If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole

you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang the picture of Jesus.

I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet.

I do it to remind myself why there is no money in there.

When I'm feeling down, I tend to look at pictures of my well-endowed ex-girlfriends...

That really brings back some good mammaries.

Walking through town, a guy on a corner offered to draw a picture of me and my wife and showed me some of the other things he was working on...

...I would have bought one, but his portfolio was super sketchy.

Whenever I receive a nude picture, as a respectful gentleman I suggest that they cover up and show themselves some self respect

Go ahead, ladies, send me a nude and see what I say.

You should send picture of your ex to NASA.

Apparently they are desperate to get a photograph of A hole that sucks all your time, light and energy.

I was taking pictures of the scenery as my mom drove me around town.

Police stopped us for committing drive-by shootings.

I took some pictures of a cop involved in criminal activity and brought them to the Washington Post.

Yes, Post. This officer right here.

I got a tattoo the other day, its a picture of me.

Only a little bit taller.

My friend was looking at an old school picture of me and asked "Hey, did you grow a beard?"

No, I shaved my photos.

My boy asked me what the pictures from space were yesterday.

I told him they're black holes, son.

Why did it take scientists so long to get a picture of a black hole?

If they wanted a picture of something devouring all life force around them, they could have just asked for a picture of my mother in law.

How come when NASA shows pictures of their black hole, it’s “breaking news”

But when I show pictures of mine it’s an “HR violation”

Some people don’t know why the black hole picture is such a big deal...

Honestly, they just don’t get the gravity of it.

Flat Earthers say we’ve never truly seen real pictures of the earth

but I’ve never seen my dad and I know he’s real

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Do I have to draw you a picture?

Son: "Dad, a kid got in trouble at school today for saying "bitch" and "pussy", what does that mean?"

Dad: Grabs an old muffler shop calendar and a marker. "Look here Junior." Dad uses the marker and circles the genitalia of the nude Miss December, then points. "That right there, that i...

I framed a picture of a caduceus and wore it for Halloween

I was a picture of health.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I posted a picture of my butt online last night.

I made such an ass out of myself.

People didn't smile for pictures in the early days of photography...

It was frowned upon.

Why do I keep seeing pictures of bald kids in children’s hospitals?

Like honestly it’s not *that* hard to wash your hair

It took 8 of the world's most powerful telescopes to take a picture of a black hole.

They could of just asked for a screenshot of my bank account.

It’s amazing that we got a picture of a supermassive black hole 52 million light years away from us...

Maybe, one day we can get a full picture of your mom.

I took a picture of a wheat field today...

It came out pretty grainy.

They finally released the first picture of the black hole the other day.

I found the story really sucks you in and helps you grasp the gravity of the situation.

My friend is addicted to taking blurry pictures of himself while he’s taking a shower.

He has some serious selfie steam issues.

With the announcement of the first picture of a black hole, scientists have confirmed

once you go black you never do come back

I got banned from Instagram for posting food pictures

Apparently they only want to see the food "Before" you eat it, not "After"

My buddy and I have a picture of the Islamic God on the smart card inside our mobile phones.

We're very SIM Allah.

My friend has a habit of taking blurry pictures of himself in the bathroom mirror after taking hot showers...

I thunk he has a high selfie steam problem.

When parents post pictures of their kids in the bath it's normal and cute

But when I save those pictures suddenly I'm a weirdo.

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw...

My girlfriend asked me why I don't "Like" any of her Facebook pictures.

"Because my wife would kill me," I replied.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I sent my wife a picture of my flaccid penis.

Just to let her know I was thinking of her.

The first picture of a black hole was released today

but technology will need another century before it can capture an image of your mom.

My friend once showed me a picture of a band of what he called "ogres"

I told him that they definitely weren't ogres, but They Might Be Giants.

The big picture on the box

A blonde called her boyfriend over the telephone. 

Blonde: " Baby, I can't get my new jigsaw puzzle complete, all the edges could not fit together." 
Boyfriend: " What does the puzzle supposed to look like?" 
Blonde: " The big picture on the box shows a big rooster. "
Boyfriend: "Oka...

What is it called when you take pictures with plants?

photosynthesis

I turned 18 today, so I bought myself a locket and put my picture in it. I guess I really am

Independent

I don't need pictures of my wife on my phone to remind me of her.

The screen has a massive crack in it.

Why did a diver that took a picture of fishes got arrested?

He shot a school of fish.

Have you heard about Ted? The guy with a talent for animated internet pictures?

He's gifted

Two necrophiles are sitting on a bus and look at pictures of their girlfriends.

One turns to the other and says "Where did you dig up that one?"

Why aren’t there many pictures of the Sphinx from the back?

People get uncomfortable taking pictures of its sphinxter

It's sad to see so many pictures end up in jail.

Most have been framed.

Taped 4 pictures of Matthew Broderick to each of my rims.

Now I have Ferris Wheels.

What do you call a picture of a wizard working at a Genius Bar?

An iMage.

I was out by Starbucks today and saw a woman taking a picture of her food. she was there for 45 minutes trying to get the perfect angle,

Then I realized I just started at a woman from across the room for 45 minutes.

My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.

She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

I took pictures of plants during a nature hike

When I went to get them developed, I thanked the clerk for his Photosynthesis.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Having pictures of your family as your wallpaper is great.

But it gets awkward when you close pornhub and they're the first thing you see.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A married couple comes home to their mansion situated on a golf course. When they get to the living room they discover their giant picture window is broken, glass everywhere and there is a man sitting on the couch holding a golf ball.

The husband gets irate and starts shouting at the man. “ Who the fuck are you and why are you in my house?“.

The man responds, “Calm down, when the ball went through the window it bounced off the floor and hit the vase is that was on your mantle. The vase broke and I popped out, I am a Genie...

I accidentally installed a program that keeps showing me a picture of a Chinese politician.

I think it's maoware.

Because of the egg getting the most liked picture on Instagram an age old question has been answered.

The egg came first

Tried to take a picture of some fog.

Mist.

TMZ has reported that they have explicit pictures of Donald Trump.

They plan to publish the pictures online starting tomorrow.

When ask for comment the President just said, “Fake nudes”.

A picture of an egg on Instagram got more likes than Kylie Jenner...

...I guess you could say the egg beat her.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Picture a woman with 12 boobs...

Looks weird dozen tit?

What do you call someone who takes pictures of gases as they're released?

A fartographer

Trump’s Least Favorite Picture Book

Where’s Wall Dough?

A United States Marine was deployed to Afghanistan

A United States Marine was deployed to Afghanistan.

While he was there he received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend.

In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. To add injury to the insult, she said ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Picture the scene, it is 1915 and the Great War is raging in Europe.

The war brought forward many brave fighting units and among those there were none so brave as the aviators of the French Flying Corps. Every weekend these modern day gladiators would fly to Paris and install themselves in the Grand Hotel. The locals, particularly the young ladies, would be desperate...

My dad sent me a picture of his balls.

He said I should always remember where I came from.

The lion is celebrating a party. All animals are invited, only the hamster is not.

The hamster does not want to miss the party and asks the rabbit: "Hey, rabbit, can´t you smuggle me in behind your big ears to the lion's party?" The rabbit´answers, "Nope, I'm not tired of life, if the lion noticed that, it would be my end."

The hamster then asks the fox: "Listen, fox, can´t...

My wife on April's Fool's Day texted me a picture of a sonogram with the message: "Guess what I'm pregnant again”

I texted back: "Haha very funny, I know what today is, you're like the third person to send me that today.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call it when you jerk off to old pictures?

A *Blast* from the *Past*...

LPT: You can make easy money by selling pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.

It is like shooting fish in apparel.

What do you call a bad saber picture on the internet?

Sword Art Online.

Sometimes I look at pictures of myself from back when I was a kid and think

"I would murder this guy in a fight. No contest."

I love spoiling the plot of The Picture of Dorian Gray

Never gets old

I have a delivery van set as my profile picture on dating websites.

I just want the ladies to know what they’re getting into.

When I was a kid my dad sat me down and showed me pictures of why I should always wear a condom

Funny thing is, they were all just pictures of me.

I met Matthew McConaughey and asked him to sign a photo for me. I told him to make sure he doesn't write anything in the left side of the picture though.

He said "Alright, I'll write all right."

My teenage daughter has been trying to straighten a picture on her bedroom wall for the past hour.

She literally can’t even.

Who is this Rorschach guy

And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting

A blonde called her boyfriend and said,

“Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to put it together or how to get it started.” Her boyfriend asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde said, “ According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.” Her boyfriend decide...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It was getting crowded in Heaven one day, so Saint Peter decided for one day to only accept people who could make him laugh.

A man came walking up to the pearly gates and Saint Peter said to him:

“Alright bud, you’re only getting in today if you can make me laugh, so why don’t you tell me about how you died”

The man looked at Saint Peter and said

“Oh man it was awful, I was absolutely SURE my wife wa...

I went to an Art Gallery, it was $60 to enter and $80 to look at each picture.

It was called Electronic Arts.

I saw a picture online that had Dre, Seuss, and House cropped into the background.

Clearly it had been doctored.

Got my picture taken with R.E.M. the other day....

That's me in the corner.

They stopped putting pictures of missing kids on milk cartons, and started posting them on r/jokes

They get much wider coverage. No one reposts more than r/jokes.

Yesterday, I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book...

Not only was it embarrassing, it cost me a fortune in stamps...

The police are investigating a burglar who robbed my home and drew a picture of himself.

The details are sketchy.

I was trying to collect every repost of this sub by taking a picture of each one

But my computer doesn’t have enough storage

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How the hell did I get banned for just a picture of a banana?

...maybe I shouldn’t have included a penis for scale...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does Gordon Ramsey say when you show him cute animal pictures on reddit?

It's fucking r/aww!!!

A woman has identical twins, and gives them up for adoption.

One goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to Spain and is named Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving it, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband said: "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, yo...

How do you say picture in french?

J’peg.

My picture got framed the other day...

Now it's upstate doing time for armed robbery.

Drawing pictures on a date

The owner of a large furniture store in the midwest arrived in France on a buying trip. As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. However, she only spoke French and he only spoke English, so each couldn't understand a word the other spoke.

He to...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I uploaded pictures of my butt to iCloud

I guess I just like to back that ass up.

My wife went to Jupiter and found pictures of me and a mistress.

She was crushed. My mistress asked what the big deal was... she didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I bought my friend with OCD a picture of the Leaning Tower of Pisa for his birthday.

He's going fucking nuts trying to hang it straight.

Why do pictures rotated counter clockwise hate giving high fives

Because they're always *left hanging*