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Insure Jokes

I called my home insurance company today. I asked them to insure my antique rubber band collection.

They said “that’ll be a stretch”

Canadian Humor

A couple moves from Vancouver to Newfoundland. The wife has a wooden leg and needs it insured in her new location so they go to a local insurance agent who quotes them $39 (sorry I know it should be Canadian dollars). They are astounded as it cost almost 2,000 in Vancouver and inquires why so cheap ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm not happy with the quote to insure my colon...

I'm gonna be paying out the ass.

Life insurance

An elderly man goes to the life insurer to make a contract with them, but the lady there asks:
- How old are you, Sir?
- I'm 102 years old.
- 102 ?! And you want to take out life insurance at your age? Do you know what? Come back tomorrow.
- Not good tomorrow. Then it will be...

Three insurance salesmen, Al, Ben, and Carl, are bragging about their accomplishments.

"Last month," says Al, "when one of my insured died suddenly, I got the news within six hours. The next day, I put a check in the mail for his family."

"That's nothing," says Ben. "Last week, when one of my insured died suddenly, I got the news within 30 minutes. That very day, I personally d...

Car insurance renewal

I renewed my car insurance on the phone yesterday.

I was just about to hang up when the lady on the phone asked- "Do you have any pets?"

I replied " Yes I have a dog"

She said "Would you like to insure him to?"

I replied "Not really, he cant drive "

A black guy was pulled over in his Mercedes by the police. It was found that it was his, it was taxed and insured...

He had no drugs on him and no weapons were found in the car. The car was NOT linked to any drive by shootings or any drive off petrol thefts.

In the end they arrested him for "wasting police time".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

man writing to his insurance

I am writing in response to your request for additional information.  In block number three of the accident reporting form, I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident.  You said in your letter that I should explain more and I trust that the following details are sufficient:

I am a bric...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy got into a bad accident and ended up losing an arm, his eye and his penis.

He wakes up a few weeks later and is greeted by a strange looking doctor. The doctor explains what happened and tells him he performed an experimental surgery to insure some quality of life following the accident.

The doctor goes on to explain that he gave him a gorilla arm, that was the clos...

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