Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5,400 ...correct?***

***Woman: Do you know that if ...

what do you call male mermaids?

sea men

I heard male bees die after mating

I call that a honey nut cheerio

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A male pornstar was robbed on the street in the daylight!!

He lost his hard earned money.

How can you tell the difference between a male door and a female door?

One has a ding-dong and the other has knockers.

What do you call bread that doesn’t identify as male or female?

Naan-binary.

What did the male alpaca say to the female alpaca?

Como te llama

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A statue of a man and a statue of a woman stood looking at each...

A statue of a man and a statue of a woman stood looking at each other for hundreds of years out in a park. One day a wizard, feeling sorry for the statues, brought them to life for 30 minutes. Right away, the two of them ran into some nearby bushes and you could hear all kinds of strange sounds from...

Me: You know, the female black widow spider kills the male spider after mating. I don’t understand why?

Wife: I’m pretty sure it’s to stop the male from snoring before it starts

If you made a guess, would google be male or female?

Definitely a female, she won’t let you finish a sentence without trying to finish it for you!

Why can’t you ever justify something wrong done by a male cow?

Because it’s In defence of bull!

What does a woman wash with if she wants to put off male suitors?

Deter-gent.

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*Went for a walk with my new girlfriend and we saw dogs mating, she said ‘how does the male know when the female is ready for sex ?* *I replied he can smell she is ready that is how nature works.*

*We then walked past a sheep field and the ram was mating the ewe, again my girlfreind asked how the ram knew when the ewe was ready for sex ?*
*I replied 'it’s nature he can smell she is ready'.*
*We then went past a cow-field and the bull was mating the cow; my girlfriend said this is odd th...

I have so much respect for male to female trans people...

I mean, that surgery takes balls.

How do you tell if a cow is male or female?

If you are alive after trying to milk it, it’s female

My friend was upset to find out my percussion instrument liked both males and females.

I replied "mate, just let bi-gongs be bi-gongs".

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As male porn stars age they learn one thing...

You’re either working hard, or you’re hardly working.

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A male praying mantis sees a hot praying mantis at the bar

"Hey girl... you want go back to my place?"

"fuck off!"

"OK, woman, no need for you to bite my head off...unless you want to."

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What’s the difference between a male pornstar and a police officer?

A pornstar tells you when he’s about to bust in your back door and unload

What do you call a group of males from Germany?

Germen

Heard about the male escort with leprosy?

He did pretty good til his business dropped off

How do you know coronavirus is male?

Because if it was female, they would have killed it when it was born in China.

How do you tell the difference between a female and male ant?

A girl ant sinks in water.

A buoyant floats.

A very common male fantasy is to have 2 women at the same time

One to cook, one to clean..


Ok ban me but joke is funny.

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An alien couple land their saucer in a farmer's field

They approach the house and explain to the farmer and his wife that they are intergalactic swingers. He asks them if they are ok to spend the night and then go back to their planet in the morning. The farmer and his wife talk it over and agrees.

The male alien takes the farmer's wife into the...

What second language is most commonly spoken by male tea drinkers?

Hebrew.

What’s the male version of a Karen called?

I don’t know but a group of them is called a Senate.

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[NSFW] A New Male Server in Texas was Arrested for Unsolicited Sex. His reasoning?

“Well, I asked her what I could get her and she said, Mountain Dew Me, and so I did her right there.”

Two students, both 5 year old kids are peeing inside the male toilet.

Boy 1: Hey, what's wrong with your pee-pee?

Boy 2: What do you mean?

Boy 1: It doesn't look like mine, why is there no skin thingy?

Boy 2: Oh, i was circumcised when i was 2 days old. The doctor removed the skin.

Boy 1: (Grimacing) Oww, was it painful?

Boy 2: Painf...

Why'd the male Jewish dog feel the need to study up on his Hebrew?

He was about to celebrate his bark mitzvah :3

What's the greatest benefit of a male-male relationship?

Double the income

What's the difference between a vegan and a straight male submissive?

A vegan craves umami. A male sub craves "ooh mommy".

What’s IT slang for male enhancement pills?

Front-end developer

Dumb blond male.

There are three construction workers, a Mexican, an African American & a blond Caucasian. When lunch time comes, the construction workers are sitting on a steel beam 30 stories high about to enjoy their food.

The blond opens his lunchbox and is angered to find yet another bologna &...

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Life cycle of the male sex drive

Age 16-32 : Tri-weekly

Ages 32-55: Try-weekly

Over 55: Try-weakly

Why did Great Britain send male convicts to Australia?

To set up a penile colony!

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There has been some speculation as to whether male cows defecate.

As you can see... That's bullshit.

Two older male dolphins notice their hairlines are starting to recede.

Dolphins go bald, too. Tough for humans to notice, but dolphins notice... Anyway...

Understandably, they start getting a little down in the dumps recognizing the loss of their youth and feeling a profound sense of their own mortality.

In a moment of clarity, one dolphin says to his bud...

What did the male beaver say to the female beaver when she said she wanted him to build something nice for her?

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a dam.”

How did the dyslexic cop subdue the violent male suspect ?

He used his NUTS gun.

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Two whales - a male and female - were swimming a little off the coast when they noticed a whaling ship

The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father years ago. He said to the female whale, “let’s both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.” They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and sank.

...

Two statues, one female and the other male, had faced each other in a city park for decades. One day an angel appeared and said...

... “you’ve been such fantastic statues for such a long time, that I have a special gift for you. I am going to bring you to life for 30 minutes and you can do whatever you wish”. With a clap of his hands the statues came alive.

They climbed down from their pedestals and shyly approached ea...

Getting in on this new trend, I have decided I am a Ψ male.

When I am observed I just collapse.


Really sorry for the bad physics joke XD.

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Two male mice sucked each other’s dicks

Later they talked about the incident.

Mouse#1: It was pretty disgusting what we did

Mouse#2: I know. But I only did it for the cheese

Never go to bars run by male giraffes.

They only serve highballs.

It's disgraceful that in 2020 the train-driving profession is overwhelmingly male-dominated. Surely it's...

a woman's right to choo-choos.

What’s a male Jewish New Zealanders pronouns?

He/Brew

A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!"

The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS."

3,000 male cows are playing musical chairs. What happens when the music stops?

A whole lot of bulls sit.

So I'm reading a book about a movie star that was born a woman but then comes out as identifying as male, but no one gets upset or judgemental about it, they just accept it and get on with their lives. It's a good book...

It's a real page turner

My wife was showing me a really unique houseplant she was growing. When she first planted it, it was a male, and it produced pollen.

After a while, it stopped producing pollen and started making seeds. It had outgrown its pot, so my wife wanted me to help her put it in a larger one. I said, “Sure, I can help you transplant the transplant.”

my son is a male trapped in a female body

he'll be born in may.

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Male vampires account for 0% of all unexpected pregnancies.

This is because they need permission to cum inside.

Some say we should end the practice of male circumcision

Personally I think they're making a mountain out of a mohel.

What did the male magnet say to the female magnet?

He said : When I saw your backside I was repelled....However, after seeing you from the front, I now find you very attractive.

What word in the English language does the following: the first two letters signify a male, the first three letters signify a female, the first four letters signify a great, while the entire world signifies a great woman. What is the word?

Heroine

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A boss calls one of his male employees into the office

Boss: I want you to go into the bathroom and masturbate.
Employee: ...excuse me sir?
Boss: Do as I say. Now go.
5 minutes later, guy comes back a bit sweaty and relaxed.
Employee: Ok done sir.
Boss: very well. Now go and do it again.
Employee: what? Really?
Boss: Just go ...

An average Wookiee is 2.23-2.54 meters in height, weighs 100kg (female) or 150kg (male) and has a lifespan of 400 standard years

Those are Wookiee numbers

What does the buffalo father say, when his male offspring moves out?

Bison

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A male snake charmer married a female undertaker..

Their bath towels read "Hiss" and "Hearse"

This man is at work one day when he notices that his male co- worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”“Yo, Bob, I didn’t know you were into earrings.”“Oh, yeah, sure,” says Bob sheepishly.“Really? How long have you been wearing one?”“Ever since my wife found it in our bed!”

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A Labrador, a Golden Retriever & a Chihuahua...

are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. They’re speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and ...

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Donald Trump sues male enhancement company viagra

Trump claims he received a rigged erection

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Little Timmy went into the living room as his parents were having an argument.

“You bastard!” said his mum to his dad.

“You bitch!” replied his dad to his mum.

And they suddenly stopped when they saw little Timmy in the doorway.

“Mum, what’s a bastard? Dad, what’s a bitch?” questioned Timmy.

His parents stuttered and stammered until his mum thought ...

How can you differentiate male ants from female ants?

They're all female, otherwise they'd be called uncles

3 generations of males went to an old-fashioned store...

The young man asked for a pound of raisins from the pretty lady behind the counter. She had to climb a ladder to fill the order, revealing her naked flesh under her short skirt. Then, she asked his dad what he wanted.

Wanting to see a panty-less beauty climb the stairs again, he too asked f...

How do you know if a dog is male or female?

Stroke its head.

If he wags his tail, it's male.

If she wags her tail, it's female.

What do you call a male square having intercourse?

An erectangle.

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Gorilla Hunting *long*

A very rich man decides that he is going to take a trip to Africa to hunt the legendary Great White Gorilla. But as he has no hunting experience, he places an ad to hire a hunting guide. Days go by and no one answers his ad. The man is scheduled to leave for his trip in 2 days and still not a single...

How does a male farmer win the heart of a female farmer?

Attract her.

How do you describe a horrendous male cow stuck in mud?

Terra-bull

How do you know that steaks are only cut from male cows?

Because a steak cut from a female cow would be a miss steak.

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Mr. & Mrs. Johnson live on a farm by themselves. One day, an Alien spaceship lands in front of their house.

As the Johnsons go to investigate, the ship’s doors open and two aliens that look similar to humans walk out. Speaking perfect English, the aliens make a proposition to the Johnsons to trade partners for the night to understand human sexual behavior. The Johnsons, curious of what the experience woul...

The crab

A female crab saw a male crab walking straight, not sideways, like other crabs did.

‘This guy is really really special’, she thought, and asked him out. Soon they were married.

A few days later she saw him walking sideways just like the other crabs, and was disappointed and angry....

What do you call a male gynecologist?

Pap daddy.

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A famous explorer visits a tribe of all-male natives in the Amazon and asks “how do you guys sexually satisfy yourself?”

The chief replies: “Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have s...

One of my friends got female to male surgery done

That’s my ex-girl friend

When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body

Then I was born

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If you're male, sex is the opposite of having a bank account...

Once you've made a deposit there's no more interest.

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The average human male ejaculation contains about 15.8 terabytes of information

That's a lot of information to swallow!

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A male teacher is teaching physics in an all girls school. One day, he was teaching the topic of electricity.

"A net electrical charge means the resulting electrical charge on an object. It normally means if an object has a majority of positive or negative charge. Do you understand?"

To this, his students stared at him blankly, some shaking their heads cautiously.

The teacher sighed and tried...

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A man visits a therapist

"I work long hours to support my family. When I finally get home, my wife hands me the baby and the other kids are waiting for me to help them with their homework. After dinner, it's my job to clean up and help put the baby to bed. I have an endless list of things to fix around the house on weekends...

What do you call a beta male's son?

A Simpson

A farmer is trying to grow hydroponic potatoes, but he starts them in test tubes. This results in the potatoes being long with a round bulge at the top, so they look like male genitals.

The farmer tries to sell them to anyone and eventually even posts them online, where he surprisingly starts getting more orders than he can fill; and all from Russia. He’s surprised but grows another batch and they sell out again. He starts worrying there might be something illegal going on so he go...

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An elementary school teacher was handing out samples of deer jerky to anyone who wanted to try it.

It was part of the lesson about pioneer days and she hadn't yet told them what kind of meat it was.


She was giving clues to help the students. "I'm sure all of you have seen one as there are a lot of them around here". No response.

"The males often clash to prove who is toughest". ...

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Two statues (one nude male, one nude female) sit beside each other at the entrance of Central Park…

One day, very early in the morning, an angel comes down from heaven. He looks the statues up and down, and with a flick of his wrist, \*POOF!\* he turns the statues into real people.

The man and woman stare at each other in amazement, but their attention soon turns to the angel, who's quite s...

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Two male friends decide to spend their holiday together

They don't have a lot of money so they decide to rent a small room for them both. Unfortunately the only one available has only one double bed.

After all they are close friends and know each other since pre-school. A couple of nights in the same bed is not a problem.

One night after pa...

A 17 year old male walks into a drug store.

He says "I've been invited to Christmas dinner at my new girlfriend's house. Afterwards I hope there is a chance I get lucky, if you know what I mean" Clerk: "How about condoms then? They could come in handy. Here's a pack." The young man after paying walks to the door, stops, smiles, comes back: "y...

The nurse asked the patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by a doctor.

The nurse asked the patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by a doctor.

“In front of you”?”, he asks, shyly.

The nurse says, “Well no, but I've seen the naked human body before.”

The patient said, “Not one like mine. You would die laughing at my naked bo...

As a male, if a girl gets undressed in front of you, she is either interested in you or you're level 100 friendzoned

Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet.

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Not your average dick joke

What does the Pink Panther and a male prostitute have in common?

They’re both Peter Sellers.

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