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Sign Up Jokes

Why did the Russian oligarch sign up for the draft?

Because going to the front line was safer than trying to open his hotel room window.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have to commend my friend for having a lot of balls to sign up for the Reality TV show, “Embarrassing Bodies”.

Three, to be exact.

Tried to sign up to a website the other day...

I put my password as "beef stew"

It said password not stroganoff.

I went to sign up for yodelling lessons

We had to form an orderly orderly orderly lee hee queue

guys, someone from HR asked me to sign up for the company 401k and i'm really nervous

i don't think i can run that far

My boss wants me to sign up for the company 401k this Friday…

…anyone have any tips for ramping up my distance running in 72 hours?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m taking rock climbing lessons and my dad suggested I sign up for a mattress making class.

It’s ….. something to fall back on.

A cop pulls a car over for going 20 mph on the highway

The driver is a little old lady, and there are two old ladies in the back seat.

The cop asks, "Why were you driving just 20 miles per hour?"

The old lady responds, "I was just going the posted speed limit!" and points to a sign up ahead.

The cop smiles and says, "That's not the...

My boss wanted me to sign up for the company 401k.

I told him, "No way, do you have any idea how far that is?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I found a porn site that wanted me to sign up to a 12 month subscription.

If I could deal with that kind of commitment, I wouldn't be watching porn.

Sign up today for a new 24 letter alphabet.

No BS.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Redneck Joke

Two Tennessee Rednecks, Bubba and Jim Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.
Bubba turns to Jim Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes." Jim Bob thinks it's a go...

Three childhood friends sign up for the army

And it's their first day, time for assignments.

The drill Sergeant asks the first one. "WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?"

"I like to go sailing!" he replied.

"OK, YOU ARE NOW IN CHARGE OF BOATS!"

The second friend stood up for his turn, and was asked the same question. "I like t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bubba and Cooter sign up for college courses

Bubba goes into the counselors office first. The school counselor offers Bubba several different courses including logic 101....

Bubba:What is logic?

Counselor: Well, let me give you an example! Do you own a weed eater?

Bubba: Yup.

Counselor: Then I can as...

An overweight guy goes to a fitness club

An overweight guy decides to go to a fitness club to sign up to lose weight. After signing up, the fitness coach asks him to go home and be ready early in the morning.

The next morning, his doorbell rings. He opens the door and standing there is a super hot girl. She tells him,” If you can ca...

Two men sign up for a tour...

...of the Amazon River. When they get there, the two men are extremely excited to start this journey, as it was not easy to pay for.
They finally arrive, and, hardly containing their enthusiasm, show their tickets to the woman at the cash register.
Upon seeing the tickets she tells them to f...

After watching me sign up for a Greek philosophy course, my dad said, “Did you know Aristotle said that we are what we repeatedly do?”

“Therefore, I’m your mother.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor, a lawyer, a college student, and a priest sign up for a skydiving trip...

...and find themselves in the air at 12,000 feet. Three minutes before crossing the LZ, both engines come to a complete stop.

The silence is deafening, until the pilot who is also the instructor, pops out of the cockpit with a panicked look on his face and says 'Folks, I'm sorry-we're out o...

The Gynecologist had become

fed up with his job and decided to change professions. One day after seeing an advertisment for an auto mechanic school on TV, he decided to sign up. The Dr studied very hard and gave it the same level of excelence as he did when practicing medicine.

The day of the final exam came. The Dr had...

The pretty lady at the DMV urged me to sign up to be an organ donor.

That's when I realized she was a girl after my own heart!

A man walks into a bar and sees a sign up behind the liquor display that says-

"Cheeseburger - $2
Chicken Sandwich - $3
Hand job - $10"

The man immediately looks around, and sees a smoking hot blonde bartender serving some drinks to a group of guys across the way. As she returns behind the bar the man leans over and quietly asks " Um excuse me, are you the one who...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian, a Frenchman, a German, and an American sign up for a cooking class.

The instructor of the class has prepared three dishes for the class to cook; Fettuccine Alfredo, Éclair, and Schnitzel. He walks up to the Italian and asks him what he would like his job to be.

"I will be responsible for the creation of the Fettuccine Alfredo."

The instructor allows hi...

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