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Project Jokes

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Voting is like doing a group project in school

I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up

Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project.

I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you screwed it up.

A programmer and his project manager board a train headed through the mountains. They can find no other place to sit, except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it becomes quite clear that the woman and the programmer are interested in each other, as they keep looking at each other.

Soon, the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is the sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train finally e...

A college professor asks all of his students to yell out stereotypes for a class project

For a class project, a college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.

"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back.

"Sony!" Yells the blonde girl in the front.

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project..

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. "Wha...

At my funeral I want to invite everyone I ever did a group project with in school.

This way, if they lower my casket or fail to show up, they can let me down one last time.

True story: my org is discussing the new name for our next project...

Our current project "Servicing 2" is finishing soon. There is discussion around naming the next version, and "Servicing X" came from a "trendy" exec. I mentioned a good abbreviation could be "ServX". I'm waiting for either a commendation or a write-up.

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A good software project is like a fart.

With too much pressure it'll turn to shit.

What do you call an Engineer who doesn’t know how to use a calculator?

A project manager.

Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation…

„Well“, says the boss, „if I hire you guys, you have to promise to not eat any of our staff.“

The cannibals promise that they will not eat anyone and get hired.

Everything is going well for a while, and one day the boss calls them into his office.

“You’re working well and all, ...

Just recently, a multi-year project to renovate and restore London's historic landmark Big Ben was completed.

They had men working around the clock.

As a school project, we wanted to perform a Jesus play

but the only guy who had the traditional famous Jesus look had blonde hair.

We begged him to dye it black, but he refused.

After explaining it to his parents, they agreed to let their son dye for our scenes.

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Tunnel project

A japanese, a german and a Turkish company are fighting to take a tunnel project from a government to complete.

The germans say they start digging from one end and get out from the other end and deliver one tunnel.

The japans say they would start digging from the both end and meet at ...

An artist created an exact portrait of me just by projecting saliva onto the canvas

It was my spitting image

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My son went over to check out a construction project at our neighbor's and it reminded me of this classic...

Little Johnny is bored and asks his dad for something to do.

"Go across the street to that construction site and talk to the workers. Maybe you'll learn something," his dad said.

Johnny was gone all day and finally comes home for dinner. During the meal, Johnny's dad asked, "you were a...

A classic project management joke.

A woman can give birth in 9 months.

A project manager thinks that 9 women can give birth in 1 month.

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Penis Contest

Three third-graders, a Jew, an Italian, and an African American are on the playground at recess. The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest dick," he says. "Okay," they all agree.

The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," s...

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Little girl lands position as construction boss.

**A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.**


**The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing ...

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This joke got me fired when I worked as a cook. Credit goes to Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling

A husband goes to his wife and says “You’re either going hunting with me, sucking my cock or I’m fucking you in the ass. I’m gonna go get the dogs ready and I’ll be back for your answer.”

After a bit of time, he returns to his wife who defiantly says to him “I’m not going hunting and there’s...

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I went up to my dad and said “can I ask you a question for a school project?”

He said “sure son, what do you need to know?”

I asked him, “dad, what’s politics?”

He told me “well son, let’s use our home as an example. I make the money, so I am capitalism. Your mom controls and administers the money, so let’s call her the government. We take care of what you need ...

My wife minored in psychology. She's always using all her amateur psychology when we argue.

When I fired the pool boy, she said, "Well, you know, you're only firing him because he's so young and good looking, and you feel threatened and insecure, because it reminds you of your own mortality, and you're projecting all these insecurities onto someone else in a very passive/aggressive way, be...

What did Christo and Jean-Claude say at the beginning and end of every project?

“All right folks, let’s wrap it up”

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Two Nuns are ordered to paint a room

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In...

Little Johnny and the drawing project

One morning to spice things up, teacher decided to have a classroom drawing project. One person would start, then the next student would add to the drawing. She asked the students who wanted to start first, so little Johnny raised his hand. Knowing little Johnny had a disturbed mind, she decided ...

A kid in my school did a project on the history of rocket science.

It was a blast to the past

A chemistry professor posted a bonus question to an exam:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know ...

My project manager posted in linkedin 'When I die,I want my developers to carry my coffin so that they can put me down one last time"

I commented on that post

"For the first time ,you have mentioned the requirements clearly".

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

“Ringling Brothers is coming to town this week,” she said. “The poster says they have a dancing bear. I always wanted to see one of those.”

“Maybe next year,” says the man. “Work’s really busy this week.”

The next night at dinner, t...

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A Teacher Assigns a Project to her Students...

The assignment was to think of a story in your life that has a good moral, then share that story with the class. On the day everyone had to present their story, everyone went but Mike.
"Mike," the teacher asked "What's your story?"
So, Mike stood up and went to the front of the class t...

Lucy, Linus, and Charlie Brown are assigned a history project.

Each person was assigned a country to report on.

“Wow!” Lucy said. “I got Italy!”

“Interesting” exclaimed Linus. “I got Germany.”

With dismay, Charlie Brown said, “I got Iraq.”

My daughter came home with her high school art project the other day...

It was a painting she titled "Raining Cheerios".

I asked why she would do a painting of cheerios falling from the sky.

She said: "Because I'm a cerealist"

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What’s the difference between a project manager and a person who poops?

The person pooping gets shit done.

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A woman grants her mother's unusual dying wish.

She specifically requested pictures of her right foot be sent to an address in Rhode Island.

A couple of days later, she realizes that reversed pictures of her mother's *left* foot were sent instead. Unsure of the importance, but determined to fulfill her wishes, the woman travels to Rhode Is...

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As a single man trying to attract a partner, it's important to project the qualities you desire

Which I understand. But boy.. oh boy have I had to suck a lot of dick lately


\~ Norm MacDonald joke read by Bobby Lee

President Obama visits the Pentagon...

President Obama visits the Pentagon to test out the latest in military technology.

A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. One is a powered exoskeleton and the other is an invisibility cloak. Which would you like to try first?"

Obama replies, "Uh, let ...

I was once in a group project with a girl who did nothing but send feet pics

That was her sole contribution

Microsoft has hired a new project manager: Hermione Granger...

She's in charge of spell-check.

School Projects are fun

A science teacher sent off his year 8 class with a homework task, come up witch a science experiment, and either film it to show to the class, or show the experiment in front of the class next week.

Tim went home and thought long and hard about what he would do, but he came in next week with ...

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An very old professor decided to undertake a research project...

He wanted to determine if a group of poorly treated, anti-social rats could develop friendly relationships with one another if they used team work to complete a complicated task.

At first, he set the rats a goal of stealing his colleagues stationary, without the colleague catching them in the...

In high school, I presented a project on communism

I thought I would get terrible marx for stalin but the teacher was pretty leninent.

The Russian Agency of Research and Automation has came up with a new machine to make gloves for the pandemic that are superior to all others , they have named it in honour of Putin who funded the project

It is called RARA’s Grasp-Putin, Russia’s greatest glove machine

A wise man once said “Life becomes much more peaceful when you realize you are not responsible for the projections of others.”

…the movie theater manager then proceeded to reconsider his career.

I got a C- for my high school sewing project. The teacher's only comment was....

Seams reasonable.

Deadass spent 4 hours doing a project on youth in Asia

then found out it was supposed to be on euthanasia.

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For a school video project, I was partnered with the class bitch

Wanting it to be finished as soon as possible, I told her that I would do most of the project as long as she would stay out of my way. I then realized that my computer was undergoing repairs so I asked her if she had any audio editing software. And let me tell you,


This bitch had the Auda...

Jeff Bezos’ next big project is to have custom made suits delivered to your house within 48 hours.

It’s called Tailor Swift.

My silo photography project did not go well at all.

Every picture turned out grainy.

The killing of Julius Caesar is a perfect example of group project. 60 dudes agreed to kill Caesar

But there were only 23 stab wounds

Where are the Super Duper Missile Project offices located?

Right next door to the The Ministry of Silly Walks of course.

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Junior Builder....

A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.

She ...

A good project manager makes updates.

A bad project manager makes up dates.

So I started this new underwater band-project

I hope you guys like aquapella!

I'm a sophomore in highschool and trying to come up with a joke to include into my physics project, funny-smart people of reddit help me out!

So I'm working on a project with a partner that needs to explain how potatoes and oranges can become batteries by sticking metal in them. I don't want it to be bland though, so if you guys can tell me how to make it funny it'd be great! Thanks

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