A man walks into a bakery on March 14th

He orders some pie, the baker thinks its clever and gets him some pie. The next day the man comes back and says the pie was great and orders a different flavor. He does this every day for 350 days. The baker running out of ideas for flavors sees the man come in on Feb 27th.

He says, man look ...

I robbed a bakery today.

It was dangerous, but I took the whisk.

I took the job at a bakery

because I kneaded dough..

A guy walks into a hindu bakery...

The guy said, "tomorrow's my girlfriend's birthday, but I'm a bit short on cash, what's your cheapest cake?"

Baker responded, "come back tomorrow, and I'll have one ready for you at no cost."

Skeptical, the guy almost didn't return. But the next day he was passing by and walked in. T...

A new guy starts work at a bakery.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

What do you call a bakery critic that robs merchant ships?

A PIE-RATE!

Thinking of starting a bakery supply business

The whisks are great but so are the wewards.

An Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bakery

The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me."

The Irishman replied, "That's just simple thievery, I'II show you how to do it the honest way and get the same...

An Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bakery

As they are standing at the counter, the Englishman quietly picks up 3 buns stows them away in his pocket.

He turns slightly towards the Irishman, saying quietly, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The baker didn't even see me."

The Irishman scoffed back, "That's jus...

What do you get when a rabbit opens a bakery?

Something bunny.

My friend has a vegetable-themed bakery

What a spud-muffin

What do you call two hotdog buns from the same bakery?

-What do you call two hotdog buns from the same bakery?

-Breadthren

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Smashed up a Vietnamese bakery today

They had no choice but to Ban Mi

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bakery and asks the store owner if he has a thousand loaves of bread

The owner looked at the man likes he’s crazy and said “sorry we don’t stock that much bread at once”

The man comes in the next day and asks the owner “do you have a thousand loaves of bread?”

The owner replies “I told you already, we don’t stock that much bread at once!”

The sam...

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries a...

Little Timmy asked the Jewish bakery owner “What’s the challah cost?”

He wasn’t prepared for the anger-fuelled history lesson.

(LONG) Man walks into bakery, picks out a few loaves of bread, then heads to check-out.

(been a while since I've seen this repost, bear with me)
The clerk is a healthy young lady, and she starts ringing him up. He's been wanting to branch out in his breakfast routine, and asks if she has any recommendations. She points to the top shelf behind her, and says that she really likes th...

My friend’s bakery burned down last night.

Now his business is toast.

How did the Scottish bakery employee go undefeated in the 100-yard dash?

Because run, run, as fast as they can. They can't catch him. He's the ginger bread man.

Why are rich people bad at running a bakery?

Because they don’t knead the dough

Mother Superior was curious as why all the nuns were suddenly eager to visit the village bakery.

So she decided to journey from the convent and into town to find out for herself.

When she entered the bakery, the baker greeted her with a big smile.

“Greetings Sister! What can I get for you today?”

“What do you suggest?” She asked.

“Well, this new recipe of mine has ...

Did you hear about the French baker whose bakery collapsed on him?

He was in a great deal of pain.

Why did Mike Tyson sneak into the bakery last night?

Because he's a whisk taker.

Matthew McConaughey walks into a bakery...

Matthew: "Can I get three loaves of bread please?"

Baker: "What type do you want sir?"

Matthew: "All rye, all rye, all rye."

If you go to a Scandinavian bakery you could Finnish a Swedish Danish.

Norway I'd make this up!

An organic bakery advertises that they hire the best people for the job, regardless of criminal history...

I think they should have thought about their name alittle more at Dave's Killer Bread.

An idiot starts to work at a bakery

One day a woman comes in and asks him how much the donuts are. The idiot says “I don’t know.” The lady became annoyed and leaves the bakery. Just then the manager storms in and says, “you have to tell them they’re fifty cents!”

Next day comes, and a gentleman enters the bakery. He asks “so ho...

A bakery can only calculate the size of circular cakes...

if their pie are squared.

I try to get to the bakery around 1:50 PM.

That way I have time to get my cake and eat at two.

I was going to open a bakery

But I couldn't raise the dough.

What did the baker sing on the way to bakery?

Pie ho! Pie ho! It’s off to work I go!

What do you call a redhead who works at a bakery?

A ginger bread man!

A health official walked into a local bakery for an inspection.

She was immediately appalled when she saw the owner smashing the dough against his bare chest before flattening it out on the table. Speechless, she grabbed her pen and notebook and started writing a citation. Seeing the disgust on her face, one of the customers walked up to the health official a...

A Glaswegian has the munchies and wanders into a bakery

and asks the baker "Is that a doughnut or a meringue?"

"No sir, you're perfectly correct, it's a doughnut".


(I don't expect many folk to get this btw)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blind man touches the salt croissants in the bakery...

\-Who wrote all this bullshit!?

What do people in this sub and a bakery have in common?

They both rely on cake to be successful

A baseball player worked part time at a bakery

His boss told him "Hey batter batter batter"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference b/w a prostitute and a bakery shop?

The bakery shop is not open 24/7

Did you hear about the delivery driver for the local bakery that had 6 extra eyes located all around his head?

He's seen some weird things man but this guy takes the cake.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother and her young daughter take a trip to the bakery where the daughter selects a delicious cupcake to eat.

On the way home the mother decides to stop and get her hair done at the hairdressers.
The mother takes a seat in the hairdressers chair and daughter plonks herself down next to Mum and starts eating her cupcake.
The hairdresser begins cutting away at Mums hair, looks down to the daughter and s...

My favourite joke about cake!

A man walks into a bakery with a salmon under his arm and says “do you have fish cakes?” The chap behind the counter replies, “No”.
“That’s a pity, it’s his birthday”.

A bunny walks into the bakery.

There he asks the baker if he has any carrot cake.

The bakers says: ‘no, I don’t sell carrot cake.’

So the bunny leaves, but returns the next day. He once again if the baker has any carrot cake.

Once more the baker answers: ‘no, I don’t sell carrot cake.’

Once the bunny...

What do you call a secret agent working in a Bakery?

John Dough!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cockerspaniel

An Iranian man moves to Canada. His English isn't the best but he gets by. He's feeling lonely so he goes to the pet store to buy a dog.

Guy: "I'd like to buy a cockandsmackit please"

Employee: "You mean a cockerspaniel?"

Guy:: "Ya that's what I said, a cockandsmackit"

He...

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brillia...

A Glaswegian walked in to a bakery

He points to a cake and asks the baker, "is that a cake or meringue?" The baker replies "no, you're right, it is a cake"

A girl I’m dating works long hours at a bakery. I don’t think it’s going to work out.

She’s too kneady.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman wants to buy bagels for her coworkers...

...so she stops by a local bakery on the way to work and there is a huge line. She waits a while, gets up to the front, and tells the man behind the counter "I'd like a dozen bagels please".

"I'm sorry, but we's out of bagels."

The woman says never mind then and proceeds to leave t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bakery in Pakistan

A guy named Sarim works at a bakery in Karachi, Pakistan. As a gopher, he is obligated to serve the baker. One day the baker says "Sam, go and get me a bag of flour." Sam goes to get the bag and puts it on his head. Unfortunately the bag breaks and covers him from head to toe. Dejected, he walks bac...

Did you hear about the big German bakery heist of 1988?

Everything was stollen

A little girl, around 10 years old, walks into a bakery

The baker's wife, taking care of the sales at the till, can't help but notice her deformed face, her palate cleft and her whole distorted body, forcing her to use crutches to move around. The wife, thinking what a poor life she must have had, asks kindly what she could do to help the lil girl :
...

I went to the bakery and asked for Emo Cake...

Baker: Emo cake? Whats that?

Me: It's cake that cuts itself...

A mathematician opens a bakery

and does a fine job making sure the goods are absolute delights and well priced for such. However, one day his customers walk in to see that the price of pies has doubled from the day prior, Furious, they ask why, and the owner says, “Well, I realized that I was charging for one pie but selling two!...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A white man and a black man walk into a bakery

The white man immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the black, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see a thing." The black man says to the white man, "That's typical of you white people. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

...

A peeny pinching dad was throwing his daughter a sweet 16 birthday

He wanted her to have a nice party but didn't want to spend a lot of money. He made all the arrangements at the bare minimum to satisfy his daughter's wishes, everything except the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an nice bakery?" his wife suggested.

He called all around town and...

What have I named the Pie section of my bakery menu?

Treasure Hunter cus its full of Pie-Rates

An overweight businessman decided it was time to shed some excess weight. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favourite bakery.

One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic muffin. The office all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic.

“This is a very special muffin,” he explained. “I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no ...

Why did the man poison a London bakery?

He wanted to kill two Brits with one scone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My father owns a bakery and a dairy farm.

It's his bread and butter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jew and an Arab walk into a bakery.

Once inside the Arab grabs three pastries and swiftly stashes them in his pocket. He then looks at the Jew with a prideful smile and says "See how sly I am?"
The Jew, being determined to crush the Arab's pride, walks up to the baker and says "If you give me a pastry I will show you a magic trick....

What do you call a Bakery run by a person with Parkinsons

A Shake’n’Bake

Four Moles Are Burrowing Under A Bakery

As they get closer to the surface, the first mole in the line sniffs deeply and says, "Mmmmm, I smell cookies!"

They dig a big further, and the second mole raises his noise and says, "Wow, I smell cake!"

The dig goes on another few minutes, and the third mole finally smells something a...

My grandfather is a Russian immigrant, so the last few years have been really hard for him. But I'm thrilled to share that he's achieved his dream of opening a bakery!

Please join me in wishing him luck with Vladimir Gluten.

A billionaire, a schmuck and an immigrant walk into a bakery...

The billionaire takes 9 out of the 10 cakes in the store, points to the immigrant and tells the schmuck: "Watch out, he's gonna take that 1 cake".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard that the local bakery family has a history of having sex with each other?

They were in bread.

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy.

What does a German say when he enters a bakery?

Gluten-tag !

The Bakery Boys robbed a stagecoach yesterday.

They came in buns glazing.

After a misunderstanding, a suburban Vietnamese bakery tried to Ban Mi

I said let's just let Saigons be Saigons.

My friend's parents run a marijuana bakery.

They make cookies, brownies, scones, the works. But my friend is odd. He will only eat edibles made by his mother, and he never touches edibles made by his father.



I think he has an edible complex.

I work as a mortician, and recently had a case of an unidentified murder victim who was killed in a bakery

I had to mark him down as a Jon dough.in the file.

The old woman and her bakery

There was an old woman who ran a bakery. She made amazing cakes that everyone just loved.

She works on making marvelous cakes for everyone 364 days of the year.

But she would refuse to make any cake on November 26th.

Instead, she would take a bunch of signs and place them all...

A blind man walks into the bakery

A blind man walks into the bakery and asks for 8 poppy seed breads. While the baker gathers them for him, he asks: are you expecting any visitors? No, replies the blind man. But I’m going on vacation, and they have such lovely story’s written on them!

Inspector Javert gives up on catching Jean Valjean and opens a bakery.

But old habits die hard. The bread is on special, two for $6.01

A man walks into a bakery

"I'd like a wasp, please."

"We don't sell wasps", answers the baker.

"Well, there's one in the window."

A customer walks into a bakery and orders a loaf of bread. As the baker wraps the loaf, the customer says, "You know, I bake my own bread at home, but they come out dense."

The baker looks up suspiciously and says, "Yeah, prove it."

I've just fallen through the roof of a French bakery...

Now I'm in a world of pain.

An old man walks into a bakery

"Good morning!" he says "I would like, let's see, five kilograms of bread! "

"Five kilograms?" the clerk replies "Are you sure?"

"Yes, why?"

"It might get hard!"

"It might get hard?" the man says "Let's make it TEN kilograms then!"

A man walks in a bakery

in which the baker has only one hand. The customer see the baker rolls out the pizza dough on his chest because he has only one hand. So the surprised customer asks:" Damn, is this the way you make the pizza?", the bakery answers:"Oh man, you didn't see how i make donuts!"

Why did the bakery install a security system?

To protect the dough!

A new bakery is just opened when suddenly a man runs in,

screaming from the top of his lungs:

"I f\*cked your mom!"

The man runs out as fast as he came in leaving a visibly annoyed baker. The rest of the day works out fine but come the next day, right about the same time as the day before, the same man runs in. Again, from the top of his lun...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bakery has opened in the woods

The bakery became very popular and every morning there was big crowd before the bakery.
One morning the rabit come late and started pushing trough the crowd. He almost made it to the bakery when the bear noticed hime and threw him on the back of the line.
The rabit kept pushing trough the cr...

When should you go to the bakery instead of the pound?

When you want a pure bread.

A blind man enters a bakery

A blind man enters a bakery and orders fifty sesame seed buns, the baker starts putting them in a bag and asks the blind man ‘that’s a lot of bread, are you giving a party or something?’ ‘Oh no,’ replies the blind man, ‘I’m going on holiday, and I want to read them on the plane’

I wanted to buy some bread from a south-Asian bakery

But i didnt get any because they said they had Naan...



I will leave now

A black guy and a white guy walk into a bakery...

The black guy goes up to the counter, steals 3 pasties without getting caught, and he puts them in his pocket.


He says to the white guy 'did you see that, he didn't even notice'


'Oh yeah?' the white guy responded 'watch this'


He goes up to the counter, takes three p...

A man goes to bakery

I need a cake for my wife's lap dog.

Baker: ok, are you gonna have it here or pack it?

I tried to rob a bakery but failed

They caught me bread handed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ryebread

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80-year-old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him 'how do you have so much energy?'

The 87-year-...

What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts?

Hole foods

I tried to start an online bakery.

But I accidentally deleted all my cookies.

My friends and I got a jobs at the local bakery recently

Half of us have been fired already. Apparently the place has a high turnover rate.

I don't really like my job at the bakery.

But it puts bread on the table.

A guy walks into a bakery

He buys bread, and the baker asks if he'd like his bread bagged in paper or plastic. The guy replies, "Baguette however you want".

[long] Irving worked at a Jewish deli and bakery, and he loved most of his regular clientele, except for one guy...

... this guy would *always* haggle over how much he should spend, even for things that had a fixed rice clearly marked on the menu board.

One day, the guy comes in, and says, "I want to buy your finest loaf of egg bread for Rosh Hashanah. I have a crisp five-dollar bill for you, Irving, my go...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.