UPJOKE
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There were 3 siblings...

The first kid, Rose, comes to their mom:

Mommy, why my name is Rose?

Mom: Because when you were born, a little rose landed in your forehead...

The second one, Plumy:

And why my name is Plumy, mommy?

Mom: Because when you were born a lil plume landed in your forehea...

Little boy: Santa, I want a sibling for Christmas

Santa: Send me your mother.

How does Mario communicate with his recently deceased sibling?

Luigi Board.

Sibling rivalry

There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best to her.

The eldest son bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer her.

The second son bought her a beautiful Rolls ...

A child walks up to their parents and asks

A child walks up to their parents and asks “hey, mom and dad. Why did you name me Petal?”

The parents smile and reply, “When we got you home, a petal from a flower in the garden fell on your forehead”. The child satisfied with the answer walked away.

The younger sibling came up and a...

My deaf sibling asked if i wanted to hear a joke

I replied “sure”

They said “me too”

After my best friend passed away I got his sibling a parrot to soften the blow.

Then I secretly taught it to say, "Daniel, it's your brother. Reincarnation is real!"

Somewhere in Alabama:

\*siblings fighting\*

Brother: "OH YEAH, WELL I WANT A DIVORCE!"

My sibling became severely depressed when he found out he was adopted

I can't relate.

One day a man goes to his wife and says "Honey, I've never said anything before, but I need to know. I've noticed that of our seven children, that Jack looks different from the others. Does Jack have a different father than his siblings?"

The wife says "Yes, I admit it, he does."

The husband says "Who is his father?"

The wife says **"You are."**

One day the youngest son asks his mother, "Mom, why do I look so different from all my siblings?"....

The mother says "Son, from what I remember about that party, you are lucky that you don't bark".

New Baby Sibling

When a woman discovered that she was pregnant, her four-year-old son overheard his parents' conversation.

He didn't say anything until a week later when a family friend asked him if he was excited about the prospect of a new brother or sister.

"Yes," said the boy, "and I know what we'r...

What’s the name of E. coli bacteria’s sibling?

Bro coli

I can always sense when my siblings are going to have a daughter.

I have telekineices.

My parents refuse to let my younger siblings to get shots

What's so wrong with underage drinking anyways

OnlyFans launched a new step sibling content adult website...

They call it OnlyFams!

What do two sibling bakers create at night?

In-bread.

What do you call a selfish female sibling?

A narcissister

I always used to think ‘my parents are like siblings’

sounds so much better than, ‘my parents are, like, siblings.’

Giving you another sibling for FREE!

(Bring your mom or it won't work)

I was curious what my parents did for fun before the internet…

I asked my 23 siblings and they didn’t know either.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about Brad Pitt's horny sibling?

Trum Pitt

When my father got remarried to that Mongolian woman, I gained a new sibling

A steppe brother

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Don't you think it's unfair that some people get to be celebrities, but their siblings remain in the background?

I mean, everyone has heard of Hilary Swank, but not her sister, Gloria.

I had to start hiding cereal in my clothes so that my siblings couldn’t eat all of it.

I have Trix up my sleeve.

Today is National Sibling Day. Or as we say in Alabama...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

I’ve had a fight with my siblings.

My friends said “Wow, that must be some huge problems for you”, to which I replied, “It’s relative.”

What do you call your sibling’s daughter that lives in Alaska?

Brrr-niece

My siblings have been trying to convince me to get a beard, but I’ve been reluctant until recently.

Now I think it’s grown on me.

Two siblings are arguing, then one puts his hand level with his head and says “I’ve had it up to hear with you.”

The second sibling steps back takes a breath and speaks. “You know what? Fine.” He leaves, and years later is set to go to the moon. Once there on the televised broadcast he tells his brother, with his palm facing the earth, “I’ve had it to here.”

What's worse than telling the person that has a crush on you that you only see them as a sibling?

If they incest

My parents were like siblings.

And according to the police that was, like, a problem.

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Three sibling vampires are discussing who is the strongest.

The eldest eventually gets bored of debating and flies of into the night, coming back 5 minutes later covered in blood.

"Siblings of mine! See the lone house on the path into the city, silent and lost in a stripe of blood and fury?" shrieks the eldest with sadistic glory in his voice.

...

What do you call a cannibal who keeps taking bites out of his siblings?

A munchkin

The eldest of three siblings comes up to his mother and asks: "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Leaf?"

"Well, honey," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a leaf landed on your head."

Satisfied, the child goes away.

Later, the middle child tugs at her mother's hand. "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Feather?"

"Well, darling," the mother says, "it's because when...

Yo mama so dumb...

...she tells yo mama jokes to you and your siblings.

What did one dividing cell say to its sibling when they stepped on their foot?

Mitosis!

My parents just said they want another child.

"I'd love a sibling!" I said.

"That's not what we meant." they replied.

What do you call it when two insect siblings that get together?

An insectuous relationship

What did Darwin’s son tell his siblings?

You’re adapted!

What do you call two siblings that take your money?

Fine brothers

An elementary school teacher was meeting her new class

She pointed to one student and asked "What does your father do for a living?"

The boy said "My father's a magician! He has a new act that ends with sawing people in half."

"That's wonderful!" said the teacher. "And do you have any siblings?"

"Yes," said the boy- "I have a half...

The distinction between a sibling and a half-sibling

is apparent.

I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.

I yelled out, "Oasis!"

(originally posted in r/dadjokes by me, wanted to share it with y'all too)

Why doesn't anyone know about Napoleon's siblings?

Because they were born apart.

How do you tell two half-siblings apart?

The difference is apparent

What do you call sibling lemon peels getting romantically involved with each other?

Inzest

It’s International Siblings Day today...

or as Alabama calls it, Father’s Day.

Trump and Obama meets during inauguration.

Trump asks: Barack, your approval ratings are pretty high. I love ratings bigly. Can you give me some tips?

Obama: The key is having a strong administration. I make sure that my administration not only works hard but is also composed of smart people.

Trump: What do you mean?

Oba...

My grandfather, my mom, and my siblings all have diarrhea.

Runs in the family.

I was wondering what my parents did without the internet

and none of my 7 siblings could tell me

When I was a kid we were so poor!

We were so poor that in the winter time we had to gather around our sickest sibling just to stay warm.

A mom is breastfeeding her baby twins.

One day, one of the twins realized that there is more milk coming from the breast where his twin sibling is feeding on. Because of extreme jealousy, he put poison on that specific breast while everyone is asleep.

The next day, the twins' uncle died.

I’m an only child,

My other siblings are adults.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jack was from a poor family with many siblings [OC]

As the eldest child, he took up the responsibility of helping his parents financially by doing odd jobs, be it collecting recyclable scraps, cleaning, babysitting, dog walking or simple repair work. He had no choice but to drop out of high school at the age of 14 to work full time in order for his o...

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Two teen siblings from Alabama

Two teen siblings from Alabama are in their house and their parents aren't home.
The sister says: "Imagine being in a room with everybody you've had sex with."
And the brother says: "I already am."

If identical siblings are both interested in something,

Do they have twin piques?

What do you get when you cross two siblings from Alabama and an escort business?

A family discount

My dad always taught me to share my toys with my siblings.

It wasn't that he wanted me to develop social skills, it's because he was a cheapskate that wanted to spend 50% less money on toys.

In New York, when a married couple gets into a fight, it’s called domestic violence.

In Alabama, it’s known as sibling rivalry.

A sad first attempt at a joke

(It’s my first time posting here. Don’t blame me for the terrible joke lol)

A lawyer just lost a career making/breaking case so Satan sees this as an opportunity to approach him and make him an offer.

Satan: I will make you the most successful lawyer in history. You will never lose a c...

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My smart watch tracks my wrist movement while I'm watching porn...

The feature is called a step-sibling counter.

While waiting in line at the entrance to a museum, my 16-year old daughter ran up to my wife and me and said, “Mom, Dad! We need to get a line form!”

Confused, I said “A line form?” She said, “Yes, I think you have to turn it in right over there before you can go in.” She pointed to the entrance.

That’s when I looked and saw the sign that said “Line Forms Here”.

True story. Bonus facts: She’s now a brilliant NICU nurse so she r...

Waitress: "Wow, you eat really fast!" Me: "Yeah, I come from a big family."

Waitress: "Oh yeah? How many siblings do you have?"

Me: "None. My parents are just super fat."

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How is called a woman from Alabama that can outrun all of her siblings?

A virgin.

A goat gets his wish granted by a genie.

He wishes to be turned into a human being. After his transformation, the, now, man is so grateful to the genie. He asks "How can I ever repay you?"

The genie just has this request: That the man make the most of his life and live like no man has lived before; love like no man has loved before;...

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There was a king ready to abdicate.

So he brought in his 3 sons. He tells them, "Each of you will receive a trial, the first to complete their trial will become king."

Beginning with his eldest son, a brave and foolhardy man of great stature he says, "You are to bring me your grandmother's emerald ring, lost decades ago in the ...

I wonder...

I always wondered what my parents did to pass time before things like the internet and TVs were invented.
I asked my 26 siblings for advice.

A teenager and their brother were playing by a lake

Suddenly, the older sibling pushed the younger one into the water as a prank (don’t worry, he’s okay). The kid simply started swimming on his back, to which the teenager asked how he did it. “I’m a little buoy” said the child.

The Americans and Russians

at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's...

My girlfriend wants to break up with me and I don’t know why.

I’ve asked my parents, siblings, friends, wife, other family. No one can figure it out.

Little Jhonny was an only child.

After hearing from his friends that had younger siblings how fun it was to take care, play, and sometimes pick on them, he got extremely jealous and began to wish very badly for a little brother. So everyday he would beg his parents for them to have another baby. His parents, however, really didn't ...

In Hong Kong, there once lived a rich prestigious old man known as Grandpa Li.

Grandpa Li lived together with Grandma Li in a big mansion with 3 daughters, each known as Miss Li.

The eldest Miss Li got married. Since she came from a very prestigious family, she decided to keep her last name, and then known as Madam Li.

Madam Li had a Son and a Daughter. They are ...

I hate breakups...

Especially when they try to let you down gently.
"It's not you, it's me"

"I just need some space"

"We can still be siblings".

My kid asked me what was I doing in my 20's.

I told him that I used to throw his siblings on tissue papers.

My dad always said laughter was the best medicine.....

Probably why so many of my siblings died from tuberculosis.

Two Little Boys

After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window.

The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hol...

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a man is talking to a therapist

therapist: why did you find your siblings annoying?

man: my brother was so loud.. he literally didn't stop yelling from the second he was born to the moment he died.

therapist: wow, that must have broken some sort of record.

man: nah, five minutes is nothing.

What's the difference between the American Red Cross and your unemployed sibling?

When they American Red Cross bleeds you dry, you actually gain money.

What did our grandparents do without TV or internet?

I don't know. Ask your mom and her 6 siblings.

Little Johnny and his dad were walking through a park when they saw two dogs going at it.

"What are they doing?" Little Johnny asked.

"They're making a puppy." was the reply.

Later that night, Little Johnny walked in on his parents. "What are you doing?"

"We're making you a sibling."

"Well, turn her over. I want a puppy."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hunter comes home with a deer he has just killed.

He says to his wife: "Prepare this for dinner, but don't tell the kids what we're having."

At the dinner table, the kids ask: "Mommy, what are we having?"

The hunter replies: "Oh, it's what your mother calls me sometimes."

The older sibling immediately stands up and exclaims: ...

I asked my dad what his parents' generation did to cure boredom before internet and TV existed

Neither him nor his 28 siblings had an answer.

A guy was asked this question.

Host: YOU & YOUR FAMILY ARE CARRYING 50 KG OF GOLD FROM DUBAI IN A BOAT. IMBALANCED DUE TO EXCESS WEIGHT YOU HAVE TO GET RID OF THE WEIGHT TO BALANCE IT

AFTER 50 MILES, THE BOAT SUDDENLY GETS

THERE ARE 4 PEOPLE..

YOUR BEST FRIEND, YOUR MOTHER, YOUR FUTURE LIFE PARTNER & ...

Brother-in-arms

What did the russian soldier say when he held his newborn sibling in his hands for the first time?

"You're my brother in arms!"

Little Johnny

An insurance officer comes to a farm and meets Little Johnny and asks,

"Hello, are your parents home by any chance?"

Little Johnny: "My parents were run over by the tractor ..."

Insurance officer: "Really? That's awful! Are your siblings at home?"

Little Johnny: "Run ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two brothers have dinner shortly after Christmas. NSFW

One is incredibly wealthy and the other can barely afford rent. Over dinner, they share stories about their Christmas and what they gifted their respective wives.

The rich brother relays how he bought his wife a diamond ring and a Mercedes Benz for Christmas.

'Oh wow, why did you get h...

My pullout game is so strong that

You don't have any siblings.

I never could figure out what people did for entertainment before the Internet...

None of my 17 siblings can figure it out either.

Someone told me I look like a Greek god:

Incredibly vain, melodramatic fool who’s parents are probably siblings.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cereal Anyone?

Two young brothers are talking. The older brother says, "You know what younger brother? I'm tired of being treated like a kid, so I'm going to take up swearing. The first thing tomorrow I'm going to say 'hell'."

The younger brother always goes along with his older sibling and does not li...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is pregnant...

....And when her 5 year old son notices her belly is getting big he asks his mom what she has in her belly. The mother in a natural attempt to avoid explaining such a sexually vivid concept to her son replies to him, “It’s just air sweetie.” A few months later on the day of delivery the boy meets hi...

Drinking game for the eclipse

Tomorrow, take a shot for every post on r/tifu with a title that's anything along the lines of "TIFU by looking at the eclipse" or "TIFU by not watching my [sibling/child/parent/grandparent/friend/SO] during the eclipse".

In other words: Take a shot for everyone blinded by their ignorance.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few puns I thought of while trying not to get out of bed

What did the Alabama sister say to her sibling?

"Cum at me bro".



\-

Why did the wild fowl sneak into the girls washroom?

He was a peeking duck



\-

What did the fruit farmer say when asked about his crops?

"It's bananas"



\...

One day a mother skunk

Told her two baby skunks, In and Out, to go outside and play. The two baby skunks did so and where having a great time. The played tag, follow the leader, and tried catching bugs down by the river. Then Out had an idea.

"Let's play hide and seek," Out said. "I'll look for you first!"

O...

For a while now, I always wondered how my parents passed the time in the 80’s and 90’s without social media

I asked my 32 other siblings and they’ve got no idea either.

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