One day a man goes to his wife and says "Honey, I've never said anything before, but I need to know. I've noticed that of our seven children, that Jack looks different from the others. Does Jack have a different father than his siblings?"

The wife says "Yes, I admit it, he does."

The husband says "Who is his father?"

The wife says **"You are."**

What do you call a cannibal who keeps taking bites out of his siblings?

A munchkin

There were two siblings named Lee and Ling.

Lee and Ling were very close and as a result, they liked the same things and were very similar people. Lee decided that he wanted to change his name to Ving so that their names would rhyme, but they father disapproved of this. Since Lee really wanted to change his name, he and Ling snuck out togethe...

I have 1 sibling but 2 brothers

One of them are annoying, and the other one prints.

How do you tell two half-siblings apart?

The difference is apparent

What did one dividing cell say to its sibling when they stepped on their foot?

Mitosis!

The singer from the band Train has zero siblings.

Strike that, he has one sole sister

What do you get when you cross two siblings from Alabama and an escort business?

A family discount

What do you call a baby who’s parents are siblings?

An Alabamination.

My sibling became severely depressed when he found out he was adopted

I can't relate.

Why doesn't anyone know about Napoleon's siblings?

Because they were Born apart

What did Darwin’s son tell his siblings?

You’re adapted!

My wife and I fight a lot

But sibling rivalry is normal

Why were Juan and his twin sibling able to plagiarize off each other without being caught?

Nobody expects the Spanish Twin Submission.

I’ve had a fight with my siblings.

My friends said “Wow, that must be some huge problems for you”, to which I replied, “It’s relative.”

Little boy: Santa, I want a sibling for Christmas

Santa: Send me your mother.

What’s the name of E. coli bacteria’s sibling?

Bro coli

There were 3 siblings...

The first kid, Rose, comes to their mom:

Mommy, why my name is Rose?

Mom: Because when you were born, a little rose landed in your forehead...

The second one, Plumy:

And why my name is Plumy, mommy?

Mom: Because when you were born a lil plume landed in your forehea...

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How is called a woman from Alabama that can outrun all of her siblings?

A virgin.

Little Johnny and his dad were walking through a park when they saw two dogs going at it.

"What are they doing?" Little Johnny asked.

"They're making a puppy." was the reply.

Later that night, Little Johnny walked in on his parents. "What are you doing?"

"We're making you a sibling."

"Well, turn her over. I want a puppy."

It’s International Siblings Day today...

or as Alabama calls it, Father’s Day.

Today is National Sibling Day. Or as we say in Alabama...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

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Three men get lost in a forest and kidnapped by a cannibal tribe...

The chief tells them that since they don't seem to mean any harm, they must pass a test and if they do, he'll let them go free, he'll even point them in the direction of civilization. But if they cannot complete the test, they will be killed and served for dinner. First, he sends each of the men in ...

The eldest of three siblings comes up to his mother and asks: "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Leaf?"

"Well, honey," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a leaf landed on your head."

Satisfied, the child goes away.

Later, the middle child tugs at her mother's hand. "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Feather?"

"Well, darling," the mother says, "it's because when...

A goat gets its wish granted by a genie

He wishes to be turned into a human being. After his transformation, the, now, man is so grateful to the genie. He asks "How can I ever repay you?"

The genie just has this request: That the man make the most of his life and live like no man has lived before; love like no man has loved before;...

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Did you hear about Brad Pitt's horny sibling?

Trum Pitt

The Nurse Asked My Family's Medical History Today at the Doc's Office

Nurse: "Do you have siblings?"

Me: "Yes, a younger brother.

Nurse: "Does he have any medical issues?"

Me: "He broke his finger on his right hand hitting someone in a bar fight."

Nurse: "Oh, okay. Anything else?"

Me: "He's battl...

My mom always refused to tell me I was her favorite child, and insisted she didn't believe in choosing a favorite.

Which was really hurtful since I don't have any siblings.

What's the difference between the American Red Cross and your unemployed sibling?

When they American Red Cross bleeds you dry, you actually gain money.

Police were investigating a murder in Ten City...

The victim was Andrew Pun, and the suspects were his family members. They were extremely wealthy, and had a pure blood line spanning out across multiple cities.

The police began interrogating each sibling, guardian, and family friends. All of them had an alibi:

Tommy Pun, Andrew's lit...

Two siblings, a boy and a girl opens their Christmas presents

The boy received a football hat while the girl received a wonderful gold necklace.

The next year, the boy received a puzzle and the girl received an new wardrobe full of clothes.

And the next year again, the boy finds out he got a cheap chinese phone while his sister received an iPhon...

One day the youngest son asks his mother, "Mom, why do I look so different from all my siblings?"....

The mother says "Son, from what I remember about that party, you are lucky that you don't bark".

Siblings

(noun) : people you either plan to murder or plan a murder with. There's no middle ground.

Stop complaining!

My daughter recently went on a trip with some friends. While she was out, they went to the museum, attended a wedding (the reason for the trip), and went to see a movie, Frozen 2, as long as she promised not to spoil it for our family.

When she got back after her weekend, it seemed that bein...

The distinction between a sibling and a half-sibling

is apparent.

What do you call arguing with a step sibling?

Adoptive Reasoning

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My smart watch tracks my wrist movement while I'm watching porn...

The feature is called a step-sibling counter.

My dad always taught me to share my toys with my siblings.

It wasn't that he wanted me to develop social skills, it's because he was a cheapskate that wanted to spend 50% less money on toys.

If identical siblings are both interested in something,

Do they have twin piques?

It was the mid-1820’s when Phillip and his brother Terrance decided that they wanted to better their lives.

So the two brothers packed a wagon with everything they owned and started out from their small home in Missouri. The trail to Oregon was very tough and the relationship between the brothers was already stressed at best.

Phillip, being the older brother, was constantly very critical of his you...

My siblings and I were home schooled growing up.

People always ask how my girlfriend and I met. I tell them we were high school sweethearts.

My parents were like siblings.

And according to the police that was, like, a problem.

Until today, I could never understand how my parents entertained themselves in their days, before smartphones were a thing

I asked my 72 other siblings and they haven’t got a clue either.

Feeling hopeless, I finally asked my parents and they said they played lots of sports. For some reason, I think they’re lying...

What do two sibling bakers create at night?

In-bread.

Waitress: "Wow, you eat really fast!" Me: "Yeah, I come from a big family."

Waitress: "Oh yeah? How many siblings do you have?"

Me: "None. My parents are just super fat."

After my friend passed away I got his sibling a parrot to soften the blow.

I also taught it to say, "Dave, it's your brother. Reincarnation is real!"

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A few puns I thought of while trying not to get out of bed

What did the Alabama sister say to her sibling?

"Cum at me bro".



\-

Why did the wild fowl sneak into the girls washroom?

He was a peeking duck



\-

What did the fruit farmer say when asked about his crops?

"It's bananas"



\...

Our son Luke loves that we used Star Wars as inspiration to name our children...

His siblings R2-D2 and Chewbacca aren’t as amused

My brother and I both went to the mall today.

We were both hanging around, having a nice time together. Then suddenly out of a blue, a guy came up to us, holding a lighter in his hand. He looked awfully fishy and he gave us a strange stare.


"Hey, boys. Ya mind if I ask ya a question?"


"What is it?" My brother asked, unper...

I wo der how people used their free time before the internet...

I asked my eight siblings but they didn't know either.

I always used to think ‘my parents are like siblings’

sounds so much better than, ‘my parents are, like, siblings.’

What do you call two siblings that take your money?

Fine brothers

For a while now, I always wondered how my parents passed the time in the 80’s and 90’s without social media

I asked my 32 other siblings and they’ve got no idea either.

New Baby Sibling

When a woman discovered that she was pregnant, her four-year-old son overheard his parents' conversation.

He didn't say anything until a week later when a family friend asked him if he was excited about the prospect of a new brother or sister.

"Yes," said the boy, "and I know what we'r...

Trump and Obama meets during inauguration.

Trump asks: Barack, your approval ratings are pretty high. I love ratings bigly. Can you give me some tips?

Obama: The key is having a strong administration. I make sure that my administration not only works hard but is also composed of smart people.

Trump: What do you mean?

Oba...

So, what's your profession again?

"Well", answered the man, "I'm a magician!"

"A Magician? What type of Magician?"

"It's a family business and I do the sawing down!"

"Family business? So do you have siblings?"

"Yes, two half brothers"

Inspired by a story of my dad and his sister

Two siblings were driving to school when they accidentally hit an old friend. No one was hurt and there were no damages to the car, and the friend was very nice about it, he just said to the sister, since she was driving, to tell their parents. The sister had never gotten in trouble before so she ...

My grandfather, my mom, and my siblings all have diarrhea.

Runs in the family.

What did our parents do to kill time before the internet?

I asked my 16 siblings and they didn't know either.


Not oc but thought I'd share.

Two Alabamans decide to end their romantic relationship. One says to the other,

"Let's just be siblings."

There was a woman with a hundred children

There was a woman with a hundred children. She lacked the creativity to name all of them, so she just named them 1 through 100.

Eventually, through a series of misfortunes, 99 of the children died. Only the one named 90 survived. 90 grew up healthy, thankfully. She found a man and fell in lo...

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[long] A pregnant woman was standing in line at a bank.

All of a sudden a masked man bursts through the front door waving a gun wildly around. He shouts that he is robbing the bank and that everyone in it is now his hostages. The police soon arrive and in the ensuing stand off shots were exchanged from both sides, the woman was struck three times in her ...

In New York, when a married couple gets into a fight, it’s called domestic violence.

In Alabama, it’s known as sibling rivalry.

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet..

I asked my 18 siblings and none of them had any clue

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A hunter comes home with a deer he has just killed.

He says to his wife: "Prepare this for dinner, but don't tell the kids what we're having."

At the dinner table, the kids ask: "Mommy, what are we having?"

The hunter replies: "Oh, it's what your mother calls me sometimes."

The older sibling immediately stands up and exclaims: ...

What did our grandparents do without TV or internet?

I don't know. Ask your mom and her 6 siblings.

I wonder...

I always wondered what my parents did to pass time before things like the internet and TVs were invented.
I asked my 26 siblings for advice.

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There was a king ready to abdicate.

So he brought in his 3 sons. He tells them, "Each of you will receive a trial, the first to complete their trial will become king."

Beginning with his eldest son, a brave and foolhardy man of great stature he says, "You are to bring me your grandmother's emerald ring, lost decades ago in the ...

Yo momma is so stupid...

... she single-handedly became a threat to literally millions of people by deciding not to vaccinate you or your siblings.

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Cleaning your room is a lot like masturbation....

Asking your sibling to help usually doesn’t work.

The Americans and Russians

at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's...

I wonder what my parents did for fun when they were younger...

I don't know, I guess I'll go ask one of my 13 siblings...

Late last week, I was rushing around trying to get some last minute shopping done.

Late last week, I was rushing around trying to get some last minute shopping done. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the Christmas season right then. It was dark, cold, and wet in the parking lot as I was loading my car up with gifts that I felt obligated to buy. I noticed that I wa...

Did your mom stop making jokes?

Or do you have younger siblings?

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A little girl asks how she got her name.

Her mom says “Well when we were bringing you home from the hospital a rose petal landed on your face, so we named you rose. We named your brother ray because a beam of sunlight hit him on the way home from the hospital too.”

From the next room the third siblings says

“Hyrnagamadrgs!”...

A kid grew up with a inattentive father...

He wasn’t around much and didn’t really make an effort. Was emotionally distant and at times cruel. But the kid was very close with his sister, brother and mother.

Years go by, he goes to college, goes to grad school and has a great career. He becomes a renowned scientist respected by all. <...

Hugo meets a fantastic girl, and - curiously - she agrees to go on a date with him

Soon, Hugo and Phyllida are an item. They go to parties together, concerts, long walks on Sunday. It's great.

Then one day, Hugo is out shopping with his big sister Roberta, and he remembers that Phyllida works in the big menswear shop in town.

He's a bit anxious about mixing business...

It was extremely difficult to switch off my mother in law’s life support system.

I had to fight the doctor, my wife, and her siblings to finally do it.

Carl walked into the bar…

And ordered 3 beers. The Bartender asked “Are you sure you want all three now? They’ll be warm. I can give them one at a time if you’d rather?”

Carl replied, “My two brothers and I made a pact that whenever one of us drinks, we’d take two more at the same time for our siblings.”

The ba...

My parents just said they want another child.

"I'd love a sibling!" I said.

"That's not what we meant." they replied.

My parents' motto is "Try and try until you succeed", and as the Firstborn, I don't get it.

and so does my 25 younger siblings.

I never could figure out what people did for entertainment before the Internet...

None of my 17 siblings can figure it out either.

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Those brother/sister pornos are fucking weird.

Never once have I called my siblings 'bro' or 'sis' while we're having sex.

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Two brothers have dinner shortly after Christmas. NSFW

One is incredibly wealthy and the other can barely afford rent. Over dinner, they share stories about their Christmas and what they gifted their respective wives.

The rich brother relays how he bought his wife a diamond ring and a Mercedes Benz for Christmas.

'Oh wow, why did you get h...

Why did you die?

So a man named John is in the cemetery, just like every Sunday, visiting his wife.

But this day was different than the others. Today a man was on his hands and knees weeping and shouting, "Why did you die? Why did you die?"

Well John feels sorry for the guy so he heads over and asks th...

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Some tidbits for your pleasure

I'm wearing the boxers with the little hearts all over them tonight....
It's probably not a good night to go to jail.

Getting married at 22 sounds a lot like leaving a party at 9:30pm.

Probably should not have driven home from the bar last night.. especially considering I walked...

I was wondering what my parents did without the internet

and none of my 7 siblings could tell me

There was once an ambitious prince...

Born the youngest out of 4 brothers.

There was a heated discussion when all four princes were at an appropriate age for being candidates to the throne. But alas, how unfair fate is as our little prince was bested by his brothers.

At an early age he found himself planting seeds of envy ...

3 Men are stranded on a desert island.

They begin to lose hope when they happen upon a magic lamp. They give it a quick rub and to their joy a genie appears.

The genie can offer 3 wishes, and grants each of the men a single wish each.

The first man: "I wish to be off this island and back home with my wife and kids, I miss...

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A woman is pregnant...

....And when her 5 year old son notices her belly is getting big he asks his mom what she has in her belly. The mother in a natural attempt to avoid explaining such a sexually vivid concept to her son replies to him, “It’s just air sweetie.” A few months later on the day of delivery the boy meets hi...

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A man kills a deer...

A man kills a deer and brings it home for dinner but tells the wife not to tell the children what type of meat they will be eating. Later as they're enjoying their meal the father asks his children if they know what type of meat they'd been enjoying. With puzzled looks on their faces he adds, 'It's ...

A woman had quintuplets.

Not being a creative type, she named them after her various senses. As the children grew up, they maintained a good relationship; very few other people wouldn't tease them about their names. Naturally, the children excelled in different areas; Touch, for example, was great at History, and Sight was ...

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40 Cents

There was a country family who had struggled with poverty all their lives. Then the daughter got married to the wealthiest bachellor of the nearest town.
All of a sudden their lives started to improve. The husband employed all the wife’s siblings, his company started to buy the family ranch’s...

Drinking game for the eclipse

Tomorrow, take a shot for every post on r/tifu with a title that's anything along the lines of "TIFU by looking at the eclipse" or "TIFU by not watching my [sibling/child/parent/grandparent/friend/SO] during the eclipse".

In other words: Take a shot for everyone blinded by their ignorance.

I was raised as an only child.

My siblings took it pretty hard.

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A Jew is on his deathbed.

Summoning his last strength, he says: "Is my wife Sarah here with me?" And she says "Yes, I am here." He then says :"Are my children here with me?" And they reply "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last." And he smiles and says:"Is my father and siblings here with me?" And the...

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A mother of 3 boys, ages 4, 6,7, goes to see a Doctor.

She explains that the boys have developed a bad habit of cursing quite a bit. And asks for advice on ways to stop them. He asks her," ma'am I've known these boys awhile and I've wandered if u have ever even spanked them?! They are the most unruly children i have ever known." The mother says," oh my ...

Hey girl, are you from Tennessee?

Cause you look like your parents were siblings.

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