I'm working on a rap song about Drugs and Money

It's called "I can't afford that insulin"

I was out shopping tonight, when I saw a new brand of condoms called, "Olympic." Trying to get in to the spirit of things, I bought a pack and when I got home, I sprinted in singing the Olympic theme song and proudly showed them to my wife...

"Olympic condoms!?" she asked. "What makes them so special? Are we only going to use them once every four years?!"

Chuckling, I replied, "No,no! You see, there are three colors, Gold, Silver and Bronze!"

"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asked cheekily.

"Gold of co...

What is a crack head's favorite song?

I wanna rock!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was a band conductor who also right songs in North Korea

Sorry for the typo in the title but..

His name was Pok. He was quite famous in the industry so one day, Kim Jong Un approached him.

“Pok, write me an orchestra piece and play it for me with your group”, said Kim. Pok did, after a month, the private show was held.

Sadly, it was s...

If I had twenty dollars for every macklemore song I know

I'd have 20 dollars in my pocket.

When the Pink Panther stepped on an ant, what song did they play?

Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant......

So Justin Beiber and Ed Sheeran collaborated for the second time on their new song called 'I Don't Care'. What was the first you ask?

I don't care.

I have written a song about tortillas.

Actually, it's more like a rap.

The urge to start singing the popular song "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is always just a whim away.

A whim away

A-whim-away

A-wim-a-way, a-wim-a-way, a-wim-a-way....

Yesterday, I called a local radio station to request "I'm Free" by The Rolling Stones. However, they played a song of the same title by The Who.

You can't always get what you want.

What's Barack Obama's favorite song?

Obamaself

I love songs about STDs

Their just so catchy.

Did you hear about the place in western Czech Republic where they do hip-hop covers of Queen songs?

It's the Bohemian Rap City.

What's Putins favorite song to play for Ukraine.

Crimea-River

Finally Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber team up for a song and even the title is perfect...

“I don’t care”

Janet Jackson wanted to sample a Future song so she asked his production company if she could use Beast Mode. The production company sent a representative to her door with a CD. She asked if it was Beast Mode

The representative said “Sorry Ms. Jackson, this is Fo Real”

If I download a song illegally from Jamaica, does that make me...

A pirate of the Caribbean?

What song does Trump play while going to a Mexican family's house?

Ice, Ice, Baby.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Old Town Road is a new type of song: a combination of country and rap.

I call it: Crap

Britney Spears made a song about Reddit.

It’s called “Toxic”.

A man opened his fridge and swore he heard two onions singing a Bee Gees song.

After closer inspection, he realized it was just chives talking.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How do you make it so no one gets offended at the Christmas song "Baby It's Cold Outside"?

Rebrand it as a rap song and name it, "Yo Bitch, It's Freezing Outside."

I wrote a song about a tortilla

Well, it's more like a wrap.

Best country song

My boss won't stop playing country music at work. The other day, my coworker spoke to her.

Coworker: You know what I think is the best country song?

Boss: What?

Coworker: Africa.

Boss: That's not a country song!

Coworker: Actually you're right, it's a continent son...

Some crocodiles decided to get together and sing parody songs.

It's a pun-croc band.

The girl in the Pina Colada song had a crush on JFK

Think about it.

"If you like Pina Coladas" - JFK was a known aficionado of rum drinks.

"And gettin' caught in the rain" - JFK was a Navy man. Fond of water, sea spray, etc. Rain is not a showstopper.

"If you're not into yoga" - JFK had a bad back. Yoga was out.

"If you .....

A homeless man walks into a cafe and asks for a cup of coffee.

The barista, taken aback by his appearance, tells him that he needs to pay for that coffee.

“How about this.”
and then he pulled a frog out of his pocket that started to beautifully play the piano.

The barista is amazed and offers him a cup of coffee on the house.
After a while, ...

A lot of Michael Jackson's songs make me cry

They're very touching.

What’s the name of Michael Jackson’s new song?

Man in the minor

What is Donald Trump's favorite song?

wonderwall

What song was performed at Geralt Of Rivia's funeral?

Ding Dong The Witcher's Dead

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife suggested for sex we do something from a song...

Her friend Eileen wasnt to happy about it.

Someone said that all the songs in Moana are pop songs.

But it is quite clear that "You're Welcome" is a rock song.

A teacher is about to sing a song he made for his students

He then started:

-Joe, kiss my toe! Ferdinand, kiss my hand!

He abruptly stops singing and asks:

Why are you leaving the classroom, Patrick?

When I compose songs on my piano, I play multiple notes at once to make my songs longer.

They're extension chords.

My girlfriend told me to stop singing Smash Mouth songs around the house or she's leaving me. I couldn't tell if she was serious or not.

And then I saw her face...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

More songs that need to be banned for Christmas

Since some folks have decided that “Baby it’s Cold Outside” should be banned and pulled from radio playlists, we feel that these other holiday songs must also be removed as they are offensive as well.

1. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus: subjecting minors to softcore porn; infidelity

2....

Whats the bukkake theme song?

"Come together, right now
Over me"

Gotye gave us one hit song and disappeared.

Now he's just somebody that we used to know

What song did Kenny Rogers write after his cowboy boot broke?

“You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose Heel.”

Studies have shown that if presented with song lyrics, the human mind will produce the melody and have it in the background. According to the researchers,

your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know.

What is a tacks favorite song?

The hokey-pokey!

From my 7 year old, with love.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I asked a random woman what her favourite Radiohead song is.

She said, "I don't know...Creep?"


I said, "Fuck off, you don't even know me."

What is Donald Trumps favourite song? Another Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd

Because he don't need no education....

What did the large reptile say to her child when it kept nagging her to listen to the song “Chandelier?”

We will listen to Sia later alligator.

There's always someone arrested in a rap song

It's the meaning behind the bars

What’s an unvaccinated kid’s favorite Beatles song?

When I’m Four

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Michael Jackson wrote a song about my sex life

Beat it

What do you call someone who plays the same song over and over on his didgeridoo?

An unoriginal aboriginal.

What happens when you make a Llama sing along to a song by the Cranberries?

You get a zombie alpacalips

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A fancy restaurant is hiring a new pianist

A guy called John comes in and says "Hi there, I'm here about the pianist position."

The manager replies "That's fantastic, do you mind sitting at the piano and showing me what you can do?"

So John sits at the piano and starts to play one of the most beautiful songs the manager has ev...

I was listening to the ABC song the other day

Everything I listen to now just seems so derivative

Why does Kidz Bop cover Drake songs?

Because Drake's girlfriends have to have a age appropriate way to listen to his songs.

NEW XMAS SONG CONTROVERSY

The media is reporting that the Xmas song, 'All I Want For Christmas is my Two Front Teeth' as being offensive to rednecks

help: iphone 6s freezes but only when i play song "down with the sickness" any ideas??

edit: thx guys, turns out i was in "Do Not Disturbed" mode

What is United Kingdom's top song for December 2018?

"All I want for Christmas is EU"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So this kid likes this song and keeps singing the chorus excessively...

He only knows the chorus,nwhich goes “If my father was a king, my mother would be the queen, and I would be a prince.” And he sings this to himself constantly, on a loop.

One day, he’s riding in a cab and the taxi driver says, “Hey, buddy...don’t you know any more words to that song?”

...

Today I happily walked through a forest, singing a little song, as suddenly an evil sorcerer walked up and told my he'd turn me into a dwarf because I woke him up with my noise.

Now I feel kinda grumpy.

What would you call a song about climate change?

An Algorithm.

Love is like a country song

... it’s unnecessary

My girlfriend and I overheard a Whitney Houston song.

She says “Man, Whitney had some pipes on her.”

I say “Pretty sure that’s how she died, right?”

What's Hitler's favorite Christmas song?

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

My friend asked me if Wonderwall was my favorite song by Oasis.

I said maybe.

I write songs about sewing machines

I'm a Singer Songwriter

What is Shang Tsung’s favorite type of Nordic song?

**FINNISH HYMN**

What's the official song of the Anti Vaxx movement?

Down With the Sickness

Boy George wrote a song for this sub...

Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma comedian

I can't wait to hear the big song from the new Mary Poppins movie...

SuperCapitalisticallyExploitingOldNostalgia

What’s a NASCAR driver’s favorite song to sing to other drivers during a race?

Blue Bayou

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