Clothes are like Billie Eilish songs

I was really surprised when I found out that a kid made them

What happens when you play a country song backwards

The dog lives and the wife returns

I write songs about sewing machines

Im a singer-songwriter

What Christmas song do they sing in the psychiatric hospital?

Do you see what I see?

Someday we will have to explain the song 'baby it's cold outside' to our kids as it becomes more and more controversial.

We will have to explain to them how it used to get cold outside.

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They say about 70% of people masturbate in the shower and about 30% sing in the shower. Do you know what the most popular song is to sing in the shower?

You don't? Well I guess we know what you've been doing.

Some crocodiles got together to write parody songs.

It's a pun croc band.

I can fit the lyrics of the song 'Uptown Funk' into any conversation.

Don't believe me? Just watch!

Did you know Rihanna wrote a song about her grandma having Alzheimer's?

It goes: "oh Nana, what's my name?"

What is the official song of patriarchy?

It's Reigning Men.

There's nothing worse than having a Cranberries song stuck in your

heeeeeeeeead,


in your heeeeeead,


in your head, in your head,


in your hea, hea, head

What’s Princess Leia’s favourite song?

Ridin’ Solo

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The principal at our school once gave detention to a student for illegally downloading Justin Bieber songs online for free.

Even worse, he expelled another student who actually *paid* for his album.

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Have you heard of the rap song that’s going viral?

Wuhan clan ain’t nothing to fuck with

I wrote a song about a tortilla....

It’s actually more of a wrap

Did you hear about the guy who keeps singing songs by The Knack?

He has the My Sharonavirus.

Old MacDonald is up to something. He keeps typing the lyrics to his song as "E-I-E-I-o".

I just can't trust a guy with shift-E-I's.

If Elvis only wrote sad songs

He would be known as Elvis Depressly

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What song do prostitutes sing while getting high?

High Hoe!! High Hoe!! It’s off to work I go.

What’s a horse’s favourite Beatles song?



Hay Chewed.

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My school took my MP3 after I sung the song “Pumped Up Kicks” loudly in class.

When I brought my new MP4, they took it, and my friends laughed at me.

Today I brought my MP5 and everyone started screaming and some weird kids danced.

Donald Trump's favorite song is 'Dust in the Wind.'

He said he loves anything by the band Missouri.

So singing some rap songs with my black friends in the car and they are picking on me because as a white guy I am not allowed to say the n word when it pops up in the songs.

But jokes on them, I can say a lot of other words that they can’t.
Like “thank you officer have a nice day.”
And also “happy birthday uncle dad”

What's the favorite song of horses?

Hey Joe.

(OC)) If some impish scamps did a hip hop cover of the Booker T. and the M.G.'s song Green Onions...

...would they be Rap Scallions?

Two recovering alcoholics decided to write a song together...

but they couldn't get past the first two bars.

My partner asked me to stop singing Oasis songs...

I said maybe

Why did sublime suck at playing their most famous song?

Because they didn’t practice Santeria

My abusive father got drunk to the same song every night. I tried to shut it off before he could get started...

But he beat me to it.

I was in a bar yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really loud, so I timed my farts with the beats. After a couple songs I started to feel better. I finished my beer and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

A husband and wife are doing a crossword puzzle.

Husband: Programs for mobile devices. 4 letters

Wife: Apps

Husband: Adolescent, 4 letters

Wife: Teen

Husband: Contraction meaning failed to perform, 5 letters

Wife: Didn't

Husband: Take a life, 4 letters

Wife: Kill

Husband: Religious songs, 5 l...

What’s Donald Trump’s favorite Christmas song?

I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas

I'm starting a band who will sing songs in the style of Boy George that publicly shame bad behavior and call for boycotts of questionable opinions...

...It's called Cancel Culture Club.

What song do dogs request at concerts?

Flea Bird

What's Homer Simpson's favorite song?

Sweet Child D'oh! Mine

My dad asked me which Metallica songs I know

I told him I only know one and nothing else matters.

How does Pink Panther main theme song sounds like in Turkish?

Durum durum... durum... durum durum durum durum duruuuuum.... dududurum.

What's a centipedes favorite ZZ Top song?

Shes got legs

So last year I started a tradition, I carry a pebble and throw it at anyone who sings Christmas songs before December....

I call it my Jingle Bell Rock.

What is Vladimir Putin's favorite song?

*Crimea River*

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Post Malone just announced he's releasing an album of nothing but songs about having sex for money and setting elaborate traps for burglars

He's calling it "Ho Malone"

One of the lines in the song ‘Holly Jolly Christmas’ is, “I don’t know if there’ll be snow, but have a cup of cheer”.

I’m concerned that Tide Pod eaters will misunderstand.

My girlfriend kept telling me she was going to break up with me if I didn't stop quoting the song I'm a Believer by The Monkees, but I thought she was just kidding...

Then I saw her face.

I was trying to decide what my favourite U2 song was

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

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Why doesn't Mike Pence sing Christmas songs?

It might make the Yuletide gay.

A band’s drummer dies suddenly

So the band has to audition for new drummers. They interview a bunch of people, and they decide to play a gig with the best one that night to see if he'll work out. It goes great, except after every song, the new drummer says something like "You gotta brush your teeth or else you'll get gum diease...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man goes to buy a new car...

The salesman at the dealership talks with him for a while and sets him up with a car that suits his needs. As he's leaving the lot, he wants to listen to some music and discovers there isn't any buttons on the stereo. He beckons over the salesman and asks "what's the deal with the stereo, I can't tu...

A couple go to a bar during karaoke night...

and they hear a man sing to most beautiful cover of Stairway to Heaven they had ever heard. Since they were planning their wedding at this time, they approach the man after his performance.

"Wow, that was an amazing cover! Would you like to come perform at the reception of our wedding?" they...

In 2002 Justin Timberlake made a hit song about Eastern European waterways.

It specifically talks about a river in Crimea.

(edit: I originally got my Justins mixed up, thanks for the comments :) )

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Taylor Swift has 500 songs about blokes leaving her

and 0 songs about blowjobs.

See where I'm going with this?

I keep getting that Justin Timberlake song about a body of water in the Ukrainian peninsula annexed by Russia stuck in my head.

"Crimea Riverrrrrr"

If An Anti-Vax Kid Had a Theme Song, What Would it Be?

The Final Countdown

I was walking past my fridge last night when I thought I heard two onions singing a BeeGees song.

But when I opened the door it was just the chives talking.

I was out shopping tonight, when I saw a new brand of condoms called, "Olympic." Trying to get in to the spirit of things, I bought a pack and when I got home, I sprinted in singing the Olympic theme song and proudly showed them to my wife...

"Olympic condoms!?" she asked. "What makes them so special? Are we only going to use them once every four years?!"

Chuckling, I replied, "No,no! You see, there are three colors, Gold, Silver and Bronze!"

"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asked cheekily.

"Gold of co...

What is George W. Bush’s favorite song?

Twisted Sister - “I Want Iraq”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A restaurant owners walks down the street and hears a homeless guy playing a guitar

He’s stunned by how beautiful his song is. It’s amazing; serene, gentle and uplifting.

He decides he wants to have the homeless guy play in his restaurant so he approaches him and asks for the name of the song.

The homeless guy tells him the song is called ‘Big Titty Mama’.

The...

What is r/AskOuija's favorite Beatles song?

H E L L O Goodbye

I will post later

I am in hospital, cause my cousin brother swallowed a 128 GB SD card and he is singing all the songs in it I hope he doesn't reach the videos folder

An elephant walks into a piano bar just as the pianist is playing a particularly sad song.

He sits down by the pianist
and weeps.

The pianist says "I'm sorry, has
this song upset you?"

The elephants answers, "No, but I
recognise that ivory, you prick".

[OC] I was already on stage when I realized Take On Me was a bad karaoke song for me to sing...

It was a real Aha moment.

Maybe the song "It's Raining Men" wouldn't have been as popular had they used the original demo title:

"Corpse Storm."

Hot girl at prom

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually...

What kind of bird always forgets the words to songs?

A Hummingbird.

I’m going on a hike and picking music. I have songs from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.

I call it my trail mix.

Which song does the sperm donor play in repeat?

Dire Straits - Money for Nutting

There was once a man

Let's call him Jim. Jim had a remarkably ordinary life. He went to school, got his degree, got himself a secure office job, set up his pension fund, met a nice girl, got married, and had 2 wonderful sons. Jim was set for life. But he was bored.

It was that sneaky boredom that you don't quite ...

What song would like to listen to?

- Mozart in A Minor

- you're gonna have to be more specific

- Mozart in *D* minor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My sexual stamina is a lot like that old blink-182 song...

Life is too short to last long

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dude walks into a restaurant and says,

"Where's the fucking manager you cock-sucker?"

The host is surprised and replies, "Excuse me, but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the dude asks, "Are you the fucking manager of thi...

Did you guys know that Dr. Schrodinger was a Bon Jovi fan?

His favorite song was "Wanted Dead and Alive"

LPT: Forgot the name of a song but know the tune?

Just upload a video of you humming it onto YouTube and you'll immediately get a copyright claim stating the name of the song!

There was once a man by the name of Austin Richard Post

He thoroughly enjoyed writing music, but could never quite find people who would want to make music with him; this often left him secluded in his life. Disappointed by his lack of fame and a band, he talked to a local bartender, surrounded by drinks, about his situation.

"I just don't unders...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dick is like a Bob Dylan song

You may not like it but your mother loves it

What's Chris Brown's favorite part of any song?

The beat

I've heard that "Never gonna give you up" is a great song.

But everytime I'm asking for a link I'm just getting rickrolled...

What song does a necrophile hate?

Stayin' Alive.

What’s a racist’s favourite Disney song?

“Put That Thing Back Where It Came From, Or So Help Me”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you make it so no one gets offended at the Christmas song "Baby It's Cold Outside"?

Rebrand it as a rap song and name it, "Yo Bitch, It's Freezing Outside."

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