A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:

Man: What's the problem officer?

Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.

Man: No sir, I was going 65.

Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail l...

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How did the male porn star describe the female porn star’s beauty?

He said she had the nicest face he ever came across.

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Male gunowners are, in fact, compensating for their manhood.

You can't kill a deer or repel intruders with your dick.

As a male, if a girl gets undressed in front of you, she is either interested in you or you're level 100 friendzoned

Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet.

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I don't get why so many people talk down on male pornstars

These men are hard at work

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A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same...

How much does Male to Female surgery cost?

About a third of your salary.

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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,

wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and...

What do you call a male zebra?

A zebro

Why don't junkies like a good male protagonist in a story?

Because they prefer heroine.

How many tickles does it take to make a male octopus laugh?

Eleven.

It's usually ten-tickles, but an extra one is counted for the test-tickle

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I want to start a four piece all Male country western pop band...

And call it "The Chixie Dicks"

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My friend says someone in our male friend group is gay

I hope it’s Lucas, he’s really cute

What do you call a male cow who is taking a nap?

A bull dozer

What did the Male steak think about his ex-wife?

She was a miss-steak

A woman comes home late in the night and goes quietly in the bedroom.

To her surprise, she sees male and female feet peeking out from under the blanket. Shocked and raging, she gets her baseball bat and beats and beats until all movement stops. After that she goes into the living room and sees her husband laying on the sofa. He turns to her half asleep: "Oh, you're ho...

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A man goes into a pet shop to buy a dog, the owner asks him, "Would you like a male or a female dog?"

"Bitch please."

I'm starting an all-male cross-dressing dixie chicks tribute band

I'm calling it chicks with dixies

What do you call a friendship between two male emos?

My Chemical Bromance

Scientists have determined that it's impossible to change a female sheep into a male.

They'll never make a man out of ewe.

Pickup line for male hamsters to females

Are you from Amsterdam? Cause hamster , damn !!

Q: Is Google male or female?

A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

What do young male Spanish cows call each other?

Moo-chachos

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On a recent safari, I saw two male lions having sex with each other out in the open.

I thought, “Have they got no pride?”

Why did no one like to hang with the male pig?

He was too Boar-ing.

How can you tell a female ant from a male ant?

If you put the ant in a glass of water and it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats, it's buoyant.

Iron Man is a very confusing character.

I know he’s a guy but he could’ve been Fe Male.

A farmer had 5 female pigs but times were hard and he needed a solution.

A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.

The farmers lived 60 miles apart, so they decide...

There is a way of telling if an orange is male or female.

If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.

If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female.

When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body.

Then I was born.

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A Jew and a Czech while on a trip are attacked by two bears, one male and one female.

The Jew is able to escape; however, the Czech gets eaten by the male bear. Being a good Samaritan the Jew alerts the park ranger that there are two bears on the loose, one of which has eaten his friend. The park ranger then proceeds to kill both of the bears. The Jew asks the park ranger if he can c...

How do you know if you are a privileged white straight male?

A feminist will tell you.

A government run initiative to restore the male geese population is getting a lot of media attention...

Critics are referring to it as proper gander.

[NSFW] Apparently Mohammed is now the most popular male name

Guess you could say it blew up.

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I've been told male cows don't deficate

I think that's bullshit

What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?

100 sows and bucks.

What do you call it when a male physical therapist doesn’t support women?

Massage a knee.

A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!"

The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS"

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A female dentist pulls out a needle to give her male patient a shot...

“No way, not today I hate needles,” says the patient. The dentist decides to go to the back and bring out the nitrous oxide mask.

“No way, not today, the thought of having that mask on makes me suffocate already, protests the patient.” The dentist goes out to the back, stores the gas, and com...

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Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms ...

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The KKK recently announced that male Asian porn stars are welcome to join the Klan

As they too are a part of he supreme cockasian race

What’s the male ghosts favorite part of a female ghost?

Her boooooobies.

Aparently 30% of males go on a diet before going on holiday. I cheated

And just took a fat girlfriend to the beach

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There are 3 flies in a jar, one male, two female. One day, one of the female flies decides she wants to get out of the jar. She goes up to the other female fly and says, "Hey, how do you get out of the jar?" The other female fly says, "I don't know, maybe ask him."

So the female fly goes up to the male fly and asks, "Hey, how do you get out of this jar?"

The male fly says, "I can tell you, but you have to fuck me first." And flies....they aren't very smart. So they do it and the male fly tells the female fly, "You start from the bottom of the jar and fl...

What's the difference between a male and a female fire sprinkler system?

The male will exhaust the fire, the female will exhaust the water supply

Why did the female rock break up with the male rock?

Because he took her for granite

I don't like going on the male toilets because men are a lot more open to farting loud there so I sometimes like to sneak into the female toilets and there they are a lot more quiet and discreet about it....

At least when they know I'm there

Our town's male strip club has employed a lot of poorly endowed men.

Ironically, they aren't short staffed.

What should the name of the first male birth control gel be?

Sonblock.

I’ve been looking to get rid of some male geese.

Would you like to take a gander?

Disney has announced that all future Marvel movies will have an all male cast.

They are doing their part to combat the heroine epidemic.

What did the male alpaca say when he was kicked out of the house for cheating on his wife?

Alpaca bag.

Male Logic.

Woman: do you drink beer?
Man: yes

Woman: how many beers a day?
Man: usually about three

Woman: how much do you pay per beer?
Man:$5.00 which includes a tip (this is where it gets scary!)

Woman: and how long have you been drinking? ...

Why do female vampires have an advantage over male vampires?

Because they get free supply of blood once a month.

At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other

The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.

After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and ...

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The General Social Survey reports that the average male has sex 54 times a year.

It’s going to be a busy month.

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A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sex threatening health attack.

He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on a hospital bed. An young nurse came to clean his body with sponge. The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir, I am just getting you clean” The patient repeated again, “Are my testicles black?” N...

Someone once told that there’s little difference between the male and female reproductive systems. But in reality...

There’s a vas deferens.

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A male pornstar was charged with murder and sentenced to death by hanging. The day before his execution, the warden asked: "what would you like inscribed on your tombstone?"

...

...

...

...

​

"Hank

1980-2017

He was well hung"

​

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"Why are you telling me this story about a male chicken?" I asked the bartender, confused.

He just looked at me and replied, "You asked for a cock tale, sir."

A 17 year old male walks into a drug store.

He says "I've been invited to Christmas dinner at my new girlfriend's house. Afterwards I hope there is a chance I get lucky, you know what I mean"

Clerk: "How about condoms then? They could come in handy. Here's a pack." The young man after paying walks to the door, stops, smiles, comes back...

Did you hear about the new male birth control pill?

You take it the next day....it changes your blood type.

What do you call sleeping male cattle?

Bulldozers.

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Why are male bathrooms on the left, and female bathrooms on the right?

Because no matter what, women are always right, even when they're full of
shit.

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A male and female deer have sex and make a baby.... they

‘’Fawn’icated

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Why were all the male employees happy at the balloon inflating factory ?

Because their female boss gave them a blow job.

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I told my friend that I have sex with my dog and the idiot asked me if it was male or female.

Does he think I'm gay or what?

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The average male goldfish

Forgets about sex every 7 seconds

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What turns on a male duck the most?

A nice butt quack.

A Holiday Story

Back in the 1970s an Alaskan lawyer found out he had a long lost cousin in Czechoslovakia. In letters, the Czech mentioned he always wanted to see Alaska, so they arrange for him to come for a visit over the Christmas break.

While he's there the Alaskan takes him for a hike through the woods....

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A male and female statue stare at each other for hundreds of years.

One day a wizard, feeling sorry for the statues, brought them to life for 30 minutes. Right away, the two of them ran into some nearby bushes and you could hear all kinds of strange sounds and moans from there. After a while they came back out, giggling. The wizard told them "You have another 15 min...

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A bear is chasing a rabbit around a dead hollow tree.

They are causing lots of commotion. Eventually a forest spirit rises from the tree.

“You two have woken me from my slumber. If you promise to go away I will grant you both three wishes”

The bear and rabbit instantly agree.

The spirit asks the bear for his first wish.

“I w...

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A new planet has emerged in the solar system and he happens to be male

He soon finds that all of the other planets except for Uranus are also male. As the only female in the solar system, he assumes all the other planets will be flocking to her. Instead, they are all just floating and not doing anything.
The new planet asks Mars, “Why aren’t you guys all over Uranu...

A Czechoslovakian and Soviet were hunting in the woods

It had been sometime since they were last seen and people were starting to worry about them. A week had passed and a search party was deployed.

The search wasn’t going well until one tracker found some bear scat with a handkerchief that was thought to belong to the Soviet hunter.

A f...

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Australian kids are exposed to male genitals a lot growing up.

By the time they reach 18, they've definitely seen a cockatoo.

So...I’m (male) at Gap shopping for clothes back in senior year of high school...(long)

...looking for some clothes for college. I’m in the midst of picking out a new pair of pants, when out of the corner of my eye, I notice a middle-aged woman staring at me from the other side of the store. I ignore it briefly, and continue looking for my clothing purchases.

10 minutes later, ...

How to distinguish between the meows of male and female cats:

1. Listen intently to the meow
2. Take a peek at their genitalia.

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Male Sex Drive Through The Ages

Between 16 and 32: Tri-weekly

Between 33 and 52: Try weekly

52 and up: Try weakly

What did the male Caterpillar say to the female Caterpillar?

Nice pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, p...

What do male deer and the Kardashians have in common?

Every year, they get a new rack

My friend is a male stripper. He hates his job and wants to quit, but the pay is too good.

So he decided to stick it out for a little longer.

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What's another name for a male puppy?

A son of a bitch

What do you call a cheesy male who is not yours?

Nacho man