UPJOKE
audiblehedgehogsoundnoisesegatransonichearableaudioacousticauralstereophonicbuzzcosmicpsychedelicthunder

Sonic Jokes

Do you know why Sonic never chooses Heads?

Cause he prefers Tails.

I always order my burgers from Sonic

He always gets them to me the fastest

My wife said if I don't get rid of all my Sonic merchandise, she's going to leave me. Taking all offers.

It's gotta go fast.

"With my sonic superpowers I shall call myself....

...TINNITUS!"

"Tinnitus?"

"Yeah! Doesn't it have a nice ring to it?"

"Persian sonic, why are you tired?"

"Iran."

Sonic looked like his games were getting better in recent years

and then BOOM

What do you call a movie with Sonic the Hedgehog, and Curious George?

2 Fast 2 Curious

What does Muslim sonic say when Ramadan begins.

Gotta go fast!

I thought it would be a cool idea to have sonic in real life

But apparently speed doesn’t make animals faster

How do you stop Sonic the Hedgehog from running?

Elect some other candidate in the primaries.

Sonic

I’ve been experimenting with ways to pollinate my greenhouse tomatoes. The best method so far is vibrating blossoms with an electric toothbrush.

My buddy suggested blasting heavy bass to pollinate all of them at once.

He pointed out I would have a soundgarden.

What's the name of Sonic the Hedgehog's drug business

Sonic SPEED

She call me sonic

The way I edge my hog

Why does Sonic always wear gloves?

Because his hands are cold.

What happens when a witch breaks the sound barrier?

You hear a sonic broom.

What do you call a 60 year old flying in a fighter jet?

A sonic boomer.

Unvaccinated kids are Sonic's hardcore fans

cuz they gotta go fast

SEGA has decided to release a game about a guy that won't let other people queue for religious events. Instead he always runs really fast to the front.

Sonic the hajj-hog.

What is faster than a missle but slower than atranqilizer dart?

Sonic the real one.

So after Sonic Youth broke up Thurston Moore was asked did he have any regrets when it came to the band

And he said “Yeah, 100%”

Fasting.

What a Jamaican calls Sonic the Hedgehog

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hotshot

A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by.

The jet jockey decided to show off.

The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!' and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman is flying over the ocean . . . NSFW

... And he spots Wonder Woman on an island lying spread-eagle naked on the beach.

He thinks, "Man, I've always wanted to fuck her."

So he flies down at super-sonic speed, drills her within seconds, and flies away chuckling.


Meanwhile, Wonder Woman says, "What the fuck was th...

Terminator walks into a police station

He opens the first office and two police officers stand there mouths open. They reach for their pistols, but the Terminator opens his mouth and out shoots the sound of ear piercing violins. The police officers drop their pistols and clench their hands against their ears, but it's too much, their hea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has sex with a woman bodybuilder

After a while, he leaves the bedroom and joins his friend, who never thought he could manage a bodybuilder, in the living room:

"Dude, my dick is like Sonic"

"Is it fast?!"

"No, it's blue"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy Sam spends way too much time playing video games.

He's not very social, and hardly leaves his house except to go to Best Buy. He's not bad looking and can sing like a combination of Fergie and Jesus. One day he tells me he has a crush on the girl that works in the home theater department named Shiba. I tell him, "Sam, you should talk to her. It's a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman is flying around the city looking for crime to fight...

Suddenly, he sees Wonder Woman, laying on a rooftop bare naked, with her legs wide spread, grinding and writhing sensually. He gets hard instantly and decides to give her the time of her life. So he flies down, fucks the shit out of her at super sonic speed, busts his nut, and flies off again before...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Up in the air

A Boeing 777 wide-body jetliner was lumbering along at 800km/hour at 33000 feet when a cocky F-16 fighter jet flashed by at Mach 2.

The F-16 pilot decided to show off.

On his state of the art radio that is part of his state of the art 3D and million dollar headset, the F-16 youngster...

Did you hear about the new pickle flavored bread?

So since Pickle flavor is in style now with sonics new pickle juice shake, I think I'm going to launch a line of pickle flavored pastry. I'm going to call it Dilldough.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day Superman was feeling a bit horny

One day Superman was feeling a bit horny. So, he began to
ask his super hero friends for ideas on where he could get
a bit of action. "Hey Batman! Who's good in the sack?"

"Well Superman, everyone knows that Wonderwoman is the best
sex in comicland. Why don't you try her?", replied B...

The flea jumping competition begins

Fleas from all over the country have gathered here today to take part in the contest. Expect an incredible show.

=

Team 1 from Muts-4-homes Animal Shelter take the stage.

=

The team lines up on the platform...

=

6 --
5 --
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here It Is! The Poopie list!

Ghost Poopie--The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie--The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie--The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unw...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dad, is Santa real?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the popul...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Millionaire marriage proposal

A bachelor Chinese millionaire is on a business trip in Los Angeles. He has had very bad luck finding the perfect bride in China and had given up hope of getting married. During his business presentation, he sees the perfect bride for him -- she is an intelligent, tall, slender single brunette wit...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.