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What should be the last lyric of Cardi B’s song “Wet Ass Pussy”?

The Aristocrats

I played bass on the original Scooby Doo theme song way back in 1969 and then went on to play with Metallica. AMA!

Fine, I didn’t actually play the bass on the Scooby Doo theme song, or in any band for that matter, but I’d have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you metaling kids!

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Every time I see someone posting lyrics of inspirational songs on social media, I get really pissed off.

But I will survive.

I write songs about sewing machines !

I'm a singer songwriter

Wanna hear a song about Covid-19?

It's pretty catchy.

A woman on her bike was riding through the countryside during the middle ages, playing her guitar and singing songs....

...when she came upon a dashing knight in the woods, practicing his swordsmanship. The knight was struck by her beauty and started a conversation. which quickly turned into flirting.

The knight straddled the front wheel of her bike and started to passionately kiss her. The woman said "No we ...

What's the worst elevator song ever?

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

I thought I heard an onion singing a Bee Gees song.

But it turned out it was just a chive talking.

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An Englishman, an American and a Japanese guy are on a boat, moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom...

Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies.

The American steps up first. 'I love my country. Before I die I want to sing my national anthem one last time. The full versi...

I've just joined a rock band that play the same songs in the same order at every gig.

We're OC/DC

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A drunk stumbles into an upscale bar on a slow night.

A drunk stumbles into an upscale bar on a slow night. He asks the bartender for a drink and says, “I can’t pay you, but I’ll play you a song on that piano.” The bartender says what the hell and gives the man a shot of cheap whiskey. To his surprise, the drunk sits down at the piano and plays one of ...

There was an old woman listening to the radio when she heard a song called “Two Lips and Seven Kisses.” She decided to call the radio station to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, “Do you have “Two Lips and Seven Kisses?”

The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, “No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!”

So the woman asked, “Is that a record?”

To which the man replied, “No, its average!”

Theme song

99 Anti-maskers on the street,

99 on the street,

they go protest

they're feeling free,

98 Anti-maskers on the street

What do you call a Rick Astley song that makes it to the front page?

A rick r/all

What’s Karen’s favorite song

Mask off by future




Edit : THANK YOU FOR MY FIRST EVER GOLD!

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Why didn't Joe Exotic ever release any Christmas songs?

Because he fucking hates Carols.

A friend introduced me to this beautiful lady. Trying to impress, witty me sang a song with her name as the title that just came on top of my head.

I must say, Roxanne was not impressed when I told her she didn’t have to put on the red light.

I just read a story about songs in history and the pitches in which they were sung.

For example, a march to battle was sung around middle D. Gregorian chants were sung from low D to middle G.

It seems that most, if not all, pirate shanties were sung on the high C’s.

What is the most played song from any Karen as of right now?

Mask Off.

What’s Princess Leia’s favourite song?

Riding solo - Jason Derulo

My girlfriend left me cause I couldn’t stop quoting linkin park songs

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter

Why don't hummingbirds sing songs?



Because they don't know the words.

What song do Timone and Puumba sing at breakfast?

Hakuna Frittata

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A man ended up in hospital and his wife visits him.

Wife: I barely got here. You wouldn't belive what happened.

Housband: What happened?

Wife: My car broke down. So I asked taxi to take me here. When I told him I don't have enough money, he said "You are either going to sing me a song, or you're going to suck my dick."

Housband: ...

I love how Pit Bull announces himself at the beginning of every song

giving us time to change the song.

One of life's most soul crushing moments occurs every time that a song comes on the radio .....

And you think you are about to hear Under Pressure by Queen only to find out it's Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice.

ABBA songs Ramadan edition

Gimme gimme gimme a naan after midnight

What is Trump's favorite song?

What does the Fox say?

Just a regular day in the Pope's life

This beautiful morning, the Pope woke early, excited for today's ceremony. It was a special day, and the Vatican will probably be even more crowded than usual. Standing there on the balcony and speaking to such a great audience is the purest joy of the Pope, second only to his closeness to God.
<...

With the rise of self driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time...

Until there's a country song where the guy's truck leaves him.

I just found out the man who wrote the song The Hokey Pokey passed away

When they put him in his coffin, they put the left leg in, they took the left leg out...

My friends make fun of me for only being able to play one Metallica song on guitar

It's Sad But True

My friend asked me to stop singing Oasis songs in public

So I said maybeeee

What do you get when you play a country song backwards?

You get your house back, your wife back, your dog back and your truck back.

What song does the queen of England sing when she takes her clothes off?

London's Britches Falling Down

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Pierre, a French pilot of WW1 took leave in Paris and went out to sample the nightlife. He has a great night of song and wine and he meets a young lady, who he invites back to his apartment.

The excited pair walk back through the tree lined boulevards and on the way, Pierre drops in to a shop to purchase a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine, a bottle of brandy and a box of matches.

When they reach the apartment they waste no time in stripping off and fall passionately ont...

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A teenage girl came across an old man sitting next to his radio, tapping his cane in time to a Lil Wayne song.

"Holy crap! I didn't know you'd like rap music?!"
"I didn't, either," the old man replied. "It all started after my hip op".

Whats the favourite Song of flying Bugs?

Pretty Fly (for a White Guy)

What is a maggots favorite song?

I believe I can fly

Meatloaf has produced 3 really great songs but of them, I can only recognise Bat out of Hell and Heaven can wait.

Well 2 out of 3 ain’t bad

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My dad does this really inappropriate joke where he closes his eyes whenever a Stevie Wonder song comes on.

Fucking nightmare when his songs are on the car radio.

My cat’s favourite opera song?

O fortuna. (Oh-for-tuna)
From Carmina Burana by Carl Orff

Remember the song “Blue” by Eiffel 65?

You do now.

Enjoy having that in your head for the rest of the day.

Once upon a time, in the magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song, ...

Vera Lynn used to work at an Arctic research station. She wrote a protest song about the lack of variety in the staff canteen.

Whale meat again?

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A guy walks into a brothel and ask that the three most requested girls are brought in front of him(long)

A beautiful blond, brunette and a red head now stand before him, yet he simply can't decide who to pick. The man turns to the blond and ask. "Why are you so popular with the customers?"

She smiles an replies "You may not believe this, but when I get screwed in my ass really good, it congratul...

No one is allowed to congregate for funerals; instead, people drive by the cemetery and honk their horns in respect. One man drives by blasting “Another One Bites The Dust”

The family wanted to be mad, but then another car drove by playing the same song, and another one does, and another one does, and another one drives a bus.

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A guy really wants to impress his girlfriend.

A guy had met a girl recently and he really liked her, so he would try to impress her on every chance that showed up.

One day, they were at a Rolling Stones concert. The guy excused himself for a moment to go to the bathroom, but made a turn and headed right to the band’s room. In there was M...

Why does DJ Khaled shout his name at the beginning of the songs he produces?

So you know that it's time to change the channel.

My friends are constantly asking me to stop signing Oasis songs.

I said maybe.

Being in quarantine I’ve gotten bored and wrote a song on cats.

The third verse ran away, I guess next time I’ll use paper.

What Christmas song do they sing in the psychiatric hospital?

Do you see what I see?

I've made a DataBase of some of the worst Carpool Karaoke songs ever.

It's called CarDB!

I literally just wrote a song about the Coronavirus, but I will never let anyone hear it.

It’s too catchy. It’ll be with you for weeks.

Clothes are like Billie Eilish songs

I was really surprised when I found out that a kid made them

Have you heard that new Coronavirus song?

It went viral.

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They say about 70% of people masturbate in the shower and about 30% sing in the shower. Do you know what the most popular song is to sing in the shower?

You don't? Well I guess we know what you've been doing.

Timed Gas

Timed Gas

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was starin...

My wife and I are into role play. Today she said I could pick any song as a role play theme...

I hope her friend Eileen is as excited as I am.

Jim, Scott, and Alex check into a hotel.

Jim, scott,and Alex check into a hotel and find out they’ll have to walk up 30 flights of stairs because the elevator is broken. To pass time while they walk, Jim decides he’ll tell jokes, Scott will sing songs, and Alex will tell sad stories. So Jim tells jokes for 10 flights, Scott sings songs for...

Why did the songwriter eat Turkish food before recording a song?

They had heard that posthumous songs do well in the charts.

What's the difference between a Rolling Stones song and a Scottish farmer?

One goes "Hey you! Get off my cloud"

And the other "Hey Mc'Cloud! Get off my ewe"

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So, once upon a time......

A horse sees a rock band perform and thinks "Hey, I could do that." The horse calls up his local music store and is like "I wanna learn guitar, just one problem, I'm a horse." The employee says "don't worry we can do that." The horse goes, learns guitar for a few months, gets really good, and is ...

I formed a rock group called the elastics, things aren't going so well so far though,

We have one song and it's band.

I recently made a song about tortillas.

It's a wrap.

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There was a cat, a cow and a horse who lived on a farm.

It was a massive farm in Virginia which spanned a few acres, and every day the three animals would work on the farm. Even though it was exhausting, it was very rewarding.

One day, the cat decided to take the day off. While the cow and the horse worked on the farm, the cat sat down and watche...

A Scottish teenage girl plays the guitar and writes a song

A Scottish teenage girl learns guitar and writes a song. When she performs it at the talent show, to her father's disapproval, she wears a crop top. During a guitar solo, her father walks up on stage and starts singing the song as if he's part of the act, and then he wraps her exposed belly with a t...

My doctor told me to sing a song while washing my hands

I sang American Pie and now my hands are bleeding.

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A woman asks her husband to fix the router

He replies "im no technician"

The next day, the tv broke, and again he tells her "im no electrician"

The third day, the power went out, so her husband tells her to call an electrician. When the husband returns home, the lights are all on, the tv works, the wifi is faster than before....

My wife's favorite song is "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers and she reminds of this every single time it's on the radio...

I reply, "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know..."

There's nothing worse than having a Cranberries song stuck in your

heeeeeeeeead,


in your heeeeeead,


in your head, in your head,


in your hea, hea, head

What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?

"Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs..."

I really like that French song about the pink airplane.

L’avion Rose

Some crocodiles got together to write parody songs.

It's a pun croc band.

Being white has its disadvantages too, you know.

It can be super hard to find a rap song on iTunes when you spell all the words correctly.

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The Tale of the Animal Band

So there was this horse, and recently he had gone through some tough times. His wife left him, he lost his job, and rent day was coming ever closer. This is when he had a brainwave: He was going to get his childhood band back together. So the first member to convince was the cow. Now the cow was pre...

So a poor man walks into a pet store

Hoping to buy a parrot. He looks at a whole bunch of parrots, but all of them are out of his price range. He asks one of the employees if they have a cheaper parrot.

“Actually, we have one parrot that nobody has wanted to buy. His name is Chet and he very lovable, but he’s only got one leg.”...

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Bono is between songs at a concert in Scotland and goes into his humanitarian pitch...and says, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies of disease or starvation"...

He puts the mic down on the stage and claps once...then stands completely straight up and still. A hush falls over the crowd. You can hear a pin drop.

Five seconds later...he claps again...then stands still. Five seconds later...he claps again and stands solemnly erect. This continues f...

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom...

....First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo....

What is the official song of patriarchy?

It's Reigning Men.

So there is a trend and you shuffle your Spotify playlist.

And have to do what the song says.

Turns out the first song was jump and I was on a bridge.

I wrote a song about a tortilla....

It’s actually more of a wrap

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A joke that’s got me various death threats

So there was a horse, and this horse was really talented. He was great on guitar. One day he found himself watching youtube and stumbled upon a Jimi Hendrix song which inspired him to start a cover. He practised this cover really hard, eventually becoming inspired to create a cover of a whole Jimi H...

I can fit the lyrics of the song 'Uptown Funk' into any conversation.

Don't believe me? Just watch!

Someday we will have to explain the song 'baby it's cold outside' to our kids as it becomes more and more controversial.

We will have to explain to them how it used to get cold outside.

Did you hear Adele got a really bad sunburn?

She details the experience in her new song, "Aloe From the Other Side"

The Sermon..

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis, his arms in the air, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the riv...

All these singers dropping their new albums and songs.....

don't you think they oughta be a little careful the next time?

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My friend bought a loud speaker

He suddenly played a beat drop ass song.


I screamed.


He asked, "What's wrong?"


I said "It hertz."

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If police never did wrong, people would trust them

Nobody ever made a song called “Fuck The Fire Department” ....

The Knack came out with a new song!

It’s called “My Corona”, it’s pretty sick!

Everyone’s heard The Rolling Stones song that says “Hey, you, get off of my cloud”

Less well known is the Irish version, that goes “Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe”

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A woman asks her husband...

Can you take care of the leaky faucet?

“What do I look like a plumber?” He yells

Well can you fix the leaky roof?

“What do I look like a roofer?” He yells

The leaves in the yard are all over the place...

“Do I look like a gardener to you!?” He slams the door and le...

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