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If you play Nicki Minaj songs backwards you can hear satanic messages.....

even worse, if you play them forwards you can hear Nicki Minaj.

What do u get when u play a country song backwards?

You get your house back, your wife back and your dog back

I wrote a song about tortillas.

Actually, it's more of a wrap.

There once was a man named Mr. Evans who pursued a law degree, even though his passion was music. All through law school, he yearned to drop out and play in a cover band, singing Beatles songs all night to a crowd of fans. Eventually, though the man became a lawyer instead.

Through the years, he became a highly esteemed practicioner of law. He rose in his practice of jurisprudence until one day he even became a county judge. He came home and told his wife that he still wasn’t satisfied. Despite everything, singing the Beatles was still his dream. She told her next door...

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Bono started clapping slowly between songs during a U2 concert. "Every time I clap my hands a child in Africa dies from starvation", he told the audience

Some guy at the front shouted, "Well stop fucking doing it then!"




^actually ^a ^true ^story

The Omicron Variant is like a Katy Perry song.

Mild but pretty catchy.

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Do you know why a pop song must be 3 minutes?

Not even pop fans can listen to that crap for longer

Now that I’ve gone back and listened to the 90s Fresh Prince theme song…

That track really slaps.

What’s Jeffrey Dahmer’s favorite Nine Inch Nails song?

Head like a hole

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a good one from my dad

A guitar player walks into a bar trying to score a gig.
He meets with the bar owner for his audition, and proceeds to play a beautiful melodic song.

"Wow!" Said the owner, "that was amazing! Whats it called?"

"Its called 'You're slapping my wifes titties with a belt'" replies the gu...

Isn't it strange how sometimes a random 80s rap song will start playing in your head for no reason?

I guess we just have to accept that the brain is a very complex organ, because it's like that, and that's the way it is.

Fun Fact: The Mortal Kombat theme was actually inspired by an old European song of praise.

It was a Finnish hymn.

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With great enthusiasm and singing a song

Reagan visits the USSR and is amazed by the capital construction he has seen.

Reagan: "How do you manage to build structures like this? Your logistics is shit, you have no technology and people are apathetic."

Gorbachev: "Soviet people built it all with great enthusiasm and while singi...

What was the Mexican Aerosmith cover band's favorite song to play?

Guac this way.

I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines. He’s a Singer songwriter…

…or sew it seams

What's Putin's favorite Beatles song?

Back in the USSR

Why didn’t Joe Exotic ever release any Christmas songs?

Because he hates Carols.

A new captain becomes leader of a company of soldiers. As he goes about learning everything on how they do things he finds two soldiers guarding a bench. He asks his sergeants why they're guarding the bench and they say the previous commander ordered it. "

He calls the previous commander up, now a major, asking why he did that and the major said its because the previous commander ordered it. So he calls that commander, now a lt. Colonel asking why he ordered it, gets the same answer that it was ordered by the previous commander. The captain goes throu...

A horse had a life long dream of playing the guitar

So there was a horse, and this horse always had a dream of playing the guitar.

So the horse calls up a music shop and he says, “Hey, I want to learn how to play the guitar.”

The music shop employee goes “That’s great we’ll set you up for music lessons.”

The horse responds “We...

Why was the prog-rock song 20 minutes long?

It was only part I.

A guy starts working at a bakery

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

An old joke from my childhood that is sadly relevant again.

**Bert and Ernie had worked together as radio hosts for twenty years.**

They traded jokes, played pop music and generally made people's lives a touch brighter as they trundled to work.

In one of the breaks they received a Fax. Ernie picked up the page and was in shock. Ernie silentl...

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TIFU...well it was actually yesterday, so YIFU by singing a Sam Cooke song for my GF on Valentine's Day:

Me:
Don't know much about history
Don't know much biology
Don't know much about a science book
Don't know much about the French I took

But I do know that I love you
And I know that if you love me, too
What a wonderful world this would be

Don't know much about geograph...

My wife asked me to name Meatloaf’s top 3 songs… I named “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” and “I’d do anything for love”… but then couldn’t come up with another one.

But hey, two out of three ain’t bad.

Bee Gees songs are useful for first aid. Do chest compressions to the rhythm of Staying Alive.

If the CPR fails, it’s time to sing For Whom The Bell Tolls.

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If you only had one beer, you’re not an alcoholic. If you make one song on SoundCloud, you’re not a rapper.

But I have sex with one guy and now I’m gay?

What is a cows favourite song

I like to mooooove it mooooooove it

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Me: I’m terrified of the song ‘I Want it That Way’

Therapist: Tell me why?

Me: **screams**

I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.

The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me. I suddenly remembered that I was liste...

The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.

They called the song “Helen Keller”.


Courtesy of my adult daughter onto which my ‘dad humor’ has clearly rubbed off!!

Why did they not allow a pony to sing a song?

.

.

.

Because she was a little horse.

A horse in a barn was listening to some rock and roll on the radio...

And he was inspired. The guitarist was masterful, and the horse knew, then and there, that he needed to play guitar. More than anything he'd ever needed before.

So he calls up his buddy, who is a guitar teacher, and asks his buddy to help him learn guitar. The horse takes to it quickly and p...

What Christmas song do they play at the mental hospital?

Do you see what I see?

Have you heard Justin Timberlake's hit song about his favorite Ukrainian body of water?

The Crimea River

What is a cop's favorite Christmas song?

Police Navidad

What's a psychiatrist's favourite karaoke song?

All the Jung dudes.



(Happy Birthday Bowie!)

That "Born to Be Wild" song is actually pretty scary.

Especially the part where they find a head out on the highway.

The Madrigal family learned about the song “uptown funk”

However, They don’t talk about Bruno… Mars!

As I bit into my cookie it played a song. And another song. And another. And another.

It was a four-tune cookie

No one is allowed to congregate for funerals; instead, people drive by the cemetery and honk their horns in respect. One man drives by blasting “Another One Bites The Dust”

The family wanted to be mad, but then another car drove by playing the same song, and another one does, and another one does, and another one drives a bus.

Can a chickpea sing you a song?

No- but he could hummus one.

Piano man has had enough

Son can you play me a melody?

I'm not really sure how it goes

But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete

When I wore a younger man's clothes



The most basic requirement of song requests

Is to know what tune you have heard

Do you also go to the...

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A man walks by a 5 star restaurant and sees a sign on the window that says "piano player wanted"

He asks to speak to the manager, who he then tells he'd like to apply for the job. The manager brings him over to the piano to see what he's got. The man plays the most beautiful piece the manager has ever heard. He pulls out his handkerchief to wipe away a few tears.

Deeply moved, the manag...

‘Doctor, I keep spontaneously singing songs by The Who’

‘How long has this been happening?’

‘Ever since I was a young boy…’

I’ve been trying to write a song about Daylight Savings Time

But I haven’t been able to come up with anything better than Spice Girls’ 2 become 1

Where did Phil Collins record all his songs?

In the Stu-Stu-Studio

What is a dog’s favourite song?

Chasing Cars.

I hate it when you get a Cranberries song stuck in your head...

.. In your head

In your head.

In your head.

What is Vladmir Putin's favorite hit 2017 song?

Despot-cito

I heard a joke today

Jack: I stood under my girlfriend's window and sang a love song to her. She threw me a flower.

Danny: then why is there a wound on your head?

Jack: she forgot to take the flowers out of the pot

Steven Tyler was such a big Paul McCartney fan that he named his 2 daughters after his favorite song.

Liv & Let Die Tyler

What do you call a song that get you laid?

A banger.

I'll see my self out

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I said to a blonde girl, I bet you a blowjob I can sing a song with your name in it, no way says the blonde my name is Chantelle, so I bet you, Ok I said here we go....

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Chantelle happy blow job for me...

What Queen song does a fraudulent cheesemaker sing?

I want to fake Brie.

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A band teacher is giving a quiz to her class where you have to guess the name of a famous song based on a clue.

She starts with the easy clues: "Comedian".

"The Entertainer!" one of the flute players says immediately.

Then the teacher goes to a slightly more difficult clue: "Metal container is able to".

"The Cancan!" a saxophone player responds instantly.

Pleased with the results s...

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Did you know that 80% of people masturbate while in the shower, and the other 20% whistle or sing the same song? Do you know what the name of the song is?

Well I guess I know what you’re doing in the shower!

I opened the fridge today and the milk was singing a Michael Jackson song

I think it’s Bad

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What could possibly wrong with Hitchhiking Nun

Neil is a skilled truck driver and drives the freeway every day. But Neil wouldn't be Neil were it that he sings a song every five minutes: "I'm Neil and I fuck behind the wheel".

And he sings this every five minutes.

At one point, Neil sees a nun hitchhiking along the highway. Neil ha...

Due to the rise of autonomous vehicles

It's only a matter of time until a country singer makes a song about his truck leaving them.

The last joke I heard from my grandfather before he passed away. Paraphrased because it was so long ago. Still my favorite joke.

You know, I wasn't always the strong Christian man I am today. I was a little wild before I met your gram, but we all have club stories, right? Some better than others, but they're all an important part of our history. Anyway, one night I went out to a club. It was a weeknight, so it wasn't like it ...

What was Beethoven's favorite rock song?

\-

\-

*Bonn to be Wild*

What’s a cat’s favorite song

Don’t stop meow.

I was sitting next to Floridaman at the bar the other night when an Aerosmith song came on.

He swears it’s called “ Loving an alligator “, but I don’t think that’s right.

What kind of songs does Sub-Zero sing at his church in Helsinki?

FINNISH HYMNS!

A pirate started singing me a song. I didn’t really like it until he started swinging his arm around.

Then I was caught on the hook.

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A bandleader for a traveling music troupe decides to hold auditions one day

and encounters a man who claims that he's found a perfect new member for his troupe. To the bandleader's surprise, the man pulls an octopus from his bag, and explains that the octopus is a musical genius who can flawlessly play any instrument. Hoping to test the octopus, the bandleader hands it a gu...

What do you get when you cross the Queen Elizabeth and Prince Charles?

Elton John singing a song for you.

I'm weirdly turned on by songs with guest performers...

I might have a feat. fetish

Have you ever realised that when you are listening to music, somewhere in the world there is someone who is listening the same song, the same lyrics, the same syllable as you are.

Then you are aware of FM radio

If someone made a song about my favourite element

It would be fire

What's the difference between Black Eyed Peas and Chickpeas?

Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song and Chickpeas can only Hummus one.

You know, for a song titled, "Piano Man..."

The guy with the harmonica sure won't shut the hell up.

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A professional singer was contacted by a priest who asked if she would sing at the funeral of a homeless man with no family, who had recently passed away.

Moved with compassion, the singer agreed. The priest informed her that, since he had no relatives or money, the man would be buried in a paupers grave in the countryside, and informed the singer she would have to drive herself. On the day of the funeral, the singer set out in her car following the d...

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An Englishman, an American, and a Japanese are doing white water rafting...

...when all of a sudden, they spot a huge drop to a waterfall they never knew was there. They are moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom... Suddenly a genie appears.

The genie explains that he is the spirit of the waterfall, and he is of limited power. He cannot prevent th...

When I was young, my father required me to play one specific song on the drum kit perfectly before I could be called a man

It was a cymbalic right-of-passage

That one song about closing the goddamn door.

HaVe YoU eVeR hEaRd Of It?

What is the most popular song in hell?

Burn baby burn, Dantes inferno!

What is a French Mushroom’s favourite rock song?

We Are The Champignons

A man was enjoying his breakfast while completing the daily crossword in the newspaper

He asks his wife across the table:
"What is a four letter word for a religious song?"

Wife:
"Hymn"

Man:
"Yeah it's a tricky one"

Thats not how the song goes...

You were singing backstreet boys and i was singing “in sync”

They say if you play the new Luke Bryan song backwards, you will hear a Satanic message. But that's not the worst part

...if you play it forwards, you'll hear the new Luke Bryan song.

Tell me your name and I guarantee you I can sing you a song with your name in it

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear _____, happy birthday to you.

Guy hears incredible piano music coming from a bar...

So he walks in and there's a guy about a foot tall that is beautifully playing any song someone requests. The guy is totally perplexed and asked the bartender how they found him. Bartender points to a genie sitting at the end of the bar and tells him he'll grant any wishes you want.

The guy w...

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My friend said her favorite BTS song was "Dynamite"

I can't believe it's not "Butter".

Dad joke: What's a hallmark movie played backwards?

A country song. :D

What's a washing machine's favorite song?

Twist and Shout

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Biden, Macron, and Putin make a bet who is going to successfully feed mustard to dog

Biden takes the mustard bottle, shoves it in dogs mouth, then squeezes. "That's animal cruelty!" the other two protest.

Macron takes a sausage, puts the mustard inside it, then give it to the dog. "That's cheating!" the other two protest.

Putin takes the mustard, then squeezes it all o...

I love how Pit Bull announces himself at the beginning of every song

giving us time to change the song.

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