I was out shopping tonight, when I saw a new brand of condoms called, "Olympic." Trying to get in to the spirit of things, I bought a pack and when I got home, I sprinted in singing the Olympic theme song and proudly showed them to my wife...

"Olympic condoms!?" she asked. "What makes them so special? Are we only going to use them once every four years?!"

Chuckling, I replied, "No,no! You see, there are three colors, Gold, Silver and Bronze!"

"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asked cheekily.

"Gold of co...

A homeless man walks into a cafe and asks for a cup of coffee.

The barista, taken aback by his appearance, tells him that he needs to pay for that coffee.

“How about this.”
and then he pulled a frog out of his pocket that started to beautifully play the piano.

The barista is amazed and offers him a cup of coffee on the house.
After a while, ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife suggested for sex we do something from a song...

Her friend Eileen wasnt to happy about it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How do you make it so no one gets offended at the Christmas song "Baby It's Cold Outside"?

Rebrand it as a rap song and name it, "Yo Bitch, It's Freezing Outside."

When I compose songs on my piano, I play multiple notes at once to make my songs longer.

They're extension chords.

A teacher is about to sing a song he made for his students

He then started:

-Joe, kiss my toe! Ferdinand, kiss my hand!

He abruptly stops singing and asks:

Why are you leaving the classroom, Patrick?

What's a geologists favorite song?

I wanna rock.

Someone said that all the songs in Moana are pop songs.

But it is quite clear that "You're Welcome" is a rock song.

Gotye gave us one hit song and disappeared.

Now he's just somebody that we used to know

You know what they say about the song "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"

The urge to sing is just a whim away

What is Donald Trump's favorite song?


Whats the bukkake theme song?

"Come together, right now
Over me"

Studies have shown that if presented with song lyrics, the human mind will produce the melody and have it in the background. According to the researchers,

your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know.

My girlfriend told me to stop singing Smash Mouth songs around the house or she's leaving me. I couldn't tell if she was serious or not.

And then I saw her face...

What is Donald Trumps favourite song? Another Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd

Because he don't need no education....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I asked a random woman what her favourite Radiohead song is.

She said, "I don't know...Creep?"

I said, "Fuck off, you don't even know me."

What did the large reptile say to her child when it kept nagging her to listen to the song “Chandelier?”

We will listen to Sia later alligator.

What song did Kenny Rogers write after his cowboy boot broke?

“You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose Heel.”

What is a tacks favorite song?

The hokey-pokey!

From my 7 year old, with love.

Sean Connery used to sing Otis Redding songs as lullabies to his baby son.

He was ten years old before he realised the dock of the bay wasn’t actually covered in excrement.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

More songs that need to be banned for Christmas

Since some folks have decided that “Baby it’s Cold Outside” should be banned and pulled from radio playlists, we feel that these other holiday songs must also be removed as they are offensive as well.

1. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus: subjecting minors to softcore porn; infidelity


What’s an unvaccinated kid’s favorite Beatles song?

When I’m Four

What happens when you make a Llama sing along to a song by the Cranberries?

You get a zombie alpacalips

I was listening to the ABC song the other day

Everything I listen to now just seems so derivative

Why does Kidz Bop cover Drake songs?

Because Drake's girlfriends have to have a age appropriate way to listen to his songs.

I wrote a song about a tortilla.

Actually, it's more of a wrap.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Michael Jackson wrote a song about my sex life

Beat it


The media is reporting that the Xmas song, 'All I Want For Christmas is my Two Front Teeth' as being offensive to rednecks

help: iphone 6s freezes but only when i play song "down with the sickness" any ideas??

edit: thx guys, turns out i was in "Do Not Disturbed" mode

What is United Kingdom's top song for December 2018?

"All I want for Christmas is EU"

What do you call someone who plays the same song over and over on his didgeridoo?

An unoriginal aboriginal.

Have you guys seen the video from the song “Believer”?

If you think fighting Dolph Lundgren is hard...

Imagine dragons

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So this kid likes this song and keeps singing the chorus excessively...

He only knows the chorus,nwhich goes “If my father was a king, my mother would be the queen, and I would be a prince.” And he sings this to himself constantly, on a loop.

One day, he’s riding in a cab and the taxi driver says, “Hey, buddy...don’t you know any more words to that song?”


My girlfriend and I overheard a Whitney Houston song.

She says “Man, Whitney had some pipes on her.”

I say “Pretty sure that’s how she died, right?”

I was struggling trying to learn to play the song “Take On Me.” Then all of a sudden it clicked and I got it

It was a real Ah-Ha moment

What's Hitler's favorite Christmas song?

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

What would you call a song about climate change?

An Algorithm.

Boy George wrote a song for this sub...

Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma comedian

My friend asked me if Wonderwall was my favorite song by Oasis.

I said maybe.

Love is like a country song

... it’s unnecessary

I can't wait to hear the big song from the new Mary Poppins movie...


I write songs about sewing machines

I'm a Singer Songwriter

What is Shang Tsung’s favorite type of Nordic song?


This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A fancy restaurant is hiring a new pianist

A guy called John comes in and says "Hi there, I'm here about the pianist position."

The manager replies "That's fantastic, do you mind sitting at the piano and showing me what you can do?"

So John sits at the piano and starts to play one of the most beautiful songs the manager has ev...

What is a neutrino's favorite holiday song?

"Have yourself a very little rest mass."

What’s a NASCAR driver’s favorite song to sing to other drivers during a race?

Blue Bayou

What's the official song of the Anti Vaxx movement?

Down With the Sickness

What's every priest's favorite choir song?

"His Coming" in A minor

What's a real estate agents favorite song?

For lease navidad

My favourite Christmas song is teenage dirtbag by wheatus.

Her name is Noel.

I keep hearing high pitched Christmas songs in my ear.

My Doctor thinks it might be tinseltus.

It's a shame The Beatles didn't make the submarine in that song green.

That would've been sublime.

Some celebrity’s have their own theme songs

Like Ellen with I’m coming out, or Bill Cosby with I wanna be sedated

[nsfw] Sinatra thought his wife was cheating on him, so he wrote her a song and sang it to her one night in bed. "Come to me..." he began crooning, and she swooned. She loved it when he sang to her...

He continued singing... "Your breath smells like..."

"...come to me!"

I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves.

Baby shark do da do da do da dooo

The latest hipster music craze plays songs at a frequency of 50000 Hz.

You probably never heard of it.

What kind of song does the sun listen to?

A Neptune.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a Nazi Christmas song?

Jing Goebbels.

In 1985, new wave band, A-Ha, wrote a song for a new Broadway version of Peter Pan that was never used. In the musical, Tinkerbell was supposed to sing to Peter, urging him to try and fight Captain Hook’s right hand man with the intent of demoralizing Hook and his pirate crew...

Taaaaake oooooon Smeeeee

What do you call a hacker's theme song?

A L33tmotif.

What do you get when you play a country song backwards?

Your truck is fixed, you dog is alive, and your wife comes back

A group of veterans decided to put out a cover of an Aretha Franklin song

They're calling it RESPTSD .

This guy said he was going to compose an atheist theme song ....

I suggested, "Don't START believing".

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I said to a blonde girl I bet you a blowjob I can sing a song with your name in it, no way says the blonde my name is Chantelle so I bet you, Ok I said here we go....

Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday Chantelle happy blow job for me...

What is a kidnapper's favorite song?

"In the arms of a stranger"

What do you do when you meet a fellow anime watcher appreciates the theme song of an anime you like?

Kill him, it's an opening.

What song does an archaeologist listen to when their work site is closed?

No Diggity