I've just written a song about tortillas,

actually, it’s more of a rap.

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Me: I’m terrified of the song ‘I Want it That Way’

Therapist: Tell me why?

Me: **screams**

I write songs about sewing machines

I'm a Singer Songwriter

What happens when you play a country song backwards?

You get:
- your wife back
- your house back
- your truck back
- your dog back

My wife and I are making some artwork in the name of our favourite Bon Jovi song. So far we have the words "Livin' on".

We're half way there.

What song should every person hear before they die?

Happy Birthday

How do you know if a song is from Jason Derulo?

He tells you.

It my Reddit bday. Celebrate and sing with me the dirtiest clean song you’ll ever sing!

Sing this out loud:

There once was a farmer who lived by a crick,
And every morning he played with his banjo,
In the moonlight, to the lady next door,
And you could tell just by looking that she was a,
Decent young lady who lay in the grass,
And when she rolled over you could s...

What's an Anti-Vaxxer's kid's favourite song?

Staying alive

You hear about the guy that made a song out of remixing his cracking knuckels?

It was a pop song

My daughter made this tonight: What's the favourite song of sloths?

Don't Hurry, Be Happy

I am in the hospital because my cousin’s brother swallowed a 16gb memory card and he is singing all songs in it

Were hoping it doesn't reach video folder...

What is Jesus' favourite song?

Highway to the Manger Zone

My wife says she is going to kick me out if I keep singing anymore Christmas songs..

..I said, 'but baby, it's cold outside'

What do you call a song about fruits and vegetables?

Melon-cauli

You know what happens when you post a Legend of Zelda song on YouTube...

A copyright strike is imminintendo.

You hear the song about the abusive hospital?

It has a sick beat

I really really want to perform a song for you.

It would be the "I sing on my cake" day.

What song does an dying anti-democratic bird make?

Coup....coup...

What is Santa’s favorite Christmas Song?

What is Santa’s favorite Christmas Song?

Area Codes by Ludacris

What is a Clay Sculptor's Favorite Song?

Kiln in the Name

I wrote a new song while I was taking my socks off yesterday...

It's called the "Toe Jam"

What do you call the collective of all movies, songs, and stories about dogs?

Pup culture

What's my favourite xmas song? The one about the 25 letter alphabet.

Nooo L, nooo L, nooooo L, no L

Eminem is collaborating on a new song with Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion

Wap God

My favorite holiday song is the one about the medieval warriors. One of them doesn't talk and the other's armor is falling apart.

Silent Knight, Holey Knight.

What Christmas song do psychologists sing the most?

Do you hear what I hear?

What does god call one verse of his song?

A universe

What's a Canadians favorite song?

Y-M-C-EH


Sorry if it's been told before, inspiration by u/photogent

My girlfriend told me she hates songs by Britney Spears and she doesn't want me to sing them.

But oops, I did it again.

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It’s been alleged that I’ve written a series of tweets about the song “I’m Too Sexy”.

I’d like to reassure my followers that I did not write said thread...

I saw a bean and a song sitting together at a bar.

I could tell the song was quite drunk and was really chatting up the bean.

The song said, “Hey there, bean. I *like* you beans because you’re the *musical* fruit. But I’ll tell you I cannot *stand* garbanzo beans. We songs wish to be *sung!* Those damn garbanzo beans only hummus.”

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This new Cardi B song sure is getting a lot of press.

I haven’t listened to it yet, but when I do I sure hope I find out what an Ass pussy is.

What's Mrs.Claus's favourite Christmas song?

Here comes Santa Claus, Here comes Santa Claus, right down Santa Claus lane!

I’ll never understand how the song Free Bird became a meme amongst musicians

Anyway here’s wonderwall

What Beatles song charted highest in Italy?

Penne Lane

Wanna hear a song about Covid-19?

It's pretty catchy.

A new guy starts work at a bakery.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

I went around asking people if they knew who made the song Roundabout

It was a Yes or no question.

I forgot how much I hated Nickelback until you blasted their song on the radio...

And this is how you remind me?!!!

What song was playing as the bee left the bar?

Don’t Stop Believin’

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What should be the last lyric of Cardi B’s song “Wet Ass Pussy”?

The Aristocrats

What's the theme song of an Apple Store?

Return Of The Mac

Which Stevie Wonder song is known for its use of jazz Chords?

I Jazz Chord To Say I Love You..

Around this time of the year, I start carrying around a stone with me to throw at people who are singing Christmas songs already.

It’s my jingle bell rock.

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Why didn't Joe Exotic ever release any Christmas songs?

Because he fucking hates Carols.

Why don't Elton John songs have a copyright?

You can tell everybody this is your song.

I played bass on the original Scooby Doo theme song way back in 1969 and then went on to play with Metallica. AMA!

Fine, I didn’t actually play the bass on the Scooby Doo theme song, or in any band for that matter, but I’d have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you metaling kids!

Sometimes I have such a hard time remembering my favorite Celine Dion song

..but it's all coming back to me now.

I love how Pit Bull announces himself at the beginning of every song

giving us time to change the song.

A woman on her bike was riding through the countryside during the middle ages, playing her guitar and singing songs....

...when she came upon a dashing knight in the woods, practicing his swordsmanship. The knight was struck by her beauty and started a conversation. which quickly turned into flirting.

The knight straddled the front wheel of her bike and started to passionately kiss her. The woman said "No we ...

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Every time I see someone posting lyrics of inspirational songs on social media, I get really pissed off.

But I will survive.

Boyfriend: I love you?

Girlfriend: I love you too.

Boyfriend: Which song?

Girlfriends: With or without you.





This is from my partner. What makes it even more impressive is he barely spoke English at the point he made it.

What is Dwight Schrutes favourite Michael Jackson song?

Beet it.

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An Englishman, an American and a Japanese guy are on a boat, moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom...

Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies.

The American steps up first. 'I love my country. Before I die I want to sing my national anthem one last time. The full versi...

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An American spy comes into a Soviet bar

And orders a drink.

"No drink for US spies" said the barkeep.

The spy goes pale. He pulls out a bottle of Vodka and drains it in one big gulp.

"You drink like Russian, but you are American spy"

The spy pulls out his accordeon and plays a wonderful Russian folk song, every...

What is a New Zealanders favourite love song?

I cant help falling in love with ewe..

What’s that song again?

I can’t seem to remember the name of that song. 10 % luck 20 % skill 15 % concentrated power of will? Something ?

I am a big fan of playing different kind of songs together.

You can say that I am medley in love with it.

Justin Timberlake is bad at geography

He sings this song, "Crimea River", but I checked, and Crimea is a peninsula, not a river.

What do you call a Rick Astley song that makes it to the front page?

A rick r/all

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"You know, music can really take you places," he muses to the bartender. "For example, if you guys play one more rap song in here it's going to take me to the next bar."

My girlfriend left me cause I couldn’t stop quoting linkin park songs

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter

Forrest Gump died and went to Heaven...

As Forrest approaches the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter greeted him.
“Ah, welcome, Mr. Gump. We’ve been anxiously awaiting your arrival.”
Forrest looked intently, not quite sure what to make of the scene in front of him.
“Forrest, before I let you into Heaven, I need you to answer three quest...

What’s Karen’s favorite song

Mask off by future




Edit : THANK YOU FOR MY FIRST EVER GOLD!

What is bread's favorite Beatles song?

All you need is loaf!

(UK reference) Whats' an aircraft mechanic's favourite Oasis song?

Don't Look Back in Hangar.

What’s Princess Leia’s favourite song?

Riding solo - Jason Derulo

The Weeknd is doing the Pepsi Half Time Show

...but all the songs are about coke.

I thought I heard an onion singing a Bee Gees song.

But it turned out it was just a chive talking.

I don’t know any songs about rich countries..

I can only *Singapore* one.

The Scotsman

A Scotsman was walking down the street in his traditional Scottish attire when he saw a couple of women talking and giggling,

As he approached one of the women asked " is it true the you dont wear anything under your kilt?"

"Aye, why dont you have a peek and find out for yourself"
...

Meatloaf has produced 3 really great songs but of them, I can only recognise Bat out of Hell and Heaven can wait.

Well 2 out of 3 ain’t bad

Recently joined a Styx cover band

We play the same songs, but heavier. We’re called Logz.

I just read a story about songs in history and the pitches in which they were sung.

For example, a march to battle was sung around middle D. Gregorian chants were sung from low D to middle G.

It seems that most, if not all, pirate shanties were sung on the high C’s.

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Pierre, a French pilot of WW1 took leave in Paris and went out to sample the nightlife. He has a great night of song and wine and he meets a young lady, who he invites back to his apartment.

The excited pair walk back through the tree lined boulevards and on the way, Pierre drops in to a shop to purchase a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine, a bottle of brandy and a box of matches.

When they reach the apartment they waste no time in stripping off and fall passionately ont...

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The Jazz Pianist

An Michelin star restaurant is looking for a pianist to entertain customers while they dine. The owner has been auditioning for weeks, but has had no luck finding someone suitable. One day, a guy called John comes in and says "Hi there, I'm here about the pianist position."

The manager repli...

Why don't hummingbirds sing songs?



Because they don't know the words.

A miner moves out west to California...

A miner moves out west to California. Having spent a few years in Colorado, he has a pretty good idea of the sort of lifestyle miner's live; up from dawn 'til dusk in the mines, and then up from dusk 'til dawn drinking and playing card games.

So, to his surprise, when he moves to Bluster's Bl...

My friends make fun of me for only being able to play one Metallica song on guitar

It's Sad But True

One of life's most soul crushing moments occurs every time that a song comes on the radio .....

And you think you are about to hear Under Pressure by Queen only to find out it's Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice.

I've just joined a rock band that play the same songs in the same order at every gig.

We're OC/DC

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A Man is holding auditions for a pianist and in comes the last one..

He comes in and starts the play the most beautiful song the man has ever heard. The song is so beautiful the man starts crying and ask, “What is the name of that song?”

The pianist then says “Oh, this song right here? It’s called my bone in your ass.”

The man then takes a moment and g...

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They say about 70% of people masturbate in the shower and about 30% sing in the shower. Do you know what the most popular song is to sing in the shower?

You don't? Well I guess we know what you've been doing.

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A woman walks into a pet shop looking for a bird. The employee of the pet shop walks up to her and asks, "What are you looking for?"

The woman explains she wants a bird who can sing. The employee explains "We have one, but he only sings Christmas songs". The womans says "well I'd love to see it!" The employee walks into the backroom and brings out a pretty, brown parrot. "His name is Chet and he only sings when you light a fire u...

Putin and Obama meet in Moscow

They're debating the merits fo their respective societies. They argue about moral values and which country is doing better.

Obama: I've heard that all Russian are alcoholics.

Putin: That's a Russophobic myth. I bet there's not a single drunk out in Moscow tonight.

Obama: I don'...

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A dictator once asked a famous composer if he could write him a brilliant piece of music.

Naturally, the composer was extremely nervous, as the dictator had a habit of giving the death penalty to those who did not please him.

The composer spent weeks working on this piece, and from a musical standpoint it was quite good. So, he gathered his orchestra and performed his piece for th...

A friend introduced me to this beautiful lady. Trying to impress, witty me sang a song with her name as the title that just came on top of my head.

I must say, Roxanne was not impressed when I told her she didn’t have to put on the red light.

There was an old woman listening to the radio when she heard a song called “Two Lips and Seven Kisses.” She decided to call the radio station to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, “Do you have “Two Lips and Seven Kisses?”

The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, “No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!”

So the woman asked, “Is that a record?”

To which the man replied, “No, its average!”

Once upon a time, in a magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song, ...

No one is allowed to congregate for funerals; instead, people drive by the cemetery and honk their horns in respect. One man drives by blasting “Another One Bites The Dust”

The family wanted to be mad, but then another car drove by playing the same song, and another one does, and another one does, and another one drives a bus.

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