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Reproduction Jokes

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Asexual Reproduction.

I never really understood the appeal of asexual reproduction. But, You do you, I guess.

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My Professor asked “what’s the advantage of sexual reproduction?”

“Fuck if I know”

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I was having sex with Vladimir Lenin and he asked me to grab his balls

Well what he really said was ‘seize the means of reproduction’

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1-step guide for Asexual Reproduction

Go fuck yourself

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Asexual reproduction is reproduction with only one party

And lots of alcohol and bad decisions

What do you call reproduction on other galaxies?

Execute order 69

What do you call a hand job from a communist?

Seizing the means of reproduction.

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Turns out the way we make dough is due to sexual reproduction involving the yeast used being from the same family

This has led to inbread results

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The sex conventions keynote speaker was asked to talk about reproduction

He stands up, says ‘It gives me great pleasure…”, and sits back down.

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are observing a building...

A very heavy-set man is seen going in.

A while later two very skinny men exit.

The physicist says "To within experimental error, the conservation of mass has been demonstrated."

The biologist says "reproduction by mitosis must have taken place."

The mathematician scratche...

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If Donald Trump was a communist,

If Donald Trump was a communist, instead of saying "Grab her by the pussy" he would have said "Seize the means of reproduction."

A guy called me a c*nt after I told him I'm a Marxist.

Basically, for telling him about my plans to seize the means of production, he called me a means of reproduction.

Steve Irwin busts through the door and puts me into a headlock.

"This little bugga simulates reproduction up to 5 times a day, almost exclusively without a mate!"

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A woman is in a restaurant... (Science humorish)

She asks the female waiter,
"Is that condiment on the table the process in which a sex cell creates
haploids for sexual reproduction?"

The waiter replies,
"No, thats mayo, sis"

I saw an anti-abortion meme and wondered about copyright law ...

Does the image come with reproduction rights?

Another google meme...

Me: what is the meaning of life?



Google:

*noun*

1. 1.the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death."the origins of life"
2. 2.the e...

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Wanna fuck?

A man called Carl, married a woman that never had sex, didn't know anything about human reproduction. And he taught her everything about sex and she liked it so much.

One day her husband was at work and her cousin visited her, they sat and after a minute of silence she asked him "do you want ...

I found out my vet was a communist.

They took my dog‘s means of reproduction.

A biologist, statistician and a mathematician are watching a house

A biologist, statistician and a mathematician are watching a house. They see two people enter and three people leave.
Biologist: “We have just witnessed an example of reproduction.”
Statistician: “This falls within the statistical error.”
Mathematician: “If one more person enters the house...

I was dating a chick from the Soviet Union...

it was nice until she tried to seize my means of reproduction.

A communist girl thought I was cute.

Next thing I know she seized my means of reproduction!

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Why is it called sexting

and not textual reproduction?

Did you hear about the communist couple that went to a fertility clinic?

They wanted to seize the means of reproduction.

A communist, like Karl Marx, says to seize the means of production...

Capitalist Donald Trump however, prefers to seize the means of reproduction.

Why did Stalin round up all the women in the USSR?

To seize the means of reproduction

A mathematician, a biologist and a statistician sat at a bar

Across the street they saw a man and a woman enter a building. 30 minutes later the man and the woman appears with a child.

The statistician said that this is clearly a case of faulty data. There is more information here than we have.

Nonsense, said the biologist. Clearly this is a sim...

Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.

Multiplication in biology means reproduction, which is microscopically accomplished by cell division.

Stalin's political career didn't really take off, until he played the trump card

-Seize the means of reproduction!

Captain Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise encountered an unknown alien craft

However, they proved to be friendly, and soon a dialog was reached. After discussing quite a few differences in culture, they came to reproduction.

One of the aliens said "Let me demonstrate" and a small swelling appeared on his arm. After a couple of minutes, the swelling became the form o...

Donald Trump wants to make Russia great again all along.....

We should have known, he kept talking about seizing the means of reproduction after all

Father Rabbit teaches his Rabbit Son life lessons.

So Father Rabbit takes four female rabbits and lines them up in front of his son.

"Son", says Father Rabbit, "we are small and vulnerable animals, and everyone in the woods wants to eat us. That's why we have to do everything really fast to stay safe. Including reproduction. I brought these f...

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A UFO crashes on a farm

A loud noise is heard outside of a remote farm house and startles a middle-aged farmer and his wife. The farmer walks out to see a UFO. He walks up to the UFO and find out the aliens are peaceful, completely naked and have fairly human bodies. The farmer attempts to communicate with them and the ali...

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