I went to sign up for yodelling lessons

We had to form an orderly orderly orderly lee hee queue

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I found a porn site that wanted me to sign up to a 12 month subscription.

If I could deal with that kind of commitment, I wouldn't be watching porn.

How does Dwayne Johnson sign up for a music contest?

Rock enrolls

\[Rock 'n' rolls\]

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It took a lot of balls for my friend to sign up for the reality TV show “Embarrassing Bodies”.

Well, three to be exact.

After watching me sign up for a Greek philosophy course, my dad said, “Did you know Aristotle said that we are what we repeatedly do?”

“Therefore, I’m your mother.”

Sam had amazing vocal skills, but was in doubt of them all the time. He got himself to sign up to a Talent Show for the first time. And finally in front of all the people

Samsung

I tried to sign up to a website yesterday. I put in the password 'beefstew'

But it said the password wasn't stroganoff.

Why did the redditor sign up for fencing lessons?

He heard there were tips on riposting.

My boss wanted me to sign up for the company 401k.

I told him, "No way, do you have any idea how far that is?"

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A doctor, a lawyer, a college student, and a priest sign up for a skydiving trip...

...and find themselves in the air at 12,000 feet. Three minutes before crossing the LZ, both engines come to a complete stop.

The silence is deafening, until the pilot who is also the instructor, pops out of the cockpit with a panicked look on his face and says 'Folks, I'm sorry-we're out o...

Sign up today for a new 24 letter alphabet.

No BS.

Everyone says I should sign up for a 401k

but I don't think I can run that far.

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Bubba and Cooter sign up for college courses

Bubba goes into the counselors office first. The school counselor offers Bubba several different courses including logic 101....

Bubba:What is logic?

Counselor: Well, let me give you an example! Do you own a weed eater?

Bubba: Yup.

Counselor: Then I can as...

Jones the farmer and his son Berwyn sign up for a sight-seeing tour in a small aircraft. As always, Jones angles for the best deal possible.

“Very well, Mr Jones,” says the pilot. “If you can go through the entire flight without making a sound, you and Berwyn can have your tickets for free.”

So the plane takes off and the pilot makes sure it’s a rough one, launching almost straight up, flying under the Severn Bridge, using every s...

Three childhood friends sign up for the army

And it's their first day, time for assignments.

The drill Sergeant asks the first one. "WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?"

"I like to go sailing!" he replied.

"OK, YOU ARE NOW IN CHARGE OF BOATS!"

The second friend stood up for his turn, and was asked the same question. "I like t...

The pretty lady at the DMV urged me to sign up to be an organ donor.

That's when I realized she was a girl after my own heart!

A man walks into a bar and sees a sign up behind the liquor display that says-

"Cheeseburger - $2
Chicken Sandwich - $3
Hand job - $10"

The man immediately looks around, and sees a smoking hot blonde bartender serving some drinks to a group of guys across the way. As she returns behind the bar the man leans over and quietly asks " Um excuse me, are you the one who...

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An Italian, a Frenchman, a German, and an American sign up for a cooking class.

The instructor of the class has prepared three dishes for the class to cook; Fettuccine Alfredo, Éclair, and Schnitzel. He walks up to the Italian and asks him what he would like his job to be.

"I will be responsible for the creation of the Fettuccine Alfredo."

The instructor allows hi...

I told my wife I need to sign up for concealed carry classes...

She asked me, "Why do you need to sign up for concealed carry classes?"

I told her, "It's getting cold outside, every time I put on a long sleeve shirt I am carrying two concealed guns."

She look at me and said, "Honey, marshmallow canons aren't real guns, you'll be fine."

:(

Two men sign up for a tour...

...of the Amazon River. When they get there, the two men are extremely excited to start this journey, as it was not easy to pay for.
They finally arrive, and, hardly containing their enthusiasm, show their tickets to the woman at the cash register.
Upon seeing the tickets she tells them to f...

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OnlyFans is banning porn but not nudity...

Which means someone will have to evaluate each and every account with naked women in it and come to a decision.

Sounds like tedious and boring work... where do I sign up?

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A joke

Jeff and Tim were sitting at a bar drinking, and Jeff turned to Tim and said, “y’know i never got me a proper education. I think I’ll go down to the community college and sign up for some classes”.
So Jeff later that day went to the community college and spoke to a man and the man told him “I’ll ...

An Engineer was unemployed for long time.

He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000."

One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.

Doctor: "I have lost taste in my mouth."

Engineer: "...

The Gynecologist had become

fed up with his job and decided to change professions. One day after seeing an advertisment for an auto mechanic school on TV, he decided to sign up. The Dr studied very hard and gave it the same level of excelence as he did when practicing medicine.

The day of the final exam came. The Dr had...

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[NSFW] A fat guy decides to lose some weight

He heard that a company is running a special weight-loss program. Curious, he decided to sign up for a session.

He is taken to a basketball court. Standing in the middle of the court is a naked woman with a sign around her neck.

"If you catch me, you can fuck me in the ass."

Th...

An Indian man dies and goes to hell ...

An Indian man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that each country has a separate hell and one may opt to sign up for any of them.

He goes first to the German hell and asks, 'What do they do here?' He is told, 'First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a be...

Ways To Get Rid Of Telemarketers

An old one, but a good one…

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for Bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “Why do you want to know?” Or you can say, “I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care...

A man lives in a largely democratic neighborhood

He starts hanging up a “Trump 2020” sign. All of his neighbors see it, and tear it down. He puts up a new one. They tear it down. After he puts a third “Trump 2020” sign up, his neighbors approach him.

“Why are you hanging up a Trump sign? We always though you liked Biden!”

“I do” repl...

A cop pulls a car over for going 20 mph on the highway

The driver is a little old lady, and there are two old ladies in the back seat.

The cop asks, "Why were you driving just 20 miles per hour?"

The old lady responds, "I was just going the posted speed limit!" and points to a sign up ahead.

The cop smiles and says, "That's not the...

He walks through the midday heat, an occasional shot clips through the trees overhead.

He and many men like him question their logic to sign up. They could be home, spending time with their families but instead they are outside, dehydrated, fighting a battle they probably won't win. Their frustration mounts as they realize it's nothing at all like all the games they played as kids. ...

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The Redneck Joke

Two Tennessee Rednecks, Bubba and Jim Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Bubba turns to Jim Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes." Jim Bob thinks it's a good ...

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