Is Google male or female?

Female - she doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion

Taken from r/darkjokes

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Someone once told me that male cows can't poop...

I thought about it for a second before I realized; that's just bullshit

A male driver is pulled over by a cop Man: What's the problem officer?

Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.

Man: No sir, I was going 65.

Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.

(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken
tail light.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know abou...

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What do you call a blind male porn star?

I'd have thought the answer would be obvious.




Stiffy Wonder.

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A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan

when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried...

How can you tell if an ant is male or female?

Throw it in water. If it sinks, its a girl ant, otherwise its buoyant

What happened to the male stripper who was also a guitarist?

He snapped his G String

Male cheetahs have a specific bark that causes female cheetahs to ovulate 'on-demand.'

Because you still can't trust them. They're cheetahs.

What did the male cow say to the attractive female cow?

You’ve got a nice dairyaire

After extensive testing the C.I.A. has gotten down to it's final 3 candidates of this recruiting cycle, being 1 female and 2 males.

The recruiter tells them that in working for the C.I.A they need to be ready for anything and the final test is to prove this.

The recruiter explains that each recruit will have to go into the interrogation room that their respected husband or wife is in and kill them with the gun provided. ...

What do you call a male ant?

An uncle.

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Why did the male incest porn actor get emotional and start crying on set?

Because he saw so much of himself in his daughter.

Wendy was dared by her male classmate to climb to the top of the school’s flagpole

She bets him an ice cream that she can and he agrees. She climbs all the way to the top and gets ice cream.
Upon reaching home, she bragged to her mom, feeling proud about what she did.
“Oh, Wendy. You do know that he just wanted you to climb the pole so he could see your underwear.” She say...

Marylanders: Do you know how to tell the difference between male and female Chesapeake blue crabs ?

The female will tell you how to eat her.

What do you call a male pirate who identifies as a female pirate?

Transgendaarrrr!

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Being a Male porn star is hard...

...there's a lot of stiff competition.

How do chickens tell who's the alpha male or female?

They use a *pecking* order

Why do male, Mexicans get better jobs out of college?

Because they can apply for señor positions.

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As a sex education teacher, I know that the semen in the average male ejaculation has about 20 calories.

But I tell my daughter that there are 350 calories in it.

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A male stripper goes into a restaurant. He sees a beautiful young nun and decides he wants to do the dirty on her.

So he decides to propose to her directly.
"Ey girl how you doin? What do you think about leaving that chastity aside and come with me for a good time?"
The nun angrily answers, "I am a woman of no man, only God! To hell with you, sinner!"
The man goes to a table, defeated, but then his wait...

A 17 year old male walks into a drug store.

He says "I've been invited to Christmas dinner at my new girlfriend's house. Afterwards I hope there is a chance I get lucky, if you know what I mean" Clerk: "How about condoms then? They could come in handy. Here's a pack." The young man after paying walks to the door, stops, smiles, comes back: "y...

A Male kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a scotch and starts talking about the good old days when nobody was on their phones, when video games were for the rich, and the ozone layer was whole.

“Ok boomer”

Why Ironman and why not Fe-male?

Do not spoil the answer

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I thought I’d found my dream job as a male prostitute

But it turned out to be a pain in the ass.

There's been a recent surge in the number of male crossdressers in the Amish community.

Be careful. Women you might see during the day, may actually be mennonite.

I was comparing the Male and Female genitalia.

I noticed a vas deferens.

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a Male Hen

It was Passover and the priest had lost his Rooster and didn't know where to find it. So at the sermon on Good Friday he asked, "Has anybody got the cock?" All the men stood up. "No! no! I mean has anybody seen the cock?" All the women folk stood up. "No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?"
...

How do male pray mantises turn on their partners?

They give them a little head.

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What do you call a male chicken in a gang?

A hard cock.

As a male, if a girl gets undressed in front of you, she is either interested in you or you're level 100 friendzoned

Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet.

What is the male version of telekinesis?

Telekinephews.

Today at work, a male client jumped on me and started licking me.

I work at a vet though, so it’s ok.

what is a problem many male lizards have?

ereptile dysfunction

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How did the male porn star describe the female porn star’s beauty?

He said she had the nicest face he ever came across.

What type of toothpaste do they use in male prisons?

Cavity protection

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What did God say when he was trying to make the first male snake but accidentally made it female.

“Crap! I made a miss snake.”

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I don't get why so many people talk down on male pornstars

These men are hard at work

When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body

Then I was born

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What do you call a homeless male prostitute?

Street Meat

Priests around the globe protest as more and more male teenagers use the new Snapchat filter to fap to themselves.

As a countermeasure, next month Snapchat will release a baby filter.

A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!"

The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS"

Iron Man is a very confusing character.

I know he’s a guy but he could’ve been Fe Male.

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What do you call a startup male pornstar?

Up and coming.

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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,

wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and...

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Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms ...

How many tickles does it take to make a male octopus laugh?

Eleven.

It's usually ten-tickles, but an extra one is counted for the test-tickle

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Male gunowners are, in fact, compensating for their manhood.

You can't kill a deer or repel intruders with your dick.

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I realised today that as a straight male in my mid twenties, having been single for multiple years and surrounded myself with other men, I'd never taken the opportunity to take part in the tossing and rolling they did together behind closed doors. My older neighbor told me about it in 2nd grade and

I was fascinated by how far it broke from the concepts of "normalcy" I had been brought up with. He said they'd go for hours exploring with eachother, never leaving the room. Sometimes in middle school I'd walk by a class in the hall and hear a group of them grunting and huffing, occasionally lettin...

A farmer had 5 female pigs but times were hard and he needed a solution.

A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.

The farmers lived 60 miles apart, so they decide...

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My friend says someone in our male friend group is gay

I hope it’s Lucas, he’s really cute

How much does Male to Female surgery cost?

About a third of your salary.

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Whats the difference between a Male teacher having sex with a Female student, and a Female teacher having sex with a Male student?

One gets you in prison, and the other gets you a Van Halen song

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A man goes into a pet shop to buy a dog, the owner asks him, "Would you like a male or a female dog?"

"Bitch please."

A woman comes home late in the night and goes quietly in the bedroom.

To her surprise, she sees male and female feet peeking out from under the blanket. Shocked and raging, she gets her baseball bat and beats and beats until all movement stops. After that she goes into the living room and sees her husband laying on the sofa. He turns to her half asleep: "Oh, you're ho...

What do you call a juice box’s daughter who’s transitioned to a male?

CapriSon.

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On a recent safari, I saw two male lions having sex with each other out in the open.

I thought, “Have they got no pride?”

Why don't junkies like a good male protagonist in a story?

Because they prefer heroine.

Pickup line for male hamsters to females

Are you from Amsterdam? Cause hamster , damn !!

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A Male Fairy Tale...

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "NO!!!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big-breasted broads and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to titty bars and dated women hal...

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A Jew and a Czech while on a trip are attacked by two bears, one male and one female.

The Jew is able to escape; however, the Czech gets eaten by the male bear. Being a good Samaritan the Jew alerts the park ranger that there are two bears on the loose, one of which has eaten his friend. The park ranger then proceeds to kill both of the bears. The Jew asks the park ranger if he can c...

Male birth control can be accomplished by putting a common aspirin in your shoe.

It makes you limp.







edit; forgot an "s".

What do you call a male cow who is taking a nap?

A bull dozer

What did the Male steak think about his ex-wife?

She was a miss-steak

Why did no one like to hang with the male pig?

He was too Boar-ing.

I'm starting an all-male cross-dressing dixie chicks tribute band

I'm calling it chicks with dixies

What do young male Spanish cows call each other?

Moo-chachos

Scientists have determined that it's impossible to change a female sheep into a male.

They'll never make a man out of ewe.

There is a way of telling if an orange is male or female.

If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.

If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female.

What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?

100 sows and bucks.

What’s the male ghosts favorite part of a female ghost?

Her boooooobies.

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There are 3 flies in a jar, one male, two female. One day, one of the female flies decides she wants to get out of the jar. She goes up to the other female fly and says, "Hey, how do you get out of the jar?" The other female fly says, "I don't know, maybe ask him."

So the female fly goes up to the male fly and asks, "Hey, how do you get out of this jar?"

The male fly says, "I can tell you, but you have to fuck me first." And flies....they aren't very smart. So they do it and the male fly tells the female fly, "You start from the bottom of the jar and fl...

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How much does it cost to have sex with a male deer in the missionary position?

Under a buck

[NSFW] Apparently Mohammed is now the most popular male name

Guess you could say it blew up.

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