What is a cows favourite song

I like to mooooove it mooooooove it

What song does skin start to sing after being tattooed for a while?

"I've become so numb! I can't feel you there!"

What Christmas song do they play at the mental hospital?

Do you see what I see?

Where did Phil Collins record all his songs?

In the Stu-Stu-Studio

‘Doctor, I keep spontaneously singing songs by The Who’

‘How long has this been happening?’

‘Ever since I was a young boy…’

What Queen song does a fraudulent cheesemaker sing?

I want to fake Brie.

That "Born to Be Wild" song is actually pretty scary.

Especially the part where they find a head out on the highway.

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If you only had one beer, you’re not an alcoholic. If you make one song on SoundCloud, you’re not a rapper.

But I have sex with one guy and now I’m gay?

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Me: I’m terrified of the song ‘I Want it That Way’

Therapist: Tell me why?

Me: **screams**

I recently wrote a song about Tortillas...

Actually its more of a rap.

What happens when you play a country song backwards?

You get:
- your wife back
- your house back
- your truck back
- your dog back

What do you call a song that get you laid?

A banger.

I'll see my self out

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A band teacher is giving a quiz to her class where you have to guess the name of a famous song based on a clue.

She starts with the easy clues: "Comedian".

"The Entertainer!" one of the flute players says immediately.

Then the teacher goes to a slightly more difficult clue: "Metal container is able to".

"The Cancan!" a saxophone player responds instantly.

Pleased with the results s...

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I said to a blonde girl, I bet you a blowjob I can sing a song with your name in it, no way says the blonde my name is Chantelle, so I bet you, Ok I said here we go....

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Chantelle happy blow job for me...

What kind of songs does Sub-Zero sing at his church in Helsinki?

FINNISH HYMNS!

A pirate started singing me a song. I didn’t really like it until he started swinging his arm around.

Then I was caught on the hook.

I'm weirdly turned on by songs with guest performers...

I might have a feat. fetish

I was sitting next to Floridaman at the bar the other night when an Aerosmith song came on.

He swears it’s called “ Loving an alligator “, but I don’t think that’s right.

What was Beethoven's favorite rock song?

\-

\-

*Bonn to be Wild*

I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.

He's a Singer songwriter.

Or sew it seams.

What’s a cat’s favorite song

Don’t stop meow.

I opened the fridge today and the milk was singing a Michael Jackson song

I think it’s Bad

Have you ever realised that when you are listening to music, somewhere in the world there is someone who is listening the same song, the same lyrics, the same syllable as you are.

Then you are aware of FM radio

I hate it when you get a Cranberries song stuck in your head...

.. In your head

In your head.

In your head.

When I was young, my father required me to play one specific song on the drum kit perfectly before I could be called a man

It was a cymbalic right-of-passage

What's the difference between black eye peas and chick peas?

Black eye peas can sing us a song; chick peas can only hummus one

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i was singing a song when my barber got so excited during my haircut

the song was Dye Motherfucker Dye

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Did you know that 80% of people masturbate while in the shower, and the other 20% whistle or sing the same song? Do you know what the name of the song is?

Well I guess I know what you’re doing in the shower!

What is a French Mushroom’s favourite rock song?

We Are The Champignons

If someone made a song about my favourite element

It would be fire

Did you know Mortal Kombat was based on an old Scandinavian song?

A Finnish hymn.

What's Palpatine's favorite type of song?

Duet.

Bert and Ernie served as daytime radio hosts for over twenty years.

Bert and Ernie worked together as daytime radio hosts for over twenty years. They'd traded jokes, played pop music and generally made peoples lives a touch brighter as they trundled to their workplace.

Now though, there was a silence on the air. Ernie silently reread the fax from civil defen...

The Piano Player

Once, there lived a man, who was very good at playing the piano, and he became very rich from all of the concerts he played at. Eventually, he saved enough money to buy himself a large mansion. He was very excited at this. He packed up all of his belongings, including his enormous grand piano, and p...

That one song about closing the goddamn door.

HaVe YoU eVeR hEaRd Of It?

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My friend said her favorite BTS song was "Dynamite"

I can't believe it's not "Butter".

They say if you play the new Luke Bryan song backwards, you will hear a Satanic message. But that's not the worst part

...if you play it forwards, you'll hear the new Luke Bryan song.

You know, for a song titled, "Piano Man..."

The guy with the harmonica sure won't shut the hell up.

What is the most popular song in hell?

Burn baby burn, Dantes inferno!

What’s the name of that song?

It goes like “Venice navy dad”

Thats not how the song goes...

You were singing backstreet boys and i was singing “in sync”

What's a washing machine's favorite song?

Twist and Shout

What is a vulture’s favorite song?

Carrion My Wayward Son

Some crocodiles formed a band that does parody songs.

It's a pun croc band.

Tell me your name and I guarantee you I can sing you a song with your name in it

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear _____, happy birthday to you.

A new guy starts work at a bakery.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

What's a Pixar editors favorite metal song?

Down with the Thiccness.

My family's favorite drummer jokes.

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they have machines for that now.

What did the drummer say before he was kicked out of the band?

Hey, I thought I'd share some song ideas I've written.

How do you count drummers?

1, 2 ... 1, 2, 3, 4.

I once heard a song about aids

It was really catchy

Did you know that in 1968 Paul McCartney got inspiration for a song after tasting something off in his home’s drinking water. He then had his water tested and went down to the county to get the results. The clerk read his file and looked up at Paul and said….

“Lead it be.”

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The Bocelli leather shoes.

Gennaro is in this country for only 6 months. He walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store. Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Boccelli leather shoes. He wants those shoes so much... it's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves the price of t...

I finally convinced my hillbilly friend to get a Covid vaccination, but he doesn’t want Moderna.

He says, “ just because she sang some good pop songs back in the 80s don’t mean she knows how to make a vaccine!”.

I watched Beauty and the Beast with French Mr. T

It was a normal movie night, until the part in the Gaston song where he punches Le Fou, and Mr T. yelled out " Pause the movie!". I asked him "Why, what's wrong?" French Mr T. cried out " I pity LeFou!"

Chess, the singing parrot

This guy goes into a pet shop looking for a bird. The shopkeeper brings him to a cage and tells him, “You won’t believe what this parrot Chess can do. He’s wonderfully talented, and his songs will blow your mind. Only $10,000.”

“That’s pretty steep,” he replies. “What’s so amazing about these...

No one is allowed to congregate for funerals; instead people drive by the cemetery and honk their horns in respect. One man drives by blasting “Another One Bites The Dust”



The family wanted to be mad, but then another car drove by playing the same song, and another one does, and another one does, and another one drives a bus.

Following the UK entry's "nul points" in last night's Eurovision song contest

Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman have announced that they are adding £250 to the jackpot.

My wife and I are making some artwork in the name of our favourite Bon Jovi song. So far we have the words "Livin' on".

We're half way there.

Where do pigs hear their favorite songs?

On the Ham Radio!

Joe Biden's Least Favorite Song?

Stairway to Heaven

Why shouldn’t you disrespect Nicki Minaj?

She’ll make another song about it. Nobody wants that.

That song "everybody talks" by neon trees is offensive to mute people....

And you'll probably never hear about it.

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A guy goes to the doctor

He says, ”You got to help me, Doc! I have the song, “What’s New,Pussycat” stuck in my head. It just keeps going around and around. It’s driving me CRAZY!”

Doctor replies, “Hmmm, that sound like Tom Jones Syndrome.”

“Tom Jones Syndrome? Is that serious??”

“Well, it’s not unusual....

My girlfriend broke up with me because I kept referencing the song One Night in Bangkok for reasons why I didn't want to take a vacation there.

It's just me now and my Thai trope act without Annette.

I’m writing a rock song about a guy out at sea, looking down at another guy’s smaller yacht.

I’m going to call it “smirk on the water”.

What's the Hamburglar's favorite David Bowie song?

Rebel Rebel

What song should every person hear before they die?

Happy Birthday

How do you know if a song is from Jason Derulo?

He tells you.

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Morning Poem

I woke early one morning,
The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill,

He sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.

He sang of far off places
Of laughter and ...

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Why didn't Joe Exotic ever release any Christmas songs?

Because he fucking hates Carols.

A boy plans on taking his girlfriend to prom.

A boy plans on taking his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flower...

I just found out The Spice Girls were paid off by the tobacco industry to hide subliminal pro-smoking messages in their songs.

I couldn’t believe it, so I put on one of their records, and it made me really really really want a cig or cigar.

Most people associate Frankie Valli with the Four Seasons, but how many of you are familiar with the song he wrote about the native corn of the Southeast United States?

It was called "Maize of Georgia," and it's a hit.

I am in the hospital because my cousin’s brother swallowed a 16gb memory card and he is singing all songs in it

Were hoping it doesn't reach video folder...

My wife says she is going to kick me out if I keep singing anymore Christmas songs..

..I said, 'but baby, it's cold outside'

I love how Pit Bull announces himself at the beginning of every song

giving us time to change the song.

My daughter made this tonight: What's the favourite song of sloths?

Don't Hurry, Be Happy

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A radio host asks his listeners for song requests.

A 90 year old woman calls in and says:

"Can you play 2 lips and 7 kisses?"

To mess with the old women he replies:

"I'm sorry I don't have that, but I do have 2 balls and 7 inches"

Confused, the woman asks back:

"Is that a record?"

To which the man replies:...

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The incredible trainer

It was a busy day at the bar. A lot of costumers were enjoying their breakfast. Until the door slammed open.
A shady trench coat with an almost as shady wearer appeared in the doorframe, a big bulge in both pockets. He approached the counter, as silent as the entire bar, exchanging glares with ...

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This bloke walks into the poshest restaurant in town.

'Where's the pissing, motherfucking manager, you cocksucking arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters. The waiter is taken-aback and replies, 'Excuse me sir but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here. I will get the manager as soon as I can'.

The manager comes o...

Sperm donor

I think an appropriate song in the waiting area of the sperm donor office would be “if I could put time in a bottle”

I really really want to perform a song for you.

It would be the "I sing on my cake" day.

You hear about the guy that made a song out of remixing his cracking knuckels?

It was a pop song

Death Row Inmate

A man was sentenced to death. The prison had a tradition that all death row inmates were allowed to choose their last meal. When his time came, he couldn’t make up his mind so he asked for some time to think about it.

The day he is to be executed arrives, but he still hasn’t chosen his last m...

What do you call a song about fruits and vegetables?

Melon-cauli

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The Hamster and the Frog

A shabby-looking man walks into an upscale bar full of businessmen and orders a Scotch. The bartender looks him over and says, "Sir, I don't believe you can afford the drinks at this establishment. May I ask that you go somewhere else?"
The man shrugs his shoulders and says, "You're right. I do...

It my Reddit bday. Celebrate and sing with me the dirtiest clean song you’ll ever sing!

Sing this out loud:

There once was a farmer who lived by a crick,
And every morning he played with his banjo,
In the moonlight, to the lady next door,
And you could tell just by looking that she was a,
Decent young lady who lay in the grass,
And when she rolled over you could s...

What do you call a Rick Astley song that makes it to the front page?

A rick r/all

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It’s been alleged that I’ve written a series of tweets about the song “I’m Too Sexy”.

I’d like to reassure my followers that I did not write said thread...

What is Santa’s favorite Christmas Song?

What is Santa’s favorite Christmas Song?

Area Codes by Ludacris

You know what happens when you post a Legend of Zelda song on YouTube...

A copyright strike is imminintendo.

I was in the bar yesterday...

when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas.


The music was really really loud, so I timed my Farts with the beats. After a couple of songs I started to feel better.


I finished my beer and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered I...

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Neil the trucker

Neil is a skilled truck driver and drives the freeway every day. But Neil wouldn't be Neil were it that he sings a song every five minutes:

"I'm Neil and I fuck behind the wheel."

And he sings this every five minutes.



At one point, Neil sees a nun hitchhiking along the h...

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What should be the last lyric of Cardi B’s song “Wet Ass Pussy”?

The Aristocrats

Two guys become best friends in high school, bonding over their similar tastes in music.

After a while, one guy notices that whenever his friend is in a relationship, all he listens to is Liz Phair songs. And whenever he’s single, he goes back to his normal genres.

After high school, the two enlist together. During their first tour, the guy notices his friend is once again seemi...

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Every time I see someone posting lyrics of inspirational songs on social media, I get really pissed off.

But I will survive.

A woman on her bike was riding through the countryside during the middle ages, playing her guitar and singing songs....

...when she came upon a dashing knight in the woods, practicing his swordsmanship. The knight was struck by her beauty and started a conversation. which quickly turned into flirting.

The knight straddled the front wheel of her bike and started to passionately kiss her. The woman said "No we ...

My Grandfather really liked Fall Out Boy

I never understood why, considering the age gap between him and the band. Every week, I’d go sit with him on his porch and we’d listen to the band, jamming out to some sick tunes and laughing our hearts out at each other’s awful singing. Unfortunately as time passed, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’...

You hear the song about the abusive hospital?

It has a sick beat

NSFW Guy is in the front row at the strip club.

NSFW

He’s quietly drinking and tipping the dancers when a particularly beautiful girl comes out and begins a sensual strip tease. The guy behind him immediately starts whooping and calling out, “yeah baby! take it off! Take it off!! woo hoo!”

As she gets completely naked and leaves the...

My girlfriend left me cause I couldn’t stop quoting linkin park songs

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter

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