UPJOKE
sisterfamilybrothertripletgrandparentparentstepmotherrelativeidentical twinsnephewstepbrothercousinauntuncleniece

Parents be like "I don't have a favorite child"

then use one of your siblings birth dates as a password

There were 3 siblings...

The first kid, Rose, comes to their mom:

Mommy, why my name is Rose?

Mom: Because when you were born, a little rose landed in your forehead...

The second one, Plumy:

And why my name is Plumy, mommy?

Mom: Because when you were born a lil plume landed in your forehea...

Little boy: Santa, I want a sibling for Christmas

Santa: Send me your mother.

Siblings

(noun) : people you either plan to murder or plan a murder with. There's no middle ground.

How does Mario communicate with his recently deceased sibling?

Luigi Board.

After my best friend passed away I got his sibling a parrot to soften the blow.

Then I secretly taught it to say, "Daniel, it's your brother. Reincarnation is real!"

Sibling rivalry

There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best to her.

The eldest son bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer her.

The second son bought her a beautiful Rolls ...

A child walks up to their parents and asks

A child walks up to their parents and asks “hey, mom and dad. Why did you name me Petal?”

The parents smile and reply, “When we got you home, a petal from a flower in the garden fell on your forehead”. The child satisfied with the answer walked away.

The younger sibling came up and a...

One day a man goes to his wife and says "Honey, I've never said anything before, but I need to know. I've noticed that of our seven children, that Jack looks different from the others. Does Jack have a different father than his siblings?"

The wife says "Yes, I admit it, he does."

The husband says "Who is his father?"

The wife says **"You are."**

My sibling became severely depressed when he found out he was adopted

I can't relate.

Somewhere in Alabama:

\*siblings fighting\*

Brother: "OH YEAH, WELL I WANT A DIVORCE!"

My deaf sibling asked if i wanted to hear a joke

I replied “sure”

They said “me too”

One day the youngest son asks his mother, "Mom, why do I look so different from all my siblings?"....

The mother says "Son, from what I remember about that party, you are lucky that you don't bark".

OnlyFans launched a new step sibling content adult website...

They call it OnlyFams!

My parents refuse to let my younger siblings to get shots

What's so wrong with underage drinking anyways

What do you call your sibling’s daughter that lives in Alaska?

Brrr-niece

What’s the name of E. coli bacteria’s sibling?

Bro coli

What do you call a selfish female sibling?

A narcissister

I was curious what my parents did for fun before the internet…

I asked my 23 siblings and they didn’t know either.

I’ve had a fight with my siblings.

My friends said “Wow, that must be some huge problems for you”, to which I replied, “It’s relative.”

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Jack was from a poor family with many siblings [OC]

As the eldest child, he took up the responsibility of helping his parents financially by doing odd jobs, be it collecting recyclable scraps, cleaning, babysitting, dog walking or simple repair work. He had no choice but to drop out of high school at the age of 14 to work full time in order for his o...

I can always sense when my siblings are going to have a daughter.

I have telekineices.

A man was on his death bed trying to say his final words before passing away

He lifted his head and asked : "is my wife, with whom I spent my best and worst moments here?", his wife held his hand and said with tears in her eyes and sadness in her voice "yes honey I'm here"

he took a deep breath, then lifted his head again and asked : "are my children, who have s...

What do you call a cannibal who keeps taking bites out of his siblings?

A munchkin

New Baby Sibling

When a woman discovered that she was pregnant, her four-year-old son overheard his parents' conversation.

He didn't say anything until a week later when a family friend asked him if he was excited about the prospect of a new brother or sister.

"Yes," said the boy, "and I know what we'r...

I always used to think ‘my parents are like siblings’

sounds so much better than, ‘my parents are, like, siblings.’

I think this one was here but saw it a few years ago so i decided to post it.

Little Jimmy was once playing with his dinosaur toys on the backyard, when his older brother Tony walked towards him with a brand new baseball bat, ball and glove.

Jimmy noticed it and gasped "Tony, how did you get all those cool toys?!"

"Simple" Tony chuckled "Just go to an adult, and...

When I was a kid we were so poor!

We were so poor that in the winter time we had to gather around our sickest sibling just to stay warm.

A man got a call from his partner on the way to work, “be careful honey, there’s some lunatic driving the wrong way on the highway!”

“It’s not just one,” the husband replied, “everyone’s doing it!”

*Joke courtesy of my sibling.*

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

What did one dividing cell say to its sibling when they stepped on their foot?

Mitosis!

I hate breakups...

Especially when they try to let you down gently.
"It's not you, it's me"

"I just need some space"

"We can still be siblings".

My kid asked me what was I doing in my 20's.

I told him that I used to throw his siblings on tissue papers.

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Did you hear about Brad Pitt's horny sibling?

Trum Pitt

What do two sibling bakers create at night?

In-bread.

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Three sibling vampires are discussing who is the strongest.

The eldest eventually gets bored of debating and flies of into the night, coming back 5 minutes later covered in blood.

"Siblings of mine! See the lone house on the path into the city, silent and lost in a stripe of blood and fury?" shrieks the eldest with sadistic glory in his voice.

...

My parents were like siblings.

And according to the police that was, like, a problem.

What do you call two siblings that take your money?

Fine brothers

I’m an only child,

My other siblings are adults.

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Three men get lost in a forest and kidnapped by a cannibal tribe...

The chief tells them that since they don't seem to mean any harm, they must pass a test and if they do, he'll let them go free, he'll even point them in the direction of civilization. But if they cannot complete the test, they will be killed and served for dinner. First, he sends each of the men in ...

What do you call a baby who’s parents are siblings?

An Alabamination.

What do you call sibling lemon peels getting romantically involved with each other?

Inzest

The eldest of three siblings comes up to his mother and asks: "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Leaf?"

"Well, honey," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a leaf landed on your head."

Satisfied, the child goes away.

Later, the middle child tugs at her mother's hand. "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Feather?"

"Well, darling," the mother says, "it's because when...

What did the camel say to his sibling when they met for drinks?

Oasis.

Today is National Sibling Day. Or as we say in Alabama...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

What do you get when you cross two siblings from Alabama and an escort business?

A family discount

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How is called a woman from Alabama that can outrun all of her siblings?

A virgin.

While waiting in line at the entrance to a museum, my 16-year old daughter ran up to my wife and me and said, “Mom, Dad! We need to get a line form!”

Confused, I said “A line form?” She said, “Yes, I think you have to turn it in right over there before you can go in.” She pointed to the entrance.

That’s when I looked and saw the sign that said “Line Forms Here”.

True story. Bonus facts: She’s now a brilliant NICU nurse so she r...

My grandfather, my mom, and my siblings all have diarrhea.

Runs in the family.

How do you tell two half-siblings apart?

The difference is apparent

What did Darwin’s son tell his siblings?

You’re adapted!

It’s International Siblings Day today...

or as Alabama calls it, Father’s Day.

I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.

I yelled out, "Oasis!"

(originally posted in r/dadjokes by me, wanted to share it with y'all too)

Two siblings, a boy and a girl opens their Christmas presents

The boy received a football hat while the girl received a wonderful gold necklace.

The next year, the boy received a puzzle and the girl received an new wardrobe full of clothes.

And the next year again, the boy finds out he got a cheap chinese phone while his sister received an iPhon...

If identical siblings are both interested in something,

Do they have twin piques?

A mom is breastfeeding her baby twins.

One day, one of the twins realized that there is more milk coming from the breast where his twin sibling is feeding on. Because of extreme jealousy, he put poison on that specific breast while everyone is asleep.

The next day, the twins' uncle died.

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Car accident

A man is called to the hospital, his wife and mother in law were in an accident. His wife held over for observation, and the doctor asks if his wife has any siblings.

He replies "no she an only child"

Dr Says "well than I am sorry to tell you you mother in law is very bad off. She has ...

Little Johnny

An insurance officer comes to a farm and meets Little Johnny and asks,

"Hello, are your parents home by any chance?"

Little Johnny: "My parents were run over by the tractor ..."

Insurance officer: "Really? That's awful! Are your siblings at home?"

Little Johnny: "Run ...

My girlfriend wants to break up with me and I don’t know why.

I’ve asked my parents, siblings, friends, wife, other family. No one can figure it out.

My wife and I fight a lot

But sibling rivalry is normal

Why doesn't anyone know about Napoleon's siblings?

Because they were born apart.

The distinction between a sibling and a half-sibling

is apparent.

My dad always taught me to share my toys with my siblings.

It wasn't that he wanted me to develop social skills, it's because he was a cheapskate that wanted to spend 50% less money on toys.

A goat gets his wish granted by a genie.

He wishes to be turned into a human being. After his transformation, the, now, man is so grateful to the genie. He asks "How can I ever repay you?"

The genie just has this request: That the man make the most of his life and live like no man has lived before; love like no man has loved before;...

I asked my dad what his parents' generation did to cure boredom before internet and TV existed

Neither him nor his 28 siblings had an answer.

Two Little Boys

After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window.

The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hol...

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Many years ago a Native American and his son were talking about the things of life.

After a pause in the conversation, the son asks, “Father, how did you come up with the names for me and my siblings?”

He replies, “As soon as each of you were born, I went out from the teepee and the first thing I saw is what I named you each. For example, after your brother was born, I looke...

Trump and Obama meets during inauguration.

Trump asks: Barack, your approval ratings are pretty high. I love ratings bigly. Can you give me some tips?

Obama: The key is having a strong administration. I make sure that my administration not only works hard but is also composed of smart people.

Trump: What do you mean?

Oba...

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[long] A pregnant woman was standing in line at a bank.

All of a sudden a masked man bursts through the front door waving a gun wildly around. He shouts that he is robbing the bank and that everyone in it is now his hostages. The police soon arrive and in the ensuing stand off shots were exchanged from both sides, the woman was struck three times in her ...

What's the difference between the American Red Cross and your unemployed sibling?

When they American Red Cross bleeds you dry, you actually gain money.

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Two teen siblings from Alabama

Two teen siblings from Alabama are in their house and their parents aren't home.
The sister says: "Imagine being in a room with everybody you've had sex with."
And the brother says: "I already am."

My dad always said laughter was the best medicine.....

Probably why so many of my siblings died from tuberculosis.

A guy was asked this question.

Host: YOU & YOUR FAMILY ARE CARRYING 50 KG OF GOLD FROM DUBAI IN A BOAT. IMBALANCED DUE TO EXCESS WEIGHT YOU HAVE TO GET RID OF THE WEIGHT TO BALANCE IT

AFTER 50 MILES, THE BOAT SUDDENLY GETS

THERE ARE 4 PEOPLE..

YOUR BEST FRIEND, YOUR MOTHER, YOUR FUTURE LIFE PARTNER & ...

American/Russian dog fight

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the...

I wonder...

I always wondered what my parents did to pass time before things like the internet and TVs were invented.
I asked my 26 siblings for advice.

My parents just said they want another child.

"I'd love a sibling!" I said.

"That's not what we meant." they replied.

A jewish grandmother

A jewish grandmother is at the beach with her 10 years old jewish grandson. She's chilling while he's playing in the water.

Suddenly, a huge wave comes and takes the kid away with it. The grandmother is obviously in tears and starts speaking to God.

"It's been more than 70 years since ...

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a man is talking to a therapist

therapist: why did you find your siblings annoying?

man: my brother was so loud.. he literally didn't stop yelling from the second he was born to the moment he died.

therapist: wow, that must have broken some sort of record.

man: nah, five minutes is nothing.

My brother and I both went to the mall today.

We were both hanging around, having a nice time together. Then suddenly out of a blue, a guy came up to us, holding a lighter in his hand. He looked awfully fishy and he gave us a strange stare.


"Hey, boys. Ya mind if I ask ya a question?"


"What is it?" My brother asked, unper...

What did our grandparents do without TV or internet?

I don't know. Ask your mom and her 6 siblings.

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There was a king ready to abdicate.

So he brought in his 3 sons. He tells them, "Each of you will receive a trial, the first to complete their trial will become king."

Beginning with his eldest son, a brave and foolhardy man of great stature he says, "You are to bring me your grandmother's emerald ring, lost decades ago in the ...

I never could figure out what people did for entertainment before the Internet...

None of my 17 siblings can figure it out either.

In New York, when a married couple gets into a fight, it’s called domestic violence.

In Alabama, it’s known as sibling rivalry.

My pullout game is so strong that

You don't have any siblings.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My smart watch tracks my wrist movement while I'm watching porn...

The feature is called a step-sibling counter.

I was wondering what my parents did without the internet

and none of my 7 siblings could tell me

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A chicken has a question for his mother

A young chicken goes to his mom and asks,"why are all of our names just chicken and nothing unique?"
She tells him not to worry and that he'll have a unique name soon, just like his siblings chili chicken, butter chicken and teriyaki chicken.

There was a woman with a hundred children

There was a woman with a hundred children. She lacked the creativity to name all of them, so she just named them 1 through 100.

Eventually, through a series of misfortunes, 99 of the children died. Only the one named 90 survived. 90 grew up healthy, thankfully. She found a man and fell in lo...

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Two guys are chatting

Guy 1: Are you a virgin? I am.
Guy 2: I was a virgin two days ago.
Guy 1: Okay, got any siblings? I don't have any,
Guy 2: I don't, but you will in about 9 months.

It was the mid-1820’s when Phillip and his brother Terrance decided that they wanted to better their lives.

So the two brothers packed a wagon with everything they owned and started out from their small home in Missouri. The trail to Oregon was very tough and the relationship between the brothers was already stressed at best.

Phillip, being the older brother, was constantly very critical of his you...

Little Johnny and his dad were walking through a park when they saw two dogs going at it.

"What are they doing?" Little Johnny asked.

"They're making a puppy." was the reply.

Later that night, Little Johnny walked in on his parents. "What are you doing?"

"We're making you a sibling."

"Well, turn her over. I want a puppy."

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A few puns I thought of while trying not to get out of bed

What did the Alabama sister say to her sibling?

"Cum at me bro".



\-

Why did the wild fowl sneak into the girls washroom?

He was a peeking duck



\-

What did the fruit farmer say when asked about his crops?

"It's bananas"



\...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two brothers have dinner shortly after Christmas. NSFW

One is incredibly wealthy and the other can barely afford rent. Over dinner, they share stories about their Christmas and what they gifted their respective wives.

The rich brother relays how he bought his wife a diamond ring and a Mercedes Benz for Christmas.

'Oh wow, why did you get h...

Someone told me I look like a Greek god:

Incredibly vain, melodramatic fool who’s parents are probably siblings.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mom, how did we get our names?

Girl: mom, how did me and my siblings get our names.

Mom: well when I had your sister I was looking over the water and noticed some water lilies, so her name is Floating Lily.

When your brother was born I looked out and noticed that the river was just flowing so peacefully, so I named...

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