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Condiment Jokes

What's a road's favorite condiment?

Tar tar sauce

You should see the nasty rejection letter I got from Heinz regarding my suggestion of a new condiment mixing relish and mustard…

It might have been the name though…

What is a Seagull's favorite condiment?

Grey Poupon

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Each year I eagerly anticipate this day so I can share my favorite Dad Joke of all time:

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This wo...

Did you hear the Supreme Court just struck down a law declaring ketchup to be the best condiment?

They say it doesn’t pass mustard.

What is the funniest French condiment

Le mayo

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Which condiment needs to use the bathroom urgently

Must-turd

I take all condiment advice

with a pinch of salt.

How does a spanish condiment identify itself?

Soy sauce

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What's the best condiment to eat when you are constipated?

Must-turd.

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After my girlfriend put a condiment up my butt without consent, I would not leave my bed for weeks

I will not stand for sexual ass salt

I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.

But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.

What's a horse's favorite condiment?

Mayo.....cause mayo-neighs.

I spilled a condiment all over my legs today.

Now I got mayo knees.

What was a popular condiment in ancient Central America?

Mayanaise.

The condiments are in the final stretch of their yearly race...

The condiments are in the final stretch of their yearly race. Mayo Naise is in the lead, but suddenly Mustard von Spice passes him. As he does, he looks back and mocks:

"Try to ketch up!"

Where do food condiments go when they need to see a doctor?

The Mayo clinic

TIFU by mixing condiments up.

This is seems to be the wrong sub.

Apparently the Titanic had a lot of condiments on board

The ketchup and mustard werr carried off on the life rafts and people ate it while they were waiting for help. But one condiment was left behind... it was discovered slightly less than a month later at the bottom of the sea. Mexico suffered greatly from the loss and decided to commemorate the day ev...

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If we had to describe groups of people with only one condiment, Redditors would be...

Olive oil: Fat and extra virgin

Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.

Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.

I hate only two things, sandwich condiments and french paintings that are completely random.

ESPECIALLY MANETS

Why did the drill instructor squirt condiments on his trainees in the morning?

That's how he mustard the troops.

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Why did the hot dog vendor fail sex-ed?

He didn't know what condiment.

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A woman is in a restaurant... (Science humorish)

She asks the female waiter,
"Is that condiment on the table the process in which a sex cell creates
haploids for sexual reproduction?"

The waiter replies,
"No, thats mayo, sis"

The Inventor of AutoCorrect died

The Inventor of AutoCorrect died.

Condiments are roaring in.

* He will be mist
* He was a very general food man
* He was killed in four luggages
* He is in a wetter place
* Paying for his knife and Emily
* Send flours and dalmations to---
* May he roast in piece
...

I have a weakness for casual fast food....

That's why I keep a condiment in my wallet.

How can you prevent a food baby?

Always use a condiment.

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When I went to a Japanese restaurant for the first time, I couldn't understand why this condiment stung a lot. But then I realised..

It was a bee.

I was fired from my job in a restaurant kitchen for refusing to slice up one of the condiments with a knife...

I just didn't cut the mustard.

My Hubby

My hubby said to me, "you remind me of a pepper pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment".

Teens these days often forget to practice safe eating

Always use condiments

A boy asked his dad, “What’s a condom meant for?” The father replied...

“Condiments are used to add flavor to certain foods, most commonly hot dogs and burgers.”

I have a horse named Mayo

He really like condiments. When he wants one Mayo neighs

A man walks up to an Indian hot dog vendor

Smirking to himself, he says, "Make me one with everything!" before handing over a twenty dollar bill.

The vendor chuckles good-naturedly before doing exactly that, piling a hot dog high with various condiments before handing it over. The man accepts it, but hesitates. "Where's my change?"...

What’s the best way to practice safe eating habits?

By using condiments.

On a hot summer day, a woman has a hankering for a hotdog.

She walks to the nearest hotdog stand and gets in line. Looking up to the front of the queue, she sees an elderly gentleman ordering a bratwurst. He picks up the ketchup bottle, glances at it, and gives a hearty chuckle before slathering his brat in ketchup.

Puzzled, the woman watches as the...

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A little boy gets a cow boy outfit for his birthday...

and goes into the local ice cream shop. He's dressed in his chaps, a vest, a cowboy hat, a kerchief, a black mask and a double set of holster with two plastic guns. He runs through the doorway of the shop and the woman behind the counter recognizes him immediately as the little boy down the street. ...

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The Mysterious Bottle of Ketchup

A man wants to throw a party, so he heads into a grocery store looking for supplies. He grabs a shopping cart and combs through the aisles, grabbing everything he could possibly need for the party.

He's about to head out and he does a final mental check of the things he needs. He realises he...

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A man invents a device that makes food come to life

He's been working on this project for years, his family, those he trusted enough to tell, never believed in him. "Now they'll see" he thought. His device was ready and he got out a small piece of ham from the refrigerator and placed it into the containment chamber. He crossed his fingers and pushed ...

A coke dealer is waiting for a customer at a diner

the customer sits down, slides over the money, the dealer slides over a bag of white powder. At that moment the cops burst in to arrest the dealer and the buyer. The dealer quickly says "it's just some caster sugar to put on his pie", a cop doesn't believe him and checks the white powder, it is inde...

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