UPJOKE
balladlullabyfolk songariamusicmelodylyricsongwritersingersoundchoruspoemanthemduetcarol

Song Jokes

What’s a pirate’s favorite Beatles song?

“Blackbeard singing in the dead of night…”

A Danish person will not be nostalgic about old Beatles songs.

But a Norwegian wood.

Want to know Quasimodo’s favorite Christmas song?

Jingle bells!

Avril Lavigne could have just called her song Skater boy instead of Sk8er Boi.

Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?

I'm here to do two things: Make love, and sing hit songs from the 80s...

...And I'm all out of love! I'm so lost without you!

What happens when you play a country song in reverse?

The singer gets his dog, home and wife back.

What part of a song makes sad people jump?

the bridge

The Mortal Kombat theme song

Was adapted from an old Scandinavian church song.
It's a Finnish Hymn.

I’ve had a Eurythmics song stuck in my head for days.

I’ve had a Eurythmics song stuck in my head for days. No really, I have.

Would I lie to you?

What's a shirt's favorite song?

Fleece Navidad

My 8 year old nephew told me this today.

What song did the snowman sing as he tried to pick up a date?

"I Only Have Ice For You."

Some poor children in Victorian London were listening to Christmas songs

They heard that Santa Claus gives coal to children who aren´t on his nice list, and so they commit as many petty crimes as possible to be on his naughty list so as to not die of hypothermia.

Two Irish men decided to try and write a song together

But sadly, they couldn't get past the first two bars.

My wife asked me to get out of the house because I can’t stop singing Christmas songs.

I said, “But Baby, it’s cold outside.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A groupie meets a band for the first time.

She is introduced to the singer and guitarist, then the bass player, who only has one arm. She asks how he plays with only one arm, and he says "watch!"

He proceeds to pull out his enormous erect penis and while he frets his bass he uses his dick to play the strings. He's thrusting and gyra...

What's the most famous Queens of the Stone Age song?

I tried to google it but it said that no one knows.

Have you heard the Jimmy Dean song about the huge, uninviting toilet?

It's called "Big Bad John."

I just wrote a song about a sausage that I like to serve with mashed potatoes.

It's a banger.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horse is sitting in his stable one day when he hears music coming from the farmhouse. He waits patiently for the farmer to go out before making his way across to the farmhouse to see what's going on. As he peers through the window he can see MTV is on the television.

Horse goes into the house and sees a rock band on the screen. He is instantly taken by the guitar and decides there and then he wants to play. He uses the telephone and calls the local music shop. He explains that he has seen the band on TV, that he is a horse and that he wants to play guitar, The m...

The greatest ever song about tortoises was recorded 40 years ago this year...

... "Turtle Eclipse of the Heart".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Love that Simply Red song about having sex with a rabbit.

Holding back the ears.

You know what's the favourite holiday song in Wales?

All I Want For Christmas is Ewe

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a neutrino’s favorite holiday song?

“Have Yourself a Very Little Rest Mass.”

This order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art....

Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.


Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song, he hit upon a beautifully intricate note of pure magic. Everyone within miles just froze in mid action, stirred to the very...

What bird never sings the lyrics to a song?

A hummingbird.

My doctor warned me that constantly singing Frank Sinatra songs was bad for my health, but I just wouldn't listen.

And now, the end is near.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Luigi's Armani

Luigi walks to work 20 blocks everyday and passes a shoe store twice every day. Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes. He wants those shoes so much that it's all he can think about. After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them....

How many songs do you need to write if you really want to make some money with them?

Four tunes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

'Hey Mr Tambourine man play a song for me...'

'What, on a fucking tambourine?'

Have you listened to Beethoven's song about bad decisions?

It's so not a good idea

Where does Phil Collins record his songs

The stu-stu-studio

What is a carnivore's favorite Elvis song?

Love Meat Tender

The Omicron Variant is like a Katy Perry song.

Mild but pretty catchy.

A horse, a sheep, and a chicken lived together on a farm.

The horse had long dreamed of learning to play the guitar.


So the horse rings a music shop and he says, “Hey, I’d love to learn to play guitar. Is there anyone who can teach me”?


The music shop manager says “That’s not an issue, let’s get you started on some music lessons.” ...

What's Little Bo Peep's favorite song?

Never Gonna Give "Ewe" Up

Just a heads up: I have this weird habit of quoting Elton John's "Your Song"...

I hope you don't mind.

I wrote a song about a sandwich

Well it’s more of a wrap really

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horse...

... sees a rock band perform and thinks "Hey, I could do that." The horse calls up his local music store and is like "I wanna learn guitar, just one problem, I'm a horse." The employee says "don't worry we can do that." The horse goes, learns guitar for a few months, gets really good, and is pretty ...

A lady and her foul mouthed bird

So a lady just recently lost her husband and is feeling lonely, so she decided to get a pet, she goes to the pet store and gets a parrot, she bring a it home and it keeps saying the most awful rude and hateful things, she goes back to the pet store and tells the manager, “Hey, my bird is saying such...

The song “Jungle Love” is stuck in my head.

It’s driving me mad.
It’s making me crazy.

Millennial old folks homes are gonna be awesome!

LAN parties, DnD nights, wheelchair races, having awesome songs from the 2000's as our golden oldies! It'll be great, especially if we can line up our work schedules!

A pastor and a music leader were not getting along.

As time went by, the feud began to spill over into the service.

The first week the pastor preached on listening to the will of God and following his will. The music leader led the song "I Shall Not Be Moved"

The second week the pastor preached on giving to the Lord's ministry. The musi...

what is a cheese's favourite Elton John song?

I'm Stilton standing!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you only had one beer, you’re not an alcoholic. If you make one song on SoundCloud, you’re not a rapper.

But I have sex with one guy and now I’m gay?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

80% of people masturbate in the shower, the rest sings a very specific song. Do you know what song that is?

No? Then I know what you’re doing in the shower

What is an english teacher’s favorite Radiohead song?

Comma Police.

What was Jesus' least favorite Elton John song?

"Take Me to the Pilate"

An old Chinese story

A village was terrorized by a demon. The demon attacked people, ate their livestock, trampled their fields, screamed when they tried to sleep, blew out their lights, pinched their babies, threw their dinners on the floor, broke bowls, intentionally sang off key, and was a real nuisance. The villager...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bono started clapping slowly between songs during a U2 concert. "Every time I clap my hands a child in Africa dies from starvation", he told the audience

Some guy at the front shouted, "Well stop fucking doing it then!"




^actually ^a ^true ^story

My favorite music is songs about horses

Idk if theres a genre but i call it clip clop

Now that I’ve gone back and listened to the 90s Fresh Prince theme song…

That track really slaps.

I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines. He’s a Singer songwriter…

…or sew it seams

What's Putin's favorite Beatles song?

Back in the USSR

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elsa was complaining to her friend about a boy from their class.

“He’s pretty creepy. He knows so many dirty songs!”, she said.

“And he sings them around you?”, her friend asked.

“No, but he whistles them.”

When the singer from DragonForce came down with a cold...

He was hit with inspiration for their new hit song.

Through the Fire and Phlegm

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At 581 words this long one has the advantage of making you laugh many times even before the punchline.

An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of London. Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window: 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'. "Fucking get in there you cunt!" he says to himself and goes to the bar.

<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun walks into a liquor store

A nun walks into a liquor store and asks for a bottle of rum. "But I thought the nuns in your covent are sworn to sobriety," says the man behind the till. "We are, but the Mother Superior is constipated and when applied correctly rum serves as a good laxative," says the nun and walks away with the b...

Isn't it strange how sometimes a random 80s rap song will start playing in your head for no reason?

I guess we just have to accept that the brain is a very complex organ, because it's like that, and that's the way it is.

What Christmas song do they play at the mental hospital?

Do you see what I see?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why a pop song must be 3 minutes?

Not even pop fans can listen to that crap for longer

Bee Gees songs are useful for first aid. Do chest compressions to the rhythm of Staying Alive.

If the CPR fails, it’s time to sing For Whom The Bell Tolls.

My wife asked me to name Meatloaf’s top 3 songs… I named “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” and “I’d do anything for love”… but then couldn’t come up with another one.

But hey, two out of three ain’t bad.

My obsession with Doris Day songs is ruining my social life.

I already lost my friends Kay, Sarah, Sarah.

Did you know they sell older rap songs at a discount if you buy two at once?

They call it the Tupac-bundle.

Dear Justin Bieber haters...please respect him.

.
.
I owe my life to Justin. Last August 16,2014 I was in a coma for 4 months due to a terrible car accident.
One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song...
So I got up...and turned off the radio.

Why didn’t Joe Exotic ever release any Christmas songs?

Because he hates Carols.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With great enthusiasm and singing a song

Reagan visits the USSR and is amazed by the capital construction he has seen.

Reagan: "How do you manage to build structures like this? Your logistics is shit, you have no technology and people are apathetic."

Gorbachev: "Soviet people built it all with great enthusiasm and while singi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIFU...well it was actually yesterday, so YIFU by singing a Sam Cooke song for my GF on Valentine's Day:

Me:
Don't know much about history
Don't know much biology
Don't know much about a science book
Don't know much about the French I took

But I do know that I love you
And I know that if you love me, too
What a wonderful world this would be

Don't know much about geograph...

Old army joke

A new captain becomes leader of a company of soldiers. As he goes about learning everything on how they do things he finds two soldiers guarding a bench. He asks his sergeants why they're guarding the bench and they say the previous commander ordered it. He calls the previous commander up, now a maj...

I almost lost my job as a DJ at a country music station

I accidentally played the same three songs for five hours. Fortunately, our listeners didn't seem to notice.

What's the different between Black Eyed Peas and Chick Peas?

Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song.

Chick Peas can hummus one.

Why was the prog-rock song 20 minutes long?

It was only part I.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a good one from my dad

A guitar player walks into a bar trying to score a gig.
He meets with the bar owner for his audition, and proceeds to play a beautiful melodic song.

"Wow!" Said the owner, "that was amazing! Whats it called?"

"Its called 'You're slapping my wifes titties with a belt'" replies the gu...

A man bought himself an expensive new car

He was a superstitious fellow and wanted to keep anything bad from happening, so he invited a priest, an imam and a rabbi over to bless the vehicle.

First, the priest sprinkled holy water on the hood.

Next, the imam led everyone in a prayer to the vehicles' greatness.

Then final...

"God Save the Queen" seems an ill-fitting anthem following the coronation of King Charles III

The obvious choice for the replacement is the "Charles in Charge" theme song.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.